Believe

There was an old man who lived in a big mansion in the middle of the countryside. One night, a naughty little burglar – Gerald – broke into the aforementioned residency. He smashed the backdoor, unlocked it from the inside, and crept in, shutting the door gently behind him.

No sooner had the cheeky little rascal entered the house, he’d filled his bag half full with jewellery and a wad of cash that the old man kept hidden under a packet of Hob Nobs. As the burglar crept upstairs to see what he could find, he heard a loud voice:

“Jesus is watching you”

The burglar practically **** himself. Not because of the threat of the Son of God seeing him on the rob, but because of the voice. He turned round to see a parrot in a cage. Again:

“Jesus is watching you”

The burglar approached the cage, telling the bird to be quiet. Again, the bird spoke: “Jesus is watching you.”

Wanting to stop the bird from shouting, he decided to talk quietly to it. “Pretty Polly, Pretty Polly be quiet”

“My name’s not Polly you twat. It’s Moses”

“Moses,” said the burglar. “What kind of wanker names their parrot Moses?”

“The same kind of wanker that name’s his vicious rotweiller Jesus!”