Sex on a 1st date - opinions?

sporina · 27-10-2017 11:15pm #1

So, is it a no go for a potential relationship or is that old school - what say ye?

_Kaiser_ · 27-10-2017 11:18pm

It's all about how ye get on, how comfortable you are with each other, and what you want... it's different with every new person you meet.

Rather than worrying about a relationship at that stage, focus on getting to know each other and enjoying the company.

The best relationships I've had is where we got on so well that we just kinda realised at some point that "hey, we're a couple"

SterlingArcher · 27-10-2017 11:27pm

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

The best relationships I've had is where we got on so well that we just kinda realised at some point that "hey, we're a couple"

But what happened in the long term when she asked could she yous move out of your moms basement and then the Stockholm syndrome wore off.

AMKC · 27-10-2017 11:31pm

I think having sex on the first date is a no.

If you have sex on the first date then there is less reason for your date to come back if it goes bad. Maybe on the 3rd or 4th date but not on the first date.

Hammer89 · 27-10-2017 11:36pm

Not to be some sort of old-school prude, but I'd take it slowly if I was a woman. It has nothing to do with purity or adhering to some silly unwritten rule that you're a whore if you do put out on the first date; it's more the fact that I think you can fall for a complete wanker much harder and much faster (not a pun on either account) if the sex is good. And if it is, you'd probably overlook red flags on the next date, warnings that you might not have ignored had you not jumped into bed.

By the same token, if the sex is piss poor then you might not want to carry on, and could potentially miss out on a diamond of a bloke. And maybe his shortcomings (again, not a pun) in that department could be ironed out by knowing your body better over time, which obviously won't happen if you jog him on. I don't know. There's a bunch of pros and cons I guess, but if I was a woman, I'd wait. Sex is the most important unimportant thing in the world, but introducing it on the first date, I think, will do more harm than good.

Then again, who the **** knows

McMurphy · 27-10-2017 11:38pm

I was always fine and dandy with it.

LadyMacBeth_ · 28-10-2017 12:23am

If I was actually considering a relationship with someone then I'd wait until after a few dates at least, but if it was just a fling or a one off then I'd sleep with them, so it just depends really. I just reckon that if you're hoping for a relationship and you sleep with them right off the bat then you'll be more bothered by it if they don't call you back, but if you just want something no strings then you won't care if they don't call you back so nothing to lose if you do sleep with them right away.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 28-10-2017 12:34am

Nah I wouldn't on the first date. Have done a few ONS in the past but I'd have no interest in anything more than that with them. I'm worth the wait

Neyite · 28-10-2017 12:44am

sporina wrote: »

So, is it a no go for a potential relationship or is that old school - what say ye?

It worked out ok for us. 13 years and counting.

My view is that someone who genuinely feels that they aren't ready to have sex on a first date and goes at their own pace is fine.

Those who are doing it tactically, or following some bullsh!t rules of X amount of dates before they do Y or playing hard to get, doesn't work. It's fake.

super_furry · 28-10-2017 12:46am

Depends on the first date. Are you two people who have known each other for a while and are finally getting it together or are you two rando's who met at the bar at 2am? One is a lot more likely to turn into a relationship than the other.

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime · 28-10-2017 12:46am

As a bloke, if a woman was willing to do it on a first date, for me it would kill the mood.

I personally like there to be a chase to create more excitement and keep the mind wondering so that when it does happen after a while of trying that it's hard work paying off and it feels more exciting.

It also helps to have a good connection with the other person too to build up this

Tigger · 28-10-2017 12:52am

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

As a bloke, if a woman was willing to do it on a first date, for me it would kill the mood.

I personally like there to be a chase to create more excitement and keep the mind wondering so that when it does happen after a while of trying that it's hard work paying off and it feels more exciting.

It also helps to have a good connection with the other person too to build up this

back in the day inwas the opposite
meet have sex and them hang out is the most natural thing
loads of sex every day for a coulle of weeks is pure animal mating seasonnstuff
if once ye have that out of your system you can stand to look at each other then you know if theres a realationship potential

Burial. · 28-10-2017 12:53am

More often than not I wouldn't consider a second date unless something serious happened on the first date. There's too many options out there to be having to put in that much graft...can't be arsed dealing with princesses who expect you to 'work for it' as well. Sex is supposed to be pleasure, not some reward.

Tigger · 28-10-2017 12:55am

Burial. wrote: »

More often than not I wouldn't consider a second date unless something serious happened on the first date. There's too many options out there to be having to put in that much graft...can't be arsed dealing with princesses who expect you to 'work for it' as well. Sex is supposed to be pleasure, not some reward.

agreed
if a lady dont want it or thinks its a reward rather than a mutual benifit what the point

retro:electro · 28-10-2017 1:01am

It wouldn't be for me, mainly because it usually takes more than one date for me to build attraction to someone. But I can see why people do it so more power to them. Im attracted to getting to know people and the build up and rush of feelings, not just the physical act of sex.

eviltwin · 28-10-2017 3:57am

It would depend on the date. If I felt the connection and he or she was up for it then yeah, why not. I'm not going to judge someone for it or think less of them if they do.

eviltwin · 28-10-2017 3:59am

Burial. wrote: »

More often than not I wouldn't consider a second date unless something serious happened on the first date. There's too many options out there to be having to put in that much graft...can't be arsed dealing with princesses who expect you to 'work for it' as well. Sex is supposed to be pleasure, not some reward.

Define something serious. I wouldn't write a woman off if she doesn't sleep with you. There's a good few reasons why she might not none of which involves being a 'princess'

corner of hells · 28-10-2017 5:57am

Depends , if it's in the toilets of your local McDonald's , it's clearly good value and she's a keeper .
If you have to buy a skinfull of beer and can't remember anything the following morning, then you got to think is there a future in it.

Donald Trump · 28-10-2017 6:18am

Jaysus. Where are all these filthy ladies posting that they are up for a bit of lad on the first date when I'm fecking trying it on on a first date.

IvyTheTerrible · 28-10-2017 6:35am

Neyite wrote: »

It worked out ok for us. 13 years and counting.

My view is that someone who genuinely feels that they aren't ready to have sex on a first date and goes at their own pace is fine.

Those who are doing it tactically, or following some bullsh!t rules of X amount of dates before they do Y or playing hard to get, doesn't work. It's fake.

Same for us! 11 years together now and still going strong.
Totally agree with you.

seenitall · 28-10-2017 7:13am

No. On a first, second or third date, or any other situation in life, if I can't answer the question "would I trust him with my wallet right now while I pop to the loo?" in the affirmative, then I'm not going to trust him with my body.

It's about trust.

Grab All Association · 28-10-2017 7:24am

Now a woman who'll kiss on a very first date

Is usually a hussy

And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out

Is anything but fussy

But a woman who'll wait 'till the third time around

Head in the clouds, feet on the ground

She's the girl he's glad he's found

She's his Shipoopi

Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi

The girl who's hard to get

it's just been revoked

Jawgap · 28-10-2017 7:49am

Each to their own.......It wouldn't have put me off in the sense that I wouldn't regard the fact that we had sex in date #1 as a deal-breaker for a relationship. Why should it matter?

Mr.Plough · 28-10-2017 7:59am

In my experience the sex was always better when it happened later on, love that anticipation.

Saying that, if a woman wanted to ride on the first date I would support her decision.

retro:electro · 28-10-2017 2:09pm

Mr.Plough wrote: »

In my experience the sex was always better when it happened later on, love that anticipation.

Saying that, if a woman wanted to ride on the first date I would support her decision.

ah sure you're as good

Dr Crayfish · 28-10-2017 2:20pm

I kind of think it can blur the dating experience because as Hammer89 said, having sex from the off can make you ignore red flags and potential issues that may cause problems down the line, as you have that kind of physical chemistry keeping you together right from the off. It can work out for sure but it can also lead to disaster, so sure it's fine on the first night but just don't let it blind you to things that you may not like about a person because sooner or later you'll have to confront the reality.

harry Bailey esq · 28-10-2017 2:57pm

sporina wrote: »

So, is it a no go for a potential relationship or is that old school - what say ye?

Camels eat dates. Americans go on dates. We forget important dates. Irish people tend to screw first and work backwards from there until we get married.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 28-10-2017 3:15pm

I think my current relationship might be the only one I've had where I didn't have sex or, what would you call it, heavy petting on the first date.

Was trying to get the ride, he was having none of it, ended up falling in love by accident and now we live together. It was more romantic than that though.

Each to their own really. I'd agree with the poster earlier who said don't have sex if you don't want to, but don't hold off because of some bloody Rules or in an attempt to manipulate, gain a strategic advantage, things like that. I'd never really thought about good sex blinding you to other bad things but it's a very sensible point.

It is nice to see the death of that old double standard "she's definitely not good enough for me, she had sex on the first date! With me. I'm still relationship material though obviously"

28-10-2017 3:25pm

Personally, I'm of the mind that the best sex comes from passion/anticipation, and while you are attracted to another person on the first date, there isn't much actual passion. Hold off for a few dates, let that tension build, and then when you do have sex its something both people will want to repeat. Desire can easily be destroyed by rushing into something too quickly.

I've had plenty of casual sex in the past, but rarely was I that pushed for a repeat performance. Sure, the woman was attractive but it was just sex. I think it's better to determine an interest and a connection before having sex, and then it's something worth remembering later. TBH in terms of memory, most sex doesn't stay with you. It's the sex that has some sense of meaning that tends to be remembered.

Outlaw Pete · 28-10-2017 3:56pm

Can be good. Can be bad.

Last time I had sex with someone I'd only just met I awoke the following morning to her shaking my shoulder. When I looked at her she was glancing around the room and then she said: "Why am I naked? Did you take my clothes off?". I sat up and slowly said: "What?" Then she broke up laughing and said "Your face... hahaha". Been kinda reluctant ever since. Crazy bitch.

One time I brought this young lady home who was all over me in the taxi, kept whispering in my ear telling me the outrageous stuff she was going to do. Obscene stuff. Then when we got it she went into the toilet and I thought she had fallen asleep she was so long. Then all of sudden I heard the door slam and had left. When I went into the jacks she had puked and shat the place out of it. Almost phone the Guards to report her for vandalism.

Sometimes it has lead to relationships though and can't say the relationships that came from dates where there was no sex where any different than the ones that came after a night of debauchery. Nor is age a factor either in my experience of whether or not someone wants to have sex on the first night. It's runs the gamut.

Outlaw Pete · 28-10-2017 5:07pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I've had plenty of casual sex in the past, but rarely was I that pushed for a repeat performance.

I think most people would be the same and I think that's because the majority of sex on first date or a ONS tends to involve alcohol, hence most ONS stories being of the kind I just relayed. Not that I haven't hooked up with, or a had relationships with someone I had sex with on the first night, I have, and see from the thread some people have even gone on to get married.

Perhaps alcohol consumption is key to whether they lead to anything worthwhile or night.

Sex on a 1st date - opinions?

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