Lahvlahn Thread from 18/11/16 so to speak

ButtersSuki wrote: »

I wunder how much Brazil's best paid radio broadcaster takes home a year? I assume as its a country of 200m people he/she would be on a multiple of Duffy's fees so to speak? :rolleyes:

Oh, of course. As we all know, he would be head-hunted by rival national broadcasters if he weren't paid decently.
<quite how anyone ever expected anyone else to believe that utter horsesh1t, is beyond me>

Red Kev wrote: »

I always thought that Joe fancies himself as a kind of RTE version of Larry King, even his promo shots are very similar; the braces, white collar on the expensive shirt (some are definitely tailored).

It's just that Joe is one of the worst interviewers going, if it's not eeking out the last details of a sordid death or a terminal illness, he's only suited to interviewing grandmothers about lost tortoises.

Joe: and wat colour was your tortoise? Do you own a hare too? Did he make a fast getaway? Have you a children's named Aesop? Was de tortoise's name Me-Shell?

Although that's probably giving him way too much credit so to speak.

snubbleste wrote: »

I would never never never infer imply such.
Except that Joe is thick.

FYP.

Me Weekly Column, by me, Joe Duffy so to speak.

Since I last wrote to yisser all I've earned made enough in fees to build a small hostible, but dat's de price of a professional, impartial, erudite host of de Number Wan Radio Show in de land so to speak. I had a little breakeen for meself after de highs of #FunnyFryday and am fully rested up for plenty of death and dat dis week. On my breakeen I read a buke but more abour dat later.

Over de last few weeks a da show we had de callers axing abour de inshuredance again. Honestly no matter how many toymes we cover dis we still get de peeple axing abour it. So here it in wance and for all and for de last toyme says I, Joe's Goyde Ta De Inshuredance and dat:
1. Inshuredance is compulserry needed for vehickles. You don't need it for de gaff if you're rich like me.
2. Inshuredance companies are chancers - and not de good kind like de fellas dat do be seekin' refugee status but can leave dare wife and kids in war zones. Deeze chancers NEVER send out notice dat your policy is coming to an end and you need to renew. And day never issue a little certyfickit for de car dat tells you wen de inshuredance is jew. Chancers de lot a dem so to speak.
3. If you "forget" ta pay yer inshuredance and yous have an accident just call me and I'll get it sorted for youz and dat.
4. Life and de health inshuredances are savings plans ware you pay de money every month and den in 20 years you get it all back.
Dat's it now. Dat's de last toyme I'm explaining it......until some auld wan comes on who forgot to pay it and had anudder accident and dat and we cover dis topic again and I have to pretend like all of dis is newiz ta me agin.

Speaking of vehickles, I see de greatest politician in Ireland Ivan Calorie (or Olivan as he likes to call himself deeze days) is selling vehickles now. I know ware I'll be gettin' me next jag from says I....and it won't be in some shltty shoppin' centre car park on DNS. "Hasn't he suffered enough?" was a phrase once said aloud by de greatest buke writer in Ireland, but dat was before he saw de used car salesman devalue all de properties in Clontarf wit dis nonsense. It's a disgrace! If only dare was someone I could ring to complain abour ir so to speak? Ivan Calorie sellin' cars says I? Wat could possibly go wrong? Wat's next? Bertie Ahern's Cash Only No Receipt Bank?

Anyway, de buke I was reading was about dis fella who started off wit nuttin' and now lives in a big gaff. He did de wurk for dis company and day used to waste money on everyting you can imagine and day were payin' fellas crazy money. "Was it yer own buke Joe?" and "Is it abour RTE Joe?" I hear youz say. No says I, it was about Seanie Fitz and de Anglo tapes says I.

At wan stage Seanie was "earning" over €7,000 a day. I make €8,500 a week, but I suppose Seanie has ta do de 40ish hours whereas I do 6.25. Wat's de bigger croyme says I? I don't know because I can't do de Matty Matticks as yisser all know and dat. Seanie also did dis buke for nottin'. WTF is dat abour? Duzn't he no all de breakeens de bukewriters and de artists are entitled ta? As de finance guy he should be tellin' me abour de breakeens and not de udder way around....is it any wunder dat bank went busted. Day should have had me on dare board and dat would have solved everyting. I was talkin' ta Bertie de udder day and he told me if Lee-manz hadn't had gone busted Ireland wood have been fine and dat and he could have builted de Bertie Bowl and Brindin could have done de Mrs. Browninz Boyiz Boyiz concerts dare and dat. - it would have been beauriful so to speak.

Speakin' a bukes....dare's only a few weeks left in de year de get de bestest buke dat was ever written (apart from me autobiography and dat) and dat buke is of course de wunderful, fantastic Childers dat Did Doyed in De Rising, byt me, Joe Duffy so to speak. If yisser go ta Easons on O'Connell Street on de Sahurday me dawturr dat duz wurk in Easons (not on de floor now moynd you, at de Customer Service Desk and dat) has some signed wans for an extra tenner in cash......yeez can't be expectin' me ta do dem for free pro grattis now can yiz?

Finally, before I go, I would like to file a Missing Persons Report. One of de shows regular listeners and contributors seems to have gone AWOL. John O'Donovan from Cark, can you give de show a call? We miss your modrin perspective on all matters so to speak. Your finger is definitely on de pulse so to speak and we want to hear from you..........if you want to have a few scoops before you call in all de better. You can put dem on de RTE Cark tab in the Hi Bee........

Hope we get a good run a death and misery and sufferin' dis week now.

'Til next week, keep de faith.

De biggest retweeters of de @RealJoeDuffy Tweets? RTÉ staff! Seems their understanding of the word irony is on a par with Joe's.....