No motivation or drive. Depressed?

LegacyUser · 15-09-2017 11:01PM #1

Hi guys,

I've sought professional help for this issue, so it's not like I'm looking for internet advice, more if people have felt similar.

I'm 40 and have no motivation. No spark. It's like I do not care about anything. Nothing. I have no interest in really committing to anything, but think about doing lots of things, and dont' ever really get around to doing them.

How long have I been like this? All my life in some ways. In other ways, I've gone and followed through on things and felt great. But my 30s for sure, have been a bit of a write off.

It has seriously affected my relationship. It's possibly coming to an end, and all these things have been pointed out to me. I have no spark. No desire. No sex. No get up and go. No motivation to do stuff or go places. I don't care about my job, about Ireland, about my hobbies. It's like I'm drifting through life, and complaining about everything along the way, in turn, dragging people down with me.

The thing is, I don't feel depressed. I'm not necessarily sad, but I do realise that I moan a lot, especially when it's pointed out to me. I am in no way suicidal, nor have I ever felt that way, even though I've felt really low and down at times in my life.

But currently, while I don't feel sad, or depressed, or want to stay in bed and the likes, I have no desire, spark or motivation to do anything or follow stuff through.

I have been to see a pro, and even they are questioning my commitment to really trying to make myself a better person.

Anyone feel like this? I feel when it's pointed out to me, that I am wasting my life and unprepared to take risks.

zoobizoo · 17-09-2017 09:25AM

If you moan a lot then you're not happy.

..... Probably not happy with yourself.

I have and can be at times where you are.

Motivation though comes from action. It can be easier for those with more self belief.

I'm on holidays at the mo and each morning I look at the pool and think I want to go for a swim.

It's cold though when you first get in. I hate taking the plunge. It doesn't get any easier the following day knowing that once I get in, after that initial discomfort of a cool shock, that I'll enjoy myself.

The enjoyment i get from the swim, I would not be able to achieve without the small amount of pain of diving in and the initial shock is never as bad as I predict. Plus, I warm up in the sun when I get out.

So maybe take a small risk each day with the result being something rewarding for you.

Call an old friend, treat yourself to a nice meal, buy a ticket to the cinema and see what the results are like.

There is a book I'd recommend called The Feeling Good Handbook......

Also, what type of pro are you seeing? A CBT pro might think you're unmotivated to change but a counselling psychologist might be able to help you discover why.. Possible lack of self belief, shame etc

I remember reading that it's not motivation first, and then action.

It's action, then motivation then more action.

All the best

Airyfairy12 · 17-09-2017 10:45AM

Are you naturally a very negative person? your thoughts effect how you feel and what you do. Could you go for CBT to change your negative thinking patterns?

never_mind · 17-09-2017 02:02PM

Get to a GP first and dicuss your options.CBT can be great as a resource along with other tools for tackling this.

LegacyUser · 22-09-2017 12:19PM

When I say a "pro", I mean a therapist. I've had several sessions, and feel that they have been beneficial. I'm still falling into my old traps of negativity.

I guess I'm trying to find out why I am they way I am. I have weird hangups towards certain things, which aren't necessarily related to my negativity, but they'd all cross over if you get me.

Maybe CBT might be an option for me.

I often think that a change in environment/setting might be good for me, but I don't know.

I never have that feeling that I want to settle or commit to anything, almost as if I am thinking "When I sort out x, y and z, then I'll be able to commit to a, b, and c.". An eternal excuse I know...

I'll check out that book too. Everything helps. I'm also going to look for a new job!

nkav86 · 22-09-2017 09:10PM

mrapathy wrote:

I often think that a change in environment/setting might be good for me, but I don't know.

Forgive me for being negative, but without getting to the root of the issue you'll be just as dissatisfied, just in a new place.
I've found depression (if that's what this is, I'm not gonna diagnose) comes in many forms, this being one. Its not always constant crying, not showering, feeling suicidal, it can be just not taking care of yourself. Not giving yourself a chance to feel good because you just aren't bothered to.
In a way you can self harm by doing this, as in, you're allowing yourself to go to ruin by being so complacent.
I say this because its a way I felt when I was depressed, I went through many stages. If it is depression, or even if its not, I would say talk to a professional or a gp even a friend and try to get to why you don't feel the need to engage with your life.

No motivation or drive. Depressed?

Comments