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Was I out of line to send this text?

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Comments

  • #62
    Psychiatric Patrick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 974 ✭✭✭Psychiatric Patrick


    Mod note:

    Please note that linking to or embedding videos is banned in this forum.

    In addition, you should only post if you have advice to offer.

    - woodchuck


  • #63
    Tork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,617 ✭✭✭Tork


    Irish_peppa wrote: »
    If I need to tell them something I likewise don't like to be knocking on their door annoying them either, so it goes both ways. Hope I'm not seen as passive-aggressive I actually assumed most people preferred texts :confused:

    Texts are fine for lots of things in a house-share but when it comes to something that's a bit trickier, it's better to leave the phone out of it. Sending a text to say "Mary, I'm gone out and I think I forgot to turn off the immersion. Would you mind checking?" is a far cry from "Mary, I've noticed that you've got into the habit of forgetting to turn off the immersion before you leave the house".


  • #64
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,188 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    My feeling is that Sarah might be quite young, inexperienced in househaring, and generally immature/ lacking in life experience. It could be that she had things done for her previously (eg. at home) and doesn't know how to start going about organising her life, including how she can fit-in in the new environment, utensils storage included.

    It may also be that she doesn't feel particularly welcome as the OP and Jane are good friends and she is a spare wheel, or that she could be shy/ anxious/ nervous of making her way and expected/ needed a bit of mollycoddling to fit in to the houseshare.

    As a criticism, she should have certainly been allocated some space in the kitchen to store stuff, one cupboard at least (that would normally be filled with her food in a houseshare). Is there no other cupboard space that can be reorganised to accommodate some of her junk? Often there are 5 drawers or so in a kitchen, maybe she could have one? It won't take two bags of crap, but she could store some things. The trolley would be kind of a sh1te solution.

    As others have said, I find it better to try and discuss these things in person as by text it can seem passive aggresive, particularly if you aren't overly friendly. Houseshare texts should be more like 'the landlord is coming to fix the shower on Saturday' kind of thing, not 'sort your sh1te'.

    At this point I suspect she feels isolated and unwelcome and views the bags of utensils on the table as evidence that she hasn't fully moved in yet, and is not fully part of the house. In a way it's also a passive aggressive message back to OP - a sort of protest - albeit a petulant and immature one.

    TL:DR

    Clutter drives me crazy, but talk to your housemates in person about issues, and make some accommodation for new housemates to feel a little welcome.


  • #65
    Blush_01
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭Blush_01


    On this whole making space for Sarah thing, I understood that the volume of things Sarah arrived with was the issue, that some accommodation had been made and the OP and Jane offered to arrange more when they saw how much Sarah had?

    I do not travel lightly as a housemate, I come with lots of stuff. But if I'm bringing something there's already some of, and the house ethos is to share, I'll put my stuff away (bottom of my wardrobe / garage / available storage space, like the hotpress etc.). Fair is fair. Yes, moving in to a new house can be difficult. Yes, things can be misunderstood via text. But if you never see the person, text is a viable option, and the adult thing to do is respond in some way.

    I don't envy you OP. It's unpleasant to feel uncomfortable in your home. Maybe she feels the same. A house meeting at this stage would be an overly formal way to clear the air, what about arranging something like a takeaway and inviting her, so you can see whether it's just a crossed-wires-bad start, or if you're just not compatible long-term as housemates? There are lots of options for everyone involved, but you'll never know what's in someone else's head.

    Good luck with it.


  • #66
    Rowley Birkin QC
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,280 ✭✭✭Rowley Birkin QC


    This is shaping up to rival the immovable ladder of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem at this stage! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Status_Quo_(Jerusalem_and_Bethlehem)#'Immovable_ladder'

    OP, have shared houses with people in the past and only advice will be to have an open and honest chat, agree on a set of rules and then all abide by them. Best of luck!


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