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Self Pity in the First World

  • 17-04-2017 03:47AM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Dear all,

    Fina year Undergrad student here. To cut a long story short, Im miserable, I have no loves or passions or interests or hobbies. Nothing excites me, nothing really makes me happy. Im miserable, after a rough time Ive come to hate my college course and I plan to never work in the field as a result of the misery its caused me. Im shy and introverted and just generally hate myself. I dont make friends easily but instead easily lose them, II have never had a romantic relationship. I am not happy, in fact I am thoroughly miserable and sad. I have friends at college but soon I will be finished and Ibelieve like so often in life we will barely ever see eachother/lose contact over time. I have no plans nor desires. At times Ive contemplated ending it all given how miserably sad I often feel, I feel like even when I talk to my friends or anyone for thst matter I am just faking over everything, burying how I really feel, pretending, putting on an act, a mask, something I want to trick myself into believeing is true but I know that deep down I am not happy and not everything is alright. I have been diagnosed with mental health conditions, but I believe that this more so based on my actions rather than how I feel. Surely I am just a self pitying gob****e making herself miserable.

    And tbh this level of self pity is disgusting. Here I am blessed enough to have somewhat a normal life, in a first world country, with a University education. I am not begging on the streets, I have a roof over my head food in the fridge, how can I be such a miserable self pitying ninkumpoop-there are children being bombed in Syria, people dying of starvation across the globe, other trafficked or subjected to slave labour. Surely this is one of the most grotesque form of self indulgence a person can bring upon themself? I have a friend from a rather poor country in Eastern Europe, when she talks of this country and her life back there her eyes glaze over, she obviously went through so much and seen (if was not subjected to) such horrible, scarring things there. My problems, my life is so frivilous, my problems so petty.

    How, how do I get out of this rut I have found myself in? Im not happy, nothing makes me happy.


Comments

  • #2
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,666 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Just because there are people a lot worse off than you in the world doesn't mean that you are not allowed to have your own problems. What you are feeling is very real and very relevant to you. And to be honest it sound very deep rooted. You are young, you're just finishing college. You have time on your hands to figure out what it is you'd like to do. Thousands of people pick the wrong college courses every single year. College drop out rates are huge. The number of people who graduate in an area that they're not interested in is probably equally as big. Look at how many people are going back to college in their 40s and 50s to retrain in a completely different career.

    Only yesterday I was discussing college with a teacher, and he said these days too many people go to college. He said people who have no interest are being encouraged to go to college, to do something. And that's where the high drop out rates come from along with people getting degrees in areas and never working with them. The positive thing is, you will get your degree and it will prove that you had the ability to stick it out and see it through to the end.

    You're young, you have your whole life to find something that interests you. I don't know many people who have something in their lives that "excites" them, but I know lots of people who have interests that they enjoy and have made friends from. I think you would benefit from speaking to someone. Ask your GP about seeing a psychotherapist maybe. Your life is in a rut, and when you are in a rut it's easier to get stuck further than it is to rise out of it. You have the self-awareness that you are getting bogged down with it all, so that's a good start. Life I'd long, and it's mundane. And occasionally, in all the mundane and banal, we find something that gives us a bit of a lift and a bit of excitement. But it's not daily!!

    You have very real and valid feelings. Try to find a suitably qualified person to work through them with. It's a good thing that you are conscious of this at your age. You have every opportunity in front of you to do whatever you like. You just need to find what that is.

    Btw... I'm not I'm contact with anyone from my college class. Not one. I probably wouldn't even remember most of them if I met them. But that's not a measure of anything.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You have the problem that many of us millennials have, you think too much and over analyze. I do the same, and find problems where there are none.

    If you examine something enough, you will eventually find an issue or imperfection with it.

    Meditation helps me quite a lot with this. A lot of people think meditation is airy fairy but im convinced its essential in the busy bombarding world we live in.

    You can go very deep into meditation techniques & practice but the basics are simple and really help to keep you centered, objective and appreciative of what you have.
    Its literally clearing your mind letting it process stuff without all the noise of other thoughts about.

    -Find somewhere you can be without distraction for 10-20 minutes.
    -sit comfortably, ideally upright, back straight, both feet on the floor, head level (all so you wont fall asleep)
    -close your eyes and focus on your breathing, particularly where the air hits your nose on the tip of your nostril as you breathe in and out, slowly. if this isnt enough to keep your concentration, count breaths also.
    -Thoughts and images will come to your mind. Acknowledge them, and then consciously dismiss them and go back to concentrating on your breathing.
    -You will get distracted, dont worry, it doesn't mean the session is ruined.
    -Start with 10 mins of this, eventually increasing the time to what feels good.
    -before you finish up, while your eyes are still closed, think about someone who is bothering you and wish them well, genuinely mean it. This helps us get over our selfishness & petty insecurities.


    best of luck


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