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Weight Getting me Down

  • 13-12-2019 11:47PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    My body confidence is getting in the way of my life. I'm a female in my 20s and a little overweight and I constantly fluctuate. Right now I'm at my heaviest. 4 months ago I was over a stone lighter and 4 months before then I was probably the same weight I am now. I hate my body. I've always hated it. I used to suffer with anorexia and bulimia and there days or weeks where some of those behaviours return. Right now I'm sat on my bed staring into the mirror in a brand new outfit, freshly showered, makeup on, nails painted, lashes applied, dangly diamond earrings in, fully prepared to go to my work Christmas party and I've never felt uglier. And now despite all this effort and having paid for a ticket I've decided I'm not going. All I can see is fat. A fat face, fat arms, large and heavy.
    I have problems making friends and that's just another reason not to go. I'm struggling (and it sounds so counterintuitive cause surely socialising out of work would help me make friends) but I'm afraid of being alone or being too awkward. And I really struggle.
    Exercising doesn't work for me. Don't enjoy it, I don't get that wave of happiness people talk about. I've tried all sorts. I just truly hate my body. I make progress loosing weight and then my mind flips and I sabotage myself. And has anyone got any coping mechanisms for this mind set? I feel alone and ugly.


Comments

  • #2
    Goodigal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 495 ✭✭Goodigal


    I couldn't read and not post a reply. You need to talk with a professional. You have a history of eating disorders. Nobody on the internet can truly give you the answer you need. I don't like the way I look but I choose to get up and out and chat to people. And I learned to love myself after a really bad marriage break up. In this horrendous era of everything being about looks and likes, we are a increasingly aware of how we SHOULD look. But that's ridiculous! I wish you had had the confidence to go to your party and be you. But please get in touch with a counsellor to help you start your journey towards liking yourself and your body.


  • #3
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 8,276 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Sorry to hear that you are feeling down.
    I suggest trying counselling to help.

    This thread gives good guidelines in relation to finding one.

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057956018

    Mind yourself.


  • #4
    cazzer22
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 501 ✭✭✭cazzer22


    I'm so sorry you've felt like this and that it ruined your night. You poor thing. I often get that way about myself because i'm a stone heavier than where i'd like to be. It's your mindset that needs a little bit of a shift. For every negative comment we tell ourselves we need two positive ones to balance it out. When I find myself criticising myself or a particular part of my body, I jump in with something positive. It's a skill that requires huge practise.
    CBT is also worth looking into? I tried that before and it has worked wonders for my self confidence and self- esteem. It sounds like your self-esteem is pretty low and that's where I would start. CBT just totally transforms how we feel about ourselves and so many of my friends have done it as well, including a friend who has suffered with bullimia.
    I also listen to podcasts/music while getting ready for an event so that I'm focusing on them and what they're talking about rather than my own thoughts about what I look like. Do you have social media and find yourself comparing yourself to others online? Sometimes taking a break from different social media outlets is a great way to refocus.
    I know you said you hate exercise and believe me, I used to LOATHE it. I used to be the girl in P.E. lessons trying to get out of it. I started Parkrun with a view to walking it and maybe, eventually running and it's a great social outlet for meeting new people and just clearning the head. It's a nice way of building up confidence and again, listening to music or podcasts whilst out and about can help to clear the head and stop the negative thoughts creeping in.
    I'm so sorry you feel like this, but nothing changes if nothing changes, so I would work on the self-esteem element first. Youtube has some fantastic videos that explain CBT and how it works. I can recommend some apps as well if you'd like? just DM me.
    I'm sorry you're in this situation, it feels all too familiar, but hang in there, things WILL get better and look up. X


  • #5
    antix80
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,418 ✭✭✭antix80


    Hi op... The weight loss industry is a scam.
    If you stick to a weightwatchers or slimming world diet all the "progress" is within a few weeks. That's all the evidence most people need to repeat the mantras like "it's a lifestyle change" and "it's 90% diet"

    It also gets 100% tiresome, and the treats creep in, and you lose a pound one week and gain 2 the next. That's life.

    Well.. Let's tackle tonight, first things first. These people see you every day. When you go tonight, you'll be dressed better, made up better and for all intents and purposes you'll look better than they've seen you any time in the past month. So.. You didn't hit some of your goals? Oh well, other people you work with have the same insecurities. Try again tomorrow. Tonight, go out, eat good food and have a few drinks. Not too many.. Not as much counting cals, but just so you start tomorrow with a good mindset and without the fog of a hangover.

    Tomorrow, up bright and early, bit of breakfast, wrap up well and go for a 10k walk. Good time for reflection in this advent period. Don't actively think or plan things on your walk. Don't dwell on thoughts. Try to appreciate sensations your body is feeling, like the cold on your face, sounds of people and nature.

    Many people are already stuffing their faces this week. For me, I'm waiting til i finish work on the 20th. I intend to have a few more treats than usual but my only no-holds-barred day will be 25th.


  • #6
    twill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 587 ✭✭✭twill


    Hi, I think you still have many issues with self-image and self-esteem. That's fine - it would be more surprising if you didn't with all you've gone through. Weight does fluctuate, as anyone with health issues can testify, the problem is when it's so tied up with how you see yourself.

    If you haven't yet, please consider counselling to start to tackle the unresolved issues that led to your illnesses. It's clearly affecting every aspect of your life right now. My best to you, OP.


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  • #7
    Jimmy Bottlehead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,931 ✭✭✭Jimmy Bottlehead


    cazzer22 wrote: »
    I'm so sorry you've felt like this and that it ruined your night. You poor thing. I often get that way about myself because i'm a stone heavier than where i'd like to be. It's your mindset that needs a little bit of a shift. For every negative comment we tell ourselves we need two positive ones to balance it out. When I find myself criticising myself or a particular part of my body, I jump in with something positive. It's a skill that requires huge practise.
    CBT is also worth looking into? I tried that before and it has worked wonders for my self confidence and self- esteem. It sounds like your self-esteem is pretty low and that's where I would start. CBT just totally transforms how we feel about ourselves and so many of my friends have done it as well, including a friend who has suffered with bullimia.
    I also listen to podcasts/music while getting ready for an event so that I'm focusing on them and what they're talking about rather than my own thoughts about what I look like. Do you have social media and find yourself comparing yourself to others online? Sometimes taking a break from different social media outlets is a great way to refocus.
    I know you said you hate exercise and believe me, I used to LOATHE it. I used to be the girl in P.E. lessons trying to get out of it. I started Parkrun with a view to walking it and maybe, eventually running and it's a great social outlet for meeting new people and just clearning the head. It's a nice way of building up confidence and again, listening to music or podcasts whilst out and about can help to clear the head and stop the negative thoughts creeping in.
    I'm so sorry you feel like this, but nothing changes if nothing changes, so I would work on the self-esteem element first. Youtube has some fantastic videos that explain CBT and how it works. I can recommend some apps as well if you'd like? just DM me.
    I'm sorry you're in this situation, it feels all too familiar, but hang in there, things WILL get better and look up. X

    Just on this, OP, its a good post but I wouldn't limit myself to CBT. Its one of a huge range of therapies and while it's effective for a decent amount of issues, it really doesn't work for a sizable portion of people and issues.

    Find a therapist, preferably one recommended and experienced with eating issues, explain your issue and ask what approach they recommend.

    Best of luck.


  • #8
    santana75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,367 ✭✭✭santana75


    Definitely go talk to someone trained in eating disorders. It would be good to get things off your chest. But the responsibility for recovery is yours and yours alone. This is good news though because it means you're not helpless and you don't have to live as a slave to food and tormenting negative thoughts. Theres a couple of fundamentals though such as establishing a regular pattern of eating every day. You get up and eat a big breakfast, then a big lunch and a solid dinner. This sounds very simplistic but if you put it into action you'll find that you have no drive to engage in behaviours. If you hate exercise so be it. But let me say that everyone has a physical activity they enjoy, you just have to discover what that may be. Which takes experimentation. It could be dancing, yoga, running, gymnastics, cycling, ju jitsu.......the point is to find something that doesn't feel like exercise, something fun first and foremost and if it keeps you fit as a by product that's a bonus. But it should be about fun, not slogging it out, that's a toxic mentality and it's the reason so many people start and then quit the gym.
    I'd recommend exploring spirituality aswell because recovery from an eating disorder is at its core, a spiritual experience.


  • #9
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,239 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    You say you are a little overweight ...but all you see is fat! ??

    And you have a history of difficulty with eating .

    Well firstly ...you have to recognize that this is the illness ...or the part of you that is still sick telling you this. And you also say that are days or weeks where this returns.

    So when you look at it...you are still anorexic and bulimic. You aren't quite recovered.

    I don't know a lot about eating disorders. I haven't been where you are. So i am really sorry if this seems simplistic.

    But i know you guys are really brave. You'll make it through this. You are stronger than you think.

    Just STOP dieting. Eat when you are hungry stop when you are full. Eat whatever you want whenever you feel hungry. Stop eating whenever you feel satiated. Try and move and exercise. Focus on MENTAL and EMOTIONAL well being as well as physical well being.

    Don't let anyone or anything dictate what you eat except your hunger. Not your emotions not people not anything. Just eat when your stomach says so.


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