How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

mdk_kdm · 05-06-2019 05:03PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

I'm not being funny/ harsh here, but why don't you have any friends? Are you new to the area? What about family, any siblings or cousins around you could socialise with?

In school I spread my time across various groups. Never made deep long lasting friendships, just various friends / acquaintances. Lost touch after school / college.

Moved to the other side of country for work, didn't know anyone here. People in work are just acquaintances. Before you know it 8 years fly by, and you're 33 with no actual friends lol. It doesn't bother me, happy to do my own thing but not knowing anyone to go out with or do social things with really stifles meeting any females, and when your average looking, or less, dating apps are a waste of time.

Feisar · 05-06-2019 05:18PM

mdk_kdm wrote: »

In school I spread my time across various groups. Never made deep long lasting friendships, just various friends / acquaintances. Lost touch after school / college.

Moved to the other side of country for work, didn't know anyone here. People in work are just acquaintances. Before you know it 8 years fly by, and you're 33 with no actual friends lol. It doesn't bother me, happy to do my own thing but not knowing anyone to go out with or do social things with really stifles meeting any females, and when your average looking, or less, dating apps are a waste of time.

You don't need a rock solid crew, just drinking/going out buddies.

I moved to Belfast for a couple of years, moved into a house with a load of other young people, instantly had a group to socialize with.

There's also the flying solo option.

Bobblehats · 05-06-2019 05:51PM

Feisar wrote: »

You don't need a rock solid crew, just drinking/going out buddies.

So a so-so solid crew

Mister Vain · 05-06-2019 06:11PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Write your bios as though the love of your life is going to read it.

What if the love of you life doesn't bother to read bios and just makes a decision based on the persons photos?

The vast majority of women on Tinder have nothing in their bios anyway, and the ones that do, usually write the same generic stuff, (hitting the gym, nights in, walks on the beach etc etc.) You could be missing out on some potentially great dates by excluding people with nothing in their bios. You can find out enough about a person after a few days of chatting.

kowloon · 05-06-2019 08:26PM

riffmongous wrote: »

Don't stand at the bar, smoking area is the place to chat :pac:

The smoking area is the only place where you can hear anyone is some bars.

Heckler · 05-06-2019 09:32PM

While obviously basic hygiene and such should be fairly standard fare there are all types of people looking for all different types.

This have nice shoes, neat haircut, smart trousers thing that many here espouse isn't for everyone. Fine if the type of woman you want to attract is of the same ilk. Many men don't go to bars, clubs that they know will be full of women in short skirts, made up to the nines with perfect hair listening to the latest chart songs or club tracks.

Someone could be, of either gender, to use identifiable tags, a "Rocker,Goth,biker,punk,raver etc etc.". and looking for someone similar. Then your smart brogues and tidy haircut won't get you anywhere.

Dress how you like yourself as and go places with similar minded people.

Mister Vain · 05-06-2019 09:36PM

Heckler wrote: »

While obviously basic hygiene and such should be fairly standard fare there are all types of people looking for all different types.

This have nice shoes, neat haircut, smart trousers thing that many here espouse isn't for everyone. Fine if the type of woman you want to attract is of the same ilk. Many men don't go to bars, clubs that they know will be full of women in short skirts, made up to the nines with perfect hair listening to the latest chart songs or club tracks.

Someone could be, of either gender, to use identifiable tags, a "Rocker,Goth,biker,punk,raver etc etc.". and looking for someone similar. Then your smart brogues and tidy haircut won't get you anywhere.

Dress how you like yourself as and go places with similar minded people.

Good point. I've seen some stunning looking alternative models with the scruffiest looking fellas you could imagine.

Heckler · 05-06-2019 10:06PM

Birds of a feather and all that. I'd seek out i guess the more alternative social scene. Rock type bars,punk gigs etc. I don't know of many in that scene who get up in the morning, put on the lycra and go for a 20k cycle, hit the gym/yoga class.. So if you're the sporty type then don't go to those types of places. you're unlikely to meet someone likeminded. Likewise if you're a scruffy biker you're unlikely to have much luck in the latest cocktail bar to open.

And yes of course theres always exceptions to the rule.

Church on Tuesday · 05-06-2019 10:16PM

Heckler wrote: »

Birds of a feather and all that. I'd seek out i guess the more alternative social scene. Rock type bars,punk gigs etc. I don't know of many in that scene who get up in the morning, put on the lycra and go for a 20k cycle, hit the gym/yoga class.. So if you're the sporty type then don't go to those types of places. you're unlikely to meet someone likeminded. Likewise if you're a scruffy biker you're unlikely to have much luck in the latest cocktail bar to open.

And yes of course theres always exceptions to the rule.

I take your point and I'd have an interest in alternative music and film myself and at the end of the day you're going to, realistically, only hit it off with a member of the opposite sex that you have similar interests to, but I still think there's a lot to be said for good grooming and good dress sense.

Tell me how · 05-06-2019 10:28PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I take your point and I'd have an interest in alternative music and film myself and at the end of the day you're going to, realistically, only hit it off with a member of the opposite sex that you have similar interests to, but I still think there's a lot to be said for good grooming and good dress sense.

I think this is a misconception in today's world. You may be more like to meet someone in such an environment because you are enjoying yourself, able to engage in discussion on a topic but I'm not so sure that that automatically translates in to having a relationship with someone.

What I'm saying is, I think we do try to match with similar interests but maybe we'd be better off just seeing if we click with someone even if on the face of it we don't have closely related interests.

worded · 05-06-2019 10:31PM

Went out a few nights in a row clean shaved, ironed clean clothes, hair cut etc and was completely ignored ....

For a laugh went out a few nights later with jeans I wore for four days and unshaven and even unwashed. Had to beat them off with a stick

Go figure ....

riclad · 05-06-2019 10:43PM

Some women like men that look a bit rough ,
theres plenty of women over 30 who are separated or divorced ,
its best to stay away from clubs that play loud music,
go to pubs that have karoke or quiz nights .

worded · 05-06-2019 10:49PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I think we might need a thread for these bar stories, EB. It is interesting that for whatever reason that guy just didn't get it right or maybe it was a case of trying every woman in the place in sight of the other women!

"the smell of want off him"
Brilliant.

A friend commented about someone ....
“You can sense the desperation of him” a male circling around some females at a club looking to get chatting

completedit · 05-06-2019 10:50PM

Like I said earlier, you find a girl who you find attractive and hit it off with and you get friendzoned, some men/lads just don’t have it. It’s a sad fact of nature and life.

05-06-2019 11:22PM

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I take your point and I'd have an interest in alternative music and film myself and at the end of the day you're going to, realistically, only hit it off with a member of the opposite sex that you have similar interests to, but I still think there's a lot to be said for good grooming and good dress sense.

Not going to meet many punks like that

I think it really is advantageous to be part of a minority scene/interest in many ways, particularly in this case and it'll be so much easier to meet and talk to people even if you are a bit shy or even.. odd..

Tuco88 · 05-06-2019 11:33PM

Jaysus this is one depressing thread...

Right a tip for ya...If you pour some Vodka on the grass tonight. You will discover the following morning that the grass will be half-cut...Use this power wisely my friends...

Finally some actually useful information... A classic chat up joke from El Tuco ðŸ˜

Shoes and Boots · 05-06-2019 11:36PM

Welcome to hipsters world ! Coffee on street,non alcoholic beer in pub and rubber woman in bed !

05-06-2019 11:36PM

completedit wrote: »

Like I said earlier, you find a girl who you find attractive and hit it off with and you get friendzoned, some men/lads just don’t have it. It’s a sad fact of nature and life.

terrible to have women friends alright

pro tip tho theyll get fierce territorial once you do pull. think of it as paying it forward and keep working away

ArchXStanton · 05-06-2019 11:38PM

riffmongous wrote: »

Not going to meet many punks like that I think it really is advantageous to be part of a minority scene/interest in many ways, particularly in this case and it'll be so much easier to meet and talk to people even if you are a bit shy or even.. odd..

I've been into hardcore punk since I was 12 and dress nothing like the punk uniform(non conformists eh) , it's surprised a few people down through the years, get the odd weird look at gigs too

completedit · 06-06-2019 12:10AM

Pure and utter bollocks. If you’re unattractive you’re unattractive. Women have the same preferences. The only reason some guys do well with foreign birds because they go after some fat Brazilian one and ration she’s exotic so that must make her hot. Realistically guy could get her Irish equivalent

Bunny Colvin · 06-06-2019 12:21AM

completedit wrote: »

Pure and utter bollocks. If you’re unattractive you’re unattractive. Women have the same preferences. The only reason some guys do well with foreign birds because they go after some fat Brazilian one and ration she’s exotic so that must make her hot. Realistically guy could get her Irish equivalent

If you're Irish abroad, your accent and different sense of humour will make you stand out. So you're a novelty. Over here though, obviously not so much.

I don't think Irish women are as standoffish as people are trying to make out. But I do think a minority have a bit of an unrealistic standard when it comes to a potential partner. On dating sites I often see some girls making demands about lads that are 'allowed' to swipe left. I came across one girl recently and let's just say she wasn't the most attractive girl out there (I'm being very polite with that description). She wanted a guy who was tall, well travelled, good job and more! She wasn't trying to be ironic either. I laughed and thought what planet are you living on. But to be fair, I'm sure it's similar in other countries too but it's something that you would come across a lot.

Church on Tuesday · 06-06-2019 02:28AM

Cocaine Blues wrote: »

The 30 year old boomer strikes again!

'Ladies you are looking good tonight!' Then just walk away.

I'm 31.

Do keep up.

Church on Tuesday · 06-06-2019 02:33AM

Tell me how wrote: »

I think this is a misconception in today's world. You may be more like to meet someone in such an environment because you are enjoying yourself, able to engage in discussion on a topic but I'm not so sure that that automatically translates in to having a relationship with someone.

What I'm saying is, I think we do try to match with similar interests but maybe we'd be better off just seeing if we click with someone even if on the face of it we don't have closely related interests.

Yeah, I take your point, you don't have to have the exact same interests by any means, but it certainly helps to have some common ground at the start.

bodhrandude · 06-06-2019 02:41AM

Interesting thread, OP I'm 53 and still single for quite a while now, haven't really bothered trying the dating scene for a while, I wouldn't be a nightclub fan but do like to socialise in the bars sometimes. I'm a bit of a music fan so I like going to gigs and events, festivals. Some interesting insights and advice on this thread. I wish I could offer advice to the OP but being single myself I've kinda got used to it and like doing my own thing but there are nights the loneliness does get to me, maybe I really am ugly I don't know, I don't care anymore to tell you the truth, just enjoy your life.

Deebles McBeebles · 06-06-2019 08:52AM

bodhrandude wrote: »

I don't care anymore to tell you the truth, just enjoy your life.

That's a good attitude to have. It would surely help with the aforementioned "smell of want".

Being in a band used to help, do women still like a musician or have DJ's taken over that mantle?

If so, I have a laptop and a finger.

Mister Vain · 06-06-2019 11:03AM

Someone mentioned parkruns earlier in the thread. Great idea, I will definitely try that. I'd also recommend drifting events. They're great craic.

fatknacker · 06-06-2019 12:07PM

Lack of confidence and painful navel gazing aren't going to get anyone sliding off barstools anyway.

Wonder why the Irish birth rate is in decline...

Tell me how · 06-06-2019 12:53PM

fatknacker wrote: »

Lack of confidence and painful navel gazing aren't going to get anyone sliding off barstools anyway.

Wonder why the Irish birth rate is in decline...

It's a pretty safe bet that the cost of children in today's world is the biggest influence in declining birth rates.

PistolsAtDawn · 06-06-2019 12:57PM

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

If so, I have a laptop and a finger.

All you need is another 4 fingers and you'll never need a partner (assuming your a man, if your a woman your good to go as is)

J Mysterio · 06-06-2019 01:02PM

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Fair enough, it’s just bizarre to me to read all these men who are having trouble meeting women but are totally closed to any kind of suggestions as to how they might remedy it.

If confidence is your main issue work on that first, then try and meet girls.

I don’t like being single and I am proactive about trying to find a partner even when it involves putting myself in situations I’m not totally comfortable with and risking rejection.

Get confident, stupid.

How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

Comments