18 month old seriously fussy with eating, help please

jam_sambo_ · 12-04-2020 12:47PM #1

There I was thinking that sleep was the most stressful thing about having a kid...

Looking for any help or advice please. Sorry in advance, this is a long post.

Let me begin by acknowledging that I'm aware that 15-18 months is a notorious time for kids to be fussy about eating, but I'm worried that this is something deeper/not normal.

My 18-month-old son has generally been an OK eater up until recently, although he's never been too adventurous about trying new things. But over the past couple of weeks, he's been extremely stubborn about eating and every mealtime is a battle.

Up until a month ago, he'd get most of his meals in creche but obviously that's not happening now. They never reported on him being fussy and generally he would eat most if not all of his food. He ate fine for the first 2 weeks at home with us, so I don't think it's a reaction to being out of routine.

I'm worried that I've gone badly wrong somewhere in the weaning process. He'll eat certain things without much of a fight (he loves a homemade pasta sauce that I make, and will eat a mild chickpea/sweet potato curry I make for him, blended, or a Tesco food pouch with cous cous added to it) but I'm concerned that he isn't eating the things that he should be for his age and I don't want to be giving him pasta every day. Nor do I want to be giving him packet stuff - I'm happy to cook anything if he'd eat it.

He won't really eat anything big/stuff he has to take a bite out of (except things like biscuits). Even stuff like carrot/sweet potato/lentil mash that I make for him, he's reluctant to try. I know he should be on table food now, but the idea of him eating something that we're having seems impossible right now.

He won't really eat any fruit except banana. I've tried him with blueberries, grapes cut in half, strawberries - he won't even attempt to put them in his mouth. He'll mash it up and play with it and just throw it on the ground.

We'd been giving him Weetabix or Ready Brek for breakfast but now he's getting sick of that too, so cries when we try to feed it to him.

He'll eat bits of toast but I've tried French Toast (even tried drizzling a small bit of honey to sweeten it) to get some egg into him, but he's not having it. Just shakes his head and refuses to open his mouth or try it. I know the importance of trying new food repeat times, but it makes no difference.

I've tried loading the spoon and letting him feed himself. That works for maybe 2-3 spoonfuls but then he just holds the food in his mouth and takes ages to swallow it.

I've tried being firm with him, I've tried cajoling him, I've tried completely ignoring him and leaving him to it. 4/5 times the food ends up on the floor and he'll cry/scream until he gets out of his high chair.

We've cut out his morning bottle (long overdue) to see if that made him hungrier for breakfast, but it didn't make any difference. He's now only on 1 bottle a day before bedtime and gets water throughout the day. I'm trying to get him to snack on stuff like peanut butter sandwiches, bananas, breadsticks but don't want him filling up on crap, either.

I'm at a loss of what to do and like I said earlier, seriously worried that I've gone wrong somewhere. As you can probably tell, I'm really stressed about this and it's wearing me down to the point that I've been in tears several times with the frustration of it. I see people with other kids eating out of bowls (he'll throw any plate/bowl I put in front of him with finger food on the ground) and even feeding themselves at this stage, and it really gets me down.

At the moment I'm resorting to giving him (blended) homemade veg and lentil soup just so he gets some good stuff into him, but he should be eating more textured foods by this point.

Just also to note, we're vegetarian and raising him vegetarian so I'm extra-aware of the nutrients he needs to be getting from plant sources, which is making me more stressed when he won't even try new things.

If anyone has any light to shed/something obvious to point out/advice to give, I'm all ears. Thanks for reading this far.

fits · 12-04-2020 12:50PM

Don’t get stressed. Don’t cajole. Don’t battle. Prepare your family dinners including some pieces he might eat. If he eats it fine. If he doesn’t fine. If he gets hungry later put the dinner in front of him again. It will get better. Probably closer to four.

12-04-2020 12:52PM

jam_sambo_ wrote: »

There I was thinking that sleep was the most stressful thing about having a kid...

Looking for any help or advice please. Sorry in advance, this is a long post.

Let me begin by acknowledging that I'm aware that 15-18 months is a notorious time for kids to be fussy about eating, but I'm worried that this is something deeper/not normal.

My 18-month-old son has generally been an OK eater up until recently, although he's never been too adventurous about trying new things. But over the past couple of weeks, he's been extremely stubborn about eating and every mealtime is a battle.

Up until a month ago, he'd get most of his meals in creche but obviously that's not happening now. They never reported on him being fussy and generally he would eat most if not all of his food. He ate fine for the first 2 weeks at home with us, so I don't think it's a reaction to being out of routine.

I'm worried that I've gone badly wrong somewhere in the weaning process. He'll eat certain things without much of a fight (he loves a homemade pasta sauce that I make, and will eat a mild chickpea/sweet potato curry I make for him, blended, or a Tesco food pouch with cous cous added to it) but I'm concerned that he isn't eating the things that he should be for his age and I don't want to be giving him pasta every day. Nor do I want to be giving him packet stuff - I'm happy to cook anything if he'd eat it.

He won't really eat anything big/stuff he has to take a bite out of (except things like biscuits). Even stuff like carrot/sweet potato/lentil mash that I make for him, he's reluctant to try. I know he should be on table food now, but the idea of him eating something that we're having seems impossible right now.

He won't really eat any fruit except banana. I've tried him with blueberries, grapes cut in half, strawberries - he won't even attempt to put them in his mouth. He'll mash it up and play with it and just throw it on the ground.

We'd been giving him Weetabix or Ready Brek for breakfast but now he's getting sick of that too, so cries when we try to feed it to him.

He'll eat bits of toast but I've tried French Toast (even tried drizzling a small bit of honey to sweeten it) to get some egg into him, but he's not having it. Just shakes his head and refuses to open his mouth or try it. I know the importance of trying new food repeat times, but it makes no difference.

I've tried loading the spoon and letting him feed himself. That works for maybe 2-3 spoonfuls but then he just holds the food in his mouth and takes ages to swallow it.

I've tried being firm with him, I've tried cajoling him, I've tried completely ignoring him and leaving him to it. 4/5 times the food ends up on the floor and he'll cry/scream until he gets out of his high chair.

We've cut out his morning bottle (long overdue) to see if that made him hungrier for breakfast, but it didn't make any difference. He's now only on 1 bottle a day before bedtime and gets water throughout the day. I'm trying to get him to snack on stuff like peanut butter sandwiches, bananas, breadsticks but don't want him filling up on crap, either.

I'm at a loss of what to do and like I said earlier, seriously worried that I've gone wrong somewhere. As you can probably tell, I'm really stressed about this and it's wearing me down to the point that I've been in tears several times with the frustration of it. I see people with other kids eating out of bowls (he'll throw any plate/bowl I put in front of him with finger food on the ground) and even feeding themselves at this stage, and it really gets me down.

At the moment I'm resorting to giving him (blended) homemade veg and lentil soup just so he gets some good stuff into him, but he should be eating more textured foods by this point.

Just also to note, we're vegetarian and raising him vegetarian so I'm extra-aware of the nutrients he needs to be getting from plant sources, which is making me more stressed when he won't even try new things.

If anyone has any light to shed/something obvious to point out/advice to give, I'm all ears. Thanks for reading this far.

I read the first couple of paragraphs and had to stop. He'll eat home made pasta sauce that you make. Fill that sauce with nutritional goodness but still have it taste good. Otherwise, you have nothing to be worried about. You are just over thinking this

shesty · 12-04-2020 01:05PM

I am having a bit of a similar battle with my 23 month old boy.Thing is that he is my third child so honestly I know this is his variation on the toddler-and-eating theme.
I would say first this is about control, for him more than actual food.
I agree with the last poster in some ways, but in other ways......if he decides one day he has had enough of that pasta sauce, then where does it leave you?
The absolute biggest thing you need to do here is behave like you do not give a sh*t.Seriously.Bowl on the floor?Pick it up, take it away.Food on the floor?Pick it up, clean the hands, off you go.No food til the next meal now mind you.Zero reaction.
My little guy is a disastrous breakfast eater.Two spoons, then mouth closed, spoon pushed away.Whether he does it himself or you feed it is the same.I have learned for starters, he cannot have orange juice with his bowl, because he fills up on that, then won't eat.I can get 3 spoons in, and then I give him some blocks or a pen and paper and while he is distracted I get the rest into him.Works for my lad, might be something to see how it goes.I refuse to use screens to distract, not a good idea.
My lad would pick at bowls of blueberries and fruit all day and nothing else.He would live on raisins, given the choice.So I have had to severely limit him to 2 snacks in the day and then nothing til the next meal.
Don't blame yourself because I do know, as parents, food can be a serious trigger.You do also have to accept that there are some things they just don't like that much.For what it's worth, it's only since my eldest turned 5 that some form.of normality has returned to her earing habits, but I just kept at it to be honest.I read somewhere if you keep on offering the veg and that with a meal, even if it is not eaten, eventually they will consider a proper meal to include veg and that.If you keep limiting what is on their plate to suit them, they can get pickier and pickier and pickier.
There is a good book I use as a sanity check at times....Feed Your Child Well, by Temple St dieticians.It is very useful, i think.you will find it on Amazon.
And finally also remember...he is a toddler.The more you want him to do something, the less chance you have of it happening.Sit on your hands, say nothing and take your time.He absolutely will not starve. :-)

bee06 · 12-04-2020 02:07PM

I’d agree that with toddlers it’s all about control. The more you push them the more stubborn they get.

If it was me I’d stop spoon feeding him and for his meals give him something he will eat, something new and something he might eat. Whether he eats it or not is up to him. I’ve always found eating at the same time and the same food as my little boy has always meant he’ll eat more.

jam_sambo_ · 12-04-2020 02:08PM

Thanks all for the replies.

The distraction technique is something that works only sometimes, i.e. this morning the only way I got Ready Brek into him was blowing bubbles for him after every two spoons.

The pasta sauce has various veg in it, so it's pretty healthy. I want to avoid giving it to him every day because he will get sick of it, and I can't give it to him for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The other problem is that he's spoon-fed most meals (because he won't eat finger food any time I've tried) but it looks like I'm going to have to persevere on the finger food front.

We don't all eat together because he'd have his dinner around 3/3.30pm. Depending on how much of that he ate, I'd usually give him a yoghurt or banana around 5pm, then he gets a small bowl of Ready Brek around 6pm so his belly is full going to sleep. He wouldn't usually have a snack in the morning (breakfast around 8am and lunch around 11/11.30am) but sometimes I might give him a handful of Cheerios or half a banana around 9.30/10.

Am I going obviously wrong anywhere with this?

fits · 12-04-2020 02:22PM

OP we have had family meals together from the start. We still had a terribly fussy period but seem to be coming out of it now at 3.5. But I’d definitely recommend an evening meal altogether if you can manage it. Breakfast is another option if evening doesn’t work.

shesty · 12-04-2020 02:23PM

Definitely all eat together.It is the only way.lunch around middle of the day, give him a decent snack around 3 and then dinner in the evening with you.
My 3 would have breakfast round 7.30, fruit in the middle morning (sometimes it can be grazing), lunch round 11.30/12, then sleep for the toddler, good snack around 2.30-30.30...I mean a plate with raspberries, blueberries, couple of Tuc crackers and a square of dark chocolate is what they are having lately -could be crackers and cheese and grapes either or similar-then dinner at 5.30.That can vary a bit now, somedays they are out a lot and hungrier.

lazygal · 12-04-2020 03:23PM

We're a one meal family. There's no options or alternatives. I'll include something I know they'll eat but I don't over think it. What's there is what we eat. I agree you're over thinking this. Easier said than done but I just don't pander to fussiness. And 100% agree on eating as a family. It's incredibly important. Snacks should be cut in favour of meals too.

jam_sambo_ · 12-04-2020 05:14PM

The reason I was going with those mealtimes is because I was trying to keep him roughly on the creche routine - but since we've no idea when he'll be back there, I guess it's worth a go to adjust his mealtimes.

Have tried the pancakes and more fun stuff before too, he's not interested. He wouldn't even taste a bit of my ice-cream yesterday, and isn't mad about chocolate either (he's not offered a huge amount, in fairness.) What sort of child do I have

Thanks for the input, all.

shesty · 12-04-2020 07:21PM

Eh well my little weirdo isn't pushed about chocolate either. Or cake. Or biscuits.

Raisins are his thing though

:D:D:D He is never going to survive in this family!

Digs · 12-04-2020 07:49PM

lazygal wrote: »

We're a one meal family. There's no options or alternatives. I'll include something I know they'll eat but I don't over think it. What's there is what we eat. I agree you're over thinking this. Easier said than done but I just don't pander to fussiness. And 100% agree on eating as a family. It's incredibly important. Snacks should be cut in favour of meals too.

Yep. My almost 17mth old is by far the fussiest out of my three and it’s particularly bad at the moment. Literally the only things I’m guaranteed she will eat right now is banana and malted wheats from Lidl. Half the time she’s smacking stuff out of my hand or throwing it on the floor. She’s also fiercely independent and has got to eat everything herself which takes forever. She gets the exact same as her sisters, strictly a one meal family here too and she can take it or leave it as far as I’m concerned. My middle one was never a great eater, had the same phases as this lady and still isn’t great being honest. Eldest would eat rings round herself if I let her.

Definitley easier said than done but don’t pander, offer as usual. They’ll eat of they are hungry. If it helps in my experience what your child is doing sounds totally normal for to me.

Digs · 12-04-2020 07:51PM

Just to add there was a time mine loved blueberries, couldn’t get enough of them! Well the rage on her now if I dare put a blueberry on her plate, fires them at me like a missile.

mirrorwall14 · 16-04-2020 07:06PM

Just to say that sounds like a great range compared to my eldest. I’m not joking when I say he basically ate bread for about three years. Even now at 5 he’s not the best eater. By contrast his 18 month old brother is currently a dream. I say currently because they all have their phases!

Milly33 · 17-04-2020 06:17PM

Just keep going with what you are doing and wait for the change.. Our little one started this around the same age, she was a mighty eater or dinner and now its like mmm..

Tried giving her dinner at different times and all that goes.. And now im just like sod it, she eats a great breakfast of cereals and fruit, has lunch I found those cracker breads great, some cream cheese on them and fruit and thats good.

Dinner then it is pot luck, the one thing we have found she will eat is those linda mccartney leek and potato wraps (half a one) and noodles...And well obessed with ketchup..... it is really hard when they do this, broke my heart as I used to love making up her meals but just letting her be now if she eats she eats...Corn on the cob was another odd one she likes every now and again...Found the soups good too at lunch at least tis some veg going in..

There was all differant guides saying to cut down on drinks before dinner and then not offering more drinks until after dinner, tried them all and they made no odds.. Except for not giving milk maybe an hour before dinner...

Milly33 · 17-04-2020 06:19PM

Digs wrote: »

Just to add there was a time mine loved blueberries, couldn’t get enough of them! Well the rage on her now if I dare put a blueberry on her plate, fires them at me like a missile.

Haha!! herself is going something like this with peas now, she loved them and now discovered that they pop so pops them all and leaves them shot across the room

linpoo · 18-04-2020 06:41AM

I think the most important thing is to not stress about meal times. They pick up on it. I always felt strongly about no negativity around eating for my 2 1/2 year old - If he doesn't want to eat something that's fine.

You decide what to serve and he decides what he wants to eat. He's not going to starve.

If you are on Instagram there is a couple of good people can recommend for ideas, think they're dieticians with their own kids.

kylith · 19-04-2020 02:17PM

I agree with having him eat meals with you at the same time and also not making dinner a battleground because it will just make it worse.

Try to include something that you know he’ll eat with each meal but other than that just feed him whatever you’re having. If he’s in the Independent toddler stage then the spoon feeding may be an issue for him and he might do better with switching to more finger foods. Just put them in front of him and let him work out what to do with them. He knows where his mouth is, he’ll figure it out.

18 month old seriously fussy with eating, help please

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