What next?

thepeachyone · 11-02-2019 12:34PM #1

Hi all,

Dating a guy I really like. I've known him for a while before getting together. 3 weeks in, I asked had he been checked recently for STI's and he said he had and was ok. So we started to become intimate but I noticed a growth on his testicle. I asked him had he had it checked, he hadn't noticed it before. So we stopped everything and agreed to get it checked. He got full sweep of tests done and doc said it's ok. . . But didn't say what it was? I'm hoping it's just a skin tag but without a name or diagnosis I'm weary of proceeding and not sure what to do. Any advice please?

baby and crumble · 11-02-2019 12:39PM

uhhh, he should be pushing to know exactly wtf is on his body. 'Being difficult' is no reason for a GP to not tell him something.

Muckka · 11-02-2019 12:46PM

Are you worried about your partner or yourself OP.?

woodchuck · 11-02-2019 12:48PM

Go to a different GP.

SusieBlue · 11-02-2019 01:14PM

Maybe he's embarrassed and doesn't want to tell you exactly what the diagnosis was?
You have only been seeing each other a short while, just 6 weeks.
I'm guessing he probably knows but doesn't want to tell you, because the GP thing sounds like an excuse.

He says he's been given the all clear, so it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask for proof that he's STI free.
But beyond that, I don't think you can demand to be privy to his medical diagnosis.
I'm guessing its either a cyst or maybe he's being investigated for testicular cancer, you'd never know.
He might not want to disclose to you and that is his prerogative.
But I don't think after just 6 weeks you can demand all the details.

Ask for proof that he's STI free and then let it go. If he wants you to know he'll tell you.

osarusan · 11-02-2019 02:19PM

The guy is crazy if he is not finding out exactly what it is (harmless or not) because his GP is difficult. Can't imagine why a GP would not provide the full info for their patient's peace of mind either.

Are you sure he actually went to the doctor and had the tests done?

sbsquarepants · 11-02-2019 02:22PM

Did you get yourself tested OP or just send him?

thepeachyone · 11-02-2019 03:24PM

It's not cancer. There are literally two things this could be, a wart or tag. I'd understand him keeping information from me at an early stage if it wasn't something that could potentially affect my health too but non disclosure of an STI would be serious if you are becoming intimate. If he does know what it is and hasn't told me because he is embarrassed, that is another issue. Then trust is a problem.

I got tested too, I told him but didn't show him text with all clear, maybe I should have?

I know he's been to GP as he had to get other procedure done but gets defensive about this when I ask him.

thepeachyone · 11-02-2019 03:26PM

I can understand if he's embarrassed but it's easier to be honest and build trust if a relationship is on the cards?

wiggle16 · 11-02-2019 03:30PM

That's an awkward one. Really depends on whether or not you believe him.

I find it hard to believe that the GP didn't tell him what it was. He cant tell him it's nothing to worry about if he doesn't know what it is. Not saying he's lying, it's just a bit strange that he would go to a GP and leave not knowing what this lump on his testicle is (of all places!) and then be reluctant to go back. Doesn't mean it's an STI, as SuzieBlue says it could be that he's embarrassed by whatever he was told it was.

If he doesn't want to go back, he can either call and ask to speak to his GP (who will have the diagnosis on record) or go to a new GP. STI or not, he shouldn't be leaving his GP knowing nothing more about it, for his own sake.

Either way, you're uncomfortable not knowing what it is or what caused it. If it were me, and he said he'd been checked previously and was STI free and then went to GP at my behest and still came back STI free, I'd take his word for it - but I'd still want to know what the lump actually is, for the sake of his own health. It would be a bit of a jump to think he's lying about having an STI after getting checked at your suggestion. That's a nasty thing to lie about.

In other words if he got tested I'd believe him that it's not an STI or something *you* can get, but he should have it investigated if he doesn't know what it is. Whether you want to get intimate again is up to you, but if it were me I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not putting you at risk if he was willing to get tested in the first place. That's just me of course.

Mr. Incognito · 11-02-2019 03:38PM

After 6 weeks you should not be pushing him to get his junk checked.

That's his own medical health that he is responsible for not you.

If you have concerns around STIs then arrange to get a test done and regular tests thereafter and I would suggest safe sex until the results are back.

thepeachyone · 11-02-2019 03:46PM

Wiggle, apologies for lack of clarity - it's on scrotum. Again, unlikely that it's sinister.

You've articulated my feelings on the whole thing better than I could. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt as he's the kindest guy I've ever met, he's been really good to me and I'd hate to let this come between us. But I couldn't go around with something down there and not know what it is!

I would second trying another GP but I'm not sure how to approach without seeming like I'm nagging him.

wiggle16 · 11-02-2019 04:23PM

thepeachyone wrote: »

But I couldn't go around with something down there and not know what it is! .

And that's absolutely fair enough, I wouldn't either!

I would just say it to him gently but honestly, that he needs to find out what it is for his own health, that it has been playing on your mind a bit and you'd want to know for sure if it was your body.

If he doesn't want to go back to GP, and is reluctant to go to another one, suggest that he calls the practise and ask to speak to the GP about his results, or for the GP to call him back. He should tell the GP he wasn't clear on what it was when he left the surgery and wants to know what it is, what it's called even (since that's the truth!).

Again I'd give him the benefit of the doubt STI-wise. It's fair to think that if he was willing to get checked then he's unlikely to lie about the results and put you at risk.

thepeachyone · 17-02-2019 01:13AM

.

I'm concerned about giving benefit of the doubt as only way to test for warts is visual examination and condoms don't prevent them being transmitted and they are incurable. I haven't said this to him.

thepeachyone · 20-02-2019 11:20PM

Issue resolved, is it possible to delete this thread please?

wiggle16 · 21-02-2019 12:15PM

Posts have been edited to remove any potential identifying information.Thread locked.

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