No one is coming to my wedding?

SazSarsh · 11-03-2018 06:49PM #1

I am getting married in April and myself and my fiancee invited 260 people.
86 are coming. I feel devastated and so let down. I knew the 260 people were not great friends of ours but we invited them because we wanted a big wedding like everyone else, like our siblings and our friends. We have not got many friends and we are both quiet people but that should not be an issue. I feel like a wedding with 86 people will be an embarrassment and people will say "they haven't got many friends". I really do not know what to do! I feel so upset and let down, as does my fiancee.
We are getting married in a local church and our reception is in a local hotel. The most a person will have to travel is 15 minutes! We made it this way so people would have no excuse to come. We are getting married on a Saturday so people are more likely to be off.
What is going on? Are we not liked by many people? I know at least 150 people don't have plans for that day but still won't come

jon1981 · 11-03-2018 06:55PM

SazSarsh wrote: »

I am getting married in April and myself and my fiancee invited 260 people.
86 are coming. I feel devastated and so let down. I knew the 260 people were not great friends of ours but we invited them because we wanted a big wedding like everyone else, like our siblings and our friends. We have not got many friends and we are both quiet people but that should not be an issue. I feel like a wedding with 86 people will be an embarrassment and people will say "they haven't got many friends". I really do not know what to do! I feel so upset and let down, as does my fiancee.
We are getting married in a local church and our reception is in a local hotel. The most a person will have to travel is 15 minutes! We made it this way so people would have no excuse to come. We are getting married on a Saturday so people are more likely to be off.
What is going on? Are we not liked by many people? I know at least 150 people don't have plans for that day but still won't come

Sorry OP but that drop off rate is huge. Seriously how well do you know these? Did you invite everyone and anyone just to make up numbers?!

Separate question, Why have a big wedding surrounded by people you barely know? Perhaps these people also found it odd that you would invite them.

Despite the location, a wedding is an expensive day out for people. You have to see it from their perspective, why would they choose that expense if they are merely acquaintances?

LirW · 11-03-2018 06:59PM

Send me an invitation and I'll come!

On a more serious note, I really feel for you, I'm sorry this is causing such an upset.
May I ask what people you invited? People you just met occasionally?
I've been to a wedding with 80 people not too long ago and believe me that was still big. You don't have to be embarrassed and honestly I'd just make the best out of it. A wedding for a smaller party is is cheaper and you know that you get to celebrate with people that really value you and want to be there. A wedding doesn't have to be big to be amazing. The smaller the wedding the easier to actually manage it and the atmosphere is a lot more intimate.
You can't really force people to show up and of course you can ask people why but I don't really see a point in it.

Also could people spread rumours behind your back about you or your family?

Another thing coming to my mind is that I'd make sure that the hotel is aware of the size of the party since in some cases minimum numbers apply.

Anyway, all the best for your big day.

Owryan · 11-03-2018 06:59PM

Did you invite them to make up numbers?

Maybe they feel they don't know you enough or are close enough to you that they can justify the cost of attending.

Tbh most people will enjoy the wedding if the atmosphere is good not because of the numbers at it, imo.

Ajsoprano · 11-03-2018 07:00PM

It seems to me you don’t mind who is there as long as there is loads of people there.

Why not hire actors.

I’m a fairly popular friendly guy I doubt there would be 86 people at my wedding if I had one tomorrow.

Addle · 11-03-2018 07:02PM

People know when they've only been invited to make up numbers OP.
And it's fair enough that they don't appreciate being in that position.

It only matters that you and your OH are there on the day. Think of your marriage and not the party.

Michellenman · 11-03-2018 07:07PM

Did people actually decline or have they just not rsvp'd yet? Maybe they just need a nudge to reply.

scarepanda · 11-03-2018 07:09PM

Op, stop trying to keep up with the Jones (or whatever the saying is). Stop worrying about appearances, like having a big wedding because everyone around you seems to have one, or seem more popular just because they have such a big wedding.

I would hazard a guess that the 86 going are the people you actually want to go? People that are your nearest and dearest? If so, speak to the hotel and see if you can move the reception to a smaller room (this way your wedding won't get lost in a larger ballroom), let the band know (so they can prepare set list etc to accommodate a smaller number) and trust me you will have a brilliant day!

We had 80 at the full of our wedding, although it was by choice, and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. We tried really hard to only have our nearest and dearest share our special day with us, despite a lot of **** off family for not inviting X,y&z. We didn't give a fiddlers if anyone thought we didn't have any friends, weren't popular or judged us on our decision. We both knew all our guests really well, we were able to mingle with everyone and had time to spend with them (it's crazy how quickly the time passes by when your the bride and groom). We had a brilliant band who kept the floor full for the entire night. And on the day itself we had a blast.

Stheno · 11-03-2018 07:09PM

Last wedding i was at had 200 plus the one before 24

I much preferred the smaller one

11-03-2018 07:10PM

86 people are going to your wedding, yet nobody is going??????

I’d say the people who cancelled where very surprised to receive an invite in the first place

If you know they are not great friends, then they probably feel the same about you, and don’t want the huge financial strain of attending your wedding.

SazSarsh · 11-03-2018 07:10PM

May I ask what people you invited? People you just met occasionally?

To be honest the others we don't just briefly know, they are people I called very good friends as a teenager but lost contact with them and haven't spoken to some of them in 5 years in person but we would talk on social media.
We are lucky there is 86 because we both have a lot of aunts and uncles

Hitman3000 · 11-03-2018 07:11PM

Most enjoyable wedding I ever attended had 30 odd guests.

splinter65 · 11-03-2018 07:11PM

Oh OP I’m sorry.
2/3 of people don’t want to go to any weddings at all and only go because they don’t want to offend.
Just enjoy your day and look forward to your new life as a married couple.

Wheety · 11-03-2018 07:14PM

We had around 20 at ours. Registry office and then a restaurant. No hotel involved.

Why did you want such a big wedding if you haven't got enough friends who want to be there? I hope you didn't just invite anyone and everyone.

Stheno · 11-03-2018 07:14PM

SazSarsh wrote: »

To be honest the others we don't just briefly know, they are people I called very good friends as a teenager but lost contact with them and haven't spoken to some of them in 5 years in person but we would talk on social media.
We are lucky there is 86 because we both have a lot of aunts and uncles

There is not one person i was friendly with as a teenager whose wedding i would attend and when i got married in my twenties not one of the guests fit that crireria.

What age are you?

ballyargus · 11-03-2018 07:14PM

I'll go. Daily rate of 250

LirW · 11-03-2018 07:14PM

SazSarsh wrote: »

May I ask what people you invited? People you just met occasionally?

To be honest the others we don't just briefly know, they are people I called very good friends as a teenager but lost contact with them and haven't spoken to some of them in 5 years in person but we would talk on social media.
We are lucky there is 86 because we both have a lot of aunts and uncles

Honestly, if I'd lost contact with people over a decade ago and we would just have very occasional chats, I'd also turn an invitation down probably. I'd feel incredibly awkward at this wedding.

Personally the bigger the wedding, the more awkward, especially if you don't know bride and groom too well.

Honestly, enjoy the day with your close ones and the people that genuinely want to come. Attending a wedding isn't cheap.

Also outstanding RSVPs, just chase them, some people can't be helped.

SazSarsh · 11-03-2018 07:15PM

jon1981 wrote: »

Sorry OP but that drop off rate is huge. Seriously how well do you know these? Did you invite everyone and anyone just to make up numbers?!

Separate question, Why have a big wedding surrounded by people you barely know? Perhaps these people also found it odd that you would invite them.

Despite the location, a wedding is an expensive day out for people. You have to see it from their perspective, why would they choose that expense if they are merely acquaintances?

I know them well but haven't spoken to some of them face to face in about 5 years but have spoken to them on social media

spankysue · 11-03-2018 07:15PM

I had a lot of declined invites when I got married too OP and it turned out that it wasn't a case of people not liking us but we got married on the same date as the communions of a couple of big schools in our county. Maybe something similar is happening with you too? Try not to take it to heart, no matter how many people are there, as long as you and your SO are, that's all that really counts.

sightband · 11-03-2018 07:15PM

I’m in my late thirties so the last 10 years has been wedding after wedding, whilst most are enjoyable every time an invite arrived it was like getting a bill through the post, they would invariably cost us the guts of €500 per wedding. Over the last 3 years if we can get out of one we will, purely financial, nothing to do with the invitees. Don’t take it personally, if they aren’t close friends I’d imagine it has to do with the cost involved.

Also, you may want to think about the day you chose, is it a weekday? Ihave had friends deliberately choose a weekday to cut down on numbers.

_Brian · 11-03-2018 07:16PM

Have to be honest considering your attitude as in not caring too much about anything but having big numbers, I probably wouldn’t want to be at your wedding either.
Just have your wedding with the 80 people and get on with it.
Mute whole world doesn’t revolve around you - as you just realised.

eviltwin · 11-03-2018 07:20PM

I wouldn't go to a wedding of someone I don't know well, too much expense and hassle.

Tbh I can't understand why you are putting yourselves under that kind of financial commitment for people you are not close to. A wedding isn't a competitive sport. You will have a better time surrounded by people you know well even if it is only 80 odd.

Is 80 considered small anyway?

scarepanda · 11-03-2018 07:20PM

SazSarsh wrote:

I know them well but haven't spoken to some of them face to face in about 5 years but have spoken to them on social media

Even when I was on social media, I wouldn't have called anyone I hadn't spoken to in 5 years as a friend, even if I did comment on photos etc. They would be referred to as former good friends or acquaintances.

I think your issue is the fact that you seem to ask any and everyone you were remotely friends with, and to those people they probably look at your invitation as an economic one to pay for your wedding/honeymoon.

Addle · 11-03-2018 07:22PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I wouldn't go to a wedding of someone I don't know well, too much expense and hassle.

Tbh I can't understand why you are putting yourselves under that kind of financial commitment for people you are not close to. A wedding isn't a competitive sport. You will have a better time surrounded by people you know well even if it is only 80 odd.

Is 80 considered small anyway?

Or is it a case of inviting people to cover the costs of the day OP?

11-03-2018 07:23PM

SazSarsh wrote: »

.......... invited 260 people.
86 are coming. I feel devastated and so let down. I knew the 260 people were not great friends of ours but we invited them because we wanted a big wedding like everyone else...............................

You invited them to make up the numbers.
Many folk won't drop a weekend on a wedding when they know they aren't really friends with the people getting married. Your problem is you invited way too many non friends for whatever reason.

Spanish Eyes · 11-03-2018 07:23PM

Op it sounds quite shallow just to have a HUGE wedding whether you know guests well or not. Fill yer boots.

Sorry but you sound immature also. All optics. Get on with it. Enjoy the group that goes. But you sound like you are on a bit of a wind up here. Sorryyyyy.

endacl · 11-03-2018 07:25PM

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Most enjoyable wedding I ever attended had 30 odd guests.

All of them? Odd in what way?

scarepanda · 11-03-2018 07:27PM

Addle wrote:

Or is it a case of inviting people to cover the costs of the day OP?

Aka economic invite - the amount of people who advised us to increase our numbers for this reason was ridiculous. I don't understand why people don't plan a wedding they can afford without relying on any cash as presents....It's daft to me

CeilingFly · 11-03-2018 07:28PM

Sorry OP, but weddings are an expensive pain in the ass.

If you invited 260 people then you simply threw invites around as if they were confetti. Do you really have 260 close friends that want to be at your wedding? - Cos its really just people you are close to that want to go or "feel obliged" to go to a wedding.

If you carefully selected 120 people, you'd still be near the 86 mark. If you invited 500 people I doubt if you'd be at a much higher figure.

Obviously some people will have other things on, but most of those not going simply find that wedding are one of the most over bearing, boring expensive events you can get invited to.

CeilingFly · 11-03-2018 07:35PM

SazSarsh wrote: »

we invited them because we wanted a big wedding like everyone else, like our siblings and our friends.

A small part of my business involves supply of a product for weddings. It would be rare for any wedding to have over 200 guests even 150.

Certainly the last 2 years the average size is 60-100 and dropping.

Owryan · 11-03-2018 07:36PM

Sorry, but you haven't seen them in 5 years, tbh contact on social media just isn't the same. Not surprised they do not want to go.

It might be short notice but might there be work colleagues or extended family you could invite if you really want to have a big wedding.

No one is coming to my wedding?

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