"Why I did not report my rapist"

Regarding this case, as a feminist (ikr) in its most basic sense, I entirely agree that "All men are guilty of.." is as dumb a bit of logic as "All Muslims are guilty of..."

The whole "no means no" thing is awkward. On the one hand, I totally agree. On the other, someone did bring up the very salient issue that, in part due to social conventions around women and sex, it's practically ingrained to show some resistance for many people which makes the whole thing murky again. In this case, I don't think she did signal her no's. It's unfortunate that it does still upset her, but you can't expect the other person to be psychic and if they honestly think that the "no" is playful or a "seduce me" type thing, the onus returns to the person trying to communicate that no, this no means no, not interested. Maybe at some point "No means No" will just be an absolute, but it will take consciously undoing generations of training towards "No-no-yes". Not saying that all women do it, btw, but it's something we get a certain amount of reinforcement in and examples towards from society. It does sound like her body language was going against what she was saying from her own words.

Although I can think of plenty of situations where one might be willing to kiss someone but not be interested in casual sex from it!

If you want to understand where she's coming from in terms of psychology, read this post. It explains a hell of a lot:

http://rosemarymaccabe.com/expectation-vs-reality-life-31/

Rosemary wrote: »

I wouldn’t get upset when I encountered mean girls. I found secondary school really tough. I wasn’t in the popular crew – in fact, I think I was probably pretty close to the bottom of the societal rung – and I was really sensitive to any slights, perceived or otherwise. I had curly hair that my mother insisted on brushing for me (frizz ball) and I was that kind of dangerous combination of incredibly self-conscious about my looks, and incredibly self-assured about my intelligence. I was, in short, a massive nerd – and I felt the brunt of it at school.

If you asked my sixth-year self what would be different about my life in, say, 13 years’ time, she would have told you that I wouldn’t be feeling intimidated and humiliated by groups of girls who thought they were better than me – but she would have been totally wrong. At 31 years of age, I still find myself whimpering, tears welling in my eyes, when “girls are mean to me”. I should know better, but I just don’t.

I wonder does she self sabotage in terms of her appearance?



Short dyed white grey hair to make herself look purposely uglier and older, but who she will describe as being an individual/not confirming to society etc. Check.

What's a ****ing surprise that was.

From above, she even admits it, sarcasm, passive aggressive, you go GURLLLL hastag save the whales Ru paul drag race massive fan all of that craic. That's her working default. She has an avoidant dismissive personality.These are people who have been severely hurt in the past and will do anything and everything to avoid acknowledging that hurt or coming into contact with that hurt again.

Her undergoing actions are please reject me, please, its what I want because to get close to people is to get closer to that big dark thing in my head. Her parents were either indifferent to her needs or are/were highly narcissistic.

Wibbs, you (and I) said that it was an attention seeking/cash rules everything around me ruse.

I think that might not be the case, just reading through some of her articles.

It might be a self sabotaging one.

These people, Louise O Neils or the Una Mullalys are like clockwork oranges. It's creepy out in all fairness.

pumpkin4life wrote: »

If you want to understand where she's coming from in terms of psychology, read this post. It explains a hell of a lot:

http://rosemarymaccabe.com/expectation-vs-reality-life-31/



I wonder does she self sabotage in terms of her appearance?

Short dyed white grey hair to make herself look purposely uglier and older, but who she will describe as being an individual/not confirming to society etc. Check.

What's a ****ing surprise that was.

From above, she even admits it, sarcasm, passive aggressive, you go GURLLLL hastag save the whales Ru paul drag race massive fan all of that craic. That's her working default. She has an avoidant dismissive personality.These are people who have been severely hurt in the past and will do anything and everything to avoid acknowledging that hurt or coming into contact with that hurt again.

Her undergoing actions are please reject me, please, its what I want because to get close to people is to get closer to that big dark thing in my head. Her parents were either indifferent to her needs or are/were highly narcissistic.

Wibbs, you (and I) said that it was an attention seeking/cash rules everything around me ruse.

I think that might not be the case, just reading through some of her articles.

It might be a self sabotaging one.

These people, Louise O Neils or the Una Mullalys are like clockwork oranges. It's creepy out in all fairness.

I didn't watch the whole video because it got very boring very quick but I found it bizarre that she's on a "romantic weekend" and she has filmed every aspect-- the romantic dinner, the walk in the park etc. Rather than hold hands with her boyfriend and chat to him she holds her phone and narrates what they're doing- doesn't seem very romantic at all!

Anyway in relation to her hair- white and grey hair has been the popular choice for the past couple of years for a lot of women, I wouldn't read too much into it.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Aw come on now. There's absolutely no need to be taking shots at her looks her hair cuts or her appearance. She has a boyfriend, who no doubt finds her attractive and that should be the end of that. Her looks have no bearing on her attitude. She could be a size 6 DD model with a Kim kardashian arse and long blonde flowing locks and still be drawing negative attention with her postings and attitude.

Changing her appearance means nothing. She's fine as she is, she doesn't need to work on her appearance, just her attitude

I'm not insulting her looks at all.

Why do some people wear this kind of clothes over another?

Why do some people get this kind of tattoo or this kind of piercing?

There's an underlying reason for that and it's highly common in depressed people, that (weirdly enough) they'll try and bury themselves further and further down if they can.

Why do you get your hair dyed to purposely make you look as old and sick as possible?

If this guy who she said raped her comes back, there could be massive trouble coming up for her in the future.

This is a much bigger step from whining about neo nazi lads or the patriarchy.

For what it's worth, she's pretty good looking tbh.

anna080 wrote: »

So? Is she ever not a victim? I was bullied in school, had one friend to my name and it wasn't until I went to college where I started to be myself and not give a sh!t about who liked me. I have frizzy hair too, what has that to do with anything? Pure victim mentality. Always. Someone give her the gold medal in the victim olympics. There comes a time in life you have to shed that teenage baggage and pull up your big girl pants and stop wandering around like the worlds owes you a favour. Using your perpetually victimised place in the world to tear people down around you is not okay.

Yeah, exactly. You were abused as a child? I feel really sorry for you, but an awful thing to do is still an awful thing to do.

It may explain the behavior, but it in no way justifies it.

anna080 wrote: »

Of course. But this case is not as black and white as that. And you know that.

True. But if that posters son did exactly as they taught him- stopped the second she said no- in this kind of situation he may avoid having a similar post made about him, or a visit from police.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

So tell me, for the next lesson, what does he teach him when it comes to the woman deciding to have sex only to withdraw her consent on a trending blog 15 years afterwards? When he has no opportunity to a fair trial, his side of the story or the chance to clear his name? When he might have a wife and a family?

If he had stopped when she said no rather than persist then she wouldn't have "let him" have sex with her and he wouldn't have found himself the subject of this particular type of blog post.

Buford T. Justice V wrote: »

He's sensible enough to make his own decisions on that.

The problem arises even after consent was given, in a fit of remorse/pique he could accused of rape and his future goes down the drain while the accuser will get support and lauded from high.

The system is loaded against the male of the species.

Is it? Tell me how many rapes actually end in conviction? Oh wait vast majority of victims are false reporting rape.