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Holiday issue

  • 29-05-2017 10:44PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 282 ✭✭


    Hey guys!

    So I've booked a holiday to Wales with my girlfriend (we're 22 and 23) this Sunday for ten days. Trouble is I planned on taking my car as the area we're going to (her family's house) is pretty remote, so we need a car for convenience.
    But... My parents absolutely flipped out at me for booking it. They pay my insurance (which probably won't be the case now that I'm finished college) and say that since they fund it they make the decisions. They've said I am not experienced enough to drive on big motorways in the UK or to Dublin. I have had my licence for 2 years but was away on Erasmus for 1 of those years. For them, taking the car is a non-starter.

    This leaves me in a dilemma. My parents are incredibly stressed right now (family and ageing parent issues for both of them) and I feel like I cannot go against them without there being serious repercussions... ie. my parents falling out with me, or me causing one of them to get sick from stress by tipping them over the edge (my mother is already reaching this point). On the other hand, my girlfriend says she will be angry with me if I back down and we have to change our plans. I have less than a week to sort this out, and either my girlfriend or my parents are going to be very annoyed at me. Is there any way I can find a reasonable solution to this?


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,303 ✭✭✭max life


    bleach94 wrote: »
    Hey guys!

    So I've booked a holiday to Wales with my girlfriend (we're 22 and 23) this Sunday for ten days. Trouble is I planned on taking my car as the area we're going to (her family's house) is pretty remote, so we need a car for convenience.
    But... My parents absolutely flipped out at me for booking it. They pay my insurance (which probably won't be the case now that I'm finished college) and say that since they fund it they make the decisions. They've said I am not experienced enough to drive on big motorways in the UK or to Dublin. I have had my licence for 2 years but was away on Erasmus for 1 of those years. For them, taking the car is a non-starter.

    This leaves me in a dilemma. My parents are incredibly stressed right now (family and ageing parent issues for both of them) and I feel like I cannot go against them without there being serious repercussions... ie. my parents falling out with me, or me causing one of them to get sick from stress by tipping them over the edge (my mother is already reaching this point). On the other hand, my girlfriend says she will be angry with me if I back down and we have to change our plans. I have less than a week to sort this out, and either my girlfriend or my parents are going to be very annoyed at me. Is there any way I can find a reasonable solution to this?

    Hire a car?!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,570 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    Have you driven on a dual carriageway or motorway before? Is renting a car an option? Might be awkward when you're under 25. Would your parents be open to you offering to pay any increased premium if there's an accident? Big motorways in Dublin and the UK aren't any different to big motorways or dual carriageways elsewhere in the country.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,412 ✭✭✭✭listermint


    Time to pay your own car insurance.

    And be an adult. You are 22


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 301 ✭✭Citygirl1


    TheChizler wrote: »
    Have you driven on a dual carriageway or motorway before? Is renting a car an option? Might be awkward when you're under 25. Would your parents be open to you offering to pay any increased premium if there's an accident? Big motorways in Dublin and the UK aren't any different to big motorways or dual carriageways elsewhere in the country.

    I'd imagine that his parents are more stressed about the possibility of him being killed or badly injured, if there's a serious accident, (tends to happen on Motorways) rather than the increase in premium.....

    OP - your parents may be being overprotective - I know mine would have been at that age, in the same situation.... It drove me nuts!

    However, they may have a point. How experienced are you honestly? Have you driven much or at all in Dublin, at busy periods? Depending on what part of the country you're used to, Dublin and UK could be a completely different ball game.

    Perhaps you should ask an honest opinion from an older relative (aunt or uncle), or a colleague you've driven with. Don't ask your mates....

    Is your girlfriend a driver herself? If not, she's hardly the best judge.

    Previous posters have suggested hiring a car - this is hardly going to give your parents any comfort.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,794 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    My suggestion is say you'll do a few lessons with an instructor in Dublin. Their comes a time and everybody has to drive on a motorway. Your parents are being OTT in my opinion.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    I don't think your parents are being ott at all. You've what, a years driving experience, and you think you're experienced enough to drive on UK motorway? I assume by your post you've never driven in Dublin either. Since they are the ones paying your insurance they have every right to tell you where you can and cannot drive the car. The only way to sort that is to pay your own insurance, then you can do what you like.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,060 ✭✭✭Sexual Chocolate


    Really cant see why your parents are making a fuss. If anything motorways tend to be safer providing common sense is used.

    When your parents bought your insurance for you was there any sort of agreement/rules ?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,673 ✭✭✭mahamageehad


    OP, I'd tend to agree with your parents here, as based on the limited info you've given it doesn't sound like you're a very experienced city driver. If your 1 year of driving experience is only in and around Cork and doesn't include motorways, long distance trips where you're in the car for 2-3 hours, trips through areas you've never been or extensive night driving, I'd be a bit wary too. Now, on the other hand if your year of experience involved plenty of driving through Dublin and on motorways, maybe up to Belfast, that'd be different. It really depends on tour driving experience if your parents are overreacting. I'd say you'll have hassle renting a car, it's more difficult if you're under 25 and won't change the driving experience problem if it exists. Could you possible do a long trip or two in the next while maybe up and down to Dublin or limerick or Belfast or whatever for experience?

    If you are experienced, well then I guess it comes down to the insurance issue. If your parents are paying your insurance, I'd expect that they get to have a say. I've never been in that situation. At a guess they paid for the car too? You could look into renting but like I said above it could be difficult. Does your gf have a car that she could drive and add you to the insurance?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,673 ✭✭✭mahamageehad


    Actually, scratch that, I just saw that the trip is Sunday! Presumably you didn't mention anything to them before you booked the trip so. To be honest, they're probably annoyed with the short notice plus worried about your experience and you don't have a whole pile of time to change their minds!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,794 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    I re read your first post OP and they even said their afraid you wan't be able to drive on the big motorways to Dublin?
    Are they just on about the M50 or the M7/M8/M1/etc? If they think you can't handle a regional motorway in Ireland their being way over the top.
    I just saw you've a good few posts in the Cork forum. Are you living and driving their. If you drive on the N40(South Ring) and you can use the Kinsale road road roundabout and the Dunkettle I honestly can't see the problem.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,102 ✭✭✭am i bovvered


    Hi op
    I cannot understand this mindset that is becoming more common, parents not raising their children to become adults and adults not wanting to be grown up !!

    You are 22/23 what exactly are you waiting for.... this is your life and time.
    Driving is not rocket science you have been driving long enough, more risk driving on country roads, then a duel carriageway.

    Explain to your parents that you are responsible, thank them for their help and support, go on holiday and bring them back a stick of rock.

    Look I do not want to be rude but this mindset has taken hold in Ireland and it is wrong.
    I have two children, 22 and 19.
    Our 22 year old son left school at 18 moved to the uk, got on with work, college and life (with a little support from us) and last week stsrted a pre mortgage account, hoping to buy his first home this year.
    Our daughter, left home last year, we explained we felt she was not ready for college, but also she needed to move out and realise what life is really about. She is now working full time, in a tough industry on min wage. A good lesson !!

    Please do not get me wrong (again) we love them, support them (a little, if needed) they had a very stable and slightly spoilt upbringing, but now its adult time !!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,379 ✭✭✭✭Atlantic Dawn
    GDY151


    The motorways are the safest roads in this country and the UK, the minor roads have far more deaths on them per journey.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,641 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    You better find alternative travel arrangements in the UK then OP. Because I don't imagine your parents are going to back down. And you'll end up with no insurance if you defy them. Should have brought this up beforehand unfortunately! You can still go on holiday. If your gf doesn't like taking the bus then tough.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,369 ✭✭✭threetrees


    Do your parents drive on motorways? I'm trying to work out why they are so worried. Sometimes fear of the unknown is huge. Suggest you take motorway driving lessons asap this week and they can talk to the instructor to "prove" you did the lessons. If the gf is in a snit about this then you'll have a long road (excuse the pun) ahead in this relationship.


  • Moderators, Politics Moderators Posts: 43,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭Seth Brundle


    bleach94 wrote: »
    I planned on taking my car
    Out of curiosity, who owns the car, you or your parents?


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,286 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    Just rent a car over there- its a bit of a no-brainer- and probably cheaper too.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,000 ✭✭✭fizzypish


    Until your out on your own and have cut financial ties, you've got to toe the line unfortunately. Take it as a sign that you need to move out when the opportunity arises. Also, your 23 FFS. Motorways are easier to drive on than our dinky little country roads (sorry, thats just an aside). Your folks are just worried about you so don't get mad. Rent a car for the holiday and make a plan to become fully independent. You'll be doing them a favor when your on your own two feet as they wont have to worry about you (as much...).


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,574 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    Just rent a car over there- its a bit of a no-brainer- and probably cheaper too.

    The OP is only 22 though. Not all companies will rent to him - if it was ireland then only Dan Dooley rental would. I don't know about the uk companies but the insurance cost will be high.

    OP, surely this problem is equally your girlfriend's to solve. What is she contributing to the holiday?


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,308 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    Cancel holiday, buy car, drive around Ireland.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,512 ✭✭✭harr


    Hi op
    I cannot understand this mindset that is becoming more common, parents not raising their children to become adults and adults not wanting to be grown up !!

    You are 22/23 what exactly are you waiting for.... this is your life and time.
    Driving is not rocket science you have been driving long enough, more risk driving on country roads, then a duel carriageway.

    Explain to your parents that you are responsible, thank them for their help and support, go on holiday and bring them back a stick of rock.

    Look I do not want to be rude but this mindset has taken hold in Ireland and it is wrong.
    I have two children, 22 and 19.
    Our 22 year old son left school at 18 moved to the uk, got on with work, college and life (with a little support from us) and last week stsrted a pre mortgage account, hoping to buy his first home this year.
    Our daughter, left home last year, we explained we felt she was not ready for college, but also she needed to move out and realise what life is really about. She is now working full time, in a tough industry on min wage. A good lesson !!

    Please do not get me wrong (again) we love them, support them (a little, if needed) they had a very stable and slightly spoilt upbringing, but now its adult time !!
    Totally agree with everything you have said here , definitely time to cut the apron strings,how is OP meant to get experience if he is restricted as to where he can drive ...granted the trip you have planned is going in at the deep end but it's Wales not the other side of the world..
    Time to get own car insurance as well so parents don't have as much say ...is it your own car OP or do you use your parents car?
    Get out and drive OP motorways are fine in Ireland get more experience,go for a long spin every weekend...at 22 your an adult and as poster above mentioned to many young adults being mollycoddled these days ...I have nieces and nephew's that are between the ages of 21-24 and to be honest they can barely function as adults.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,983 ✭✭✭minikin


    You say you have your licence for two years, is that a full licence or are you still on a provisional / learners permit? Obviously if it's not a full licence then you shouldn't be anywhere near a motorway, either here or in the U.K.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I assume he has a full license at this stage but the stumbling block is his inexperience.

    Whereabouts in Wales are you going, OP? As a compromise, it possible to get to your girlfriend's parents house without driving on a motorway?

    I think if your parents refuse to change their minds, then you'll have to respect their wishes. I think they're being over-protective but is it worth falling out with them over? I can understand why your girlfriend is annoyed but she's going to have to accept that things don't always go her way.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,788 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Citygirl1 wrote:
    I'd imagine that his parents are more stressed about the possibility of him being killed or badly injured, if there's a serious accident, (tends to happen on Motorways)

    Eh, no. Motorways are by far the safest type of road to drive on.

    Unfortunately, OP, if your parents put the foot down on this I don't see a whole lot you can do, regardless of whether or not they're being unreasonable (it really depends on what your driving experience is). You'll find it almost impossible to rent a car because you're under 25.

    As others have said, see if they'd be amenable to you getting some motorway lessons in the meantime. And if they still say no and your girlfriend throws a wobbler, then you need to have a chat with her.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    As an aside, have you checked your insurance policy regarding driving abroad? I brought my car to the UK a couple of years ago and had to give the insurance company a quick phone call to tell them. That was all I was required to do and it was no biggie.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,801 ✭✭✭rock22


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    Eh, no. Motorways are by far the safest type of road to drive on.

    ...

    Motorways are not safer for inexperienced drivers.

    The stats for motorways safety are greatly influenced by the a), the huge mileage involved in average motorway journey, and b), the fact that only experienced drivers are on them. Most drivers on motorways are profession, driving being a significant part of their work.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think you need a proper chat with your parents, because that reaction is absolutely nonsensical and I suspect it has little or nothing to do with driving, motorways or insurance at all unless you have a history of accidents or bad driving.

    Are you an only child? Do you live in a remote area? Did your parents raise any kind of objections to you going away on Erasmus? I think you need to be looking at what this trip might represent to them, not the relative merits of your local roads versus motorways.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,286 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    As an aside, have you checked your insurance policy regarding driving abroad? I brought my car to the UK a couple of years ago and had to give the insurance company a quick phone call to tell them. That was all I was required to do and it was no biggie.

    Depends on the insurer, and your policy- I'm with FBD- I can drive in the UK (or any other EU countries) for up to 30 days at a time without notifying them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 531 ✭✭✭blackbird98


    minikin wrote: »
    You say you have your licence for two years, is that a full licence or are you still on a provisional / learners permit? Obviously if it's not a full licence then you shouldn't be anywhere near a motorway, either here or in the U.K.

    If you only have a provisional licence, then you are not licensed to drive anywhere outside of Ireland. It is the equivalent to not having a licence, therefore your insurance company probably would not cover you


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,286 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    If you only have a provisional licence, then you are not licensed to drive anywhere outside of Ireland. It is the equivalent to not having a licence, therefore your insurance company probably would not cover you

    You're also not licensed to drive on motorways- period.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Motorway slip roads in the U.K. are lethal.


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