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How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

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Comments

  • #362
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    mariaalice wrote: »
    I am intrigued by the mindset that sends creepy messages to woman, women who clearly do not want the messages.

    Leaving aside someone with some sort of social disorder who maybe do not get social norms

    The normal average man who does this why? how did the idea that becaue a woman is on a dating site/ap its means they are interested in complication free sex? and creepy message/ photos of his penis, there is no such thing even complication free sex is complicated.

    What is the origin of the fantasy of commitment free sex because the woman is online is immaturity or something?. What sort of family did they grown up in when did they get their ideas and beliefs about women, sex, and intimacy from?

    I think it’s the perceived lack of consequences.

    They get to say things they would never dare walk up to a woman in a bar and say.

    The really sad part is that you get so jaded from receiving messages like that it can be hard to be your brightest and most interesting, fun self when a decent guy comes along.


  • #363
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,115 ✭✭✭✭cgcsb


    mariaalice wrote: »
    What is the origin of the fantasy of commitment free sex because the woman is online is immaturity or something?. What sort of family did they grown up in when did they get their ideas and beliefs about women, sex, and intimacy from?

    That's male sexuality though. Some men are just smarter about how they get sex, some feign interest in things that she likes to get the ball rolling and then they'll allude to the possibility of commitment and then withdraw it after the goal has been achieved and/or he loses interest in that particular woman. There aren't any men interested in commitment before the age of about 35.

    I'm gay so when I want sex I can go online, find someone I'd be somewhat attracted to and arrange the particulars of what type of sexual encounter we'd both like that day. There's no lies, because there's no point in lies. My straight friends of course have the same/similar sexual impulses as I do, given we both have the same hormonal situation going on, they just have a much more difficult time satisfying those wants because women aren't into sex as much, or only interested when it comes with strings attached.


  • #364
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,950 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    I think it’s the perceived lack of consequences.

    They get to say things they would never dare walk up to a woman in a bar and say.

    The really sad part is that you get so jaded from receiving messages like that it can be hard to be your brightest and most interesting, fun self when a decent guy comes along.

    Re: the insulting messages: it seems to come from the same mindset you occasionally see here - guys who remember girls being mean to them in secondary school, guys who are now in their twenties and maybe even thirties and still bitter about it so go online and send abusive messages to random women to punish them because they are still furious that 'Sorcha said I was a smelly weirdo in geography'

    It's incredibly pathetic.


  • #365
    Hedgelayer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 530 ✭✭✭Hedgelayer


    B0jangles wrote: »
    Re: the insulting messages: it seems to come from the same mindset you occasionally see here - guys who remember girls being mean to them in secondary school, guys who are now in their twenties and maybe even thirties and still bitter about it so go online and send abusive messages to random women to punish them because they are still furious that 'Sorcha said I was a smelly weirdo in geography'

    It's incredibly pathetic.

    Sorcha is still single I wonder why lol

    I met her on a dating site recently, she's looking great and still as sharp as ever.

    I always liked Sorcha, she's quite academically clever.

    I wouldn't say she's mean more like witty and funny....

    Why did you pick on Sorcha, Emma was the bully nobody really liked Emma actually Emma's on her third marriage now.

    Sorcha was a popular name for girl's up until the early 80's nice name too...


  • #366
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 12,694 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    cgcsb wrote: »
    That's male sexuality though. Some men are just smarter about how they get sex, some feign interest in things that she likes to get the ball rolling and then they'll allude to the possibility of commitment and then withdraw it after the goal has been achieved and/or he loses interest in that particular woman. There aren't any men interested in commitment before the age of about 35.

    I'm gay so when I want sex I can go online, find someone I'd be somewhat attracted to and arrange the particulars of what type of sexual encounter we'd both like that day. There's no lies, because there's no point in lies. My straight friends of course have the same/similar sexual impulses as I do, given we both have the same hormonal situation going on, they just have a much more difficult time satisfying those wants because women aren't into sex as much, or only interested when it comes with strings attached.

    That is not true, women do always want commitment in return for sex seeing it as some sort exchange however the sort of man they want to have a bit of fun with is not he the type that is goes looking for complication free sex on line, as I said its complicated.


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  • #367
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,292 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    cgcsb wrote: »
    I'm gay so when I want sex I can go online, find someone I'd be somewhat attracted to and arrange the particulars of what type of sexual encounter we'd both like that day. There's no lies, because there's no point in lies. My straight friends of course have the same/similar sexual impulses as I do, given we both have the same hormonal situation going on, they just have a much more difficult time satisfying those wants because women aren't into sex as much, or only interested when it comes with strings attached.
    There's something to that. Men tend to have higher sex drives, plus one advantage to gay encounters is no chance of pregnancy and kids. That's a huge consequence that for most of human history was hard enough to mitigate and left women far more vulnerable physically and in most cases culturally too. It makes sense that even today with contraception(which can fail) women are much less likely to just shag indiscriminately and more likely to seek commitment of some nature.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #368
    Cutie 3.14
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 610 ✭✭✭Cutie 3.14


    What do you want a woman for anyway?

    Like most men you'll be delighted with yourself for a week or two and then go back to being sick of listening to her, staring at other women right in front of her face, never telling her she looks nice today, probably talking **** about her to the lads "the ole ball and chain" , treating her like she's your new Mammy in ways, lying about where you are etc..

    Why do ye bother atall!


  • #369
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 5,422 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    What do you want a woman for anyway?

    Like most men you'll be delighted with yourself for a week or two and then go back to being sick of listening to her, staring at other women right in front of her face, never telling her she looks nice today, probably talking **** about her to the lads "the ole ball and chain" , treating her like she's your new Mammy in ways, lying about where you are etc..

    Why do ye bother atall!

    This makes sense in a parallel universe. You'd be surprised to hear that some men don't conform to your glib stereotyping.


  • #370
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,115 ✭✭✭✭cgcsb


    Wibbs wrote: »
    There's something to that. Men tend to have higher sex drives, plus one advantage to gay encounters is no chance of pregnancy and kids. That's a huge consequence that for most of human history was hard enough to mitigate and left women far more vulnerable physically and in most cases culturally too. It makes sense that even today with contraception(which can fail) women are much less likely to just shag indiscriminately and more likely to seek commitment of some nature.

    Yes it makes sense, but the point being that a lot of men just won't get that and women won't get men's motivations either, there is an unwillingness to understand each others point of view.


  • #371
    FTA69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,252 ✭✭✭FTA69


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    What do you want a woman for anyway?

    Like most men you'll be delighted with yourself for a week or two and then go back to being sick of listening to her, staring at other women right in front of her face, never telling her she looks nice today, probably talking **** about her to the lads "the ole ball and chain" , treating her like she's your new Mammy in ways, lying about where you are etc..

    Why do ye bother atall!

    God you’re nearly as bad as some of the loons on this thread.


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  • #372
    Noodleworm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Noodleworm


    Wibbs wrote: »
    There's something to that. Men tend to have higher sex drives, plus one advantage to gay encounters is no chance of pregnancy and kids. That's a huge consequence that for most of human history was hard enough to mitigate and left women far more vulnerable physically and in most cases culturally too. It makes sense that even today with contraception(which can fail) women are much less likely to just shag indiscriminately and more likely to seek commitment of some nature.

    There are so many reasons woman can't have sex as indiscriminately. The social stigma attached to it, the genuine fear of making yourself vulnerable alone with a stranger leading to rape or murder, the well documented fact that women are just very unlikely to orgasm from one off encounters with people who either don't know what they like, or are just have no incentive to make it pleasurable for her.
    And after all that you have Pregnancy and STIs.

    Sex drives vary over time, come and go, it's not at all unheard of for a woman to find her sex drive higher than her male partners.


    There are some really messed up ideas in this thread that women just don't like sex, and therefore are using it as a transaction to manipulate men. And clearly this leads to men justifying their own deception of women. It's frankly disgusting.

    Anyone who thinks NO men want commitment, has never been in the position of being a woman trying to break up with a man.


  • #373
    JustAThought
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,324 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    meetup best site ever it worked for me a lot o f my matesvargoo wrote: »
    I set it to 70 km one night and only 1 event on it and only person going was organiser..

    There are thousands of member and hundreds of events - you must be looking at it wrong or only viewing a single obscure club as every night of the week there are literally dozens of events with hundreds of participants. Singles clubs, elsocial clubs, cookery/meals out/language/going to nightclubs clubs/over 30's singles events adventure clubs etc

    Sure to meet with someone who has similar goals or desires there - be it shorttern or something more steady.


  • #374
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,115 ✭✭✭✭cgcsb


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    face, never telling her she looks nice today, probably talking **** about her to the lads "the ole ball and chain" , treating her like she's your new Mammy in ways, lying about where you are etc..

    If you need continuous validation, infantalisation of your partner and a gps location feed on him 24/7, is it any wonder there is an opposite and equal reaction to that? calling you a ball n chain etc.?


  • #375
    Cutie 3.14
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 610 ✭✭✭Cutie 3.14


    FTA69 wrote: »
    God you’re nearly as bad as some of the loons on this thread.

    I ain't wrong...


  • #376
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 12,694 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    What do you want a woman for anyway?

    Like most men you'll be delighted with yourself for a week or two and then go back to being sick of listening to her, staring at other women right in front of her face, never telling her she looks nice today, probably talking **** about her to the lads "the ole ball and chain" , treating her like she's your new Mammy in ways, lying about where you are etc..

    Why do ye bother atall!

    That is immaturity and possibley issues with their self-esteem someone has modeled that sort of behavior as the norm to them. The question is why stay with someone who clearly dose not like their partner nor themselves very much.

    It is not the norm in a good healthy relationship.


  • #377
    FTA69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,252 ✭✭✭FTA69


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    I ain't wrong...

    You are. There are indeed men who are lazy and have mammy syndrome when it comes to their partners but that caricature doesn’t define every man. I’m not like that, most of my mates aren’t like that.

    Sorry if you’ve had bad experiences in the past but going around the gaff with some chip on your shoulder glibly characterising people will do you no favours in life.


  • #378
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    I ain't wrong...

    You're totally wrong.

    I'm going to be crude but you'll get the message:

    You need a better filter.

    Men either see you as a temporary hole or a potential girlfriend.

    You need to filter out the hole seekers.

    This is the advice I have given my friends who are constantly used as holes:

    Make him wait at least two weeks. Meet him at least twice during those two weeks. If he isn't willing to wait until a third date, you are a hole.


  • #379
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,115 ✭✭✭✭cgcsb


    Noodleworm wrote: »
    There are some really messed up ideas in this thread that women just don't like sex, and therefore are using it as a transaction to manipulate men.

    Is this not generally true though? I know there are exceptions, but buy-n-large, this is the way it is and it is easily observable in almost every aspect of society.
    Noodleworm wrote: »
    And clearly this leads to men justifying their own deception of women. It's frankly disgusting.

    Why do you think men lie about being interested in commitment?
    Noodleworm wrote: »
    Anyone who thinks NO men want commitment, has never been in the position of being a woman trying to break up with a man.

    There's a difference between commitment and dependency, the later is a sort of institutionalisation or fear of the unknown.


  • #380
    Feisar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,947 ✭✭✭Feisar


    OP

    Sitting at home wishing things were different isn't going to help matters.

    Firstly get on Tinder, it's a passive method. You expend little to no energy using it, it's working for you as you sleep.

    Next is a little obvious, this weekend go somewhere there are women. This may seem obvious but it's really that simple.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • #381
    Feisar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,947 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    What do you want a woman for anyway?

    Like most men you'll be delighted with yourself for a week or two and then go back to being sick of listening to her, staring at other women right in front of her face, never telling her she looks nice today, probably talking **** about her to the lads "the ole ball and chain" , treating her like she's your new Mammy in ways, lying about where you are etc..

    Why do ye bother atall!

    Cutie Pie? More like caustic pie!

    First they came for the socialists...



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  • #382
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,115 ✭✭✭✭cgcsb


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    If he isn't willing to wait until a third date, you are a hole.

    Attitudes like that, by women, towards other women, are far more damaging to the cause of gender equality than anything a man can do. If it wasn't the nuns 60 years ago running slave labour camps, it's Aoife slut shaming her friend in the office in 2019, same attitude, different era.


  • #383
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    cgcsb wrote: »
    Attitudes like that, by women, towards other women, are far more damaging to the cause of gender equality than anything a man can do. If it wasn't the nuns 60 years ago running slave labour camps, it's Aoife slut shaming her friend in the office in 2019, same attitude, different era.

    I have no idea what you're talking about.

    Men use women for sex all the time.

    It's obviously not the women's fault.


  • #384
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,115 ✭✭✭✭cgcsb


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    I have no idea what you're talking about.

    Men use women for sex all the time.

    It's obviously not the women's fault.

    women who want sex straight away are 'holes'


  • #385
    Cutie 3.14
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 610 ✭✭✭Cutie 3.14


    FTA69 wrote: »
    You are. There are indeed men who are lazy and have mammy syndrome when it comes to their partners but that caricature doesn’t define every man. I’m not like that, most of my mates aren’t like that.

    Sorry if you’ve had bad experiences in the past but going around the gaff with some chip on your shoulder glibly characterising people will do you no favours in life.

    I didn't say all men are like that, just a lot.

    I don't mean all men have all of those characteristics I mentioned above, some might have one or two, or none or all of them.

    But they exist, it happens and I'm not wrong about that!


  • #386
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    Cutie 3.14 wrote: »
    I ain't wrong...

    Never seen anything more wrong. You had a bad experience (or 3).


  • #387
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    cgcsb wrote: »
    women who want sex straight away are 'holes'

    No they're not.

    But if women want to try to avoid being used as a hole, they need to make the man wait.

    If you know a better system, please tell me.


  • #388
    Cutie 3.14
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 610 ✭✭✭Cutie 3.14


    Feisar wrote: »
    Cutie Pie? More like caustic pie!

    Some men can't handle a bit of humble pie..


  • #389
    Feisar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,947 ✭✭✭Feisar


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    No they're not.

    But if women want to try to avoid being used as a hole, they need to make the man wait.

    If you know a better system, please tell me.

    It's a fairly flawed system as back in the day when waiting on A I'd be shagging B and C and possibly D.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • #390
    wyf437gn6btzue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 386 ✭✭wyf437gn6btzue


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    For me the breast doctor who loves big boobs was the creepiest.

    so if he had a preference for small tits it would be grand? or if he was more of an ass man it would be grand? or if he was gay it would be grand? Where exactly are you going with that?


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  • #391
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    OMM 0000 wrote: »
    No they're not.

    But if women want to try to avoid being used as a hole, they need to make the man wait.

    If you know a better system, please tell me.

    Ya know how they say if you catch your kid smoking, make them smoke the whole pack and they'll never want one again....

    Making a man wait sounds a bit uneven doesn't it. As if there is major inequality in the relationship. Both parties should be sure the other is not a twat and then go for it.


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