ex trouble

tippone · 10-04-2017 02:05PM #1

hey guys been seeing a guy for 5 years we started seeing each other a few weeks after he got out of a serious relationship not a good idea i know... he said he was over it with her and she has a son from a previous relationship this son wasnt his ,,, he continued to be in contact with her he helped her financially and was there for her when she was sick she used to call and ring all the time and text she still loved him etc even though she knew he was with me..... i got called her name several names on weekends away ... he visited her house and when i found out i was told none of my business as i would look too deeply in to it and cause issues. she stalked me on facebook....bad mouthed to me to a friend we both know she bad mouthed him also i told him this and he ignored it and said as she had moved to be with him he would be there for her if needed ... at the moment they are not talking and its my fault and i know they will be back talking soon we went to a local pub the other night and he refused to go in as she was there with friends i feel sick at the thought of him texting and ringin her ??? can exs really be friends or am i the issue ??

heretochat · 10-04-2017 03:09PM

This just comes across as way too much hassle and baggage for a new relationship.

Have you had any conversations about this? Because if you have and he is ignoring your concerns it does not bode well for the future

tippone · 10-04-2017 03:14PM

blue in the face

we re together 5 years broke up around christmas i had given up i said if he wanted to be with her then he would be we were finished for 2 months and he chased me so i gave in and you know if he got with her and was happy i would have been fine with it cas all i want is for him to be happy even if not with me .... it is a lot of hassle but shes out of the pic at the moment and all is good but how long before he lets her back in is the question

Ursus Horribilis · 10-04-2017 03:24PM

So what are you actually getting from this relationship?

tippone · 10-04-2017 03:40PM

we enjoy been with each other my kids love him and so do i !!!! pathetic i know but i just wanted to ask am i been unreasonable asking for no contact with her or do i just let him off on the trust that there is nothing going on i know defo nothing on his side anyways its her i dont trust

nikkibikki · 10-04-2017 04:56PM

So, she's his ex from 5 years ago and they've no kids together, am I right? If so, no need for that much contact. No need for him to be helping her financially. They obviously don't have a platonic just friends relationship. She's being vindictive towards you. Does he not call her out on that behaviour? Do you need this to be wrecking your head?

Toots · 10-04-2017 05:02PM

Ultimatum time here, I think. Either he cuts contact completely, blocks her number etc or else you end it and no going back. He sounds like a head wreck to be honest.

tea and coffee · 10-04-2017 05:05PM

Why is he still in contact with his ex of 5 years ago??? They have no kids together. Sorry, but ties should have been cut long ago.

mapaca · 10-04-2017 06:05PM

Yes, exes can be friends, but it sounds like there is unfinished business between the two of them. He hides the fact that he visits her house? He's giving her money? He's called you by her name? He avoided the pub she was in because you were with him - did he not want to be seen with you? I wonder if he is stringing you both along? Not saying he is definitely, but his behaviour doesn't inspire much confidence.

At the very least, he's making you feel second place to an ex from 5 years ago - if he can't see your point of view and cut contact with her, then I'd be tempted to bow out and leave them to each other.

infogiver · 10-04-2017 06:22PM

My brother broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years and she continued to guilt trip him ( they live abroad, he continued to do her tax returns "too complicated boo hoo I can't wail "he gave her in total €10000 to get "back on her feet", she would ring him to berate him for all his many faults for up to 1 hour at 2am, myself my elderly mother and my nephew aged 15 and my daughter aged 12 at the time visited him and because she was stalking both he and I on Facebook she found out we were coming and turned up while we were eating dinner having paid €40 for a taxi just to tell my mother what a con man her son is). He put up with all this because she made him feel guilty and he was easily bullied.
Only when he met his current partner and she quickly gave him an ultimatum did he break off all contact with her.

Ursus Horribilis · 10-04-2017 06:24PM

You're viewing this all wrong, in my opinion. You're very quick to blame the ex and her behaviour. What about your boyfriend? If he had any respect for you and his relationship with you, none of this would be a problem. The reason why she's causing such hassle is because he's letting her. I don't have any other advice for you other than to dump him and to let the two of them at it. They deserve each other.

Meauldsegosha · 10-04-2017 06:52PM

tippone wrote: »

as she had moved to be with him he would be there for her if needed ...

Where did she move from, another country or another county?

ex trouble

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