In the pub.

TomTom

From reading posts it's clear that a lot of people in here work or have worked in a pub at some stage and i get the feeling many of ye have frequented them now and then.

Whats the funniest thing you have heard or seen in the pub?

I have too many to list.

MrBigglesworth

Mine is more of a "had to be there" moments but a fellow barman found one of those russian hats out on the floor and came back behind the bar wearing it going "Hows she cutting boys? Like me new hat?". To which a foreign woman sitting at the bar went : "Excuse me ,that's mine!".

Didn't stop laughing all night! He was so friggin embarrassed!
More as I remember them.

bug

My first job was was as a lounge girl working in my local, I was about 16 and I was the worst loungegirl in the world. Anyhow being my local a few members of my family drank in there. This co-incided with the time that Hanson were top of the charts with Umm-bop, I remember that because my cousin thought I was a dead ringer for the youngest member of the wretched band and told all the other locals and barstaff this too, they all agreed, and a profuse slagging ensued each time Um-bop came on the pub sound system.

One particularly busy afternoon when Man U were playing and I had spilt five drinks over some local tossers,slid across the floor on some spilt drink and broken a few glasses. Um-bop came on the sound system in the back round my cousin and some members of my family stood up and started singing the song at the top of their voices and pointing at me, I was so worked up about my disasterously clumsy afternoon dealing with louts, I put down my tray where I was, and started screaming crying. Every single Man U fan turned to look at me. My cousin still slags me to this day about it.. the b*****d.


<edit>actually I was 18 and a big cry baby:) <edit>

TomTom

The other day while workin i was complaining about having no money and one off the guys jokenly said that i should print some money and give it out in change.

A drunk guy at the counter was listening to everything and after about 15 min called me over and offered to get rid of my fake notes for me. I told him it was a joke but he insisted he could get me a straight money swap. He then proceded to talk about corination street all in the one sentence.
It was a very odd moment but I just pissed me self laughing.



Must track him down though.

Hawk

I saw two guys playing pool in the nude once... Bar full of people and these two fellows were stark naked playing 8 ball... Almost choked on my Beam and coke...

:eek:

Calibos

Worked as a barman and saw a kid of about 5 tugging on his old mans sleeve who was sitting at the counter. "I need to go to the toilet daddy". His 'daddy' turned to him and said "its over there son". The kid went in and returned a few seconds later. "Theres someone already in the toilets daddy, both the doors are locked". The father tells the kid to use the stand up toilet like they have in school. The kid went back in and came out a few minutes later and sat back down beside his dad.

About 2 or 3 minutes later a bloke comes over to the bar. "Mate, you better go into the gents, theres......em......something blocking the drain and the channel is about to overflow." I grab a mop and bucket and go in to investigate. The kid had sh1t in the urinal!!

True Story! I sh1t you not (no pun intended):D

ella minnow pea

Originally posted by Hawk
I saw two guys playing pool in the nude once...

were they roscommomian by any chance

Asok

Originally posted by ella minnow pea
were they roscommomian :rolleyes:

I'm proud of my county.

Blitzkrieger

Wasn't really a pub but......

I was at a 'school disco' on an exchange in Germany. Since you can drink at 16, the place was packed with drunk kids. We were all sitting around on massivly overcrowded tables. I saw this one girl who must have been 14 (not part of our group) urgently tugging her friend's arm, who was snogging her boyfriend at the time, saying something about the toilet. Suddenly she goes all quiet and seconds later there's a puddle spreading accross the table from under her skirt. I've never seen so many people jump up off a table so fast! The poor girl then hides her face in her hands and runs from the builing crying while of course, still pissing herself.

We went home soon after.

Nemici

a mate of mine was looking very green, he stood up and covered his mouth with his hand and was running towards the jax but didnt make it.

His hand was firmly pressed on his mouth and the puke came out at super speed and sideways covering a few punters drinking at the bar.

he hasnt been back.

PH01

Originally posted by Nemici
a mate of mine was looking very green, he stood up and covered his mouth with his hand and was running towards the jax but didnt make it.

His hand was firmly pressed on his mouth and the puke came out at super speed and sideways covering a few punters drinking at the bar.

he hasnt been back.

Saw a friend of mine do something like that but with a different ending.

He grabbed an empty pint glass, and puked into it. Filled it to the brim. And didn't spill a drop.
Everybody were so impressed they applauded. Even the barman was grateful.

Yavvy

no so sure this is funny cause someone got hurt but I laughed.


I was a lounge boy in the crappyist underage disco bar dublin has ever seen. As usual a couple of feckin skangers start some trouble. The big scary bounsers were making their way to where the trouble was when a skanger stood up on a table and threw a bottle at the first bouncer. The bouncer caught it !! ( wasnt the fastest throw ever) Then the bouncer launched the bottle back at the skanger ..I hit him right in the forehead ( just under the cap peak I think) and sent him slying off the table. He landed on top of a girl ( skanger who was also fighting) and both of them ended up in the speaker. Rythem of the night was playing....

Epitaph

Didn't see much while I was working bar, although I apparently I just missed two itenerant wymyn knocking chips out off each other one night.

Anyway

After a ball in Galway, was sitting in college bar (still tux-ed up, no sleep) when two lads came in. They'd nothing on but jocks, waistcoats, and what looked awfully like suspenders (but could've been socks-stay-verticalers (TM)).

Anyway, they get their pints and one of the bouncers comes over and tells them that they'll have to leave. The first one looks at the bouncer, puts his pint down on the bar, runs the entire length of the bar, past the pool tables, out through the fire exit and jumps into the friggin' Eglington Canal!!

Priceless.

Caesar_Bojangle

Last summer when i worked in a bar during the summer, we had some great times. On the very last day, one of the guys pissed into the ice machine and made every single member of staff a drink with the ice.

DerekD Goldfish

while working in a pub on two different ocasions i found sh*t stained boxers while cleaning the jacks.

K!LL!@N

I read this thread earlier before i went to work, in a pub, and i said i'd add some of my own stories. Little did i know i'd have another one a couple of hours later.

Anyway, here it is. I'm standing in the lounge, it's about 3.30 - 4pm. The place is practically empty. Two dudes come in, take a look around and leave. I didn't think much of it. They looked kind of dodgy but once they left i didn't care. A minute later some other guy comes in and asks to change a cheque. I'm not allowed cash cheques so i get the manager. He wasn't going to cash the cheque cos he didn't know the guy. I walked away, and next thing i hear a smash. I thought the guy had flipped after not being able to cash his cheque. But it turned out, that one of the two guys that had been in before him, had come in, picked up an ashtray and smashed it over the guys head. This all happened for apparently no reason. The guy ran out the door to get away from the guy that hit him. But came back 15 minutes later looking for the shoe he'd dropped. He said he didn't know either of the dudes. It was all pretty surreal.

Killian

Nemici

A friend of mine was in Prague and shat his pants in a pub and tied his jumper around his waist and continued to drink.

(it was the absinthe did it)

Sarky

I wasn't a witness to this, but a few months ago in a pub in Galway, a DJ decided to play that tune that goes "It's the end of the world as we know it" (REM, possibly?) and someone whipped out an Iraqi flag and started prancing about the place. Funny stuff.