not sexually interested anymore

arloeisenberg

i've been going out with a girl for 2 1/2 years now and i find i want to make excuses to avoid intimacy, i love her, (or at least i used to?) but there's no fun, everything feels like a chore, i feel used everyday i go see her all the way out northside (10miles) by bus and it seems it's taken for granted. The pressure she puts on me to see her as much as possible has even prevented me from getting a job. And now i don't even like to kiss her...If anyone has any advice or if u think i'm being stupid just tell me.

Static M.e.

Take a break m8, and think about

1 : Find out where you stand / how you feel ?
2 : Are you still just going out with her because its comfortable ?
3 : She might see the effort your making , give you more attantion
you might like her more .... not very good either way but.
4 : The pressure she puts you under has prevented you from getting a job , you serious , explain ? are you just using her as a excuse not to work ?
5 : Or would probably be better off talking to her before all the rest . Sometimes they will surprise you.

Either way , you dont seem happy , a relationship should never be a chore , although sometimes we see it as such , you usally know in your heart that your just being stupid .

Take a break , decide if it is worth the effort and repair or leave

Best of luck.

deimos

people think that they have found their match because they so desperately want somebody........ then when that wears off they begin just to become the usual generic couple who simply just go out......... then they get to know each other and then it gets boring, they realise they dont have that much in common and the other wants something totally different.

might be just a case of "can we be freinds from here on in?"

best to talk to her though..... see her input

mooman_00

Break up. Why spend any more of your life doing something that makes you unhappy. Its not fair to either of you to just continue on for the sake of it. I think you could just leave the title as not interested anymore as that is how you seem to feel. The whole idea of love seems to fukk a lot of people up, if your not happy with her and you cant stand being with her anymore then it would seem that you dont love her and would be better off apart. Becarefull how you talk to her about it tho as telling her she is not sexy anymore isn't really the best reason to be breaking up with someone.

Typedef

Originally posted by mooman_00
Break up. Why spend any more of your life doing something that makes you unhappy.

There you go.

Sounds like you're an emotional crutch for this girl... and basically if you aren't attracted to her.... fortunately for you.. the two of you aren't married so you can walk away with comparitively little hassle*


*unless of course... she's a boiler bunny..... in which case... there are ways and means.... ways and means

Nevyn

You cant live your life like that at someones beck and call.

It could be the controling aspect of her that has turned you off so completely. But if your past the jumping on each other like rabbits and there not enough affection left or the realationship has not developed then it is time to call it quits.

Even when you are in a serious relationship you have to keep your own life.

arloeisenberg

thanks guys, you know what you said about Emotional Cructch really hit the spot...I feel as if i'm a object to rant at, any input of my own is of course wrong! I feel sometimes i really want to break up....desperatly so, but i can make myself do it. I'm even more scared about her and someone else...i know its strange but i'd almost put up with it forever rather than has someone else in the picture....ahhh it infuriates me. I'm stuck.

P.s on the job aspect i'm at college so i mean prevented me from summer work, although she has her own! it's just that her every free moment requires me to be around....or tears and tantrums!

Pps... u know she has me trapped

seamus

Originally posted by arloeisenberg
everyday i go see her all the way out northside (10miles) by bus and it seems it's taken for granted.

I'm interested to know why you still put in this kind of effort though.

Go and get a job (or try), without consideration for when she wants you around.

Tell her tomorrow that you're not going to make it out to her. Tell her she can come to you if she wants, but there's nothing else you can do. And make a habit of it. There's two phrases you'll need to learn here; "I'm too busy" and "No".

Relationships are two-sided. If one person isn't putting in equal effort, they should know about it. If the other is unreasonably demanding things, it's time for a break, to show how much they're taking the relationshsip for granted.

But in your case, I'd say it's time to drop it. If you don't even like being around her anymore, then there's no point in prolonging your torture. Her feelings are secondary, as she's not giving you the respect you deserve.

My 2c

Mercury_Tilt

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Emboss

show her the red card mate sounds like a mare

Typedef

So let me get this straight.

It's ok for her to have a summber job, but, not you, because if you do that.... you aren't devoting enough time to her?

Tell me, is she the sort to threaten to cap herself if you break it off... or is it simply a case of you being afraid of never getting laid again?

Pussy whipped or emotional crutch, either way.... it hardly matters which is true in your case... either way you should stand up for yourself and walk away.... you don't need to be blackmailed... and while yes, you may covet her from other men, it sounds like you are really bearing an unreasonable emotional burdon, by having to give up working... for her... while the same recpricocation is not forthcoming from her (as if you'd want it).

Two words, boiler bunny, chuck her, for someone who shows you some respect.

arloeisenberg

Seamus: I've got you, "i'm busy" and "no" are definately coming into play, thanks man.

Mercury tilt: you're right you know she won't get rid of me she'll just make me live the threat to keep me keen...treat em mean keep em keen i guess

Emboss: yeah man red card all the way mate!

and to Typedef...she is the capping herself type and its been a worry constantly. Its a real trapper, damned if i do damned if i don't.

I've got u all, all these suggestions are thoughts running through my head but i'm still the wait and hope kinda person.

Thanks for your help all of ya, really helped ease my mind.

LegacyUser

hows it going?

i jus wanted to say that i used to go out with someone that used be like that, manipulative, and i was trapped...yea and the whole threat of capping themselves was there too...

well i was ****less to breakit off to be honest...but eventually i just did it. ill never forget waking up the next morning, like there was a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. i just had to realise that these threats are rarely carried out...and everyone is responsible for their own actions. YOU need your own life too u know. like a job, friends, time for yourself. not to be on your gf's beck and call whenever suits her...and she can have a job...dats just not on at all mate.

i know its a cliché but lifes too short ok...good luck right.

theciscokid

sounds like the lust has worn off., its cool to stay friends after, but you might find that they downright annoy you or vice versa..

Humphrey

Hi arloeisenberg,

Try taking a 'break' from your girlfriend and start seeing other women. If you find you dont like kissing these Ladies hmm- did you ever consider that you may be Gay.

Humphrey.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

arloeisenberg

Anonnnnn

arloeisenberg

anonnnnn i think your right...i think i'll sit her down and have a chat first... with the plan that i'm outta there, and i'll see if i'm surprised. But i find it real hard to stay friends after a breakup, never really seems to work out far far too awkward.

oh and by the way thanks for em "straightening" me out re. humphreys post. lol...i like the ladies thats not in question mate!

that wise man seems to have sage advice.

thanks for everything guys!

azezil

kick her ass to the kerb, someone bores me in bed i say bubye

Silent Grape

i hope someone treats ur post with as little sensitivity and maturity as u treated mine.

maybe ur the problem, not her.

ferdi

Originally posted by mooman_00
Break up.

DriftingRain

Awwww.
Poor guy. Does this girl ever come to see you? you travel to see her but can she not travel to see you. Sounds to me as if she wants a pet not a man. Stand up for yourself and let her know all these things you are telling us. Maybe a sharp talk will do the trick or start a log of all the things you do for her and all the things she does for you and I am sure with seeing it in the print will make her furious only because she then sees the black and white of the realtionship. Just remember some girls cry to get pity and some girls just have sensitive feelings. Watch what you say and have it thought out well.
Good Luck