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Daughter wants nothing to do with me

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Comments

  • #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    She's a kid as far as she's concerned you've replaced her mam with someone new. Maybe she thinks you've broken up the family for someone new. As an adult children of broken home I can tell you, you haven't just left a marriage in the eyes of the child you've also abandoned them. Yeah she's prob listening/being manipulated by the mam the constant texting is ridiculous.

    Why did you mention seeing kids until lockdown? You are allowed to maintain the same access as separated parent?


  • #33
    Stateofyou
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,431 ✭✭✭Stateofyou


    OP very sorry to hear what you're going through, most parents would find it tough to be cut off from their own children and not being able to care for them, show them love and be involved in each other's lives as you all deserve to have. You are getting very little empathy here and those who have not walked in your shoes (parental alienation) will just not see it through that view. I've supported both a family member and close friend who has gone through this and it's a real eye opener.
    Unfortunately the bad news is that when the primary carer is engaging in alienation, isn't encouraging the relationship, etc, it's very difficult to impossible to improve the situation because of the forced separation and manipulation, brainwashing and other tactics that happens. I know there is a father's rights group here in Ireland (sorry, I've since forgotten who they are but google should bring it up) and I would suggest seeking out specific online forums, books, etc that can support you directly in this. There are also free family legal advice supports available to you, I remember finding them for my friend online at citizens information.ie. FLAC?? Maybe your ex would agree to go to mediation. I don't think you'll find the support you need here in Personal Issues. A lack of understanding about what you're going through could make you feel even worse which is the last thing you need. Don't stop reaching out to your kids from time to time, even write to an email address you set up, then hand over the login details to your kids when they turn 18 (keep the copies in a sent folder too). I saw that recommended somewhere; interviewed adults who were alienated as kids and they all said they didn't want their dad to walk away despite not seeing him or even telling him to go. Deep down they wanted that contact and were grateful he didn't stop reaching out. Many of them came around eventually when they had more maturity and/or became parents themselves and understand the truth of the situation.
    Lastly, I highly recommend getting some counseling for yourself, and again, with someone who has experience in this area. All the best to you and your kids, keep hanging in, mind your mental health and keep busy.


  • #34
    pinkyeye
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,293 ✭✭✭pinkyeye


    Hi OP, but sorry, if you haven't seen your child in two years that is your fault. 2 years ago she was 12 so why weren't you taking her under court ordered custody?

    If you neglect your children for a certain period of time then it's YOUR fault if they no longer want to see you.


  • #35
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    A friend of mine's teenager daughter refuses to communicate with her dad despite her efforts to get her too.

    The teenager has her own mind, whether she's wrong or not, and resents the fact he's not there full time. The why or logic behind this is irrelevant to her. She feels abandoned by him even though this is not the case.

    So reluctantly, he does the only think he can do. Send her message for all of the important things in her life, even if they are unanswered. Sents cards, presents for birthday's, Christmas etc., pays maintence, has a savings account for her college education etc. in the hope that in years to come she'll realise that he tried to have a relationship with her even if she didn't want one.

    It's sad, but sometimes it's no ones fault.


  • #36
    Ave Sodalis
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,555 ✭✭✭Ave Sodalis


    Senature wrote: »

    For the record, I completely disagree with the posters saying this is her right and decision to make. She is 14. If 14 year olds were capable of making important decisions for themselves they could live in a home with no adults present, would be tried for crimes as adults, be able to vote for governments etc. This is obviously nit the case, and with good reason.


    I cut contact with my father at the same age. It was entirely my right to make that decision at the time and as a now adult, it was the correct decision to make. I got back into contact with him a while later, until an unrelated incident made myself and my brother cut contact for good. I am aware that I am biased on this topic, especially since I know my father doesn't understand why I cut contact with him either time, so I will try not to let my personal opinion get in the way, OP.


    I have noticed that you have mentioned a psychologist several times. Is there a particular reason that one is being pushed so much?


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