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Problems with new BF and his ex

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Comments

  • #122
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,739 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    It feels like the worst time tbh. Everyone is so happy and full of Christmas joy. We had holidays planned for over the Christmas break that I was really looking forward to :( I feel so down about this. Sorry to be a bah humbug!
    Were ye planning to go away? Had bookings been made or was it just 'a plan'?

    I'm sorry to be harsh, but if he can't go out with you for an evening then I very much doubt that he'd be going anywhere with you overnight. He'd have cancelled at the last minute, ,again, and you'd be left alone, again, having turned down other offers to be with him, probably again.


  • #123
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    kylith wrote: »
    Were ye planning to go away? Had bookings been made or was it just 'a plan'?

    I'm sorry to be harsh, but if he can't go out with you for an evening then I very much doubt that he'd be going anywhere with you overnight. He'd have cancelled at the last minute, ,again, and you'd be left alone, again, having turned down other offers to be with him, probably again.

    We'd make bookings. In the sense that we had both booked annual leave and made a hotel reservation. :(


  • #124
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    In your heart and soul, do you really think he'd have been able to make it without some sort of complication? If you look at all of his past behaviour to date, it would suggest you've been told what he is.


  • #125
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


  • #126
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    OP this is an experience and, while it's easy for all of us to sit back and point out the clear warning signs (and you needed that too), you also needed to go through it while experiencing your doubts and hearing this. You'll be better for it and won't even entertain setups like this in future because you know where it goes. It's not much consolation now while you're still raw, but in time you'll come to be thankful for going through this and seeing it through on your own terms.


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  • #127
    okiss
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 699 ✭✭✭okiss


    You have done the right thing ending things with this man. You have given him plenty of chances to make a few changes but he has sat back and done nothing. He cancelled things with you again and you decided enough is enough. It not easy being last on some ones list always.
    In your case I would contact your friends and meet up with them for a chat. Make plans for over Xmas. If this man rings you to meet up I would just say it over between us and that you have plans.

    A few years ago one of my friends got involved with a man she had known for a long time. She wanted a proper relationship with him. He was blowing hot and cold with her. One day she asked him to meet her. She wanted to tell him a few things and give him a final chance to have a relationship with her. He sent her a text message that day saying he could not meet her with a very poor excuse.
    My friend decided then that she was not giving him anymore chances.

    About 6 months ago one of her friends saw this man out with his partner. Him and his partner did not look to happy. Along with this my friend has found out a few things about this man and let's just say she had a lucky escape not getting involved with him.

    It was not easy for my friend when he was messing her around but she moved on with her life. She went out, got involved in a few group s and made new friends. She is single at the moment but had a few relationship since him. She regarded what happened to her then as a period of her life that was not easy but she learned a lot from.

    It is time for you to move on and to look forward to the next few weeks and months. Learn from what happened with this man. I have seen plenty of woman walk away from childish/immature/lying men and going on to meet men who treat them with a bit of respect. You deserve better than being with someone who is not willing/able to put effort into a relationship with you.


  • #128
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    And as if like magic, he has just emailed me to cancel a night out we had planned this weekend because his ex has a night out planned that he forgot about.

    He asked if we can do another night.

    I said no. And I don't think he appreciates the finality of this particular No., but he will. There won't be another night. There won't be any other nights. I'm done.

    You have made the right decision OP. Even though he is "out" as being separated he is still very much a part of his ex's life. Don't be surprised if they get back together in the short or medium term future. They may claim to be separated but according to their actions they are very much married. The ex might be pretending to be ok with the situation but could be secretly biding her time until he has no choice to go back to her.

    You don't want to be mixed up in a situation like that.

    You are now free to make the most of the party season. Get out there as much as you can and enjoy yourself.


  • #129
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Thanks all, really appreciate the views. Mods can the thread be closed?


This discussion has been closed.
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