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Emilee · 24-04-2018 10:15AM #1

Where do I even start,

I’m a single parent with two children (15) boy with (sn) and a (14) girl. I work part time to try provide the best I can for my children as I’ve no other support. My children tragically lost their dad in 2016. My daughter is in secondary college and is being bullied relentlessly and the school is only adding fuel to these bullies.

I see my daughter going to school everyday knowing she’s unhappy breaks my heart, I am in the process of changing schools this year. My son has no issues in school thank god! However his health issues are a different story, hospital appointments oncology appointments are never ending. Believe people when they say your health is your wealth never take it for granted.

I try my best to provide for my children but I can tell you it’s hard, getting things they need. Things they want is a different story, life can be so cruel I just wish life would give us all a break. Everything that has been thrown at us we’ve dealt with it. But it’s just never ending,

Xterminator · 24-04-2018 11:57AM

Hi Op

Take your child out of school today. do not return her to school until the situation is resolved. speak with her and let her know she is entitled to respect and that she is your priority.

Deal with the head teacher. make a diary of your dealing with the school and write a formal letter to the principal telling them what you want to happen, and what your issue with their response so far has been.

have a read here.

http://antibullyingireland.nfshost.com/steps-to-take

joeguevara · 25-04-2018 12:48AM

Take child out. Meet head teacher and ask to see Code of Behaviour. Listen to your child and ask her what is happening and what she wants to do. make sure she knows that you are behind her &#55357;&#56495; as sometimes children think that their parents will go along with adults of the school.

Make sure the Code of behavior is being implemented but sometimes the best thing is moving schools. Too many horror stories these days of the effects of bullying that no way can you ignore it. Kudos for you for realizing she is hurting and doing something about it.

Purple Mountain · 25-04-2018 01:01AM

There are supports out there for single parents.
Treoir is one off the top of my head.
Reach out.
I agree with the other posters. Take her out of there immediately and make a formal complaint to the Board of Management.

Musefan · 25-04-2018 01:07AM

Hey, this is a really tough time for you. Sounds like your little family have already jumped some of life’s huge hurdles like special needs, childhood cancer and bereavement. It sounds like you’re a strong bunch.

Do what you can to keep your daughter safe in terms of schooling, but I don’t know if I would agree with the poster who suggested withdrawing her. I think the danger here is it can make it that much harder to integrate into a new school if you’ve not been in a while. Until it’s sorted, it might be worth focusing on the things she enjoys about school, however tiny. Holidays are approaching too.

One thing that struck me was that you’re linked with an oncology department. Do they have any psychology/social work support available? I wonder would having some time to air it all out be helpful? You, your daughter and son can also access psychology services via primary care.

I hope things start to improve.

joeguevara · 25-04-2018 01:16AM

Musefan wrote: »

Hey, this is a really tough time for you. Sounds like your little family have already jumped some of life’s huge hurdles like special needs, childhood cancer and bereavement. It sounds like you’re a strong bunch.

Do what you can to keep your daughter safe in terms of schooling, but I don’t know if I would agree with the poster who suggested withdrawing her. I think the danger here is it can make it that much harder to integrate into a new school if you’ve not been in a while. Until it’s sorted, it might be worth focusing on the things she enjoys about school, however tiny. Holidays are approaching too.

One thing that struck me was that you’re linked with an oncology department. Do they have any psychology/social work support available? I wonder would having some time to air it all out be helpful? You, your daughter and son can also access psychology services via primary care.

I hope things start to improve.

To a degree you are right. But the OP did say that her daughter is so unhappy going to school every day. It might be a temporary solution to take her out until the issue is solved rather than making her continue when she is obviously hurting.

Maybe a week out and getting to the root of the problem might be the best thing. but you are right that unless the underlying issue is resolved then changing might have the same result.

Emilee · 25-04-2018 08:59AM

Purple Mountain wrote: »

There are supports out there for single parents.
Treoir is one off the top of my head.
Reach out.
I agree with the other posters. Take her out of there immediately and make a formal complaint to the Board of Management.

I’ve taken my daughter out last week for a few days, I also have a meeting with the school guidance teacher and my daughters year head tomorrow.

My daughter spoke with the guidance teacher and from what she’s told me is the teacher kept giving her situations to get out of in the event of bullying, now to me that’s not helping why should my daughter have to get out of these situations in the first place. Bullying should not be happening in the school.Period!

Maybe I’m wrong here??
my daughter sat on my bed this morning and cried her eyes out asking me why people are so mean? It just breaks my heart and some of the things that are said to her are just darne right cruel.
There’s only a few more weeks of the school year left, but I think my minds made up my children’s health safety and well being are top priority.

duffysfarm · 25-04-2018 02:01PM

Are you getting the widower s pension? Some people are not aware that they are due this after death of spouse.

Emilee · 25-04-2018 02:14PM

duffysfarm wrote: »

Are you getting the widower s pension? Some people are not aware that they are due this after death of spouse.

We weren’t married.

Ghekko · 25-04-2018 03:27PM

Have the school spoken to the bullies/their parents? I wouldn't hesitate to involve community Garda if the school weren't dealing with this crap.

Rubberchikken · 25-04-2018 03:37PM

Your daughter's mental health is a priority. The school has a duty of care to her and if you have the energy, you need to insist they do something about this bullying.
Yes its good for her to learn tips on how to deal with bullying but shes a child and needs adults to help and support her.
If it means removing hwr from.the school and getting her into a new school for the coming year, then good. Many kids do really well in a new environment away from the toxic behaviour that shes experiencing.

Emilee · 25-04-2018 07:41PM

Ghekko wrote: »

Have the school spoken to the bullies/their parents? I wouldn't hesitate to involve community Garda if the school weren't dealing with this crap.

Not that I’m aware of, I’ll find out at the meeting in the morning.

Emilee · 25-04-2018 07:45PM

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Your daughter's mental health is a priority. The school has a duty of care to her and if you have the energy, you need to insist they do something about this bullying.
Yes its good for her to learn tips on how to deal with bullying but shes a child and needs adults to help and support her.
If it means removing hwr from.the school and getting her into a new school for the coming year, then good. Many kids do really well in a new environment away from the toxic behaviour that shes experiencing.

The guidance teacher had told my daughter that she’s got a bad mindset with everything that’s being going on! Like really I’m fuming here, how dare she say that to my daughter with everything she’s been through. I only heard this today, my daughter is quite and doesn’t like any form of conflict.

Frazer600 · 25-04-2018 08:13PM

Hi OP,

I am really sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. I had a similar issue with my daughter a couple of years ago. The schools reaction was similar also. She was told that she was over sensitive, over reacting and giving the bullies what they were looking for by getting upset. I feel because the bullies were using sly and almost hidden tactics therefore little evidence apart from my daughter's word.
We stuck with it for two years!! Half way through her 6th year she just had enough and we moved her to a school some distance away. She blossomed and did her leaving cert coming out with a great result. It did take it's toll on her mental health and she attended counselling for about a year.
I suppose you know your daughter best but my advice would be move her now. Get her in a couple of weeks before the year ends and she will start next year a little familiar with the surrounds. Hind sight and all that, I should have moved my daughter sooner but I waited and waited expecting the school to sort it.
I wish you both the best x

Emilee · 25-04-2018 08:23PM

Frazer600 wrote: »

Hi OP,

I am really sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. I had a similar issue with my daughter a couple of years ago. The schools reaction was similar also. She was told that she was over sensitive, over reacting and giving the bullies what they were looking for by getting upset. I feel because the bullies were using sly and almost hidden tactics therefore little evidence apart from my daughter's word.
We stuck with it for two years!! Half way through her 6th year she just had enough and we moved her to a school some distance away. She blossomed and did her leaving cert coming out with a great result. It did take it's toll on her mental health and she attended counselling for about a year.
I suppose you know your daughter best but my advice would be move her now. Get her in a couple of weeks before the year ends and she will start next year a little familiar with the surrounds. Hind sight and all that, I should have moved my daughter sooner but I waited and waited expecting the school to sort it.
I wish you both the best x

Thank you, well after what I heard today I’ve had enough I’ve filled a new application to a new school quite a distance away from where we live.
I will still attend the meeting in the morning and voice my opinion.

There’s too many incidents in this school already some quite serious and I’ve had enough, so has my daughter.

The Bishop Basher · 25-04-2018 08:36PM

Just want to agree with so many of the previous posters..

Been there and it is gut wrenching to watch your child go to school to be bullied every day..

We couldn’t do it to her anymore.. every day was taking another chip out of her mental well-being and that had to come before everything else..

It was her final year but we have no regrets at all. Definitely made the right decision.

Please don’t let your child spend another second in that environment. It really is doing life long mental damage. You don’t have to go through that heartbreak every morning.. nor does she.. life is too short and time is too precious for that.

Best if luck with it all..

Purple Mountain · 25-04-2018 09:35PM

Would you have someone to take with you to the meeting as an emotional support and as a witness?
You deserve to have support there.
Really sorry this is happening to you and her.

Emilee · 25-04-2018 09:36PM

I’d like to thank everyone for your responses and advice, words of encouragement too. You’re all an amazing bunch thank you again!

Purple Mountain · 25-04-2018 09:40PM

Emilee wrote: »

I’d like to thank everyone for your responses and advice, words of encouragement too. You’re all an amazing bunch thank you again!

I can't abide by bullying especially the sneaky subtle ones.
I have your back as a fellow mother x

Emilee · 25-04-2018 10:16PM

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Would you have someone to take with you to the meeting as an emotional support and as a witness?
You deserve to have support there.
Really sorry this is happening to you and her.

I’ve my dad, but he’s 71 and not really up to today’s views on the schools system.

taylor3 · 25-04-2018 10:18PM

Oh God I truly feel for you. Shower your daughter with lots of hugs and encouragement and reassurance. Remind her that these bullies are just bad minded (bleeps), and deep down the issue is with them and not your daughter. I'll give you a brief rundown of my situation. My daughter is 12 and in 6th class. She is a very bright and well mannered child. Recently the girls in her class have become bulliesh towards her by means of exclusion. They all talk about her in a group and when she asks them why or what the problem is they just shrug their shoulders and deny deny deny.... Her heart is broke. Sometimes they fool her by pretending to be friendly and turn against her negatively. If they are sharing lunch or passing around a ball etc; they leave her out. I could go on and on. But I'm sure you get the message. I spoke to 3 different teachers and even though the girls were given a good talking to they just go back to their bad behaviour. So I went into the school yard one morning and stood among them and warned them to keep the hell away from her and that if they had a problem now is the time to speak up... needless to say they were like a bunch of kittens. So far since, they have backed off but I'm am keeping a watchful eye on it. BTW i told my daughters school that because of their incompetence in sorting this I will decide some days to keep my daughter at home just to give her a break. She cannot wait to leave and go into secondary. Sorry for the long post but I would love you to show your darling daughter this so she knows she is not alone.
Good Luck and I really wish you and your 2 kids well.. Please God in time all bad things pass.

Emilee · 25-04-2018 10:25PM

taylor3 wrote: »

Oh God I truly feel for you. Shower your daughter with lots of hugs and encouragement and reassurance. Remind her that these bullies are just bad minded (bleeps), and deep down the issue is with them and not your daughter. I'll give you a brief rundown of my situation. My daughter is 12 and in 6th class. She is a very bright and well mannered child. Recently the girls in her class have become bulliesh towards her by means of exclusion. They all talk about her in a group and when she asks them why or what the problem is they just shrug their shoulders and deny deny deny.... Her heart is broke. Sometimes they fool her by pretending to be friendly and turn against her negatively. If they are sharing lunch or passing around a ball etc; they leave her out. I could go on and on. But I'm sure you get the message. I spoke to 3 different teachers and even though the girls were given a good talking to they just go back to their bad behaviour. So I went into the school yard one morning and stood among them and warned them to keep the hell away from her and that if they had a problem now is the time to speak up... needless to say they were like a bunch of kittens. So far since, they have backed off but I'm am keeping a watchful eye on it. BTW i told my daughters school that because of their incompetence in sorting this I will decide some days to keep my daughter at home just to give her a break. She cannot wait to leave and go into secondary. Sorry for the long post but I would love you to show your darling daughter this so she knows she is not alone.
Good Luck and I really wish you and your 2 kids well.. Please God in time all bad things pass.

Hi T an thank you for your words of encouragement.

Oh hugs to you and your daughter also bullies can be so cruel, really makes you wonder what’s missing in their lives to do this to other people. Their parents probably have no clue their children are even doing it, I for one would be horrified to learn my child was a bully.

taylor3 · 25-04-2018 10:32PM

Emilee wrote: »

Hi T an thank you for your words of encouragement.

Oh hugs to you and your daughter also bullies can be so cruel, really makes you wonder what’s missing in their lives to do this to other people. Their parents probably have no clue their children are even doing it, I for one would be horrified to learn my child was a bully.

Yeah I fully agree. I'm sure if their parents knew they'd be shocked. Like you I would be disgusted if I thought my daughter was behaving like that towards another child. But a thought occurred to me recently and it's this : I think a lot of parents probably only care or get involved if it's their child that is being bullied but won't care less if THEY ARE the bully.

shesty · 26-04-2018 10:18AM

I remember secondary school at that age, it was hard, and I never experienced bullying directly.But it was bitchy and a lot of cliques formed.Never mind what your daughter has gone through in the last couple of years on top of it.Take her out of there.The school should have spoken to the parents of the bullies. And to be honest, I am appalled at the school's response.In this day and age, when there are so many resources available, and the problem is so high-profile, to respond like that is shocking.

Best of luck OP, here's hoping it's onwards and upwards for you all.

The Bishop Basher · 26-04-2018 11:01AM

taylor3 wrote: »

I spoke to 3 different teachers and even though the girls were given a good talking to they just go back to their bad behaviour. So I went into the school yard one morning and stood among them and warned them to keep the hell away from her and that if they had a problem now is the time to speak up... needless to say they were like a bunch of kittens. So far since, they have backed off but I'm am keeping a watchful eye on it.

I wanted to do this but my wife and daughter wouldn't let me

I'm a grown man and these were teenage girls so it clearly would have been inappropriate to be honest i didn't care at the time.

It's amazing how that protective instinct kicks in.

Anyway I just wanted to say well done for taking the bull by the horns and sticking up for your daughter like that.

She's lucky to have you.

The_Honeybadger · 26-04-2018 11:01AM

Get your daughter away from there ASAP. The schools attitude and response is shocking quite frankly. If it was me, I would document everything and report them to the DOE. They have failed utterly in their duty of care to your daughter.

taylor3 · 26-04-2018 11:45AM

Swanner wrote: »

I wanted to do this but my wife and daughter wouldn't let me

I'm a grown man and these were teenage girls so it clearly would have been inappropriate to be honest i didn't care at the time.

It's amazing how that protective instinct kicks in.

Anyway I just wanted to say well done for taking the bull by the horns and sticking up for your daughter like that.

She's lucky to have you.

Thank you. To be honest wild horses couldn't hold me back that day in the school yard. This has also affected me in that each day I was worrying about her while she was in school and at night couldn't sleep thinking about the following day to come. Unfortunately a lot of parents don't parent that's why kids are let away with so much.

Emilee · 26-04-2018 08:23PM

Well the meeting went ahead, I was supposed to be meeting with two teachers instead 4 of them attended. Including the principal, in which he couldn’t wait to get out of there!

They’ve said we’d like the opportunity to tackle this. Huh it’s like locking the stable door and the horse has gone. At the meeting my daughter got very upset then I started to get upset. Really my heart broke for her.

My daughter is still adamant on getting out of there, and with the principals attitude I honestly can’t blame her. Again it was mentioned about my daughter having an emotional side and being sensitive. I bit my tongue I really wanted to let rip, so it’s like they turn the tables on my daughter. Meeting honestly was a waste of time!

Bigmac1euro · 26-04-2018 08:33PM

Emilee wrote: »

Well the meeting went ahead, I was supposed to be meeting with two teachers instead 4 of them attended. Including the principal, in which he couldn’t wait to get out of there!

They’ve said we’d like the opportunity to tackle this. Huh it’s like locking the stable door and the horse has gone. At the meeting my daughter got very upset then I started to get upset. Really my heart broke for her.

My daughter is still adamant on getting out of there, and with the principals attitude I honestly can’t blame her. Again it was mentioned about my daughter having an emotional side and being sensitive. I bit my tongue I really wanted to let rip, so it’s like they turn the tables on my daughter. Meeting honestly was a waste of time!

Just read this now,
Get out of there. No time to take sh** from people.
My motto is if you want something done, do it yourself don’t wait on other people to sort it.
I’m a young man and have no experience of this but if I knew you and your daughter in person I’d gladly go into that school and dish out a bit of whoop a55.
Hope you and your daughter have a great future and she gets into a better school soon.

taylor3 · 26-04-2018 08:52PM

Christ Almighty what is wrong with people. Your daughter being sensitive bears absolutely no rhyme or reason in regards to the fact that she is being ill-treated by pupils in that school. No pupil has the right to verbally or physically abuse your daughter. There is right and wrong and your daughter is most definitely not in the wrong here. Why can't schools grow some Balls and defend the victim here?? What's so hard about putting these brats on a warning that if there is one more instance reported of their bullying they are at least suspended. Why is it the victim is ALWAYS the one that has to move schools. Fuming I am at this ridiculous attitude by the school.

The_Honeybadger · 26-04-2018 09:24PM

Principal and teachers probably fear the wrath of the bullies parents if they have to deal with it. Nobody wants to hear that their precious little swans aren’t model students. Much easier to just brush it off.

OP, like I said before, no way I would let this go, it’s absolutely disgusting and cowardly from the bullies and the school. A quick call to joe Duffy would put manners in them, at the very least send a written complaint to the Department, documenting every interaction you and your daughter have had with them and how the school have responded. Their response is just not good enough in this day and age.

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