Cremation of Parent

tig22 · 13-09-2017 07:26PM #1

hey all
i am curios to know if a parent where to pass away and requested a Burial , can you change the arrangements to cremation and if so how does one go about doing this??

also with cremation can you skip the church arrangements etc of a typical funeral

clairewithani · 13-09-2017 07:27PM

tig22 wrote: »

hey all
i am curios to know if a parent where to pass away and requested a Burial , can you change the arrangements to cremation and if so how does one go about doing this??

also with cremation can you skip the church arrangements etc of a typical funeral

Why would you go against wishes of deceased?

tig22 · 13-09-2017 07:28PM

this is a hypothetical question

Tilikum · 13-09-2017 07:30PM

How much would a cremation cost? I'm ****ed if I'm having my relatives tend to some grave.

Collie D · 13-09-2017 07:30PM

I'd imagine seeing as you're the one still breathing and settling the undertaker's bill you can do whatever you want but I'd also echo Claire's post

13-09-2017 07:33PM

tig22 wrote: »

hey all
i am curios to know if a parent where to pass away and requested a Burial , can you change the arrangements to cremation and if so how does one go about doing this??

also with cremation can you skip the church arrangements etc of a typical funeral

Will anyone complain? It can be challenged by injunction, there have been cases about burial arrangements...but rare and expensive. The funeral directors will do whatever the next of kin say, they won't see a will or assume the deceased wanted something else.

cnoc · 13-09-2017 07:33PM

Did the parent request a church service? Do they attend church regularly?

Gloomtastic! · 13-09-2017 07:35PM

With a crematorium (well the one near Dublinn Airport anyway) a religious ceremony is not necessary.

clairewithani · 13-09-2017 07:36PM

tig22 wrote: »

this is a hypothetical question

Why would you hypothetically go against the hypothetical wishes of a hypothetical deceased?

Tom Mann Centuria · 13-09-2017 07:38PM

tig22 wrote: »

hey all
i am curios to know if a parent where to pass away and requested a Burial , can you change the arrangements to cremation and if so how does one go about doing this??

also with cremation can you skip the church arrangements etc of a typical funeral

Changing someone's request I can't help with, one for your conscience?

Not sure what it's like in Ireland, in the UK you can get straight to crematorium and have service, religious or otherwise there. Or you can go to the church, have a service there, then brief service (like you'd have at a graveside) in the crematorium. Pretty brisk though for both (around 20 to 25 minutes in the crematorium as they're always extremely busy).

Spanish Eyes · 13-09-2017 07:40PM

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

With a crematorium (well the one near Dublinn Airport anyway) a religious ceremony is not necessary.

A religious service is not required in any crematorium AFAIK. In fact I don't think they have any religious icons or anything. I stand to be corrected on that one though.

Humanist and atheist services are conducted in them on a regular basis. Not everyone is church going and/or a believer.

spaceHopper · 13-09-2017 07:46PM

You aren't paying the bill it's settled by their estate. If they left a will then it's up to the excitutor to carry them out.

garbeth · 13-09-2017 07:50PM

Of course you CAN. It's whether you SHOULD is the matter. I had my mother cremated when she died. I had just moved her from her home in Cork closer to where I now live and did rot want to bring her back to Cork.

You get the ashes a few weeks later and you can do with them as you like. I have my mother scattered in my garden near some lillies, some of her is in her parents grave and some of her is in cork with my dad. You don't have to have a religious ceremony if you don't want. We did but when I go I don't want any.

I would do as the person living wants but yes you get to decide. After all their dead

whoopsadoodles · 13-09-2017 08:00PM

Tilikum wrote: »

How much would a cremation cost?.

How much does a box of matches cost these days?

Donald Trump · 13-09-2017 08:02PM

Tilikum wrote: »

How much would a cremation cost? I'm ****ed if I'm having my relatives tend to some grave.

I'll do it for 50 quid and a can of petrol

Victor · 13-09-2017 08:05PM

LordSutch wrote: »

NO you cannot.

As I understand it, once the remains are disposed of hygienically, it isn't a legal problem.

Just imagine your deeply held wishes on what to do with your bod 'being dismissed' after your demise!

Yes, one would hope one's wishes would be respected, but there is little one can do about it.

spaceHopper wrote: »

You aren't paying the bill it's settled by their estate.

What if there are no funds?

If they left a will then it's up to the excitutor to carry them out.

What if the will can't be found?

cml387 · 13-09-2017 08:06PM

I suppose you could go against their wishes but..

..it's after midnight. You are tossing and turning and can't get to sleep. Suddenly, you feel the room temperature fall. A strange light, not normal light but somehow just the absence of darkness, emanates from underneath the bedroom door.

Slowly, the door opens. Frozen in fear you cannot help but stare as a ghostly presence enters the room.

Horribly burned, but just recognisable by the clothes they used to wear, your father raises a charred arm and shrieks...

Well I wouldn't take the chance.

kylith · 13-09-2017 08:12PM

clairewithani wrote: »

Why would you hypothetically go against the hypothetical wishes of a hypothetical deceased?

Cos coffins and grave plots are bloody expensive.

osarusan · 13-09-2017 08:15PM

Whether you go against the wishes of the deceased is up to you and whoever else, but if you do...

The one in Cork is called the Island Crematorium, and is on a small island in Ringaskiddy that used to be an ammunition storage facility in a previous life. It's a very impressive place, oppressive too in a way. Suitably somber, certainly.

The ceremony lasted about 20 minutes. We requested a religious one, so there was a priest there, but it doesn't have to be religious. You can do pretty much whatever you like. I get the impression that the religious iconography can be taken off the walls/replaced with that of other religions as necessary. There is a selection of urns for you to choose from (with individual prices), and a few days or a week later, the ashes (in fact, ground bone) are delivered to your home.

Doylers · 13-09-2017 08:24PM

Sound for that OP, i'm sitting in class googling how cremation works now

Spanish Eyes · 13-09-2017 08:28PM

osarusan wrote: »

Whether you go against the wishes of the deceased is up to you and whoever else, but if you do...

The one in Cork is called the Island Crematorium, and is on a small island in Ringaskiddy that used to be an ammunition storage facility in a previous life. It's a very impressive place, oppressive too in a way. Suitably somber, certainly.

The ceremony lasted about 20 minutes. We requested a religious one, so there was a priest there, but it doesn't have to be religious. You can do pretty much whatever you like. I get the impression that the religious iconography can be taken off the walls/replaced with that of other religions as necessary. There is a selection of urns for you to choose from (with individual prices), and a few days or a week later, the ashes (in fact, ground bone) are delivered to your home.

My beloved sibling was cremated there. Such an absolutely beautiful setting.

Brings tears to me even now.

aujopimur · 13-09-2017 08:33PM

The one in Cork is impressive, pity it's in such a ****ty location.

muminpajamas · 13-09-2017 08:39PM

I've been to the island crematorium in Cork, it was quite peaceful and calm, with a short non-religious service. Would recommend it to others.

I have terminal cancer and in a way it upsets me quite a bit to think that my family wouldn't honour my wishes for my funeral but at the same time I wouldn't want them to suffer financially after I'm gone, or feel any distress because of my preferences. I have a funeral plan put together, I should probably discuss it with the executor of my will to avoid any problems in the future.

Spanish Eyes · 13-09-2017 08:44PM

muminpajamas wrote: »

I've been to the island crematorium in Cork, it was quite peaceful and calm, with a short non-religious service. Would recommend it to others.

I have terminal cancer and in a way it upsets me quite a bit to think that my family wouldn't honour my wishes for my funeral but at the same time I wouldn't want them to suffer financially after I'm gone, or feel any distress because of my preferences. I have a funeral plan put together, I should probably discuss it with the executor of my will to avoid any problems in the future.

So sorry to hear of your diagnosis. But you never know.

If you really trust your executor that should be OK.

My thoughts with you

LordSutch · 13-09-2017 08:57PM

When I depart this mortal coil it will be in the knowledge that my next of kin will dispose of my body as per my wishes, and not as they might decide (against my wishes), not that they would anyway. The very thought of going against the dead persons wishes seems very cold & callous.

Mrs OBumble · 13-09-2017 09:06PM

clairewithani wrote: »

Why would you go against wishes of deceased?

Abusive parents is the most obvious reason. There are various others. Budget, location, certain diseases / epidemics, for starters.

OP, fyi you don't need to have a church service before either a cremation or a graveyard burial. Some people may expect you do so for the latter, but it's not required, and it will become more normal not to as the proportion of atheists in the community rises. Also, as the number of priests declines, church services will become more difficult to book.

lazybones32 · 13-09-2017 10:18PM

tig22 wrote: »

hey all
i am curios to know if a parent where to pass away and requested a Burial , can you change the arrangements to cremation and if so how does one go about doing this??

also with cremation can you skip the church arrangements etc of a typical funeral

It is at the discretion of whoever is the next of kin or who is the executor of their estate. There is no legal obligation to honour their wishes. Their remains become your property/responsibility.

The undertaker would provide you with everything you desire, provided it is legal and reasonable to carry out.

pxdf9i5cmoavkz · 14-09-2017 10:54AM

Because we live in a semi-civilized society. I would imagine that the deceased Last will and testament will dictate their burial wishes. The executor is obligated to follow this to the letter.

If there is no Last will and testament and the burial wishes were requested orally, then sure, you can change it but enjoy living with the conscience of it and the repercussions if another party says "But mum wanted X and not Y".

Just stick to what the Parent has asked for out of respect. It's easier.

Capt'n Midnight · 15-09-2017 12:42AM

Victor wrote: »

As I understand it, once the remains are disposed of hygienically, it isn't a legal problem.

Brown bin then ?

Del2005 · 15-09-2017 12:49AM

cml387 wrote: »

I suppose you could go against their wishes but..

..it's after midnight. You are tossing and turning and can't get to sleep. Suddenly, you feel the room temperature fall. A strange light, not normal light but somehow just the absence of darkness, emanates from underneath the bedroom door.

Slowly, the door opens. Frozen in fear you cannot help but stare as a ghostly presence enters the room.

Horribly burned, but just recognisable by the clothes they used to wear, your father raises a charred arm and shrieks...

Well I wouldn't take the chance.

Google the symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning and you'll find your ghosts.

Lickin2me · 15-09-2017 12:57AM

If your looking to save money well its very sad. U owe your parents bringing u into world. Do as they wish. It will only bring a lot of what ifs etc if u dont. Unless u cant affford it or u are downright selfish money grabbing crazy sicko

Cremation of Parent

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