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Feeling quite good but not interested in a relationship & lowish libido.. anyone rela

  • 28-04-2018 01:53PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    How are you?

    Thanks for taking time to read my post.
    Quick background... I am in my early 40’s, based in Dublin. I have a job, am settled where I live, good friends & very close to my family...
    I have battled generalized anxiety and ocd for most of my life... I go through very rough patches, but manage it all with cbt therapy, medication, meditation ...
    Relationship wise... I have had a lot of short term relationships & longest up to 8-9 months.. then the girl wanted to progress & I felt huge pressure... my ocd and anxiety would hit the roof & essentially I wouldn’t develop strong feelings for them..
    the last relationship was with a girl who definitely wanted progress towards marriage & kids and I just could not handle the pressure and was relieved to break up...

    Emotionally I am going through quite a steady patch at the mo... sleeping well, feeling fit and getting on well with family and friends...

    Thing is I have a lowish libido ...the meds do affect it a little and no real interest in meeting or pulling a girl... I am okay with it..

    The other night I was out with a few mates and they were constantly trying to get me to chat up girls ... was funny initially but after a while annoying...

    I am not really drinking anymore and find when I drank a few pints I would just start chatting to women on a night out.. but no real urge when sober....


    Any of you relate to this ?

    Thank you


Comments

  • #2
    heretothere
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 635 ✭✭✭heretothere


    Can really say I relate personally. It sounds like most aspects of your life are going well which is great. With regards to finding a partner, do you actually want one? It's ok if you don't.
    It doesn't have to be a cut and dry as following the 'usual' path of a relationship. A woman I worked, in around her 40s, had been with here partner 5+ years at the time and they didn't live together it wouldn't have worked for either of them. I don't know how you go about finding someone like that! But there are women out there who have no desire to move in/ settle down.
    If you are in your early 40s I presume the age range you are interested in is around 35-45? A lot of women in the their mid/ late 30s are looking to settle down and to do it in a relatively short period of time compared to women in their 20s.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi .. thanks for thr reply.. yea i battle through life and work really hard to keep myself balanced and well.
    I have foind that relationships have been difficult & unsettled me a lot..
    Issues like commitment..moving in... Having kids... Marriage..
    Would just throw me way off & my ocd would run amuc...
    I have never avoided anything...

    It is just now I seem to have no urge to have a girlfriend.. probably after the stress of the last one..
    When I go through a steady patch I really wanna keep it going...

    The libido drop may be a combo of meds and age .. i am not sure!


  • #4
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Regarding low libido: you say your medication has affected it, but has your interest in sex always been relatively low? Is there any possibility that you might just be asexual or is your lack of interest down to just the medication?

    You seem really unfazed by your low libido, which I imagine most guys your age would be bothered about.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    thanks for the feedback.. yea the lack of a strong libido does worry me slightly.. but i have got my bloods checked and my overall health..touch wood... is good..

    I am definitely not asexual and have enjoyed sex over the years..
    But i think i use a lot of energy to battle ocd and generalised anxiety...then add on full time work and i also train/exercise quite a lot and that all nearly enough for me!

    the reason i started this thread was my mates annoying me the other night...goading me on to chat up some girls...


    I do think ...if i get an extended period of calm i might get back out there...but for now I am happy just living day to day and seeing what happens!


  • #6
    heretothere
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 635 ✭✭✭heretothere


    Tell you're friends they are supposed to be grown men and to back off! Did they know it was bothering you? I'm no saint I wind my friends up but the second they tell me they're not enjoying a banter I stop.
    Don't date again until you actually want to and not because you think you should. When you do just made it clear enough early on that kids and the transitional settling down is not for you.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies.. I appreciate it...
    Yea I will tell them next time for sure that it is annoying me..
    I think a couple of mates, think it would do me good to go on a date, hav a few flings etc..

    But I hav done that before and feel I need time to just rest, look after myself and do what I really want to do..when I am in a fog of anxiety and ocd I just keep my head above water... go for pints.. my inhibitions loosen and end up meeting girls in pubs and nite clubs...
    Since I stopped drinking I hav had a lot less scandal with ladies on nights out.. but I am okay with that..


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