Why are men dropping out of society? - mod note in 1st post

eviltwin · 22-11-2016 07:29PM

I find both genders equally as shallow when it comes to having a short term fling, one night stand etc but when it comes to relationships they tend to focus on other attributes.

eeguy · 22-11-2016 07:31PM

Mr Arrior wrote: »

But women are mostly put under pressure from other women, which doesn't really affect the dating scene. Us guys have to look very good to have any chance to get a girlfriend.

Not really. You just have to look presentable.
You'd think wearing clean, moderately fashionable clothes that fit would be an easy task for any man to accomplish.
But you go out and see lads who look like their mother still buys their clothes.

I recently broke up with a girl and went back to dating. First few dates were kinda sh*t as I had very little to talk about. Nearly everything I've done over the last number of years involved my ex. I actually struggled to get photos of me by myself for the OD profile.

So now that I have loads of free time I went on Eventbrite to look for things to fill the evenings. Went to a good few events and met people and low and behold I went on a date with a really nice girl and she asked the usual "Get up to anything fun recently?" and I had loads to talk about.

Mr Arrior · 22-11-2016 07:34PM

The thing that gets me though is that a lot of the women I know would look at you on horror if you suggested wearing an outfit that you wore previously. One told me that the other woman would be judging.

eviltwin · 22-11-2016 07:37PM

Mr Arrior wrote: »

The thing that gets me though is that a lot of the women I know would look at you on horror if you suggested wearing an outfit that you wore previously. One told me that the other woman would be judging.

That's their insecurity coming out. I've never experienced anything like that from any woman.

Mr Arrior · 22-11-2016 07:40PM

eviltwin wrote:

That's their insecurity coming out. I've never experienced anything like that from any woman.

As I said that would be women in their early twenties so I can't speak for different age groups.

tigger123 · 22-11-2016 07:46PM

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Well women that don't make a lot of an effort will have a lot more luck than a guy that doesn't make a lot of an effort. The extremes go over board on both sexes.

That's a very old way of thinking IMO. I've a lot of female and male friend my age and the women are more focused on looks than the guys in my experience.

A guy that doesn't make a lot of effort doesn't have much to be complaining about if he's not making a lot of effort. He needs to make the effort tbh. We all do if we're to attract someone.

Mr Arrior · 22-11-2016 07:49PM

tigger123 wrote:

A guy that doesn't make a lot of effort doesn't have much to be complaining about if he's not making a lot of effort. He needs to make the effort tbh. We all do if we're to attract someone.

But I included women in that example.

eviltwin · 22-11-2016 07:50PM

Mr Arrior wrote: »

But I included women in that example.

What do you mean by 'making an effort'

Mr Arrior · 22-11-2016 07:54PM

eviltwin wrote:

What do you mean by 'making an effort'

Well dressed, well groomed, physically fit etc etc. The same as what most people mean.

tigger123 · 22-11-2016 07:58PM

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Well women that don't make a lot of an effort will have a lot more luck than a guy that doesn't make a lot of an effort. The extremes go over board on both sexes.

tigger123 wrote: »

A guy that doesn't make a lot of effort doesn't have much to be complaining about if he's not making a lot of effort. He needs to make the effort tbh. We all do if we're to attract someone.

Mr Arrior wrote: »

But I included women in that example.

But what does it matter if the women who don't make a lot of effort do better, or have more luck? To the guy in your example (that isn't making an effort), the only thing he should be focusing on is making an effort with the opposite sex. Instead he's bemoaning the fact that it's easier (from his perspective) for the average looking woman. He's focusing on the wrong thing.

In short, if you're not making an effort, you've f*ck all to be moaning about.

Mr Arrior · 22-11-2016 08:03PM

tigger123 wrote:

But what does it matter if the women who don't make a lot of effort do better, or have more luck? To the guy in your example (that isn't making an effort), the only thing he should be focusing on is making an effort with the opposite sex. Instead he's bemoaning the fact that it's easier (from his perspective) for the average looking woman. He's focusing on the wrong thing.

This was in regards to women be more fixated on looks. As the average effort woman will have more luck than an average effort guy.

tigger123 wrote:

In short, if you're not making an effort, you've f*ck all to be moaning about.

I agree with that tbf.

eviltwin · 22-11-2016 08:03PM

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Well dressed, well groomed, physically fit etc etc. The same as what most people mean.

You also need a personality. Is that being lost in the midst of the visual side of things? I actually don't think how you look is as important as people may think. I met my partner in a very everyday situation, granted I didn't look like a down and out but I hadn't taken any additional care with my appearance. Neither had he but we still managed to talk to each other and click.

Mr Arrior · 22-11-2016 08:09PM

eviltwin wrote:

You also need a personality. Is that being lost in the midst of the visual side of things? I actually don't think how you look is as important as people may think. I met my partner in a very everyday situation, granted I didn't look like a down and out but I hadn't taken any additional care with my appearance. Neither had he but we still managed to talk to each other and click.

Well yeah but I was answering what you meant by making an effort.

Right2Write · 22-11-2016 08:23PM

What sort of rubbish is this? Me are not 'dropping out of society'. They're simply busy getting things done and making the wheels of the world go around. Real men have little time for navel gazing.

eeguy · 22-11-2016 08:37PM

eviltwin wrote: »

You also need a personality. Is that being lost in the midst of the visual side of things? I actually don't think how you look is as important as people may think. I met my partner in a very everyday situation, granted I didn't look like a down and out but I hadn't taken any additional care with my appearance. Neither had he but we still managed to talk to each other and click.

That's very subjective. No additional care could mean only going out in a 2 piece suit, not three;). Also, your one experience doesn't disprove the fact that a lot of men make very little effort going out.

There's a strange uniform around my way of county or football jersey, plus bootleg faded denim, plus those weird wrangler slip on shoes we used to wear to school.

Ardillaun · 22-11-2016 08:44PM

oik wrote: »

py2006 wrote: »

I wonder is there a science to it. Are there studies to show that (generally speaking) girls and boys like certain colours etc.

I'm not sure about colours specifically, but there are a range of differences which are able to be observed in day old infants, so yes there is definite differences in nature.

Colours are an odd one. Pink has only recently become a feminine colour socially. It's still popular for shirts on (male) fat cats in Bentleys.

tigger123 · 22-11-2016 08:46PM

eeguy wrote: »

There's a strange uniform around my way of county or football jersey, plus bootleg faded denim, plus those weird wrangler slip on shoes we used to wear to school.

It's the f*cking worst. The bar is quite low for male fashion in Ireland, anyone man making half an effort can really stand out.

Eric Cartman · 22-11-2016 08:47PM

what is the problem with bootcut jeans. They're comfy and grand.

py2006 · 22-11-2016 08:48PM

Ardillaun wrote: »

Colours are an odd one. Pink has only recently become a feminine colour socially. It's still popular for shirts on (male) fat cats in Bentleys.

I saw an episode of QI recently were the great Stephen Fry pointed out that for centuries the colour pink and red was associated with men. Hence imagery of Kings wearing red etc. Blue was associated with women. The only example I think of is the virgin (haha) Mary.

It is only really in the last 100 years or so that we associate pink/red with girls and blue with boys.

EDIT: (annoying editing, but you get the idea)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9iYvSztyHs

Mister Vain · 22-11-2016 08:55PM

Eric Cartman wrote: »

what is the problem with bootcut jeans. They're comfy and grand.

At the end of the day you're going to want to wear what you're comfortable in. No point it wearing something that's "fashionable" if its cutting the fecking arse off you.

tigger123 · 22-11-2016 08:58PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

At the end of the day you're going to want to wear what you're comfortable in. No point it wearing something that's "fashionable" if its cutting the fecking arse off you.

What if you could be comfortable and fashionable though?

Colser · 22-11-2016 09:02PM

As an older womanÃ°Å¸Ëœ I'd be looking at this differently but it could be an age thing.

I wouldn't want a man that's too into fashion and imo nothing looks worse than a man dressed up in "fashionable"clothes that are just not "him" ,it's looks too false .Hygiene is the biggy and clean clothes but in a group of men I'd go for the jeans and T-shirt/shirt man every time..again maybe that's just me but "mutton dressed as lamb" can be seen in men also and isn't great tbh.

eviltwin · 22-11-2016 09:05PM

Colser wrote: »

As an older womanðŸ˜ I'd be looking at this differently but it could be an age thing.

I wouldn't want a man that's too into fashion and imo nothing looks worse than a man dressed up in "fashionable"clothes that are just not "him" ,it's looks too false .Hygiene is the biggy and clean clothes but in a group of men I'd go for the jeans and T-shirt/shirt man every time..again maybe that's just me but "mutton dressed as land" can be seen in men also and isn't great tbh.

Yeah I'd be the same. I'm also a bit older than the average here so maybe it's a generational thing. I admire a sharp dressed man or woman but it's not a deal breaker. I wouldn't rule someone out just because of the way they dress.

professore · 22-11-2016 09:08PM

All the young wans love a guy with tattoos. That's what my daughter and her friends tell me. When pressed, she says it makes him "look original" and "a rebel". I said you mean like 95% of other guys with pretty much identical tattoos these days? She had no answer.

eeguy · 22-11-2016 09:12PM

Eric Cartman wrote: »

what is the problem with bootcut jeans. They're comfy and grand.

Ah I'm not arguing, they are. But you can buy fashionable boot cut jeans. I'm talking about the over the hill, washed so many times they're white, ripped to shreds at the bottom cause they're too long, bunched up at the ankle so you look like a shortarse child sort of bootcut.

Usually worn by people who started buying them in their teens when they were the rage in the early 2000's and just never changed.

mzungu · 22-11-2016 09:29PM

Eric Cartman wrote: »

what is the problem with bootcut jeans. They're comfy and grand.

I had to google what bootcut jeans were. And from the looks of it I may have a pair somewhere.

Bootcut ftw.

Kal El · 22-11-2016 09:40PM

professore wrote: »

All the young wans love a guy with tattoos. That's what my daughter and her friends tell me. When pressed, she says it makes him "look original" and "a rebel". I said you mean like 95% of other guys with pretty much identical tattoos these days? She had no answer.

Thats only the celtic cross in Ireland :pac:

Eric Cartman · 22-11-2016 09:59PM

professore wrote: »

All the young wans love a guy with tattoos. That's what my daughter and her friends tell me. When pressed, she says it makes him "look original" and "a rebel". I said you mean like 95% of other guys with pretty much identical tattoos these days? She had no answer.

they do at the moment. When that goes back out of fashion we'll soon see.

Theres a certain portion of women who vary their tastes in men by what fashion magazines tell them is popular at the moment. I feel bad for those lads who will find themselves single again the second the magazines say their body type / tattoos / hairstyle / facial hair are no longer the in thing.

Mister Vain · 22-11-2016 10:06PM

tigger123 wrote: »

What if you could be comfortable and fashionable though?

Nothing wrong with that of course. It's not what you wear its how you wear it. Skinny jeans and scarfs looks ridiculous on a man though.

tigger123 · 22-11-2016 10:22PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Nothing wrong with that of course. It's not what you wear its how you wear it. Skinny jeans and scarfs looks ridiculous on a man though.

Why is it any time a conversation starts on boards about men's fashion, the skinny jeans and scarves are whipped out?! Don't need to be wearing either to be fashionable.

Why are men dropping out of society? - mod note in 1st post

Comments