Theft of Items from our Baby’s Grave

riffmongous · 21-11-2019 2:00am

cullieh wrote: »

Sorry I may have worded the post wrong, They were replaced by us after the first time. Not by the people who took them unfortunately

Ah ok. Well I still reckon it could be kids from a funeral.. how quick do you replace them and do they go missing again? I know it's not easy but it's most likely harmless kids not realising so try not to get let it get to you

kowloon · 21-11-2019 2:00am

What you need is a trail camera. Hunters and wildlife watchers use them. I have one myself that looks over the back of the house and capture video of the local Badger, They're not expensive, usually come with an attachment for trees and they can capture video or photos day or night activated by movement. They're usually printed with a camo pattern and as long as the sensors and cameras aren't covered you can add more to it to obscure the shape.

Ursus Horribilis · 21-11-2019 2:02am

Why does it have to be toys you put on the grave? Maybe you might be better getting something tasteful and more weather resistant for the grave instead? Cheap toys look like sh*t in no time at all, especially this time of year.

wakka12 · 21-11-2019 2:03am

I think you should still do it. If you hide it well the chances of any trouble coming of it are so small. I know if I was you I dont think Id be able to go on without just knowing for sure who it was that did it, even though I do think its more than likely just children who dont know any better.

21-11-2019 2:03am

cullieh wrote: »

Thank you for that reply. I don’t really know what it would achieve, it just breaks our heart that our innocent baby’s toys are being stolen.

Not sure what I would do either if we did get a camera and caught those responsible. I have a feeling I would get into a lot more trouble than they would.

Yes. I appreciate your honesty and can understand some of your pain my friend. I have a child buried too. Please try to appreciate that your child is not there in that hole in the ground. If he/she is anywhere it is in nature, in the sunset and the cherry blossom, the Autumn leaves, Winter river, Spring flowers. I used to bring my kids to the grave and then one cold winter night I thought why am I bringing them here? After that I just worked on making our home garden nice for her instead. The graveyard is just a symbol. Your child is everywhere now.

Mean Laqueefa · 21-11-2019 2:03am

cullieh wrote: »

It is possible that kids from a relatively close estate are going in there. Not sure why they would, unless of course to steal toys, as that have a huge green to play on. Also what do the parent say/do when they see the kids with the said toys... presuming it is the Kids of course

Im sorry for your loss and the hardship you are going through

I live 5mins from glasnevin graveyard, grew up closer than that, and it pains me to say, when younger with friends with dossed about in there, drinking and what not but never damaged a thing, ive always found it peaceful.

I rarely walk by the Angles plots for children, i find it too difficult but know everywhere else like the back of my hand, it would not be uncommon for teenagers being dickheads to ruin a touching tribute to ones lost children and its a shame.

I can only speak of Glasnevin mind, but i dont think it would be legal to place cameras or trail cams on the trusts property tho, but i may be wrong.

I would seek out the maintenance dept and diggers etc and ask politely if they have seen anything to give you some guidance, also the flower stalls near the museum and opposite the old esso garage.

Thats was hard to write and even harder to read your story, i hope you are ok

Raconteuse · 21-11-2019 2:03am

riffmongous wrote: »

At a funeral? Kids will be running around unsupervised

I truly hope it's as innocent as that, but... and even though I firmly believe most people are good... the tiny minority have no limits to the depths they'd stoop to.

Raconteuse · 21-11-2019 2:05am

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Why does it have to be toys you put on the grave? Maybe you might be better getting something tasteful and more weather resistant for the grave instead? Cheap toys look like sh*t in no time at all, especially this time of year.

Is this really the way to speak to the grieving parent of a deceased baby?

riffmongous · 21-11-2019 2:06am

Raconteuse wrote: »

I truly hope it's as innocent as that, but... and even though I firmly most people are good... the tiny minority have no limits to the depths they'd stoop to.

But to do it repeatedly? If it's someone doing it on purpose they must have serious mental issues. If you want to steal stuff then take everything.. it's not vandalism.. it's so specific it's just seems unlikely to be done maliciously.

Gringo180 · 21-11-2019 2:08am

So sorry for your loss OP. Godbles to you and your family, I cannot fathom losing a child

riffmongous · 21-11-2019 2:08am

Raconteuse wrote: »

Is this really the way to speak to the grieving parent of a deceased baby?

Just ignore the troll

Mean Laqueefa · 21-11-2019 2:11am

riffmongous wrote: »

But to do it repeatedly? If it's someone doing it on purpose they must have serious mental issues. If you want to steal stuff then take everything.. it's not vandalism.. it's so specific it's just seems unlikely to be done maliciously.

On the way to glasnevin graveyard from tolka bridge upto the circle k garage at each predestrion crossing for the last 2 week there was a family placing pictures on the lamposts of there lost dog, ive watched the same group repeatly rip the lost dog signs down for nothing elese than banter it seemed. i was seriously close to punching a teenager when i saw them do it

riffmongous · 21-11-2019 2:19am

Mean Laqueefa wrote: »

On the way to glasnevin graveyard from tolka bridge upto the circle k garage at each predestrion crossing for the last 2 week there was a family placing pictures on the lamposts of there lost dog, ive watched the same group repeatly rip the lost dog signs down for nothing elese than banter it seemed. i was seriously close to punching a teenager when i saw them do it

Yeah I'd consider that under 'vandalism' though, if the graves were wrecked I could unfortunately believe it.. but this case is just stealing a few items

Mean Laqueefa · 21-11-2019 2:24am

riffmongous wrote: »

Yeah I'd consider that under 'vandalism' though, if the graves were wrecked I could unfortunately believe it.. but this case is just stealing a few items

The grave was wrecked tho, the family tend to the grave of the deceased. The family placed tributes on the grave to seek something, anyone who ****s with that is vandilism in my eyes atleast.

And its not just a few stolen items in this case as you can imagine, its heartfelt tributes i cant even imagine seeing that done to a grave of a family member.

Im not trying to be hard i understand your point, but put yourself in OP's shoes.

Strumms · 21-11-2019 2:34am

riffmongous wrote: »

Yeah I'd consider that under 'vandalism' though, if the graves were wrecked I could unfortunately believe it.. but this case is just stealing a few items

Just stealing a few items, wow... ridiculous comment. Stealing from the grave of a recently deceased child. ‘Just a few items’ which clearly meant a lot to the parents who placed them there and the child. Wow,

Vita nova · 21-11-2019 3:24am

cullieh wrote: »

Hi People. In the last couple of months items ( toys that her cousins gave her) have been going missing from my baby’s resting place. On the first occasion 3 action hero figures went missing, These were replace with 5 new figures all similar to what were taken. These 5 figures have now been removed. My wife and I are dismayed as to how anybody could do this, let alone to Baby. — I guess my reason for posting here is.. Can anyone recommend a camera or anything at all that I could get to film what is going on. I would need something with a long life as unfortunately we cannot be there all the time to see who is doing this.

Many thanks In Advance,

A Distraught Parent.

I can totally understand why you want to catch the thieves and there have been some useful suggestions on how to go about it.

In the meantime, if you haven't already done it, is it worth leaving a heartfelt note, perhaps with a photo, asking the would-be thieves to please not take your baby's toys. It's a long shot but you never know.

Gynoid · 21-11-2019 6:32am

So very sorry for your loss.

This may be a bit of an odd suggestion but could you put a heavy, weatherproof yet smallish toy chest on the plot, maybe even get one specially made of metal or some heavy material. And put the gifts in there while you are away, and lock it. And take them out when you visit. Maybe even have bolts on the chest attaching it to kerb stones or something. The toy chest could be decorated a bit so it does not look merely functional but is lovely also.

Graces7 · 21-11-2019 9:35am

Deleted User wrote: »

Yes. I appreciate your honesty and can understand some of your pain my friend. I have a child buried too. Please try to appreciate that your child is not there in that hole in the ground. If he/she is anywhere it is in nature, in the sunset and the cherry blossom, the Autumn leaves, Winter river, Spring flowers. I used to bring my kids to the grave and then one cold winter night I thought why am I bringing them here? After that I just worked on making our home garden nice for her instead. The graveyard is just a symbol. Your child is everywhere now.

I met a lady who had lost her baby at a year old. The grave was a shrine, a place of pilgrimage where she could mourn and be with her grief and give her little one gifts and flowers. It was beautiful and the last place she had seen her baby. Toys year by year. I used to visit too

It is to her, even ten years on, far far more than a symbol. Else no one would put flowers on a grave and they do.

Jb1989 · 21-11-2019 9:49am

Strumms wrote: »

I don’t think there is a hell of a lot you can do. Leaving a camera around... well if toys go missing so can a camera even if hidden to a degree. Also if the staff of the cemetery find it they’ll just take it. I doubt they’d be happy about an unapproved recording device in a sensitive location like a cemetery. Have you thought about getting toys mounted in a glass display that could somehow be affixed to the grave ? Even if it was kids they’d be with parents so it shouldn’t have happened.

A few years ago the expensive stone flower vase/pot went missing from my sisters grave and before that flowers went missing from the vase itself. We found it on a grave directly behind but two rows away... it was an expensive stone one and heavy so it couldn’t just have been blown away and put on the wrong grave by accident...

Unfortunately if you are a horrible robbing cûnt the location of your evil endeavors doesn’t matter so much... it’s want it...take it...it’s ingrained in certain mindsets.

Agreed with this, try glueing the toys of putting them in some cage type thing, anything to make it a bulky item, and always try and sign your initials on all item, in case of mistaken movements

Sorry about that · 21-11-2019 10:00am

I was going to suggest something very similar to Gynoid's idea. Could you possibly get some type of (lockable) decorative metal container, custom made, and have it bolted to some part of the surrounds of the grave. That way, the little toys can be there all the time. When you and your family visit, the toys can be taken out and put back again when you leave.

I can't imagine the pain of losing your little girl, but to have her mementos stolen from over her is almost impossible to believe; I hope you find something that works.

Kimbot · 21-11-2019 10:03am

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Why does it have to be toys you put on the grave? Maybe you might be better getting something tasteful and more weather resistant for the grave instead? Cheap toys look like sh*t in no time at all, especially this time of year.

MOD Dont post in this thread again!!

listermint · 21-11-2019 10:13am

Is it against the policy of the graveyard.

Many graveyards will remove such things due to maintenance . Grass cutting etc. They can't have items in the path.

This wouldn't be uncommon

Cee-Jay-Cee · 21-11-2019 10:24am

Unfortunately its a common occurrence and happens all over the country. In one case near me, it was eventually discovered to be the children of one of our esteemed ethnic minorities who were taking the toys/mementos from a child's grave near their grandfathers grave which they visited on a regular basis to add to the multiple tasteful marble sculptures and plaques which adorned his grave.

I personally wouldn't bother with a camera because if you do find out who it was and report it to Gardas theft and its followed up/prosecuted, you may only be asking for further trouble down the line and could see your childs grave damaged as opposed to losing a few toys.

farmchoice · 21-11-2019 10:25am

Our first child died as a baby, so i feel your pain OP. i visit his grave a lot, a little less as the years have gone by but till very regularly.

i was never one for leaving anything like toys or teddies on the grave but each to their own.
as others have said i'd get a box or something like that or sometimes i see a kind of netting over a new grave where there are a lot of flowers, to keep them from blowing away.

graveyards are lonely places and very exposed to the elements, id often find things on our grave that must have blown their or maybe dogs or even birds picked up and dropped, so it could be something like that.
there is a possibility that some misguided person is doing this to give the impression that your child has taken these gifts with them to the after life, to give you the impression that your child likes these gifts. i know this is outlandish but people have funny ideas.

to be honest if you are finding this very upsetting for now id consider not bringing the stuff up for a while, maybe st up a little corner in your house or garden for it.
you could put in a camera and find that someone is doing it, what then? there would be a strong temptation to find them and give them a grave of their own or at least a hospital bed, what good would this do you really..none.

Del2005 · 21-11-2019 11:07am

Gynoid wrote: »

So very sorry for your loss.

This may be a bit of an odd suggestion but could you put a heavy, weatherproof yet smallish toy chest on the plot, maybe even get one specially made of metal or some heavy material. And put the gifts in there while you are away, and lock it. And take them out when you visit. Maybe even have bolts on the chest attaching it to kerb stones or something. The toy chest could be decorated a bit so it does not look merely functional but is lovely also.

If something is left it'll be stolen, if it's in a locked box it must be valuable and will be stolen along with the damage to the grave.

Up Donegal · 21-11-2019 11:51am

Raconteuse wrote: »

What little kids would be in a graveyard though? Other than those accompanied by an adult.

One would hope that if an adults who are in a graveyard with their children would tell the children to return anything they lifted back to where they got it.

boardlady · 21-11-2019 11:57am

Firstly, op, i am very sorry for your devastating loss.

Just to throw an innocent curveball out there, my mother lives in Dublin city but has a large garden which is her pride and joy. She finds that foxes take a lot of her stuff if she leaves it out. She has had small trowels moved and if she drops a glove, then it is never seen again! The neighbours have dogs and my mother will occasionally find their toys or bedding in her garden - even though the dogs never come in. She believes the foxes take them and then leave them in her garden. I know you say they never take the soft toys, but perhaps young foxes prefer something chewier??

Best wishes to you and your family anyway and I hope you can find some peace.

Up Donegal · 21-11-2019 11:58am

Condolences to the OP on the loss of their Baby. R.I.P

antix80 wrote: »

There are people who believe it's tacky to leave a lot of toys at a grave.. Esp older people. Well, complain all you want but they might be clearing them away.

If anybody wants to clear things away from their own family plots that's fine but they have no right to touch anyone else's plot.

Alkers · 21-11-2019 12:02pm

Something like this might suit you, depending on the surroundings.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=wildlife+cameras&adgrpid=58799871072&gclid=Cj0KCQiAiNnuBRD3ARIsAM8KmluNl__2FUHCZQyPOgNhrcQpwpWSztKyM7tjFM_vi22zoWwJZ_KB4w8aAlxXEALw_wcB&hvadid=291376995732&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=1007850&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=13124091328582736962&hvtargid=kwd-149610900&hydadcr=8436_1758305&tag=googiehydra-21&ref=pd_sl_mwo527loj_e

You're not alone:
https://www.dublinlive.ie/news/dublin-news/families-left-devastated-grave-robbers-16625973

Graces7 · 21-11-2019 12:09pm

Honouring the dead is a wondrous thing.
It can help and heal .

Last year I was at Burrishoole, here in Mayo, and met a lady who was tending a grave. She said, " I have three to visit." That is what tending the graves meant to her. Visiting her family... She told me who they were etc.

Family are precious. When I was more mobile I would take a trowel with me when I drove somewhere and tidy graves that were neglected. Hoping that someone might do the same for my faraway family grave .

Love does not die. OP I hope you find resolution; follow your heart on this.

Theft of Items from our Baby’s Grave

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