Gf threatening to break up because she caught me looking at someone else.

weekaizer · 04-11-2019 06:39PM #1

So I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for 4-5 months now, everything been going great, she’s gorgeous, smart, have met the parents and she’s met mine. We have been official for about 3 months now.
However few months ago she gave out to me because while walking out of the cinema one night she caught me looking at another girls butt who was walking in front of us, she told me she was deeply upset and that I disrespected her. I apologised and that was it.. fast forward to yesterday again we were in the cinema and I glimpsed at another girl who was walking away from me. She said nothing at the time but when I was driving her home she called me out on it. I again apologized but she’s not really accepting it this time she thinks I’ve again disrespected her and that she deserves someone who doesn’t eye up other women. I said sorry but then I said to her that it’s normal for guys to sometimes glimpse at other woman momentarily so long as their intentions behind it are harmless but she’s insistant that it’s not what she deserves and that I wouldn’t like it if any of my brother in laws did it to my sister. I’ve told her how much I love her and that I have no intention of cheating on her and that I’m very happy with her but she is convinced She’s going to be worried over Christmas about who else I might be looking at.
She says she can’t cope with having a man who eyes up other woman and i asked her if she was going to break up with me because I maintain my stance that it’s quite normal to occasionally look at an attractive woman so long as I’m not smiling at her or trying to initiate anything.
Am I wrong or is she wrong?.
I should also add that was cheated on by her last boyfriend.

zapper55 · 04-11-2019 06:49PM

On the face of it she sounds paranoid after her last relationship. But I had an ex who would stare at other women and it was incredibly off putting. He swore it was only a glimpse but it was very obvious and not something I'd ever seen as obviously before.

A discreet glance isn't disrespectful every now and then, but I wonder if you are far more obvious about it than you realise.

Lily_Aldrin7 · 04-11-2019 06:55PM

I agree that there’s nothing wrong with looking but every woman likes to believe she’s the only one you find attractive when you’re her boyfriend. You’re probably not as subtle as you may think when you look at other girls, try harder!

Andrew00 · 04-11-2019 06:58PM

Some lads make it so obvious when they're staring at a girls hole. I always do it but I make sure nobody is looking at me then I can stare etc.

Capra · 04-11-2019 07:07PM

Run.

I went out with a girl once for about 9 months. She was great fun, good looking and I had met her parents. But after a few months I started to see a very jealous side to her. At first she would say it upset her to see me looking at other girls and would try to make me feel bad for letting her down. Fair enough, sometimes I'd check another girl out but it never caused a problem with any other GF. After a while I could barely look in the same direction as another woman. Sometimes I wouldn't even have noticed the woman I was being accused of looking at. She just got worse and worse and would end up going into hysterical fits of rage. And she couldn't be reasoned with when I would explain that i wasn't even looking.

She turned out to be a very nasty piece of work and the jealousy was the first sign of it. I should have cut my losses after 3-4 months.

I also don't believe that being cheated on has anything to do with it. I was cheated on by a girlfriend once and it hasn't made me the jealous type. I think you are either jealous or you aren't, you don't suddenly become like that.

weekaizer · 04-11-2019 07:26PM

Capra wrote: »

Run.

I went out with a girl once for about 9 months. She was great fun, good looking and I had met her parents. But after a few months I started to see a very jealous side to her. At first she would say it upset her to see me looking at other girls and would try to make me feel bad for letting her down. Fair enough, sometimes I'd check another girl out but it never caused a problem with any other GF. After a while I could barely look in the same direction as another woman. Sometimes I wouldn't even have noticed the woman I was being accused of looking at. She just got worse and worse and would end up going into hysterical fits of rage. And she couldn't be reasoned with when I would explain that i wasn't even looking.

She turned out to be a very nasty piece of work and the jealousy was the first sign of it. I should have cut my losses after 3-4 months.

I also don't believe that being cheated on has anything to do with it. I was cheated on by a girlfriend once and it hasn't made me the jealous type. I think you are either jealous or you aren't, you don't suddenly become like that.

Thanks for the feedback guys. Just to update, she phoned me to break it off with me.

Augme · 04-11-2019 07:59PM

Bullet doged. Nothing wrong with what you did, it's natural and almost impossible not to do.

cannotlogin · 04-11-2019 08:06PM

Suggest she date a man with a guide dog instead of you!

She'll be happier and you'll have dodged a bullet.

Nobody loses their sight when they are in a relationship. The problem is her insecurity.

Bunny Colvin · 04-11-2019 08:17PM

Definitely a bullet dodged. It's completey unreasonable for her to have expected you to not glance at another woman. I do it without even thinking sometimes and I know I've seen my OH glance at other people too. Do I care? Not at all.

If you were watching TV with your ex, would you have been allowed to comment if a girl was attractive or do you have to go along with the pretense that no other women existed except her?

To me you done nothing wrong and it sounds like your ex was very insecure and demanding at the same time. Head up, you're better off without her.

Wesser · 04-11-2019 08:33PM

you dodged a bullet. let her go. she has her issues she has to deal with.

Lily_Aldrin7 · 04-11-2019 08:36PM

weekaizer wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback guys. Just to update, she phoned me to break it off with me.

Omg that’s just ridiculous!

redfox123 · 04-11-2019 08:41PM

you're going to notice people when they’re in your eye line or you’re just looking around as you walk and I’m a woman but it doesn’t mean I’m looking obviously, you’re going to see women and men with all different looks, you can’t not see them. I highly doubt you did one of those intense turn your head looks, if you did that would be out of line, but I get the feeling your girlfriend was watching you to see who you noticed anyone apart from her?

It just means she is insecure about herself, if the relationship had continued you would have had to constantly reassure her and make a point of not looking around you when out. Some women are like that so if you’re the type to notice other women a lot then that’s fine but she would never be happy and there will be a woman for you who won’t focus on where you’re looking, will be more confident and you may even be more enamoured by her that you won’t actually notice others as much.

weekaizer · 04-11-2019 09:36PM

Thanks for all the advice guys.

Bob Harris · 05-11-2019 08:47AM

Are you the fella in the meme OP?

facehugger99 · 05-11-2019 08:53AM

Very hard to know who is in the wrong.

Some men don't know the difference between an appreciative glance and a full-on ogle.

One's ok, one's creepy.

The fact that she's noticed you doing it on a couple of occasions would lead me to suspect you're doing the latter.

weekaizer · 05-11-2019 10:42AM

facehugger99 wrote: »

Very hard to know who is in the wrong.

Some men don't know the difference between an appreciative glance and a full-on ogle.

One's ok, one's creepy.

The fact that she's noticed you doing it on a couple of occasions would lead me to suspect you're doing the latter.

Mine wasn’t even an appreciative glance it was just a glimpse as they were walking past, I never turned my head to look or never stared for seconds but yeah she caught me twice and she says she has men writing to her all the time whom she ignored because of me and she basically wants a man who looks at her only. I’ve never even considered cheating on her, I loved her but she’s adamant this is a red flag and that she never looks at good looking fellas. Not meant to be I guess.

Away With The Fairies · 05-11-2019 03:36PM

weekaizer wrote: »

Mine wasn’t even an appreciative glance it was just a glimpse as they were walking past, I never turned my head to look or never stared for seconds but yeah she caught me twice and she says she has men writing to her all the time whom she ignored because of me and she basically wants a man who looks at her only. I’ve never even considered cheating on her, I loved her but she’s adamant this is a red flag and that she never looks at good looking fellas. Not meant to be I guess.

You don't lose your sight when you're in a relationship. The woman sounds nuts. Not much difference between men writing to her that she chooses to ignore. You choose to be in a relationship with her! I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts you again telling you it was a mistake breaking up with you because you're not chasing her.

lawred2 · 05-11-2019 03:38PM

weekaizer wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback guys. Just to update, she phoned me to break it off with me.

Could yourself lucky. She sounds like a right dose.

Xterminator · 05-11-2019 03:44PM

Very hard to know who is in the wrong.

i dont think its very hard at all.

OP looked at a womans ass - more than once. If you take him at his word, (and there is no reason not to) it was a brief glance.
He didn't try to get a date with these girls, nor did he make comments etc. His eyes wandered.

His girlfriend of 4-5 months dumped him because she couldn't handle it, because she felt disrespected, and i suspect because she is deeply affected by the previous relationship where she was cheated on.

People who think they can control their partners behaviour down to the level where they will threaten to leave you for glancing at another woman have issues. And she doesn't acknowledge some if the issues are hers - then red flags are raised.

OP well done, you have dodged a bullet. I would advise never ever take her back, because of her behaviour.

facehugger99 · 05-11-2019 04:15PM

Xterminator wrote: »

i dont think its very hard at all.

The OP admits they were "caught" twice by the GF looking at other women.

I just don't understand how you can be caught if the glance is as fleeting as is being portrayed.

I manage to discretely perv on other women all the time and my wife is none the wiser.

It's surely possible that the the OP practically has their tongue hanging out like a randy dog, but is unaware how obvious they look.

05-11-2019 04:20PM

facehugger99 wrote: »

The OP admits they were "caught" twice by the GF looking at other women.

I just don't understand how you can be caught if the glance is as fleeting as is being portrayed.

I manage to discretely perv on other women all the time and my wife is none the wiser.

It's surely possible that the the OP practically has their tongue hanging out like a randy dog, but is unaware how obvious they look.

Some women (girls who never grew up really) obsess over this stuff and stare constantly at their man to "catch" him. As the OP says half the time he wasn't even looking, there just happened to be a woman in his field of view. Likewise some men do this too, obsessing over their girlfriends every interaction with a member of the opposite sex.

Impossible to have an adult relationship with someone like this.

Let her find one of these men who worships her so much he doesn't even notice other women. I'm sure they will be very happy together.

Jurgen Klopp · 05-11-2019 05:36PM

She'll text or ring you to "work it out" yet

This "breakup" is a way of "punishing" you mark my words

NIMAN · 05-11-2019 05:38PM

Count yourself lucky.

Huntergonzo · 05-11-2019 05:42PM

Men are physical creatures, simple as that, they're going to look, it's in their nature and there's nothing wrong with it so long as you don't stare or touch obviously.

I'd say, try to have an open/honest conversation about, but if things go south then let her off. If she won't accept you for who you are then it's not meant to be, in the long run you'll save yourself a whole pile of trouble.

NIMAN · 05-11-2019 05:44PM

Your relationship is only 4 months old, it's easier all round if it ends now rather than having another go and then ending it in 1, 2, 3 years time.

She sounds very insecure. And if she is going to obsess about you looking at other girls, it's on a hiding to nothing.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-11-2019 07:31PM

Either your glances were not as discreet as you sincerely believe and she had a problem with it, or she was actively watching you to catch you.

Hiding to nothing either way. If you've never been called out or glared at or anything for your appreciative glances then it's probably the latter, if you have then you should reflect on that. There was a non-PI thread here a few months ago from a guy who was full sure that women must be on the constant look out for men looking at them, because the explanation for them noticing him slowing his car for a look couldn't possibly be "because you're being very noticeable". So don't be that guy but yeah nothing wrong with a discreet peek.

I'd second the guess that she's likely to try and get back with you, I'd advise against that.

You seem to be taking the break up pretty ok anyways?

It's never easy but this is probably for the best.

fitzparker · 07-11-2019 11:27AM

imagine she caught you watching porn, you'd be buried in the back garden!

it's for the best, if someone pretty walks by you can't help but glance.

My wife and I are at a stage where we point out good looking people to each other (men or woman) it doesn't bother us as its a human reaction, you didn't try hit them up, so whats wrong with looking at someones beauty.

its better than calling everyone ugly and pointing out there flaws what some couples do

osarusan · 07-11-2019 11:49AM

weekaizer wrote: »

she basically wants a man who looks at her only.

This comes up on boards every so often, the idea that if you really love somebody, you somehow won't even notice other attractive men/women, or that the strength of your love means you simply cannot find other people attractive.

But it's nonsense. And an impossible standard for somebody to set in a relationship.

LegacyUser · 07-11-2019 12:34PM

Hi Op,

You did nothing wrong at all.

As a woman and heterosexual, I often check out men and don’t act on it. Harmless!
Plus, If I see an attractive woman, I would also look lol.

When there’s attractive people around, it’s hard not to look. But it doesn’t mean you’re gonna act on it or you might even glimpse without a thought and continue on with what your doing.

Sounds like she’s insecure and a bit immature if she really expects you not to look at other women every now and then...
and like other posters said, if you were caught chatting to a woman or watching porn or anything else, you’d have a massive headache and fight on your hands.

It’s ok to look but not touch if your in a relationship OP

wiggle16 · 07-11-2019 12:54PM

I agree with others, I doubt you've seen the last of her. You'd a lucky escape anyway, she's going to be a very unhappy lady if she can't cope with human nature in a partner. Run a mile when she gets back in touch.
Or tell her you're too busy ogling ladies to concentrate on the conversation

As your issue appears to be resolved, I'm going to close this thread.

Thanks & gmra all who posted. Best of luck OP.

Thread locked

Gf threatening to break up because she caught me looking at someone else.

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