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Difficult Adapting To New Flatmate

  • 28-08-2017 08:59PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Just writing this not for advise but because I feel the need to unload.

    I'm 33. About 5 years ago, I was fairly lonely. I had to move to a new apartment and I ended up becoming very good friends with my new flatmate. It was really very lovely living with someone who genuinely cared for me and it was nice coming home to a friendly face in the evening.

    Anyway, a few months ago she made the difficult decision to move back home to France due to a fantastic career opportunity. It was very very tough coming to terms with the fact that I'd no longer be living with her. After a few tearful days, I sort of came to terms with it. I started organizing viewings for a new flatmate, and selected a person who I think is compatible with me.

    Everything seemed OK. My new flatmate moved in yesterday and it just feels so strange. I've gone from living with a great friend to living with a stranger. It just doesn't feel right having someone else living here. I've been crying so hard over the last few hours my face hurts. I know I'll get used to it but the pain is quite intense at the moment. I really really miss my old life with my old flatmate. I suppose you really don't know how much you miss something until it is gone.


Comments

  • #2
    eleventh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 436 ✭✭eleventh


    I see you wrote this a few days ago. I hope things have improved in the meantime.


  • #3
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    In a way, you're going through a break-up. You formed such a close bond with your flatmate, she became a sort of other half for you. Now she's gone and you're heartbroken. Reading between the lines here, I get the impression you're lonely and don't have many other friends. Perhaps this is a wake-up call for you to spread your wings and meet other people.

    You were lucky that you got to share your flat for so long with a nice person. The nature of apartment sharing is that it is transient. Nobody lives in shared accommodation forever. You might not ever have this long with another flatmate again. You might find yourself sharing with people who are nice but are more interested in their lives outside of the apartment. Perhaps you are expecting too much from a flatmate?

    I hope you can continue to stay in touch with your old flatmate now that she has gone back home. It's nice to have friends but please don't limit yourself to who's renting with you.


  • #4
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    eleventh wrote: »
    I see you wrote this a few days ago. How are things today?

    Mod: eleventh, asking the OP for updates is against the forum charter, for the reasons outlined within. Please read the charter before posting again in PI/RI.


  • #5
    eleventh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 436 ✭✭eleventh


    How could it be asking for updates when there was only the OP post in the thread?

    The OP said the flatmate had moved in the day before. A day is hardly long enough to know if it's working or not which was what I was getting at with my question - it was to clarify the issue.


  • #6
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    StrangeTimes08 wrote: »
    I've been crying so hard over the last few hours my face hurts. I know I'll get used to it but the pain is quite intense at the moment. I really really miss my old life with my old flatmate. I suppose you really don't know how much you miss something until it is gone.

    This isn't normal behaviour in the aftermath of a flatmate moving out. It's the kind of emotional response one might have following a break-up, which speaks of an unhealthy dependence and over-reliance on your previous flatmate. I think you should take this opportunity to address this and to try to change things so you can live a happier and more balanced life.

    Do you have any friends? Close family members that you speak to regularly? A partner or former partner? Hobbies? What does your social life look like and how can you begin to expand on that? It's wonderful that you could have a close friendship with your flatmate, but in flat-shares this isn't always the case and it shouldn't be a make-or-break on your social life or your levels of happiness. There's a whole world out there of wonderful people and relationships and friendships that you're missing out on.

    What can you do in the week ahead to expand on your social outlets and meet more people? Any friends you could meet for lunch or any fitness class you could attend, for example?


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