Really struggling

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 05:36PM #1

Hi folks

I posted about this last week. I was involved in an online relationship, long distance. He finished it last week. No contact whatsoever

. Am doing everything I can to get through it but am really struggling. I miss the contact and to make it worse, I know he's in Dublin this week.

I know I have no choice but to move on but I'm really struggling. Just need to vent, I guess

hal9550 · 16-11-2017 06:07PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Hi folks

I posted about this last week. I was involved in an online relationship, long distance. He finished it last week. No contact whatsoever . Am doing everything I can to get through it but am really struggling. I miss the contact and to make it worse, I know he's in Dublin this week.

I know I have no choice but to move on but I'm really struggling. Just need to vent, I guess

I can understand your disappointment, i have had similar experiences. Being single is sometimes a struggle, especially if one feels that they can genuinely offer someone a lot in a relationship. Unfortunately not every encounter online or in real life, evolves into what you and I are looking for, when we search for someone special with whom to have a relationship. It has recently happen to me and i felt similar to you.. i missed my interactions with the lady in question.

My advice would be two fold. Certainly you need to get over the disappointment, and should possibly spend time with friends. Best to interact with those around us when ever discouraged by online dating.

Secondly, once the disappointment passes, venture back out and see what you find. Your online interactions with the guy ended unsuccessfully but try not to be dissuaded!

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 06:18PM

Thanks Hal. It's good to vent here. He was a major part of my life for almost 2 years :rolleyes:

Sephiroth_dude · 16-11-2017 07:35PM

Keep yourself busy and be kind too yourself.

Ursus Horribilis · 16-11-2017 07:44PM

I'm going to hazard a guess here and suggest you're angry/hurt that he hasn't made contact with you this week? That there was a small part of you hoping against hope that he'd show up on your doorstep and the break-up could be forgotten about for a little while?

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 08:05PM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I'm going to hazard a guess here and suggest you're angry/hurt that he hasn't made contact with you this week? That there was a small part of you hoping against hope that he'd show up on your doorstep and the break-up could be forgotten about for a little while?

I was hoping he would make contact. I sent him something for his birthday. I had bought it already ! I was hoping he would at least message to say thank you but he hasn't :mad:

tomwaterford · 16-11-2017 08:23PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

I was hoping he would make contact. I sent him something for his birthday. I had bought it already ! I was hoping he would at least message to say thank you but he hasn't :mad:

Am I correct in reading this

This lad broke it off with you after 2ish years iirc long distance etc. ...a week or 2 before coming to ireland, to avoid doing it in person??

If I was you,I'd get outta dublin the weekend (if you can?),and do something to take your mind off it

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 08:35PM

I know tomwaterford . It's nuts. We were getting on so well and I blew up over something insignificant :mad:. He has cut me off completely. A cold message just saying it wasn't healthy for either of us and he was backing off. That's it, end of

Redser87 · 16-11-2017 08:44PM

tomwaterford wrote: »

If I was you,I'd get outta dublin the weekend (if you can?),and do something to take your mind off it

Excellent advice. Check out nice hotels for cancellations and treat yourself if you can. Or visit friends/ relations down the country.

Dr Crayfish · 16-11-2017 08:46PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

I know tomwaterford . It's nuts. We were getting on so well and I blew up over something insignificant :mad:. He has cut me off completely. A cold message just saying it wasn't healthy for either of us and he was backing off. That's it, end of

He's doing you a favour, seriously. He could come around, break up in person, give back or accept your gift, or whatever, but what good would that do? You'll be fine, you'll just have to accept he's gone and you will eventually.

tomwaterford · 16-11-2017 08:46PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

I know tomwaterford . It's nuts. We were getting on so well and I blew up over something insignificant :mad:. He has cut me off completely. A cold message just saying it wasn't healthy for either of us and he was backing off. That's it, end of

Sure it was never going to go anywhere....so guess he was looking for a reason to grasp the nettle of cutting yous off??

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 09:03PM

Thanks folks, ye are all talking sense and it does help to vent here. I really need to have a good like at myself and see why I allowed this "make believe" relationship to consume me :mad:

Ursus Horribilis · 16-11-2017 09:05PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

I know tomwaterford . It's nuts. We were getting on so well and I blew up over something insignificant :mad:. He has cut me off completely. A cold message just saying it wasn't healthy for either of us and he was backing off. That's it, end of

The break-up didn't happen in the best of circumstances. But, maybe just maybe he has a point? Because this relationship was essentially doomed from the start, it wasn't good for either of you? Perhaps both of you have missed out on potential new partners because you've been emotionally invested in this long-distance relationship? Neither of you was going to move so somebody had to pull the plug.

I get the impression that the stress of this relationship didn't help you? You got upset over him hanging up very quickly on Skype. The sort of thing that you'd not have batted an eyelid over if you felt secure in the relationship. Then the reason that caused the break-up - would you have been upset at him being in a photo with his old friend on Facebook if you weren't on edge?

It's possible that he's still ignoring you because he's afraid of what'll be unleashed if he makes contact. What's the point in rekindling this relationship? Really?

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 09:09PM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

The break-up didn't happen in the best of circumstances. But, maybe just maybe he has a point? Because this relationship was essentially doomed from the start, it wasn't good for either of you? Perhaps both of you have missed out on potential new partners because you've been emotionally invested in this long-distance relationship? Neither of you was going to move so somebody had to pull the plug.

I get the impression that the stress of this relationship didn't help you? You got upset over him hanging up very quickly on Skype. The sort of thing that you'd not have batted an eyelid over if you felt secure in the relationship. Then the reason that caused the break-up - would you have been upset at him being in a photo with his old friend on Facebook if you weren't on edge?

Yes. The relationship was causing me stress because I had fallen for him big time and was totally consumed by it, which wasn't healthy.

It is tough because we started out as friends, good friends then it became more intimate. I always assumed we would always remain friends, that's what's cutting me up

Ursus Horribilis · 16-11-2017 09:10PM

Let's be honest here. You don't want to be just his friend .

Purple Mountain · 16-11-2017 09:13PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Yes. The relationship was causing me stress because I had fallen for him big time and was totally consumed by it, which wasn't healthy.

It is tough because we started out as friends, good friends then it became more intimate. I always assumed we would always remain friends, that's what's cutting me up

Keep your pride and move on.
Easier said than done I know.
I know sending the present was done from a good place but he didn't acknowledge that so draw a line and move on.. you don't want to be the 'clingy ex'.

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 09:16PM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Let's be honest here. You don't want to be just his friend .

Haha, I know but deep down I always knew it couldn't be anything else

My thoughts are totally consumed by him and I know that isn't healthy

Ursus Horribilis · 16-11-2017 09:26PM

Give it time. Things might become a bit easier for you once you know he's on that plane back to Canada

MissShihTzu · 16-11-2017 09:26PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Haha, I know but deep down I always knew it couldn't be anything else

My thoughts are totally consumed by him and I know that isn't healthy

There you have it. You KNOW that this thinking is wrong and it is not healthy. You need to accept the relationship is over. Boyfriend is not coming back...

I'd be making plans to leave Dodge for the weekend. Organise something nice for yourself - a spa day, manicure and lunch with a friend. It's not going to end well if you try to engineer a meeting with him.

Colser · 16-11-2017 10:52PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Haha, I know but deep down I always knew it couldn't be anything else

My thoughts are totally consumed by him and I know that isn't healthy

You've got him on a pedestal...I've been there done that...try and step back and see it for what it is,don't attempt to contact him again he's sent a clear message by ignoring your present so if he was to contact you again you know it would be for the wrong reasons.It's over and any more contact is only prolonging the hurt.You'll have to go through the heartache unfortunately before you begin to feel better but keep your dignity or you'll feel worse if you get kicked back again,there are plenty other men out there but at the moment that's no consolation to you,you'll just have to get over him..it's a balls but it can be done..give it time.

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 11:08PM

Thanks again folks. I will not make further contact. Made the mistake of looking him up in Fb, whcjh I hadn't done since I was dumped

. That set me back further. The fact that he didn't even thank me for the gift, speaks volumes I guess.

cailin. · 16-11-2017 11:41PM

Edit: my apolgies just read the replies.

Either way, do not contact him seeking answers you don't need them. Try block him if you can.

You will get through this, you just need time.

MissShihTzu · 16-11-2017 11:42PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Thanks again folks. I will not make further contact. Made the mistake of looking him up in Fb, whcjh I hadn't done since I was dumped . That set me back further. The fact that he didn't even thank me for the gift, speaks volumes I guess.

NOW you're getting it! If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like one...Harsh but true.

Onwards and upwards. There is better out there for yoiu. New Year (nearly), new start!

runningbuddy · 16-11-2017 11:49PM

cailin. wrote: »

Was this the first time you had planned to meet in two years? Was there anything to indicate he may have had a wife/girlfriend? Seems a bit extreme of a reaction from him.

Either way, do not contact him seeking answers you don't need them. Try block him if you can.

You will get through this, you just need time.

Hi C, we met last January. He is only back in Ireland once a year. He def not in a relationship. I know that much. Maybe he is now, hence the break up

Sephiroth_dude · 17-11-2017 08:40AM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Thanks again folks. I will not make further contact. Made the mistake of looking him up in Fb, whcjh I hadn't done since I was dumped . That set me back further. The fact that he didn't even thank me for the gift, speaks volumes I guess.

Block this ungrateful knob on facebook,block him everywhere, don't give him the opportunity too contact you, you're well rid, he sounds like a tool, by the looks of things you didn't mean as much too him as he did too you, I hope it wasn't an expensive gift was it?

runningbuddy · 17-11-2017 10:27AM

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

Block this ungrateful knob on facebook,block him everywhere, don't give him the opportunity too contact you, you're well rid, he sounds like a tool, by the looks of things you didn't mean as much too him as he did too you, I hope it wasn't an expensive gift was it?

It wasn't expensive, thankfully but it was thoughtful.

runningbuddy · 17-11-2017 10:29AM

Through soul searching last night while I couldn't sleep :cool:, I r aliased I got sucked into an "online" world. Which was extremely daft.

runningbuddy · 20-11-2017 08:36PM

Just venting :(bit of a wobble today . I know I'll get there, just struggling a bit. I can't get my head around the fact that he has just dismissed me and our friendship completely

maybe it's a male trait ?? (No offence to all ye good ones out there )

Tiddlypeeps · 20-11-2017 10:01PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Just venting :(bit of a wobble today . I know I'll get there, just struggling a bit. I can't get my head around the fact that he has just dismissed me and our friendship completely maybe it's a male trait ?? (No offence to all ye good ones out there )

It's not a male thing, it's a "person who does the breaking up" thing. He has likely been considering this for a while. It's quite rare that break ups are just out of the blue so he's likely come to terms with the idea well before the act. Him going no contact just means he has made peace with it (or at least committed to the idea that it's over) something that will take you a bit longer because you haven't had as much time to let it settle in as he has.

With regards to the idea of the friendship continuing on after the relationship ends, thats a bad road to go down. Some people pull it off, but it's extremely rare and more often than not just ends in tears. Don't take him not wanting to continue the friendship as a slight against you as a person, it's likely he just knows it's not a good idea and wants a clean break.

runningbuddy · 20-11-2017 10:12PM

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

It's not a male thing, it's a "person who does the breaking up" thing. He has likely been considering this for a while. It's quite rare that break ups are just out of the blue so he's likely come to terms with the idea well before the act. Him going no contact just means he has made peace with it (or at least committed to the idea that it's over) something that will take you a bit longer because you haven't had as much time to let it settle in as he has.

With regards to the idea of the friendship continuing on after the relationship ends, thats a bad road to go down. Some people pull it off, but it's extremely rare and more often than not just ends in tears. Don't take him not wanting to continue the friendship as a slight against you as a person, it's likely he just knows it's not a good idea and wants a clean break.

Thanks tiddly, didn't mean to generalise with the man thing, am just feeling a bit **** today.

Ursus Horribilis · 20-11-2017 10:16PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Thanks tiddly, didn't mean to generalise with the man thing, am just feeling a bit **** today.

If he made contact with you, he'd set you right back. You admitted yourself that you'd got sucked into an online world. A peep out of this guy and your mind would go racing and fill in all the blanks.

Really struggling

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