Age gap

lufties · 28-12-2018 10:52AM #1

Hi all. Just was looking for advice about a girl I met who is 14 years younger than me. I'm 37, she's 23. Anyhow, we had a great time together but she says she hates the age gap, and is 'a realist'.

Perhaps she is very concerned about the age gap, or sh'e looking for ways to let me down gently. Its hard to gauge, however I do feel that age shouldn't matter so much if 2 people want to be together. The cynic in me says she's keeping me in the background or is unsure of her feelings. Either way, I don't want to get hurt

wirelessdude01 · 28-12-2018 11:14AM

You've just met so if she is saying this already then move in and forget about her. My lady is 10 years younger than me and it was never an issue when we first met for her when she was 24/25.

Dalomanakora · 28-12-2018 11:15AM

If she's concerned about the age gap already, then it's time to leave it be, because it will become an issue in a relationship.

Generally I'd be of the opinion that age isn't a huge deal once both parties are consenting adults, but tbh that's a big age gap for someone of her age, given we don't fully develop emotionally as adults until our mid twenties.

Obviously there are plenty of age gap relationships that work wonderfully well, but if she's already concerned about it, best to nip it in the bud now before anyone gets hurt.

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:19AM

Dalomanakora wrote: »

If she's concerned about the age gap already, then it's time to leave it be, because it will become an issue in a relationship.

Generally I'd be of the opinion that age isn't a huge deal once both parties are consenting adults, but tbh that's a big age gap for someone of her age, given we don't fully develop emotionally as adults until our mid twenties.

Obviously there are plenty of age gap relationships that work wonderfully well, but if she's already concerned about it, best to nip it in the bud now before anyone gets hurt.

Yes I agree, not sure if she's testing me or being genuine. Oh well, no fool like a middle aged one

Dalomanakora · 28-12-2018 11:24AM

Say she IS testing you and is actually totally unconcerned about the age gap?

That'd just be proof that she's too immature for the age gap relationship because she's playing childish games.

TCM · 28-12-2018 11:24AM

lufties wrote:

Yes I agree, not sure if she's testing me or being genuine. Oh well, no fool like a middle aged one

If you're very wealthy she'll put up with you. Otherwise forget it.

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:25AM

Dalomanakora wrote: »

Say she IS testing you and is actually totally unconcerned about the age gap?

That'd just be proof that she's too immature for the age gap relationship because she's playing childish games.

Most women test a man regardless of age. But I agree, what difference does it make if she's testing or genuine. Its obviously an issue for her.

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:28AM

TCM wrote: »

If you're very wealthy she'll put up with you. Otherwise forget it.

Yes I'm also a realist.

Sephiroth_dude · 28-12-2018 11:33AM

Test you how ?

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:36AM

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

Test you how ?

Perhaps a test to how I feel about her, whether I'm willing to fight for her, whether I'm able to deal with her emotions.

Women do this often to filter the men from the boys.

Dial Hard · 28-12-2018 11:39AM

lufties wrote:

Women do this often to filter the men from the boys.

This is the second time you've said this and it's nonsense.

She is telling you as clearly as she possibly can that this is an issue for her. Stop trying to second-guess the woman and just listen to her. She doesn't want to be with you. End of.

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:42AM

Dial Hard wrote: »

This is the second time you've said this and it's nonsense.

She is telling you as clearly as she possibly can that this is an issue for her. Stop trying to second-guess the woman and just listen to her. She doesn't want to be with you. End of.

Haha your an expert are you? I'd suggest you do some reading on human psychology.

You sound triggered more than anything, my comments obviously offended you frail ego or your ego investments.

amcalester · 28-12-2018 11:44AM

lufties wrote: »

however I do feel that age shouldn't matter so much if 2 people want to be together.

You’re right it shouldn’t, but she doesn’t so it is.

wirelessdude01 · 28-12-2018 11:47AM

lufties wrote:

Women do this often to filter the men from the boys.

Absolute rubbish. I wonder who the younger of you is with this mindset.

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:49AM

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Absolute rubbish. I wonder who the younger of you is with this mindset.

I should've known coming on this website I'd get attacked by white knights and feminists for telling the truth.

Have a nice day, btw how do you delete threads. Jesus what a waste of time.

Dalomanakora · 28-12-2018 11:50AM

lufties wrote: »

Haha your an expert are you? I'd suggest you do some reading on human psychology.

You sound triggered more than anything, my comments obviously offended you frail ego or your ego investments.

Wow.

People are taking time from their day to give you advice, and asking you not to stereotype all of us women, and you respond with this tripe?

Perhaps the age gap will be no issue at all, she may be the more mature of the pair!

wirelessdude01 · 28-12-2018 11:53AM

The clear optics are that she has clearly demonstrated that the age gap is/could be/more than likely will be an issue for her. You have a decision to make as in walk away, take a chance that it will work out or take a chance that she will walk away and in your words 'hurt you'.

Now stop the antics of throwing the toys out of the pram because you ain't liking what some of us are telling you.

Sephiroth_dude · 28-12-2018 11:54AM

lufties wrote: »

Perhaps a test to how I feel about her, whether I'm willing to fight for her, whether I'm able to deal with her emotions.

Women do this often to filter the men from the boys.

Jaysus I wouldn't be bothered with this nonsense, sounds like she could be high maintenance.

skallywag · 28-12-2018 11:55AM

lufties wrote: »

I should've known coming on this website I'd get attacked by white knights and feminists for telling the truth.

Have a nice day, btw how do you delete threads. Jesus what a waste of time.

It might not be the age gap that's her real concern OP, what do you think?

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:55AM

Dalomanakora wrote: »

Wow.

People are taking time from their day to give you advice, and asking you not to stereotype all of us women, and you respond with this tripe?

Perhaps the age gap will be no issue at all, she may be the more mature of the pair!

No, I understand the begrudgers on this site are only glad to take you down a peg or 2, especially when a man has some good in his life.

I'm under no illusion about myself, but the people on this site are just hateful. Replies like 'she doesn't want to be with you' etc. As if they know the dynamic.

As it turns out she actually does want to be with me but is concerned about the age, which is natural. Either way, I will nip it in the bud.

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:57AM

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

Jaysus I wouldn't be bothered with this nonsense, sounds like she could be high maintenance.

You'd be incredibly naive to think women don't test men. It's evolutionary, they want the best mate to bear her kids.

wirelessdude01 · 28-12-2018 11:58AM

lufties wrote:

As it turns out she actually does want to be with me but is concerned about the age, which is natural. Either way, I will nip it in the bud.

Is she wants to be with you age wouldn't be a consideration. I gave my own example. She sounds like she isn't sure which leads to doubt which will lead to her 'hurting' you.

lufties · 28-12-2018 11:59AM

skallywag wrote: »

It might not be the age gap that's her real concern OP, what do you think?

Nice passive agression there, would I expect any less from the keyboard warriors on this site. No wonder Ireland has a suicide problem, this is how we treat each other.

skallywag · 28-12-2018 12:01PM

lufties wrote: »

Nice passive agression there, would I expect any less from the keyboard warriors on this site. No wonder Ireland has a suicide problem, this is how we treat each other.

Take a look at the way that you have reacted so far in this thread.

And you're now bringing suicide into it for some reason, which is just belittling to those who have do indeed have mental health issues.

lufties · 28-12-2018 12:02PM

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Is she wants to be with you age wouldn't be a consideration. I gave my own example. She sounds like she isn't sure which leads to doubt which will lead to her 'hurting' you.

I agree, but she never said she doesn't want to be with me. She actually is now 'shocked' and wants to talk later.

She's obviously not sure and I am not even sure myself.

wirelessdude01 · 28-12-2018 12:04PM

lufties wrote:

I agree, but she never said she doesn't want to be with me. She actually is now 'shocked' and wants to talk later.

Shocked at what?

lufties · 28-12-2018 12:05PM

skallywag wrote: »

Take a look at the way that you have reacted so far in this thread.

And you're now bringing suicide into it for some reason, which is just belittling to those who have do indeed have mental health issues.

Yes, I reacted perfectly fine imo. If you weren't anonymous, or if we were face to face would you have reacted with the same passive agression? This is actually one of the reasons I left Ireland, we treat our own like dirt with begrudgery and snide comments. If I was giving advice to a friend I wouldn't assume anything, my only concern would be for the well being of my friend.

If there was more love and compassion in Ireland then there would be less suicide.

wirelessdude01 · 28-12-2018 12:06PM

lufties wrote:

If there was more love and compassion in Ireland then there would be less suicide.

Ohh sweet Jesus, why are you bringing this into a topic of whether a 23yr old female will be with a 37 ye old male? Sweet mother....

lufties · 28-12-2018 12:12PM

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Ohh sweet Jesus, why are you bringing this into a topic of whether a 23yr old female will be with a 37 ye old male? Sweet mother....

Ah yes, more ridicule and passive agression. Its because I'm angry and frustrated at trolls like you gaslighting and generally being a cnut.

The reason I bring it up is because it is the ultimate effect of how people get constantly beaten down on a daily basis in society. I came on this site with an open mind but am now very pissed off. I guess I should 'man up' though.

Do me a favour, think before you act the cnut. Some people are going through a lot in life. But yes, I understand taking your fellow human down a peg with passive agression gives you the dopamine hit you need.

lufties · 28-12-2018 12:13PM

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Shocked at what?

Shocked that I'm ending it.

skallywag · 28-12-2018 12:18PM

lufties wrote: »

Ah yes, more ridicule and passive agression. Its because I'm angry and frustrated at trolls like you gaslighting and generally being a cnut.

The reason I bring it up is because it is the ultimate effect of how people get constantly beaten down on a daily basis in society. I came on this site with an open mind but am now very pissed off...

But you didn't, take a look ...

lufties wrote: »

I should've known coming on this website I'd get attacked by white knights and feminists for telling the truth.

I think you will find that most folk on this site tend to be compassionate and helpful, but when an OP such as yourself reacts in the way that you have, then nobody is going to go out of their way to offer you any type of advice.

Age gap

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