Annoying Punditisms

jamesbere · 29-03-2017 2:30am

"He did everything but score"

That one annoys me

Your Face · 29-03-2017 3:48am

Passion.

Canis Lupus · 29-03-2017 5:06am

I find if I don't watch sport then I don't have to suffer pundits.

selwyn froggitt · 29-03-2017 5:51am

More gems of wisdom from Ron Manager.

Ron Manager: Is George Best the old Ryan Giggs? But Giggsy-wiggsy. Precocious talent, isn't he? Mmm? Ooh, got it all, you know? Speed, acceleration, sweet left foot, all the tricks - the dummy, the drop of the shoulder, the shimmy, nutmeg, jiggery-pokery, hocus pocus, abracadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya. Steve Miller Band? Spin Doctors? Ooh, very similar

Ron Manager: Diamond formation? Does anyone really know what that is? I mean, at least you knew where you were with Alf Ramsey's wingless wonders. You know? 4-4-2, 4-2-4, 4-3-3... 0898 654000, freephone double glazing?

And my personal favourite.

Ron Manager: Oh, those Brazilians, you know? Circa 1970? Broke the mould. Theory out the window. Free expression of football. Uncategorisable. Is that a word? It is now! You know? Far cry from small boys in the park, jumpers for goalposts. Rush goalie. Two at the back, three in the middle, four up front, one's gone home for his tea. Beans on toast? Possibly, don't quote me on that. Marvellous.

padd b1975 · 29-03-2017 5:54am

Arghus wrote: »

The lad done brilliant.

"Ever so well".

mosstin · 29-03-2017 6:12am

Everything these days is described as "top top".

Brendan Bendar · 29-03-2017 6:39am

"We can beat these". Ronnie Whelan

"These are an average teyamm. Brian Kerr

Hercule Poirot · 29-03-2017 7:44am

"He couldn't have hit that any better, very unlucky"

Well it didn't go in, if he had hit it better it would have, so therefore he could have hit better, idiot

Mister Vain · 29-03-2017 6:47pm

Some classic ones from the BBC:

“Michael Owen isn’t the tallest of lads but his height more than makes up for that.”

“Walcott’s cross was perfect. 8 out of 10.”

“The lad’s not just got pace, he’s quick too.”

“Both goals he scored hit the target.”

“Having watched a replay, there’s absolutely no doubt; it’s inconclusive.”

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 29-03-2017 7:19pm

fdsfdsahhertdd wrote: »

I was like lookit Im just like, going to the shop like? Dew know like?

fdsfdsahhertdd wrote: »

"You know ... "

I do know, so don't tell me again FFS!

fdsfdsahhertdd wrote: »

@Mister Vain

I like that too, but unfortunately it doesn't qualify as an 'annoying punditism'.

Now - back on topic.

Your own two above aren't punditisms either. They are in common usage on TV and in real life from the general public.

The Davestator · 29-03-2017 7:42pm

My biggest hat is;

6 of one, half a dozen of the other to describe a hard tackle between two players.

Bugs me even more, when its shortened to 6 of one.

gramar · 29-03-2017 7:49pm

Handbags.

fdsfdsahhertdd · 29-03-2017 9:32pm

@Srameen

Fair cop. Oops!

Live by the sword, die by the sword

Arghus · 30-03-2017 12:20am

gramar wrote: »

Handbags.

Schmozzole.

Kirby · 30-03-2017 6:51am

valoren wrote: »

"This one is six pointer"

No it's not. You get 3 points if you win. Maths fail!

It's called a six pointer because it has the potential to be a six point swing. For example, lets say Kirby United are 3 points ahead of Valoren FC.

If I win, I go 6 points clear. If you win, we go level. Ergo one game can have a six point differential in outcome.

If we are both playing teams at the other end of the league, if I win and you lose there is only a 3 point differential in outcome. When we play each other, that goes to 6. Hence, "6 pointer". Ofcourse you only get 3 points for a win....but if you play a team around you, the swing is bigger.

It's not complicated. Frankly I'm amazed so many people struggle with the logic behind it.

theoneeyedman · 30-03-2017 6:57am

A big ask here Geoff.....

cournioni · 30-03-2017 7:07am

"Obviously, like I said, you know? The lads a top, top player."

Not obvious, you didn't just say that. Yes he is pretty good.

Dravokivich · 30-03-2017 7:34am

Kirby wrote: »

It's called a six pointer because it has the potential to be a six point swing. For example, lets say Kirby United are 3 points ahead of Valoren FC.

If I win, I go 6 points clear. If you win, we go level. Ergo one game can have a six point differential in outcome.

If we are both playing teams at the other end of the league, if I win and you lose there is only a 3 point differential in outcome. When we play each other, that goes to 6. Hence, "6 pointer". Ofcourse you only get 3 points for a win....but if you play a team around you, the swing is bigger.

It's not complicated. Frankly I'm amazed so many people struggle with the logic behind it.

Get out of here with your algebra.

Korvanica · 30-03-2017 7:43am

"You couldn’t write a script like this"

**** off.

gramar · 30-03-2017 7:46am

Underdogs.

valoren · 30-03-2017 8:39am

They're parking the bus.

Clever analogy that get's overused.

razorblunt · 30-03-2017 8:42am

Lad crosses the ball "he just puts that up in the air and says 'go on mate, head that, and the ball is hanging there saying 'head me' and doesn't he just!"

Andy Gray and his imaginary conversations between footballers and inanimate objects, and objects and footballers.

topper75 · 30-03-2017 9:04am

I'll tell you what.

He hasn't half hit it, has he?

He's putting himself about a bit, creating chances.

They'll be really up for this today.

They're not a bad side.

League positions mean nothing on derby day.

WHIP IT! · 30-03-2017 9:11am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6O0P74ALLM

robindch · 30-03-2017 9:16am

Zebra3 wrote: »

No he hasn't. He's been on a hundred grand a week, ffs.

Or around five million a year.

Can people please quote annual salaries to save everybody from having to multiply by fifty-two?

osarusan · 30-03-2017 9:21am

Ok, so Messi can perform against the best defenders in the best teams in the world, BUT, can he do it on a cold November Tuesday in Stoke?

Because that, obviously, is the ultimate footballing yardstick.

Liam28 · 30-03-2017 9:38am

The mangling of English grammar by football pundits, especially with verb tenses:
Pundit: If he hits it, it goes in, the keeper's not stopping it.
Correct: If he (had) hit it, it would have gone in, the keeper would not have stopped it.

Pundit: Who wins this?
Correct: Who will win this?

Pundit: He has done well, for me, then, Rooney.
Correct: I think Rooney did well.

Laois_Man · 30-03-2017 9:46am

Deviating slightly from the topic. The words that come from a 17 stone bar stooler who never played a game in his life (although it probably applies to a lot of pundits too), when commenting on the performance of a young fella at Wembley

"He has an awful lot to learn about the game the young lad"

:rolleyes:

Uncle_moe · 30-03-2017 10:08am

Jamie Redknapp has a particular problem with the word 'literally'

"He’s literally turned him inside out."
“He had to cut back inside onto his left, because he literally hasn’t got a right foot”
“[Michael Owen] literally turns into a greyhound”
Top, top punditry Jamie.

selwyn froggitt · 30-03-2017 10:21am

Uncle_moe wrote: »

Jamie Redknapp has a particular problem with the word 'literally'

"He’s literally turned him inside out."
“He had to cut back inside onto his left, because he literally hasn’t got a right foot”
“[Michael Owen] literally turns into a greyhound”
Top, top punditry Jamie.

The very same Jamie that came out with this beauty.

"Peter Schmeichel will be like a father figure to Kasper Schmeichel."

Tsipras · 30-03-2017 11:08am

Uncle_moe wrote: »

Jamie Redknapp has a particular problem with the word 'literally'

"He’s literally turned him inside out."
“He had to cut back inside onto his left, because he literally hasn’t got a right foot”
“[Michael Owen] literally turns into a greyhound”
Top, top punditry Jamie.

They've changed the Dictionary definition of 'literally' so that it can now mean
1) What it's always meant
2) Exactly the opposite (i.e. how idiot pundits use it) because it's become so common

Tsipras · 30-03-2017 11:11am

Worst punditism - "he has to improve to get to the level of the Ronaldos of this world" instead of "he has to improve to get to the level of Ronaldo"

gramar · 30-03-2017 11:13am

Schoolboy defending/errors.

kfallon · 30-03-2017 11:18am

Raised it's head again last Friday, when a player seriously injures another player they always come out with, "I know him and he's not that type of player!"

Obviously he is.....

Often followed by, "He'll be devastated himself"

melon_collie · 30-03-2017 11:22am

Use of th term 'for me' e.g. 'for me he is the best player on the field'. It should be ' in my opinion he is the best player on the field'.

It grinds my gears every time i hear it.

Too Tough To Die · 30-03-2017 11:43am

There's one for the scrapbook.

gramar · 30-03-2017 12:32pm

For a small fella he's great in the air.

So only beanpoles can be good at heading the ball? They'll win more headers but to say they're automatically better headers of the ball is wrong.

HeidiHeidi · 30-03-2017 1:52pm

There's one commentator in rugby who drives me mad with "at the second/third/whatever time of asking" or "he's asking the questions of X team/player", and other variations on the "questions" theme.

Seriously needs to get himself a new cliché to play with :mad:

gramar · 30-03-2017 2:00pm

I read nearly every one of these comments in Jim Beglin's voice.

razorblunt · 30-03-2017 2:30pm

tremenjus

Donal Lenihan.

He looks like my Dad though so he gets away with it.

maximo31 · 30-03-2017 2:32pm

'The process' Sick of hearing about 'The process'. Mostly in rugby.....

seamus · 30-03-2017 2:39pm

Insanely pointless or specific statistics. Paul Collins on Today FM this morning;

"It's the first time in 21 years the green and gold have beaten Cork in the finals"

"At the under-21 level"

"On Cork soil"

That's not even remotely amazing. It seems like every victory needs to have some kind of "historic" statistic pinned to it to make it seem like more than it is.

Liam28 · 30-03-2017 3:12pm

HeidiHeidi wrote: »

There's one commentator in rugby who drives me mad with "at the second/third/whatever time of asking" or "he's asking the questions of X team/player", and other variations on the "questions" theme.

Seriously needs to get himself a new cliché to play with :mad:

Yes. Rugby has it's own set of cliches. e.g. "Putting his hand up" as in putting his hand up for Lions selection. I picture all the eligible rugby players in a class room with their hands up shouting "Me sir!".

Liam28 · 30-03-2017 3:19pm

seamus wrote: »

Insanely pointless or specific statistics.

It seems like every victory needs to have some kind of "historic" statistic pinned to it to make it seem like more than it is.

Jeff Stelling on Sky is the king of useless stats:
"That's only the third goal Doncaster have conceded at home in the last seven games"
Why seven Jeff, what happened eight games ago?
He does know his stuff, Jeff, for me, to be fair, at the end of the day, obviously, doyouknowwhatImean?

razorblunt · 30-03-2017 3:36pm

Liam28 wrote: »

Jeff Stelling on Sky is the king of useless stats:
"That's only the third goal Doncaster have conceded at home in the last seven games"
Why seven Jeff, what happened eight games ago?
He does know his stuff, Jeff, for me, to be fair, at the end of the day, obviously, doyouknowwhatImean?

Ah poor Jeff has about 6 hours of tv to fill and try to keep the camera off Merson and the rest of goons as much as possible. Every time they cut to Merson it's all "aaaahJeffwwoeejsknknakkstickitinthecornersonshshjshjahJeffohmydays"

osarusan · 30-03-2017 3:37pm

How fitting that he should score against Arsenal, as his 2nd cousin's ex-boyfriend is a Spurs fan.

Brendan Bendar · 30-03-2017 3:44pm

Liam28 wrote: »

The mangling of English grammar by football pundits, especially with verb tenses:
Pundit: If he hits it, it goes in, the keeper's not stopping it.
Correct: If he (had) hit it, it would have gone in, the keeper would not have stopped it.

Pundit: Who wins this?
Correct: Who will win this?

Pundit: He has done well, for me, then, Rooney.
Correct: I think Rooney did well.

I will have to give honourable to Raymond Houghton for mangling grammar.

Especially the tenses.

Listen carefully next time he is co commentator, gets-every-one -of -them -wrong.

Hyphens for emphasis only

melon_collie · 30-03-2017 3:51pm

'Gaa HQ'. Totally overused. Just say Croke Park ffs

valoren · 30-03-2017 3:53pm

Liam28 wrote: »

Yes. Rugby has it's own set of cliches. e.g. "Putting his hand up" as in putting his hand up for Lions selection. I picture all the eligible rugby players in a class room with their hands up shouting "Me sir!".

Rugbish I think it's called?

Liam28 · 30-03-2017 4:01pm

razorblunt wrote: »

Ah poor Jeff has about 6 hours of tv to fill and try to keep the camera off Merson and the rest of goons as much as possible. Every time they cut to Merson it's all "aaaahJeffwwoeejsknknakkstickitinthecornersonshshjshjahJeffohmydays"

+1 for Charlie Nicholas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo8mP7XHq1E

Annoying Punditisms

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