"Why I did not report my rapist"

25-02-2017 09:56AM

Deleted User wrote:

Now, is it punishable rape? There's the crux.

Jesus wept.

If there a rape is non-punishable, it's not rape.

The Black Oil · 25-02-2017 10:00AM

She kicked off some months back after Mark Paul critiqued feminism in the Irish Times.

Also, reminder this is the sort of crap she believes.

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781176393463894016

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781177206567497728

suicide_circus · 25-02-2017 10:06AM

If this is rape then we must accept that fact that the vast majority of people we know are rapists and/or rape victims.

To me in this story, she said no....then changed her mind

Richard Hillman · 25-02-2017 10:17AM

The Black Oil wrote: »

She kicked off some months back after Mark Paul critiqued feminism in the Irish Times.

Also, reminder this is the sort of crap she believes.

:pac: :pac: :pac:

I shouldn't laugh but can't help it. She's just another click-bait writer with an editor exploiting her mental health issues. Same with O'Neill, same with Mullaly, same with the Ryanair girl.

They are all under this crazed illusion that their mental health issues are completely and wholey unrelated to their writings.

They are not separable. They cannot be separable. It's not just something they can flick on and off. Their opinions and beliefs are formed around them.

Shelga · 25-02-2017 10:30AM

Ok now that others are pointing out rubbish she has come out with in the past, my patience is wearing thin. I haven't been following her online too long and haven't seen any of the LON type 'feminism' so far. But anyone who perpetuates the idea that it's ok to use the term 'rape culture' in Ireland, and rant all over social media about same, to impressionable young people, is a dangerous fool.

daheff · 25-02-2017 10:37AM

From my reading of what happened in the end it boiled down to Her choice of
A Having an awkward conversation with the guy or
B Having sex with him

She decided it was easier to have sex with him than have that conversation.

So she was too immature to deal with the situation. She continued allowing herself to be undressed and to have sex with him because she didn't want to have an awkward conversation.

If she thinks this is rape she's sadly mistaken. I only hope the person she's making the allegations about can't be identified from the piece as his life will be destroyed because of her inability to have awkward conversations.

Richard Hillman · 25-02-2017 10:49AM

Shelga wrote: »

Ok now that others are pointing out rubbish she has come out with in the past, my patience is wearing thin. I haven't been following her online too long and haven't seen any of the LON type 'feminism' so far. But anyone who perpetuates the idea that it's ok to use the term 'rape culture' in Ireland, and rant all over social media about same, to impressionable young people, is a dangerous fool.

It's hate speech, pure and simple.

RabbleRouser2k · 25-02-2017 10:50AM

The Black Oil wrote: »

She kicked off some months back after Mark Paul critiqued feminism in the Irish Times.

Also, reminder this is the sort of crap she believes.

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781176393463894016

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781177206567497728

Someone was disagreeing with her article on twitter, noting how the guy she claims 'attacked her', if he existed, was an A-hole...but that being such is not due to hyper maculinity, no more than a woman being a b!tch is down to hyper-feminity. And then she tried to claim 'oh, but aggression is not part of femininity'...and you just sit there and think tell that to the many women who will actively seek out a fight with a male, knowing that society forbids him to hit her, yet 'allows' her to hit him.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-beast/201505/can-women-be-violent-men

RabbleRouser2k · 25-02-2017 11:04AM

Richard Hillman wrote: »

:pac: :pac: :pac:

I shouldn't laugh but can't help it. She's just another click-bait writer with an editor exploiting her mental health issues. Same with O'Neill, same with Mullaly, same with the Ryanair girl.

They are all under this crazed illusion that their mental health issues are completely and wholey unrelated to their writings.

They are not separable. They cannot be separable. It's not just something they can flick on and off. Their opinions and beliefs are formed around them.

And it's notable too for how they try and hide it-but it's so blatant, it's tragic.

Now, I am not judging (I have my own history of mental illness) but it is intriguing how those who acknowledge their issues thrive, while those who do not-shrivel up. The acknowledge it informs their work-JK Rowling and Tim Burton(in his heyday) have spoken about it, and how certain elements of their illness inspired their writing.
And acknowledging it means you have established you are not a victim.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 25-02-2017 11:14AM

She's stated before (why I stopped following her) that it's ok to objectify men as women aren't a threat to men but it's dangerous and wrong to objectify women.

Women aren't a special breed.

If it's wrong to objectify women it's wrong to objectify men.
If it's wrong to hit a woman it's wrong to hit a man.
If it's wrong to sexually assault a woman, it's wrong to sexually assault a man.

I, as a woman, don't require special treatment. Don't be a dick to me, I won't be a dick to you. Besides, I like when a man does manly stuff. Carries the shopping basket, carries the bags, opens the door for me and lets me out first etc. Some of these women are setting us back and causing us as a gender to be taken less seriously with an over inflated sense of being more important.

mzungu · 25-02-2017 11:27AM

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

What I find all the more distressing about this is how she presumes we 'must believe her' when her story is really grey area. They kissed, she said no, they continued kissing, then her top was off, she said no but continued kissing- I mean, that's all wrong. A firm 'oi, no-stop' has to be in place.
Even a yell of 'No' when others were in the house would have alerted people-and we know people were in the house. This story has holes in it. Big ones.
Actually, the narrative sounds like an episode of Beverly Hills 90210. Especially the 'we kept kissing' and 'lying there and letting it happen'.

Ah now, I don't agree there. One can't measure consent with regards to how loud the "no" was. It was said three times. Whether it is a whisper or an ear drum shattering screech, once you hear it that means stop.

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Feminists enforce this whole 'rape culture' myth, and then you have someone wanting to hang a guy for allegations that ring hollow. And why not 'secure a conviction'? Why not prevent a rapist (hypothetical) from going around and raping other people? But this is the craziness of the feminists atm-claim a rape culture, do nothing but 'report it to twitter' instead of the law.

"Rape culture" is a load of hysterical nonsense, however it has nothing to do with this case. Looking at the information we have to go on (and I am aware we only have one side) the man in question was asked to stop but continued on regardless.

mzungu · 25-02-2017 11:41AM

The Black Oil wrote: »

She kicked off some months back after Mark Paul critiqued feminism in the Irish Times.

Also, reminder this is the sort of crap she believes.

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781176393463894016

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781177206567497728

Although it is a separate issue from the topic at hand, the third tweet is real facepalm stuff. That is exactly the kind of insane logic MRA's use, except they say it about women.

professore · 25-02-2017 11:44AM

The Black Oil wrote: »

She kicked off some months back after Mark Paul critiqued feminism in the Irish Times.

Also, reminder this is the sort of crap she believes.

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781176393463894016

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/781177206567497728

100% of men? So much wrong with that misandrist statement. Some men do speak up. Some other women don't. Are they colluding too? Is it men's duty to stand up for women? Do women have no duty to stand up for themselves or each other? What is a feminist discussion? Surely discussion is just discussion, not framed inside an ideology?

professore · 25-02-2017 11:54AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

She's stated before (why I stopped following her) that it's ok to objectify men as women aren't a threat to men but it's dangerous and wrong to objectify women.

Women aren't a special breed.

If it's wrong to objectify women it's wrong to objectify men.
If it's wrong to hit a woman it's wrong to hit a man.
If it's wrong to sexually assault a woman, it's wrong to sexually assault a man.

I, as a woman, don't require special treatment. Don't be a dick to me, I won't be a dick to you. Besides, I like when a man does manly stuff. Carries the shopping basket, carries the bags, opens the door for me and lets me out first etc. Some of these women are setting us back and causing us as a gender to be taken less seriously with an over inflated sense of being more important.

This is 100% my mindset too. I think this brand of feminism has set women's rights back 50 years and directly contributed to the election of Trump.

It especially annoys me when women are portrayed as incapable of doing anything bad and men incapable of doing anything good - unless they first identify as a feminist. This is just misandry, plain and simple.

We need more women like you in the media. I say women because men are not allowed to write something like this without being cast as misogynists. Then we can have true equality based on mutual respect - not shouting each other down and sticking labels on each other to shut down the smallest debate.

JuliusCaesar · 25-02-2017 12:00PM

Personally I think EVERYONE should learn to be assertive and say what they mean, and mean what they say.

It's like the stories of flatmate wars, where the I-can't-tell-him-straight-that-he's-an-arsehole but he's-not-changing-his-ways-when-I-look-daggers-at-him.

Being an adult and taking charge of your life means being assertive.

Of course, this goes against the Irish way of 'dropping hints' and hoping the other person will get what you mean. But everyone, sometimes you just have to tackle stuff straight on.

professore · 25-02-2017 12:05PM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Personally I think EVERYONE should learn to be assertive and say what they mean, and mean what they say.

It's like the stories of flatmate wars, where the I-can't-tell-him-straight-that-he's-an-arsehole but he's-not-changing-his-ways-when-I-look-daggers-at-him.

Being an adult and taking charge of your life means being assertive.

Of course, this goes against the Irish way of 'dropping hints' and hoping the other person will get what you mean. But everyone, sometimes you just have to tackle stuff straight on.

While I agree with you, it's still not OK to rape someone because they are not assertive. Having said that, if I was on a jury for the case in the OP, I would not convict the guy of rape. There is something called seduction, and that's what happened here IMO. Buyer's remorse is not rape. At no point did he force her to do anything, or threaten her in any way.

Little CuChulainn · 25-02-2017 12:12PM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Personally I think EVERYONE should learn to be assertive and say what they mean, and mean what they say.

It's like the stories of flatmate wars, where the I-can't-tell-him-straight-that-he's-an-arsehole but he's-not-changing-his-ways-when-I-look-daggers-at-him.

Being an adult and taking charge of your life means being assertive.

Of course, this goes against the Irish way of 'dropping hints' and hoping the other person will get what you mean. But everyone, sometimes you just have to tackle stuff straight on.

Being an adult also means you should have a certain amount of awareness, both of yourself and your situation.

shanno666 · 25-02-2017 12:12PM

She was allegedly raped and this is the part she has the biggest issue with ??

“Do you want me to leave?” When I look back, this is the part I have the biggest issue with. Up to this point, I would believe you if you told me that he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong – that he didn’t know he was taking something I wasn’t willing to give. But he knew; the minute it was over, he asked if I wanted him to leave. I said yes. He left.

so she basically didnt think she was raped until he asked if she wanted him to leave..Madness

JuliusCaesar · 25-02-2017 12:13PM

I'm not saying it's ok, I'm saying a lot of heartache and anger would be saved. Learn now, all of you!

.... I'll be starting my assertiveness college any minute, deposits taken now.

One eyed Jack · 25-02-2017 12:13PM

professore wrote: »

not shouting each other down and sticking labels on each other to shut down the smallest debate.

How does what you said above, jig with this -

professore wrote: »

I'm sorry, but are you on the autistic spectrum? Do you live in a world where people ask each other to have sex with no flirtation or push / pull? Have you ever actually been with a member of the opposite ( or same ) sex?

?

CruelCoin · 25-02-2017 12:16PM

Hunky Monster wrote: »

Two people drunk as fück at home after a heavy night go up to bed together and end up having sex

This is another example of the bad side of feminism.

Its funny how when two people are drunk, it is the man who gets done for rape as the woman cannot consent while drunk.

Well hang on, if he was drunk too, then he couldn't have consented either.

Or is that not how equality works?

sunshine and showers · 25-02-2017 12:20PM

CruelCoin wrote: »

Its funny how when two people are drunk, it is the man who gets done for rape as the woman cannot consent while drunk.

Well hang on, if he was drunk too, then he couldn't have consented either.

Or is that not how equality works?

The legal defintion of rape is "penis in vagina" penetration, so there's that to contend with..

She could be charged with sexual assault.

One eyed Jack · 25-02-2017 12:24PM

Calhoun wrote: »

Has there always been trial by media of rape? Any time i have observed rape cases with allot of media around it is when its going through the courts. I have never really observed a case where we have a kangeroo court of opinion with no interconnection with the authorities.

We're doing it right now, here in this thread.

I don't think so to be honest as you ignore the full details of the event described by the author, you cling to the details of her saying no three times as confirmation of rape yet ignore the kissing ect which might hint as others have pointed out the complex back and forth couple have.

I've ignored nothing. I just don't agree with the conclusions of your assessment. I can understand why you'd make that assessment and come to the conclusions you have, but I just don't agree with it.

You know your own mind i suppose but i would question if you have an inherent bias due to your experience.

Thank you for at least acknowledging that I know my own mind far better than you or anyone else does, but again you're drawing conclusions I don't agree with based upon your own inherent bias which is no doubt informed by whatever perception you have when you ignore the fact that I was unequivocal in saying "no", the first time you asked the question.

Had you formed a foregone conclusion in your own mind before you even asked the question?

retro:electro · 25-02-2017 12:28PM

shanno666 wrote: »

She was allegedly raped and this is the part she has the biggest issue with ??

“Do you want me to leave?” When I look back, this is the part I have the biggest issue with. Up to this point, I would believe you if you told me that he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong – that he didn’t know he was taking something I wasn’t willing to give. But he knew; the minute it was over, he asked if I wanted him to leave. I said yes. He left.

so she basically didnt think she was raped until he asked if she wanted him to leave..Madness

However she states further on that she thinks he would never look back at that situation and see it as rape. Taken from her Facebook: Quote " I don't think he realised how far he was pushing things. I don't think he would ever consider himself a rapist". I'm sure he got awkward vibes and left. I've been there before. You know what's the most important line though? "I don't think he would ever consider himself a rapist". Why is that? Because he isn't one. Well until 15 years later when he has the disgusting title sprung on him without due process.

RMC is a dangerous person. What she is doing is seriously dangerous. Go on Rosemary, pick this post to share with your Twitter followers too. I'm sure they'd love it. Ya know, like last night when you called me a "Man's Rights Activist" because I believe in the right to a fair trial. Anything bar having to actually engage in the discussion, eh.

professore · 25-02-2017 12:31PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

How does what you said above, jig with this -

?

This is an honest question - I didn't say you are autistic - you're simplistic view of human relationships suggests you are.

I love the way you pick one sentence out of context of everything I've written and use that to justify your viewpoint. A dreadful way to debate anything, a favourite tactic of the likes of Donald Trump.

Yourself isit · 25-02-2017 12:36PM

professore wrote: »

100% of men? So much wrong with that misandrist statement. Some men do speak up. Some other women don't. Are they colluding too? Is it men's duty to stand up for women? Do women have no duty to stand up for themselves or each other? What is a feminist discussion? Surely discussion is just discussion, not framed inside an ideology?

It's the all men arguments of modern feminism (4th wave?) that I think makes it unpalatable to most modern males, while previous movements could be supported - equal pay, abortion, contraception (pushed here by feminists), and going back further – votes etc. These were egalitarian ideas.

Most people understand that this is bad and bigoted logic.

The Muslim guy was a terrorist and all Muslims are responsible (by not speaking out or stopping it even if they didn't do it)

But this:?

This guy was a rapist and all men are responsible (by not speaking out and stopping it even if they didn't do it).

Modern Feminists will decry the former but push the latter.

One eyed Jack · 25-02-2017 12:48PM

professore wrote: »

This is an honest question - I didn't say you are autistic - you're simplistic view of human relationships suggests you are.

Wow. I have a different perspective to yours on human relationships, so I must be autistic?

I'm genuinely not sure where to start with that one, but when you're asking for an honest debate without shouting each other down and sticking labels on people, you're falling well below your own standard you set for others already.

One rule for you and another for others, is that how you view human relationships?

I love the way you pick one sentence out of context of everything I've written and use that to justify your viewpoint. A dreadful way to debate anything, a favourite tactic of the likes of Donald Trump.

I agreed with everything else you wrote in that post, just that last bit I quoted because it jarred with me that you seemed blind to your own standards. You're blind again to your own standards when you pick a few lines out of an article and choose to hang your whole argument on those few lines rather than examine the article as a whole.

I don't particularly care what Trump has to say either if I'm honest, hardly a useful debating strategy to bring him into the conversation when you've talked already about push/pull/flirting/viewing sex as a game... and here's a guy that brags about how women love being grabbed by their vaginas.

That's just... awkward.

Calhoun · 25-02-2017 12:54PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

We're doing it right now, here in this thread.

I've ignored nothing. I just don't agree with the conclusions of your assessment. I can understand why you'd make that assessment and come to the conclusions you have, but I just don't agree with it.

Thank you for at least acknowledging that I know my own mind far better than you or anyone else does, but again you're drawing conclusions I don't agree with based upon your own inherent bias which is no doubt informed by whatever perception you have when you ignore the fact that I was unequivocal in saying "no", the first time you asked the question.

Had you formed a foregone conclusion in your own mind before you even asked the question?

Not really as this isnt a case of rape but a case of a card carrying SJW looking for attention.

You seem to not acknowledge the complex interplay between the sex's that can go on before sex but hey what ever.

We will agree to disagree i think its healthy for the conversation, i just want to make sure like many there is a counter point to your view.

It can be quite dangerous when we let folk impacted by bad situations be the authority on how we should handle it as they carry the burden of what happened with them and are not always so objective.

Sofiztikated · 25-02-2017 12:59PM

I'm really glad I'm not in the hookup/casual sex game. It sounds ****ing horrendous.

Yourself isit · 25-02-2017 01:01PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

There are really two stances. Those like me who agree with the law as it stands, that sex without consent is rape, and it's hard to beat the word "no" as indicative of...well...no. And those who have an issue with that, including a few who disagree with the law or think it is not nuanced enough (perfectly legitimate), some who think no might mean yes if, well, you know, she kinda did this or allowed that (I disagree), a few who seem to think a proper rape needs a bit of the ol' ultraviolence (just...no). But no one is a "tool", it's just different opimnions.

Well it can cost people their liberty.

The problem with the verbal no being the only example of non-consent is that consent doesn't have to be verbal.

For instance a married couple come home a bit tipsy, and a bit touchy feel as they fall in the door in an embrace. Wife says 'no, it's a week night" but continues to kiss and engage. Then it gets more passionate and gets consumated.

I bet something like this happens in most marriages and most relationships.

"Why I did not report my rapist"

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