Is online dating worth trying?

Feisar · 26-05-2020 5:12pm

Deleted User wrote: »

My results in Ireland sucked ass. My results in the UK were better, and were much better in France, Germany or Italy.

That's less due to the standards of the women, and more to the personal development I went through. Although, back when I did date Irish women, I found most of them pretty difficult. Very high opinions of themselves, and excessive hoops a guy should jump through.

As for proving your point, hardly. I could and have dated since.. in many countries worldwide without any real issues. My looks haven't improved. My shaking disorder is worse than ever before. But I'm generally far more successful in my 40s than I ever was in my 20s.

I do recommend to most people to live outside of Ireland to gain some persepective. Irish women used to be rather rough on guys (no idea what they're like now).

Yup. Hell, you could get the same here. As for being white in Asia, sure, that works somewhat.. except that she'll be expecting you to be comparatively rich.. that's the association with white guys. Prosperity. At least it used to be. They've seen too many poor idiotic guys come and go.. the cultural perspective has changed. Still... populations are higher here.. there's a match somewhere out there for you.

Can you expand on the Irish women being rough on lads, I never had that experience to be honest.

26-05-2020 5:18pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Look Klaz, I'm sure you're a decent guy and you mean well, but your advice is terrible. I mean YOU had to go to Asia and you're probably not hideous like me.

Some men are just ugly and no amount of pua, or fake confidence or humor or cool hobbies is going to save them. That's just how it is.

If you are 4/10 or less, it's OVER.

I went to Asia for work, and so that I could continue paying my mortgage.. Not for the women. Anyone who goes to an area just for the women, is an idiot.

But if we're doing scores, I'm a 9/10.

Even with bad teeth, long hair, big beard, skinny, and shaking all the time.. I'm pretty awesome. Regardless of whether I'm in Asia or Ireland.

My advice to you is useless because you're not willing to change. You want to be a victim. Powerless to change your circumstances. Oh, you'll say you're ugly.. but... others are shallow. Yup. (And I don't think you really considered my advice because you've misrepresented my points a few times.. like my telling you to ignore PUA, but here you....)

26-05-2020 5:19pm

Jesus christ this 'chad' sh*te is f*cking annoying..

26-05-2020 5:22pm

Feisar wrote: »

Can you expand on the Irish women being rough on lads, I never had that experience to be honest.

Negative responses/behavior when approaches were made (nightlife). Being rude or abusive. It's a long time ago now. I haven't dated or sought to date an Irish woman in well over a decade.

Not a judgment of all Irish women btw. (before someone tries to pick a fight over it)

Feisar · 26-05-2020 5:25pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Negative responses/behavior when approaches were made (nightlife). Being rude or abusive. It's a long time ago now. I haven't dated or sought to date an Irish woman in well over a decade.

Not a judgment of all Irish women btw. (before someone tries to pick a fight over it)

No fight here, if that's your experience, it is what it is.

HiGlo · 26-05-2020 5:58pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Negative responses/behavior when approaches were made (nightlife). Being rude or abusive. It's a long time ago now. I haven't dated or sought to date an Irish woman in well over a decade.

Not a judgment of all Irish women btw. (before someone tries to pick a fight over it)

From the female perspective - if I may....
I've heard this point made quite a lot over the years. I can only speak from personal experience and I'm quite sure there's a selection of women who are just rude, regardless.
Typically I always chat back to any guy who approaches me, no matter how drunk he is or how unattractive I find him - I will just slowly silently communicate my disinterest by gradually disengaging from conversation. I respect the importance of manners. If I'm part of a group that gets approached and the guy gets rebuffed it will generally not be me doing it - although the action will result in all girls in that group being dismissed as rude/ignorant, such is life.

HOWEVER on extremely rare occasions I have dismissed a guy it would generally be in direct relation to his approach. There are guys who are sometimes especially bad at reading situations and seem to dive in without making any assessment prior. I guess I mostly mean in a pub/bar situation if 2 girls are deep in conversation and have made no attempt to scan the room in the last 5-10 mins then you're probably going to be rejected. There are also guys who approach aggressively, either displaying arrogance or ignorance which is never a good start.

I def concede that approaching women when out in bars/nightclubs is very hard and I don't doubt there are LOTS of occasions where the outcome is not positive. I like to think it's about 50/50 though.... I'd hope that while there's some mean responses there's lots of occasions where it goes well whether it actually leads to anything more than a brief conversation or not.
I think it's the same for women, it's around 50/50 in relation to what kind of an approach a guy has - some are good, some are bad.

There's also the fact that women will socalise for many reasons; girls night out, carried away with day drinking, washing away an ex, looking for a man, celebrating an engagement/birthday/new job/new dress whatever..... There's a huge range of variations. It's hard for a guy/group of guys to know why the ladies are boozing (unless it involved penis straws & sashes hahaha) so many times they don't know what kind of social experience their walking into. Guys will also be out socalising for many different reasons but it's generally only the ones on the look out doing the approaching so their motivations are clear to see. (I'm not sure I'm making my point very well here, apologies!) Basically a guy walking into a bar with intent has a tough job to find the "needle in the haystack" women who are also there with the same intent! haha

Having said all that, I do think I'm possibly in the minority in terms of my politeness to strangers in a bar. Esp when I reflect on my friends behaviours.

SimpNation · 26-05-2020 6:04pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Jesus christ this 'chad' sh*te is f*cking annoying..

It's the truth though. Chad is basically the ideal state, money, looks, options, etc. Become that and women won't be an issue, infact they will be far down the list of priorities and will simply be the icing on the cake.

26-05-2020 6:14pm

HiGlo wrote: »

From the female perspective - if I may....
I've heard this point made quite a lot over the years. I can only speak from personal experience and I'm quite sure there's a selection of women who are just rude, regardless.

<snip>

Having said all that, I do think I'm possibly in the minority in terms of my politeness to strangers in a bar. Esp when I reflect on my friends behaviours.

Just my experience of dating here, and honestly, my experience in Ireland is quite limited. I was incredibly shy, and was very aware of my own shakes. So, my approaches were likely quite painful for the recipient. At the same time though, I did learn just how cruel some women or more accurately groups of women could be. Many women were polite or friendly. All the same, it's the negatives we focus on when we can't comprehend that it all can be different.

The moment I left Ireland and began dating elsewhere, everything improved immeasurably. Some of that was the women I was encountering, and a lot more was related to changes within my own personality. Still, Ireland today is a very different place to when I was a teen or in University.

SimpNation · 26-05-2020 6:16pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Just my experience of dating here, and honestly, my experience in Ireland is quite limited. I was incredibly shy, and was very aware of my own shakes. So, my approaches were likely quite painful for the recipient. At the same time though, I did learn just how cruel some women or more accurately groups of women could be. Many women were polite or friendly. All the same, it's the negatives we focus on when we can't comprehend that it all can be different.

The moment I left Ireland and began dating elsewhere, everything improved immeasurably. Some of that was the women I was encountering, and a lot more was related to changes within my own personality. Still, Ireland today is a very different place to when I was a teen or in University.

Irish birds have never been sluttier tbh

Mister Vain · 26-05-2020 7:13pm

HiGlo wrote: »

I def concede that approaching women when out in bars/nightclubs is very hard and I don't doubt there are LOTS of occasions where the outcome is not positive. I like to think it's about 50/50 though.... I'd hope that while there's some mean responses there's lots of occasions where it goes well whether it actually leads to anything more than a brief conversation or not.
I think it's the same for women, it's around 50/50 in relation to what kind of an approach a guy has - some are good, some are bad.

For me its been about 90/10 mostly negative, at least in pubs/clubs anyway. Outside of the pub scene its been the opposite. I think its just the Irish drinking culture that I don't like.

bloodless_coup · 26-05-2020 8:24pm

Chad and Tryone off with Stacey and even the non Stacey's leaving nothing for us mere plebs.

Calhoun · 26-05-2020 8:53pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

For me its been about 90/10 mostly negative, at least in pubs/clubs anyway. Outside of the pub scene its been the opposite. I think its just the Irish drinking culture that I don't like.

Has the pub or club scene ever really been positive? Ireland is too small in ways for that to work and when things are really loud its hard to chart properly.

Its funny seeing some of comments on thread a few individuals caught up in the negatives and have nots and although they say they are happy they are not.

Anyone looking for a relationship online or offline has to be happy in themselves. Hard to be attracted to somebody who is always down on themselves and obsessed with what they dont have.

There are loads of men out there who wouldn't be traditionally handsome who have partners.

26-05-2020 8:55pm

Calhoun wrote: »

Anyone looking for a relationship online or offline has to be happy in themselves. Hard to be attracted to somebody who is always down on themselves and obsessed with what they dont have.

There are loads of men out there who wouldn't be traditionally handsome who have partners.

Exactly.

If you're average looking but also have a miserable outlook, what are you offering women?

PhilOssophy · 26-05-2020 8:57pm

mr_fegelien wrote: »

When I go to college next academic year in September, I'm planning on beginning dating. I've been told to try Bumble or Tinder but then I've also heard don't bother because the odds are not in your favor as a man (too many fish trying to bite onto a hook).

The thing is, I'm sure that I'm on the spectrum and a bit too weird for casual dating. Also never had and don't have any friends. in secondary school and worse, went to a single sex school so my opportunities are completely hampered unless I go online.

Go out and chat to girls young lad, don't be too p1ssed and be nice, you'll be surprised how well that will serve you! Good luck.

Wibbs · 26-05-2020 10:11pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

For me its been about 90/10 mostly negative, at least in pubs/clubs anyway. Outside of the pub scene its been the opposite. I think its just the Irish drinking culture that I don't like.

That has a lot to do with it imho. Sure other cultures can drink like fishes, but we(and the Brits, and the Swedes of all people) tend to try to get monged on booze as fast as possible as a general thing. So you're more likely to encounter a drunk woman, who's been dealing with equally plastered men all evening so are more likely to go off on one unless you really make a good impression or she knows you to some degree.

Having been on the razz in various places in Europe, that's not nearly so much in play. In my experience anyway. Even in places like Spain and especially Italy where the men can be full on to the point of sleaze, the women tend not to react nearly so abruptly so often. Even Parisians who have a rep for being haughty you don't see it. You'd see the cold shoulder and withering look, but the all out aggression no. Mainly because while they may be drunk they're not or very rarely fall down drunk, with extra aggro. Add in Ireland's cultural history and more recently than most where men and women were more separated growing up, and the whole church thing, and our tendency to be clannish and that might explain it.

And I'd have to agree with Klaz and Mr Vain that you do tend to see more aggressive rebuffs here. I certainly have. More with mates as I tended not to be arsed "on the pull", preferring to meet women through social circle or happenstance in daylight hours. I've only pulled of an evening out with a complete stranger a handful of times and that was more luck than judgement and never went anywhere. Though off the top of my head I can think of a few occasions going way back when where I merely bumped into a woman, or offered help where they had a sh1tfit in response. And I can't think of one example where I would have been interested in them either, and I was usually out with a girlfriend at the time.

This is not to denigrate Irish women, Irish men can be boorish to all hell when on the piss, so they didn't lick that response from a stone. Oh and I'm an extrovert who likes a sesh when it's in play and like talking to complete strangers, so it's not as if I'm some shrinking violet who hates "pub culture".

27-05-2020 12:26am

Wibbs wrote: »

This is not to denigrate Irish women, Irish men can be boorish to all hell when on the piss, so they didn't lick that response from a stone. Oh and I'm an extrovert who likes a sesh when it's in play and like talking to complete strangers, so it's not as if I'm some shrinking violet who hates "pub culture".

Actually, I love bar culture. I like bars where people make a genuine effort to look good.... and there's less encouragement/focus on getting drunk. Far more emphasis on conversation and a pickup/seduction culture. While many people do try hard to look good, "the pub" doesn't really require that much effort to fit in. Last time I was in a pub, there were women in nice outfits, chatting to other women in tracksuits or whatever they wore all day. A very wide variety of 'styles'.

Not really venues where there's an enforced dress code, or mode of behavior... which continues on to the nightclubs. Irish nightclubs <Shudders>

So, I wouldn't (and never have been) much into the Irish pub culture, nor the focus on getting plastered. The idea that becoming drunk was the highlight of the evening soured pretty fast for me. Many of my Irish male friends would have continued thinking that getting drunk was an important milestone for a night out, well into their late 30s.. It just wasn't my kind of scene, but then I never enjoyed the "Lad" culture.

Where I grew up, women often drank "as hard" as the men. Fake tan (oompa loompa orange), overdone makeup, and outfits that weren't designed to 'cover' their body types.. haha. It was an extension of the lad culture, except the women promoted/encouraged the lads to behave a certain way, so that they could shoot down who they wanted. A hierarchy of coolness and "beauty". Makes me sad to think of what we tolerated back then. I doubt it's changed much in my hometown. TBH, judging by the way the young ones behave on a Friday/Saturday night. I'm very happy to be too old for that crowd. :pac:

As you said, This is not to denigrate Irish women, but many Irish women are very... "manish". Which includes the coarse language, and many other mannerisms/behaviors which men get such a bad rap for. I've encountered it in Dublin as much as the countryside, so it's not a culchie thing. I always figured it was more due to the pub culture.

I do find it interesting the criticisms that men receive, but there's little acknowledgement of the way many women mimic the male behavior. Still, each to their own. Most Irish guys seem perfectly happy with the way these women behave, or the focus on drinking in the pubs. Happy for them.

27-05-2020 12:32am

Klaz, sometimes you are just on the ball..

SusieBlue · 27-05-2020 3:04am

I know both men & women of all levels of attractiveness who are in happy, committed relationships or who have had relationships in the past.
I mean even being out and about it isn’t only super hot men with stunning supermodels walking around together is it?
You’d see couples of all shapes and sizes, from the stereotypical beauties to those who wouldn’t be considered to be remotely conventionally attractive at all.
I know being naturally good looking improves your chances but that doesn’t mean less attractive people are destined to be forever alone just because.

Anyone can be unlucky and have a few bad experiences but if your only interactions with the opposite sex have been 100% negative, then the problem is either within yourself and your attitude (you aren’t as ‘nice’ as you think you are) or you are going for the wrong women.

I also agree with PP about photos - these are SO important.
They need to be recent, and the more the better. Ideally, a few close up photos of your face, a full length photo, and at least one pic with a few friends/family so an idea of your height & build can be garnered.
I don’t have the patience to be going through 6 distant group shots playing Where’s Wally, I presume anyone who does this is insecure & I immediately swipe left.
I hold myself to the same standard, I have pics on my profiles with and without makeup and a group shot so my weight & size can be seen.
It’s important for both men and women to give an accurate portrayal of their height & weight, particularly on apps like Tinder where you don’t have to fill in this information.
It just avoids any awkward questions and misunderstandings if you give as broad a view as possible of what you look like.

Personally I won’t swipe right on anyone with less than 3 pictures - I’ve been burned too many times by taking the chance.

Lastly, I think this lockdown is making everyone reassess their priorities & goals in life.
A lot of people in unhappy relationships will end them in the coming weeks, a lot of people who are single will put some solid, genuine effort into meeting someone & I imagine the ones only there for an ego boost will be too busy off living their best lives to be wasting time on tinder.
Basically, I can see a lot less time wasting all around happening. I think if you are single and really wanting to meet someone & settle down, after lockdown will be the best opportunity you’ll ever get to do that.

El Gato De Negocios · 28-05-2020 8:10am

Lads WTF is a Chad?

Is it a good or bad thing?

OT.

I used OD for a number of years. Met my now wife on POF 8 years ago.

Im a very average looking bloke, always carried a bit of weight, am not wealthy nor was I yet I had a pretty good hit rate when it came to OD.

A couple of key things I learned over the years from chatting to many different women when I was using it.

Have some decent, up to date photos, at least 4 or 5 including at least two full body shots. Of course everyone wants to present the best version of themselves in photos but if you are presenting something that simply isn't the real you then you are doomed to failure. Dont have photos of yourself shirtless, honestly, no matter how toned you are, you look like a fcuking spa. Likewise photos of your car / you and your car / you shirtless and your car. You arent LL Cool J and you look like a spa.

Put a bit of effort into your profile blurb. It doesn't need to be Ulysses by any stretch but needs to be more than "lol, hate talking about myself, like the usual stuff" or "will fill this out later". I never ever messaged anyone that didn't bother their hole to make an effort with what they were saying.

If you message someone and they dont reply, dont send a follow up message, they arent interested and it makes you look like a desperado.

Dont send pictures of your giblets unless they are requested, cannot stress this enough.

If you are sending a message, put some effort into it, "hi, how are you" is not going to separate you from the scores of other gombeens on these sites. A copy and paste job is easy to spot, reference things in the woman's profile, and I dont mean saying nice tits.

If someone sends you a decent message and you like the look of their profile, send a decent reply. One liners or stupid quips are unlikely to get you anywhere.

Dont be a self pitying gobshyte. Nobody wants to read a message that starts with "you probably wont reply to this, lol" or "i know you are out of my league, lol". Its not cute, its not funny and you will look like a spa.

Dont use text speak. If you cannot be bothered to put together a coherent and readable message then why bother at all. Nobody wants to date an illiterate toolbox.

What Im seeing more and more of lately is men pissing and moaning because they cant get laid. Newsflash, if you are approaching multiple women and getting knocked back every single time the THE PROBLEM IS WITH YOU. Facebook and Tumbler have become breeding grounds for victim mentalities, oh woe is me, Im 5 stone overweight, dont have a car, live in my parents basement and havnt showered for 4 days and the Victorias Secret model I messaged didnt reply to me, what a stuck up bitch!!!!! Women are all the same, nice guys finish last, waaah waaah waaah.

:rolleyes:

bloodless_coup · 28-05-2020 9:12am

Statutory Ape wrote: »

Dont send pictures of your giblets unless they are requested, cannot stress this enough.

Mind blown

Ultrflat · 28-05-2020 9:26am

Statutory Ape wrote: »

Lads WTF is a Chad?

Is it a good or bad thing?

neither it's what resentful small minded socially awkward guys who've spent to much time playing computer games. They essentially Call guys who are good looking and or socially experienced chads...

From what I've grasped But I also know that in gaming it can refer to a type of player who could be considered a sweat lord.

El Gato De Negocios · 28-05-2020 9:52am

Ultrflat wrote: »

neither it's what resentful small minded socially awkward guys who've spent to much time playing computer games. They essentially Call guys who are good looking and or socially experienced chads...

From what I've grasped But I also know that in gaming it can refer to a type of player who could be considered a sweat lord.

So its basically a makey uppy internet term like the 287 different genders we now have?

Sweet.

:pac:

Ultrflat · 28-05-2020 9:57am

Statutory Ape wrote: »

So its basically a makey uppy internet term like the 287 different genders we now have?

Sweet.

:pac:

If I want to identify my self as and alien from the planet ZOG. I will. :pac:

The Black Oil · 28-05-2020 10:44am

Army Ranger Wing were deployed to Chad some years back.

Calhoun · 28-05-2020 12:50pm

Ultrflat wrote: »

neither it's what resentful small minded socially awkward guys who've spent to much time playing computer games. They essentially Call guys who are good looking and or socially experienced chads...

From what I've grasped But I also know that in gaming it can refer to a type of player who could be considered a sweat lord.

Not sure why the attack on gamers, socially awkward people and incels come in all flavors.

I think the common denominator normally is they build an echo chamber around themselves that re-enforces their own beliefs.

The gaming variant of the "chad" is a meme normally used to take the piss out of a weaker or stronger variation of something or if something is OP.

A chad in other sense would just be your alpha male.

28-05-2020 12:53pm

It's actual adults using these terms too though..that's what's worrying..
you'd say something if it was 16 years olds..

Anyway..back on topic..
I think i'm at the point of giving up online dating again..
I made a valiant effort for three days..

Calhoun · 28-05-2020 12:56pm

Deleted User wrote: »

It's actual adults using these terms too though..that's what's worrying..
you'd say something if it was 16 years olds..

Anyway..back on topic..
I think i'm at the point of giving up online dating again..
I made a valiant effort for three days..

It all depends on the context, normally i have seen them used from the perspective of a joke and more of a meme. Thats just internet culture, this thread is the first time i have seen it being used seriously as a comparison for someone elses own short comings.

What happened to cause you to give up after three days?

Ultrflat · 28-05-2020 2:07pm

Calhoun wrote: »

Not sure why the attack on gamers, socially awkward people and incels come in all flavors.

I think the common denominator normally is they build an echo chamber around themselves that re-enforces their own beliefs.

The gaming variant of the "chad" is a meme normally used to take the piss out of a weaker or stronger variation of something or if something is OP.

A chad in other sense would just be your alpha male.

Not really considering the behavior I've experienced and had to listen to. I don't particularly feel it's a generalization based on there general out look on life.

Yeah and when you turn around and tell them the flaws in there ideals or attitude for example political beliefs they jump on you like a bunch of pack animals.

Tbh I've only ever heard it used by gamers etc. But again I'm not trying to offend any one just giving my out look and experence.

28-05-2020 2:36pm

Ultrflat wrote: »

Not really considering the behavior I've experienced and had to listen to. I don't particularly feel it's a generalization based on there general out look on life.

Yeah and when you turn around and tell them the flaws in there ideals or attitude for example political beliefs they jump on you like a bunch of pack animals.

Tbh I've only ever heard it used by gamers etc. But again I'm not trying to offend any one just giving my out look and experence.

I'm a gamer, as are most of my male friends... and none of us use the term...

It's used by people who spend too much time on social media.. gamers game. Little need for such terms.

Calhoun · 28-05-2020 3:59pm

Ultrflat wrote: »

Not really considering the behavior I've experienced and had to listen to. I don't particularly feel it's a generalization based on there general out look on life.

Yeah and when you turn around and tell them the flaws in there ideals or attitude for example political beliefs they jump on you like a bunch of pack animals.

Tbh I've only ever heard it used by gamers etc. But again I'm not trying to offend any one just giving my out look and experence.

How do you expect to be taken seriously if you generalize a whole group of people because of a hobby and let off a whole cohort of others who engage in it because they don't?

Toxicity is a part of life and it invades pretty much every where you look. I play games and i don't think like that as do allot of my friends. In fact i did a little research and can see one definition of the term for gamer here , https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chad%20Gamer . Seems to be aimed at casuals but i rarely see it used anywhere outside of reddit.

Don't take my criticism the wrong way, its hard to tell if your the other kind of online zealot who is a smug self righteous in the knowledge that they are part of the right political scene.

The thing is you want to be neither of these people, if your dating or interacting with people anywhere the boards motto of dont be a dick generally is what to do..

Is online dating worth trying?

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