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She has a bf, but doesn't seem to be faithful

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Comments

  • #32
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,132 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    I think she's telling you exactly what you want to hear. If its really the case that she hasn't had much fun in her life before this summer why is she adamant that she'll still go home and marry Mr. Safe and Boring? Whats to be gained from her sticking with a guy she doesn't seem to like? Whats in it for her to taste the excitement of being with you only to settle down with someone who bores her? I think shes spinning you tales to make it easier for you to justify being her bit on the side.

    I might buy her story if she was the heroine of a Victorian novel but in this day and age there doesn't seem to be any logical reason for her to stay engaged to someone shes not interested in. If she wants her fun fling whats stopping her doing the right thing and ending it with her boyfriend first? She wants the drama and to feel like she has a collection of schmucks at her beck and call.


  • #33
    squonk
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,567 Mod ✭✭✭✭squonk


    Dude, stop the prevaricating and all the bs that goes with it. If you're going to keep on about this and you'll be headed away from there soon anyway I'd suggest you just bang her, once, twice, three times or however long it takes you to get this out of your system. Once it's out of your system you'll look back from there knowing you'd taken things to their logical conclusion, you've both lost nothing and you can just move on.

    It's obviously what you want and, if she's going for it too then fine. Any fallout is bettween her and her boyfriend and nit your problem.


  • #34
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Does getting something out of one's system really work with sex? It's obvious the OP's pants are on fire but he also has strong feelings for this woman. There's every risk that if he does the deed with her, he'll just fall for her in a bigger way than he has. This has disaster written all over it. Also, she's talking about staying on touch and visiting after he leaves. Really, he should just leave it and not get sucked on any further than he has.


  • #35
    osarusan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,828 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    The idea that you literally cannot avoid her even though you make every effort to do so, and somehow keep ending up alone with her, is not believable.

    Seems like you want to sleep with her, and are just looking for people to agree that there's nothing wrong with it if you do so.


  • #36
    Estrellita
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 638 ✭✭✭Estrellita


    I'm always amazed by people who advise someone in this situation to go ahead and have sex with another who is in a relationship. I'd worry about any advice coming from a person with no moral compass to be honest.

    Having sex with an attached person to 'get it out of your system' shows zero restraint and a total lack of maturity. It's the ramblings of a hormonal teenager.

    Op, if you're going to do it, just do it. You've been given solid advice by some people here. If shagging this cheater is what you want to do (still), then there's nothing more to be said.


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  • #37
    King of Kings
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭King of Kings


    you want to shag her and after pages of high moral responses on this thread, guess what, you still want too.
    If you were going to listen to randomers advice you would have by now.

    The only way to not do this is to avoid and/or cut contact and you seem unwilling to do that.

    your destiny is set, my friend , an erect penis has no conscience.
    ride on, my good man.

    just make sure you wear a condom at all times, she sounds like a headwreck and I'd hate to be the guy stuck with that.


  • #38
    Rekop dog
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,584 ✭✭✭Rekop dog


    anon231 wrote: »
    but I've no doubt that the person I want to marry is someone just like her for sure.

    This piece really made me laugh. You probably want to reassess what you look for if you think someone who easily gets bored in a relationship and throws out I love you's to relative strangers at a whim is marriage material.

    She sounds awful and very insecure and I wouldn't be surprised if you're just an ego boost to her. I'd say if something was going to happen it already would have.


  • #39
    jigglypuffstuff
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,236 ✭✭✭jigglypuffstuff


    anon231 wrote: »
    Just a follow up to this.

    So I took people's advice here and indeed backed away and avoided her for the past few weeks, as I felt things were getting too bad.

    The problem is no matter how hard we try (she's told me she's tried to distance from me aswell, as per advice she received) we always end up alone together, and to be quite honest I'm admitting that I'm falling for her. We're almost inseperable, and believe me I know logically this just isn't good for me at all.

    I've been completely open about my thoughts and intentions, and even though she insists that she wants us to be just friends I can't help but feel she just wants me to do something more. I can read her like a book, and yesterday I discussed with her how I thought she's conflicted between stability and excitement, and how she longs for both but doesn't have the latter at home. I was 100% correct on this according to her. She also said that there's basically 2 versions of her personality(which I can agree with as I used to be quite a shy, quiet person until recently), the funny, bubbly girl I know and a quiet, reserved girl at home. She's indicated that she prefers this side of her though, and that she's rarely had more fun in her life before this summer.

    At the back of my mind, I think that if I look back at this whole episode having never even tried to do anything, I'l regret it. I always hear stories of people in messy situations like this or worse, who end up still with them 10yrs later, and even though I'm not a romaticist at all, I just don't know if this is one of those situations, if they even exist. We only know each other 6 weeks, but already know some pretty deep stuff about each other and our lives and it's clear we both find each other incredibly attractive. I absolutely see how this can be seen as just a couple of dumb youths acting the eejit but I've no doubt that the person I want to marry is someone just like her for sure. I'm also not deluded enough to think I'll never meet someone who makes me feel this way, but it's not often I come across someone who I connect with this well so it's kinda hard to just let go completely, even though it's probably the right thing to do.

    Even though her bf is a lot different to me (according to her, he's quite reserved, quiet which is quite the opposite of me), she's said that rarely has she felt happier around someone, yet he's also the same lad she said she wants to marry so you can imagine how confused that leaves me. I don't want to be a relationship-wrecker at all, and I'm quite a conservative guy which is why I haven't pushed her at all so far, but I keep thinking that there's nothing wrong with trying to intervene so my head is split completely.

    I'm still at the stage where I think that logically it's best to back the **** up but I'm trying as hard as possible and it's not working (we have similar friend groups here so I'll never completely avoid her). Reading back I know I was warned that she'd wreck my head and yeah that's exactly what happened, despite my best efforts. It's left me a bit angry at myself for letting it get this far. I kinda want to just go home now but I've got a few weeks left so I don't know what to do at all. She's said she wants to stay in touch and visit each other in the future, but I don't know if that's a good idea at all.

    I guess I just want to know if I should do something or nothing at all (avoiding her just won't work anymore) and am I a prick if I do?

    Sorry for the length of this.


    Damn man, you need to seriously cop on , and I mean that in the best possible way, I thought this was some kind of joke reading it at first

    You want to marry someone like that?? You've nothing with her yet, and she sounds like the embodiment of a vindictive *****. oh and did I mention you've nothing with her?, and shes engaged..AND YOU KNOW HER SIX FREAKING WEEKS!

    Here's a nice tip..google the word infatuation....then after that come back and read everything you've written and reread the definition of infatuation ..then look at all the good advice you've been given and im sure the penny will drop sooner or later...go and pursue something worth your time..and avoid this head-wreck like you would Leprosy

    Alternatively give this absolute brain melter the attention she thinks she's entitled to, follow that road you've been repeatedly told not to, and we'll see you back here in a couple of months (perhaps weeks) in the " Insert your own unique sad heartbroken (but not really) title thread"

    Seriously OP consider this post and all the decent ones that came before it


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