I'm stuck, advice please?

diazaprob · 06-07-2017 05:16PM

Also, I don't want any advice on the legal consequences of buying on the black market. I'm well aware of all of this.

....... · 06-07-2017 05:23PM

This post has been deleted.

06-07-2017 05:30PM

Speaking as a recovering drug addict who has never used benzos, man, try to get off the tablets..They're an epidemic in this country at the minute, and they ruin people..consider counseling and NA meetings..the anxiety won't go away while you're taking them..good luck

Big Bag of Chips · 06-07-2017 05:36PM

OP, people are giving you advice, but because you don't want to hear what they are saying, you are dismissing it.

You are taking a very high dose of a very strong prescription medication without any medical supervision, advice or monitoring. THAT is the problem. Your job is just a side issue.

If a job is causing you that much stress that you are overdosing on medication not prescribed for you then you need to quit the job and fk what anyone else thinks! Seriously, Valium isn't designed to be a long term, continuous use drug. It's why GPS are only allowed prescribe 3 months at a time instead of the usual 6 for other drugs. You need to renew the prescription every 3 months and a GP is likely to question if/why you are still taking it.

First thing you need to learn is how to cope, with jobs that are stressful and with people who think you should be doing stuff you're not happy doing. Do you know that approximately nobody cares what job you do/don't do. They don't sit at home every evening jealous of you and your "great job (on paper)". People are too busy dealing with their own lives and stresses to be thinking that deeply on you!!

Get yourself to a GP, one visit. Get a referral to the community mental health team where you will be dealt with for free. Depending on where you are in the country there might be a waiting list. Or you might be lucky. GPs can fast track you through in some cases if they think it is necessary.

Nothing is worth this, especially not if you're only doing it because OTHER people think you should!

amtc · 06-07-2017 06:50PM

I took valium once for my back as a muscle relaxant...only a small dose...and went back to my doctor after five days. Can honestly say I never felt better...grass was greener...sun was brighter...flowers looked better. I explained all this to my doctor who promptly explained no way was he giving me any more!

I did work with a guy who bought valium otc in spain...had a big coke habit and used them to come down.

Try and deal with underlying issue

njs030 · 06-07-2017 07:39PM

Op you need to see a doctor before you do anything else.
Withdrawal symptoms from Valium can be life threatening and with the amount you are taking you are definitely addicted.

This isn't a judgement, just go to your doctor and they will help you to come off it.

blairbear · 06-07-2017 07:44PM

OP, I just want to echo the posters who have been alarmed at the size of the benzodiazepine dose. 30mg is very, very significant. And of course they're not prescribed; no doctor would prescribe such a massive dose on an out patient basis for somebody with work-related anxiety. As a doctor myself, I really only see patients in acute alcohol withdrawal, or to treat those who have taken massive amounts of stimulants, on bigger doses, (In-patients, of course), although I know many addicts take countless amounts of "D10s" daily.

You are not in danger of becoming addicted; you are addicted. I bet there are a few days where you take 40mg too, but you haven't really faced up to that. Maybe 50mg? It was only that one time, so it doesn't count, right?

You're going to ruin your career, OP. You can't keep going into work buzzed, and getting progressively MORE buzzed over the course of the day, without anyone noticing. They probably have noticed already.

You need addiction counselling and treatment. Please, please go to your GP. Nobody will judge you or be angry. They will just try to help, but you need to be on board with helping yourself too.

Writing your post was a good, small, first step.

suicide_circus · 06-07-2017 10:15PM

Sounds to me like you've aquired a pretty serious benzo addiction. Time for rehab.

diazaprob · 06-07-2017 10:21PM

As much as I'd like to go to a GP, I have questions about that process. How receptive to drug problems are doctors? I don't want to be treated as another junkie etc. I appreciate everyone's posts and I do agree with a large extent of them. I know I have a problem. That's why I posted, that's why I'm here.

diazaprob · 06-07-2017 10:23PM

notjustsweet wrote:

Op you need to see a doctor before you do anything else. Withdrawal symptoms from Valium can be life threatening and with the amount you are taking you are definitely addicted.

I think I have a different view of what addiction means. To me, addiction is needing a drug every day and getting cravings etc. Am I wrong? I'm not disputing the fact that I may be addicted but I'm taking it as it's convenient and helps my work. If this is also addiction, then yes I'm addicted.

diazaprob · 06-07-2017 10:27PM

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

OP, people are giving you advice, but because you don't want to hear what they are saying, you are dismissing it.

I'm not dismissing advice, don't worry it's hitting home, even if I'm not showing it. And I am grateful

blairbear · 06-07-2017 10:38PM

diazaprob wrote: »

I think I have a different view of what addiction means. To me, addiction is needing a drug every day and getting cravings etc. Am I wrong? I'm not disputing the fact that I may be addicted but I'm taking it as it's convenient and helps my work. If this is also addiction, then yes I'm addicted.

Ah here, OP, come on!! Alcohol is convenient; I can buy it across the road from my workplace! And maybe a glass of wine or two would help me on a tough day at work... Would that make it okay?? Does that make it normal?! No. Not even a little bit. Heroin is convenient enough too. I could easily go buy a bag of gear if the mood took me. Again, convenience and availability doesn't make it okay. You can buy solpadeine over the counter but the codeine in it is an opiate and very very addictive. Some addicts in hospital are literally there with only that; a codeine addiction.

GPs see a huge number of patients with substance abuse issues. If you want to ensure an open-minded, forward thinking GP, go to a young practice in town or city centre. GPs do specific psychiatry training in hospitals and are well versed in substance abuse.

And OP, you are not superior to or better than the other "junkies". You may have a more easily concealed drug of choice, but that's where the differences end. You don't want a doctor to judge you but you're judging similar people yourself.

06-07-2017 10:40PM

http://www.na-ireland.org

njs030 · 06-07-2017 10:49PM

diazaprob wrote: »

I think I have a different view of what addiction means. To me, addiction is needing a drug every day and getting cravings etc. Am I wrong? I'm not disputing the fact that I may be addicted but I'm taking it as it's convenient and helps my work. If this is also addiction, then yes I'm addicted.

You seem to need it to get through work don't you? So you have an addiction.
I think some people see addicts as different to the rest of us but they aren't really - Ant from Ant and Dec is currently in rehab recovering from a painkiller addiction, it can happen to anyone when we rely on medication as a crutch and especially when we don't do so under proper medical supervision.

Please listen to the doctor who posted above and go for help, doctors will help you and won't judge you so don't worry. You will get better and will be able to make decisions about work and your future with a clear head.

Big Bag of Chips · 06-07-2017 11:21PM

You definitely have a drug dependency. You depend on a huge amount of a prescribed drug just to be able to get through your day in work. A job that's not even that stressful, just that you don't like. That's not normal.

And if that's what you have to do to be able to simply face the working day, then you need to quit your job. Although if you do quit the job and find you still are reaching for the Valium, then you'll have to look closer at why you are so dependent on it.

Doctors have seen and heard an awful lot worse than anything you can say to them. You have to go to your doctor, and you have to be completely truthful. Otherwise it's just a waste of everyone's time.

diazaprob · 06-07-2017 11:33PM

blairbear wrote:

And OP, you are not superior to or better than the other "junkies". You may have a more easily concealed drug of choice, but that's where the differences end. You don't want a doctor to judge you but you're judging similar people yourself.

I'm sorry but I'm taking everyone's advice here but don't compare me to a dole stealing junkie. I pay my taxes the same as everyone. This is part of Ireland's drug problem, everyone who has a problem is labelled a junkie. Maybe I am being judgemental, apologies to anyone offended by me believing I'm above a social welfare junkie.

diazaprob · 06-07-2017 11:36PM

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

And if that's what you have to do to be able to simply face the working day, then you need to quit your job. Although if you do quit the job and find you still are reaching for the Valium, then you'll have to look closer at why you are so dependent on it.

Yeah I'm gonna go in next week with a different attitude, a different perspective after everyone's helpful comments here, and see how I get on.

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

Doctors have seen and heard an awful lot worse than anything you can say to them. You have to go to your doctor, and you have to be completely truthful. Otherwise it's just a waste of everyone's time.

Yeah that'd be my only concern, that a doctor might have no empathy. I will do this. Doctor will be visited. Thank you BBoC you've been especially helpful.

diazaprob · 06-07-2017 11:47PM

blairbear wrote:

And OP, you are not superior to or better than the other "junkies". You may have a more easily concealed drug of choice, but that's where the differences end. You don't want a doctor to judge you but you're judging similar people yourself.

I'm probably concentrating on the negative comment too much but I'm offended. You know your son or daughter that gets their college grant? Yeah I pay my tax towards that. Your medical card? Yeah I'm contributing to that too. Your sick sibling who needs illness benefit? I pay into that fund too. So please don't put me in the same bracket as a waster junkie, yeah I might have a benzo problem and a big problem as ye guys have told me, but I'm also totally a step above social welfare wasting junkies.

juneg · 06-07-2017 11:54PM

Could you talk to your parents about your difficulties? It might help you if the problem was shared.

Stroke Politics · 06-07-2017 11:58PM

OP, did you need Valium at any stage in your adult life before taking the current job?

Having worked in 3 different call centres in my late 20s early 30s, my experience was that it was very bad for mental health. The constant queue of calls, the relentless monitoring by team leaders, the targets. We can't all "make every call your best call", or have the customer "hear the smile in your voice ".

In the centres I was working in, I would say 40% of colleagues were on Prozac or self medicating with alcohol to get through the week. The staff turnover was huge because of the constant stress involved with talking to 100 strangers, some very irate, each day.

Take a break, talk to your family. No job is worth the effect on your life....

njs030 · 07-07-2017 12:09AM

diazaprob wrote: »

I'm probably concentrating on the negative comment too much but I'm offended. You know your son or daughter that gets their college grant? Yeah I pay my tax towards that. Your medical card? Yeah I'm contributing to that too. Your sick sibling who needs illness benefit? I pay into that fund too. So please don't put me in the same bracket as a waster junkie, yeah I might have a benzo problem and a big problem as ye guys have told me, but I'm also totally a step above social welfare wasting junkies.

Did anyone mention social welfare waster (which is a horrible derogatory statement btw) junkies besides you?
I don't think they did.

You know the drug dealer you get your drugs from? Do you think they are a great member of society? You also fund their lifestyle but that doesn't bother you too much.

diazaprob · 07-07-2017 12:10AM

Stroke Politics wrote:

OP, did you need Valium at any stage in your adult life before taking the current job?

Never

diazaprob · 07-07-2017 12:11AM

notjustsweet wrote:

Did anyone mention social welfare waster junkies besides you? I don't think they did.

We all know what a junkie refers to

Airyfairy12 · 07-07-2017 12:11AM

diazaprob wrote: »

I'm probably concentrating on the negative comment too much but I'm offended. You know your son or daughter that gets their college grant? Yeah I pay my tax towards that. Your medical card? Yeah I'm contributing to that too. Your sick sibling who needs illness benefit? I pay into that fund too. So please don't put me in the same bracket as a waster junkie, yeah I might have a benzo problem and a big problem as ye guys have told me, but I'm also totally a step above social welfare wasting junkies.

Just because its Valium and youre not lying in a gutter with a dirty needle sticking out of your arm doesnt make it any less of an addiction. it might feel less sleazy than necking a bottle of vodka or taking cocaine but its an addiction nonetheless.

diazaprob · 07-07-2017 12:12AM

Stroke Politics wrote:

Take a break, talk to your family. No job is worth the effect on your life....

Talking to family is not an option but I may open up to a close friend, I understand

Ave Sodalis · 07-07-2017 12:24AM

diazaprob wrote:

I'm probably concentrating on the negative comment too much but I'm offended. You know your son or daughter that gets their college grant? Yeah I pay my tax towards that. Your medical card? Yeah I'm contributing to that too. Your sick sibling who needs illness benefit? I pay into that fund too. So please don't put me in the same bracket as a waster junkie, yeah I might have a benzo problem and a big problem as ye guys have told me, but I'm also totally a step above social welfare wasting junkies.

What a rotten attitude OP. You've basically put anyone on social welfare into the category you've just been offended by. You pay your taxes, just like most others. Just because someone is on welfare doesn't mean that a) they've never paid taxes or b) they're a junkie.

I've recently quit a horrid job and I'm struggling to find a new one that suits as I'm also studying a postgrad part time. That means I'll soon be on welfare with a medical card, and guess what? I also got a grant for my undergraduate. I have anxiety. I have a crippling fear of failure and awful self esteem issues. Sometimes I nearly get physically ill because of it, other times I struggle to even leave the house for fear of messing something up. Something small can mess with my head for months. And yet, I haven't gotten myself addicted to self medicated drugs to cope with it... but you feel that it's worth sneering about someone like me.

There's plenty of working people who are addicted to drugs. A lot of them are in high profile, well paid jobs. A junkie is someone who is addicted to a drug, whether you are on a six figure salary or are barely getting by each week.

The addiction problem, you already know needs to be tackled with your doctor. The job issue, based on the above quote, seems to be a high horse problem.

diazaprob · 07-07-2017 12:55AM

sup_dude wrote:

I've recently quit a horrid job and I'm struggling to find a new one that suits as I'm also studying a postgrad part time. That means I'll soon be on welfare with a medical card, and guess what? I also got a grant for my undergraduate. I have anxiety. I have a crippling fear of failure and awful self esteem issues. Sometimes I nearly get physically ill because of it, other times I struggle to even leave the house for fear of messing something up. Something small can mess with my head for months. And yet, I haven't gotten myself addicted to self medicated drugs to cope with it... but you feel that it's worth sneering about someone like me.

And btw I don't mean anyone on social welfafe, I meant drug addicts funding their addictions with social welfare, I thought that would have been obvious from the context of the thread

Ave Sodalis · 07-07-2017 12:57AM

diazaprob wrote:

And btw I don't mean anyone on social welfafe, I meant drug addicts funding their addictions with social welfare, I thought that would have been obvious from the context of the thread

Then why mention the rest? Education grants, illness benefit... what has that to do with those who fund their addiction through welfare?

blairbear · 07-07-2017 01:00AM

OP, nobody called you a junkie. It is a term I loathe. You used it to describe other sick people with substance abuse issues.

My taxes go to help people like you with addiction or psychiatric issues and I'm glad that they do. They also go to help people with less pleasant substance issues, like IV drug users. My point was that there isn't a huge difference in the psychology of addiction between yourself and another addict. You want empathy; this is empathy for drug users, including the tragic, chronic, gravely ill addicts.

I'd prefer if you weren't quite so defensive. I have taken time to comprehensively advise you. You inferred a lot from my reply, which was really only encouraging a less disparaging attitude towards people tormented by drug abuse.

diazaprob · 07-07-2017 01:01AM

I apologise if I took you up wrong. It's a sensitive subject obviously. And I am grateful for every single reply on this thread by the way. Every single one

I'm stuck, advice please?

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