Feeling down about everything... :-( please help

foxylaydee · 25-04-2017 09:58PM #1

I don't know where to start but maybe typing this out might give me some comfort. I've already spent most of the day crying. :-(

I've been looking for work for some time in an area that is very difficult to get jobs in. I'm the youngest in my family and they are all well settled into their careers (in almost the same sector as myself) and their own family life. Although, I've been told that I'm very good at what I do. The fact that I'm only getting bits of employment makes me feel very insecure and lack confidence.

My siblings, apart from one have enjoyed knocking my confidence. Over the years they have enjoyed finding weak areas of mine and making fun of me. I do have a sense of humour and a good one at that (so I've been told by others). I just can't understand why people take enjoyment out of other peoples misfortune. I've told them before, I don't like the way they speak to me but it's only added more fuel to the fire. I'm at the point now where I haven't spoken to siblings with over a year.

I've given them lots of help with projects/exams, presents and just generally been very thoughtful and good to them. I just feel that I'm not even getting basic manners in return and on a number of occasions not even a simple "thank you". I've also been given out to when on once-off occasions I haven't helped out as if it's their right to tell me what to do and when.

THey are in almost the same sector than me and have given me very little help with trying to get a job. I've seen them help other people and go to great lengths in sourcing information for random strangers that they barely know so that they could get a job.

I've tried myself with a variety of things. I've alot to give in my sector and really I should be snapped up. I just can't seem to make any headway whatsoever.

I keep thinking about things that have happened in the past that i've been hurt.

A family event is coming up and I don't know if i really want to go. I haven't even been invited yet anyway.

I just feel like it's my fault.

Full Marx · 25-04-2017 10:53PM

Well firstly its not your fault.

Family are weird and unfortunately it is typical for many people to have family members treat complete strangers better than their own flesh and blood. I will never understand it.

I would go to the family event because you shouldn't let siblings you don't get on with keep you away from the one you do get on with and perhaps other family members (parents etc)

As for the job situation I'm sure that it will eventually work itself out, but I wouldn't invest too much of your sense of self worth in your job or profession because that is something which depends on so many things which are out of your control, bosses etc. You are so much more than your job or what you have studied. I used to be a bit like yourself, so stressed about getting a job in my chosen area and every time I got knocked back it really hit me for six and the little work I could get was very insecure and everything just felt like I was swimming against the tide.

But life is not all about work, I've changed my priorities a lot and invested myself more in what I have realised are more meaningful things like my hobbies and quality time with friends (and making new ones), these are the things that make me happy. This has really taken the pressure off me and the work thing has improved greatly as a result because I dont let it define me.

The most wise thing I was ever told, and I've seen it to be true so many times, is that happy people dont try to make other people unhappy. Remember that the next time one of your siblings knocks you.

I hope you feel better soon, it's good to talk about it, with friends and even people on here

lurker2000 · 25-04-2017 11:00PM

It sounds like you're on a real downer - we all get like that at times, one thing triggers off a 'feeling sorry for myself' phase and then we mull over all the perceived negatives and slights the spiral just goes down. It seems that the lack of employment has brought this on now and feelings that your siblings are against you is compounding it. While the sibling issue is not great, its possibly not something that would have you feeling so bad if you were not so vulnerable at the moment. There is no magic solution to this one except some positive thinking and action to get you back on the bounce. So firstly, stop dwelling on the perceived slights, I'm sure your family love you to bits - they are just a bit insensitive, I'm sure there have been times that have been really good to you too, so concentrate on those thoughts, cup half full etc or else the negative thoughts will just drag you down further. Make a deliberate decision from now to only think about the positive aspects of your life and focus on them. A job will come your way, the economy is on the up - recheck your CV, update or change it around and keep plugging away. In the mean time, while you are waiting, look at options to re-train or up-skill, I don't know what sector you are in but things like computer skills, business courses etc can by offered by the dole office. Get out and exercise, walking, running, swimming - it really does make you feel more up-beat and will have great health benefits too. Positivity breeds positivity and with small steps initially, you will climb out of this rut and hopefully get the job of your dreams and your self esteem back on track. It's not impossible..good luck.

Ghekko · 26-04-2017 01:06PM

I think you should give yourself space from your belittling siblings for a while. By all means if you are invited to the event go, but stick to chatting to the ones you get on with best, or other guests. Don't put yourself in a situation where any of them can talk down to you. You have asked them before not to speak in a certain way to you, yet they chose to ignore you. Ask yourself would you have them as friends if they weren't related? If not then you don't have to go out of your way to stay in touch with them at all. Not all families are the Waltons! Whilst distancing yourself for your own sanity, it doesn't mean you have to write them off altogether. However if it were me I wouldn't be putting myself out there for them to continue making fun of me.

With regard to your career could you broaden your search - look for jobs where your skills would work but may not necessarily be in your specific area. Alter your CV for each job application emphasising the skills matching the requirements.

foxylaydee · 26-04-2017 02:11PM

I'm not in contact with two much anymore. It really hurts because in some ways I still love them but I just don't feel as if they love me anymore. I feel as if they've forgotten about me since they met their partners. Whearas, I'm still very single.

I've handed in my C.V. into other places but they won't take me on because I don't have enough experience.

Wesser · 27-04-2017 07:47AM

What exactly have they said to you? Can you give sime examples?

You said they have made fun of you.... is it really so bad that you feel that you shouldbr speak with them for over a year?
My sisters have done some pretty mean things over the years but I woukd never not speak to them .

foxylaydee · 27-04-2017 12:22PM

It's just a culmination of things. I'm tired of their constant put-downs of me. My sister who is in her 40's used to take clothes belonging to me without even asking. I mean, I thought this was something teenagers do anyway not working women?!!! I wouldn't dare go near her room let alone her wardrobe and start rooting for things to take. Yet, she criticises the way I dress constantly and pretty much everything I do and say. I've made arrangements to try and meet her to have a coffee in years gone by and she's always working. I understand that she has a hectic work/life schedule but she never tries to arrange things with me when she's available.

One day, I took a last minute cancellation for a dental appointment in her town. To say the least I wasn't looking forward to the appointment. Her constantly rejecting meeting up with me/ insulting me when I do wasn't really something I wanted to do on that day. Plus, I assumed given that it was last minute that she wouldn't be available. I didn't arrange to meet her but lo and behold I bump into her. We actually went for coffee, had a nice chat but I hear afterwards that she wasn't happy when I didn't arrange to meet her. Even though, I explained my circumstances.

My brother who is in a similar profession as me was looking for advice on an area he had little experience on. I gave him great advice but I was ignored in favour of someone else. It was the same advice, but he took more interest and asked questions in what the other person was saying and completely ignored me when I tried to help.

He arranged something with me and then decided he wasn't going to go ahead with it. He contacted someone else- and assumed they'd tell me. Yet, he never bothered contacting me. I was upset at the fact that he didn't have the decency to communicate with me.

At another point he also compared my conversation and mental skills to his then three year old child. He stated that his child would be better than me in many ways in two years time.

I don't need any of that in my life now. I've been very good to them but I just can't hack it anymore. I think it's the fact that I don't have a job that they look down there noses at me, rather than help me.

Ghekko · 27-04-2017 01:30PM

Everyone is different in how they perceive situations, so to say that one person has siblings who say mean things and they may be able to take it on the chin doesn't mean we can all do the same. A bit of distance does no harm to ones own emotional wellbeing. If the family cannot even help you when you need it then put your focus into helping yourself.

worded · 27-04-2017 01:34PM

Hi,

exercise is great for stress and feeling better about yourself

Have a look at the web site "life hacking"

Have a a look at ted.com and search for what ever topic you want Inc happiness and assertiveness etc

Best of luck OP

Feeling down about everything... :-( please help

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