conflicted

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 10:55AM #1

I am looking for advice my girlfriend and I broke up over a year ago and I moved out of the house we shared, I own the house and pay all the mortgage on it my ex girlfriend was supposed to pay half the mortgage but I have not received any payment as of yet. I have recently found out that she has a new boyfriend. This has given me a wake up call that I am not moving on with my life and I really wish to do so and now feel that selling the house is the only way for me to move on the problem is that my ex has no money and her son is just starting college. I feel that I am a bad person to want to ask my ex to move out at such a time and I am really conflicted about doing this.

david75 · 27-08-2017 10:58AM

She's moved on. You shouldn't feel bad. The house is yours. Sell up and move on. She's a grown woman. She can take care of herself and you are in no way responsibile for her or her son. And you definitely shouldn't feel bad. Sell up and move on. Best of luck to you.

messy tessy · 27-08-2017 11:00AM

Why did you move out of a house you own And pay all the mortgage of? How long have you and your ex been together? I think you need some legal advice on this one.

Ursus Horribilis · 27-08-2017 11:03AM

I strongly advise you to get legal advice here because if you decide to sell the house, all hell is going to break loose. You definitely should sell the house because as things stand you're being taken for a mug. You're paying for your ex (I'm assuming her son is not your child) to live in free accommodation. Next thing you know, you'll be paying for her and her new bloke to live in your house.

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 11:05AM

messy tessy wrote: »

ciarantpower wrote: »

I am looking for advice my girlfriend and I broke up over a year ago and I moved out of the house we shared, I own the house and pay all the mortgage on it my ex girlfriend was supposed to pay half the mortgage but I have not received any payment as of yet. I have recently found out that she has a new boyfriend. This has given me a wake up call that I am not moving on with my life and I really wish to do so and now feel that selling the house is the only way for me to move on the problem is that my ex has no money and her son is just starting college. I feel that I am a bad person to want to ask my ex to move out at such a time and I am really conflicted about doing this.

Why did you move out of a house you own And pay all the mortgage of? How long have you and your ex been together? I think you need some legal advice on this one.

We just agreed that i would move out and she agreed to pay half the mortgage, so i was ok with that at the time, we were only living together for two years and had no children so legally she has no rights to the house under the current law.

khaldrogo · 27-08-2017 11:15AM

Are you actually saying that this woman has been living in a house 100% foc???

That's crazy

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 11:23AM

Thanks for all the replies and I have checked everything legally and it is 100% in my favour and I do realise that i am to soft hearted by half and that my ex is using me. But it is still very hard for me to kick them out without feeling callous.

Ursus Horribilis · 27-08-2017 11:28AM

You're going to have to be callous. It's only going to get more complicated and messy from here. You need to nip this in the bud before it gets worse. And it will get worse, believe me.

I know someone who split with her ex and left him in the house they'd bought together. Next thing there was a new girlfriend on the scene and then and then a baby. Both living in the house. By the time she finally went to a solicitor it had degenerated into a nasty mess and even trying to sell the house turned into a soap opera.

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 11:39AM

Th

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

You're going to have to be callous. It's only going to get more complicated and messy from here. You need to nip this in the bud before it gets worse. And it will get worse, believe me.

I know someone who split with her ex and left him in the house they'd bought together. Next thing there was a new girlfriend on the scene and then and then a baby. Both living in the house. By the time she finally went to a solicitor it had degenerated into a nasty mess and even trying to sell the house turned into a soap opera.

Thanks so much for your reply and i know i have to grow a pair as they say and honestly putting it down in black and white really makes me realise how soft i have been and do intend to sort this out as soon as possible, thanks again for your advise it has been really helpful !

Colser · 27-08-2017 11:41AM

You moved out of your own house and left your girlfriend of 2 years live there with her son while you paid the mortgage...that's unbelievable.

Why would anyone do that?

No being harsh here but this doesn't make any sense to me OP.I'd move back into the house immediately and tell her to move out.

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 11:43AM

Colser wrote: »

You moved out of your own house and left your girlfriend of 2 years live there with her son while you paid the mortgage...that's unbelievable.

Why would anyone do that?

No being harsh here but this doesn't make any sense to me OP.I'd move back into the house immediately and tell her to move out.

All I can say in my defence is that it made sense at the time ! and we did have an agreement that she would pay half the mortgage.

Ursus Horribilis · 27-08-2017 11:44AM

Was it written down though?

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 11:49AM

Ursus Horribilis;104503923Was it written down though?
No nothing in writing unfortunately, but i have checked out everything legally and she has no say or claim on the property, but i do know that it can be an issue to get her to move out, but i will have to cross that bridge when i come to it

Colser · 27-08-2017 11:52AM

ciarantpower wrote: »

All I can say in my defence is that it made sense at the time ! and we did have an agreement that she would pay half the mortgage.

Where did you move to ,are you paying rent and a mortgage?Have any of your friends or family spoken to you about the situation?
If this is true I feel really sorry for you tbh,how did she persuade you to move out of your own house?

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 11:58AM

Colser wrote: »

ciarantpower wrote: »

All I can say in my defence is that it made sense at the time ! and we did have an agreement that she would pay half the mortgage.

Where did you move to ,are you paying rent and a mortgage?Have any of your friends or family spoken to you about the situation?
If this is true I feel really sorry for you tbh,how did she persuade you to move out of your own house?

I actually own another house that i moved into so that was fine and have had great support from my family who do keep on to me to sell the house and find someone else, but it has just taken me all this time to come back to myself to be honest.

Colser · 27-08-2017 12:07PM

That's really tough,did you think that you would get back together?She doesn't sound great if she's willing to freeload off you but that's besides the point if you wanted to get back with her.You'll never get over her while she's still living in your house and I'm guessing it won't be easy to get her out unfortunately.

The sooner someone invents a cure for broken hearts the better..ðŸ˜good luck with it OP,just bite the bullet and stick with it,you need to get this sorted.

SimpleDimples · 27-08-2017 12:08PM

Hi OP, so are you looking for a new girlfriend? I'm single and sure if it doesn't work out I stand a fair chance of getting my rent paid for 2 years. I can't lose!!!

Quiet simply, are you mad? There is being a nice guy and being a soft touch but this really is a case of stupidity beyond belief. Get her out & stand up for yourself. I can guarantee she's laughing at you.

I'm sorry if you think I'm harsh but she's walking all over you..... with your permission. Nice people don't take advantage of someone like that - she has zero respect for you.

askU · 27-08-2017 12:10PM

Nice guys come last. No more Mr.nice guy. With legal backing - Kick them out! Kick them out as soon as possible. Chase them for back rent if that's possible.
Try to keep the house. You'll loose more money, time and stress buying another one.

Big Bag of Chips · 27-08-2017 12:23PM

Tell her you are moving into the house. It's yours. Her son starting college isn't your concern. And trust me, she's done alright for herself over the past 3 years. She won't go hungry. Sure, she already has the next lad lined up.

SimpleDimples · 27-08-2017 12:24PM

askU wrote: »

Nice guys come last. No more Mr.nice guy. With legal backing - Kick them out! Kick them out as soon as possible. Chase them for back rent if that's possible.
Try to keep the house. You'll loose more money, time and stress buying another one.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Nice guys don't always come last either. However, there is a huge difference a nice guy and a doormat.

Ursus Horribilis · 27-08-2017 12:30PM

I doubt she's thinking of you when she's having sexy times with the new bloke. In the bed you bought, I'm guessing. And I doubt you'll be taken into consideration if she decides to shack up with him. In your house.

fineso.mom · 27-08-2017 12:35PM

You've been given good advice here OP. I hope you get her out soon.
Far from being callous,you have given her a years free lodging. Shes had a very easy time of it. If you had wanted you could have moved back in and had a different woman in every week,parties every weeken etc, or better still you could have moved in a few lodgers to share the house with her.
It's YOUR house and she's not your problem.

Minderbinder · 27-08-2017 12:37PM

Why would you agree to let her pay half the mortgage rather than rent? Would that not make it more complicated if she had paid her share, if she pays her share in the future and if she has some proof of this agreement?

askU · 27-08-2017 12:47PM

1. Who's paying the bills?

2. What's the legal situation say for instance you get the electricity cut off?

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 01:32PM

To be honest I don't know what i was thinking at the time and not to make a sob story out of it, this was the first relationship I had been in after my wife had died so maybe i had to high expectations of the relationship, I was brought up to be a good person and to always do the right thing, but the previous posters are right i was turned into a doormat, thanks so much to everyone for there replies it has really helped me a lot !!

SimpleDimples · 27-08-2017 01:50PM

ciarantpower wrote: »

To be honest I don't know what i was thinking at the time and not to make a sob story out of it, this was the first relationship I had been in after my wife had died so maybe i had to high expectations of the relationship, I was brought up to be a good person and to always do the right thing, but the previous posters are right i was turned into a doormat, thanks so much to everyone for there replies it has really helped me a lot !!

Nice people do nice things and nasty people take advantage. Don't stop being a nice guy just don't let people take advantage of your decency. Best of luck- hope you get her out soon.

Dee01 · 27-08-2017 02:10PM

OP, what's done is done and you can't change it. This was a decision you were happy wth at the time and it worked for you. You can look back on the last few years and feel no guilt or remorse towards your treatment of your ex or her son.

You have been more than fair and given her plenty of time to get sorted. You need to reach out to her and let her know that you're selling the house and she'll need to move on within 4/6/8 weeks, whatever you think. If she refuses, let her know that you've sought legal advice and she has no claim to the house and you will take legal proceedings against her to have her removed if it comes to it, but you would really rather not go down that route. Leave it there. If it becomes legal, so be it and deal with it as it comes.

You are a really good, genuine person and I'm sorry you have been so hurt. Not every woman would take such advantage and I hope you can meet someone you deserve who will make you happy. Best of luck op.

ciarantpower · 27-08-2017 03:03PM

@ ; SimpleDimples and Dee01 thanks so much for the kind words it its much appreciated

david75 · 27-08-2017 03:15PM

Some harsh comments here in fairness. But not wrong. get out of there fella. Give a notice to quit legally. Don't call her yourself you'll get dragged into a guilt fest being hammered into your head. And a wrong one. Pay your solicitor to be to be the asshole and cut all ties. Evict and sell. You'll have to cut all ties and no drunk dialling.

I'm wondering has she told her current fella her situation? That you are her ex and you're paying for it all? I doubt He'd take that well and might leggit himself.

See? Drama.

Do all of this through your solicitor. Not yourself. Unless you want a mindfvck

The_Mask · 27-08-2017 03:21PM

Think of yourself this one time OP, not enough men do, you will never be able to move on from your ex if she is still a part of your life.

askU · 27-08-2017 07:31PM

Don't move too fast selling the house. Emotions are high now. Wait till the dust settles after she's gone for the house sale. You might regret it in the future from a financial point of view. . .

conflicted

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