The Monk

Okie

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "All right, all right. I'm *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." The man sets about his task.

Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny, may I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is *another* door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst...

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

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But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!!!

SoundWave

i hate you :ninja:

Pompey Magnus

There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

Right, now that I'm a monk you can PM me what that sound was (we don't want any of these non-monks getting in on the secret).

Dont Ban Me

:eek:You miserable f**king s**te a**e que** hogging tes**le muncher, tell me!!!! :mad:

Okie

Originally posted by Dont Ban Me
:eek:You miserable f**king s**te a**e que** hogging tes**le muncher, tell me!!!! :mad:

Oooooooohh!!! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Sorry, you'd be more sorted to a docker than a monk!

The CowHorse

I heard that years ago. It's even worse when someone's actually telling it...but there are worse "jokes" than that...the purple stairs one and the bus riddle are the most unbelievable annoying ones ever!!

Sposs

LOL

nanook

told that joke when i was 10, its an absolute guaranteed way to get a beating on a session of alcohol.

It should take about 15 minutes to tell but once again it is a classic.

Okie you are a brave individual.

Pugsley

rofl...... you git ww)

Ivan

I thought it was quite good...

Jaeger

Knew it was going to be "one of those monk jokes". Like the one where a guy breaks in each night and the monk follows him. Thief can do something the monk can't like jump really far over a pit, so he escapes. Monk spends next day learning new skill only to be met with a new challenge. run this out over maybe 10 tasks and if you're any good you can have people eating out of your hand the whole way through

The punchline is, he catches the guy he's chasing and asks him if he's the one who's been stealing the precious artefacts stuff. The guy replies "no". Let the beating ensue.

pyramid man

now that was not very funny was it.

Acidflash

good one

tman

lol, thanks for wastting 3 minutes of my life

hells angels

You C*nt i was really expecting a good ending there but noooo you fairy boy.....

Okie

Originally posted by hells angels
You C*nt i was really expecting a good ending there but noooo you fairy boy.....

Oooops! Seems like someone left their sense of humour in their other trousers today! along with other stuff

As for expecting a good ending.....Jesus, hells angels, I could say that about ALL your.....

/meh clears throat

....."jokes"

Case in question:

Originally posted by hells angels

---

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."
Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

---

GOOD LORD!!!:rolleyes:

jonno

I loved it:D ww)

swalsh

you f****n toe rag!!! i dont believe that the s**t you posted here could be as bad if it came out of your arse.

kano476

HAH! gutted. wasnt expectin that one. i like it though

banquo

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

Sauron

:mad: :ninja: me so angry...... but twas funny none the less

Catsmokinpot

PANTS!!!

de5p0i1er

Good one

hells angels

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."
Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

Ok Fair cop....im sorry

But i thought that Britney one was pretty good..c'mon its a blond joke... I wont let it happen again!

Okie

Originally posted by hells angels
Ok Fair cop....im sorry

But i thought that Britney one was pretty good..c'mon its a blond joke... I wont let it happen again!

Aww, it's alright. If you want a really cringe-worthy joke tho, check out the Evil Coffin joke.

Jeeeeesus wept!! :rolleyes:


Havin' said that I actually laughed, but don't let on!

Catsmokinpot

their was a man. and he was the richest man in the world. he had a castle in the sky and all the money he could ever need. but, one day he saw this miniature kangaroo from tazmania in a shop and he wanted it sooooo much! but it was very expensive because it was so rare.

so with all most of the money he had, he flew over to tazmania bought this kangaroo, and flew back to his castle in the sky.

he loved his kangaroo soooo much he made a little bed out of a matchbox put him in it and the kangaroo slept beside him. when the man woke up in the morning he saw that the matchbox was empty.

later on that year he saw another miniature kangaroo. because it was so expensive he sold his castle in the sky and bought a fortress on the ground, sold his jet and bought a cruise ship sailed over to tazmania, got the kangaroo brought it back to his fortress and locked it in a safe, put the safe in chains and had little airholes for it to breathe with.

when he woke up he took the chains off the safe opened it and opened the match box and their was no kangaroo!

he was really upset and heartbroken and later that day he sold his fortress on the ground and his cruise ship and got a rowing boat and a caravan, rowed over to tazmania and bought another kangaroo. when he got back he put the kangaroo in a matchbox, put the matchbox in chains, put the chains in a safe and the safe in chains and a big padlock.

when he awoke the next morning he took off the padlock took of the chains opened the safe took off the chains and opened the safe and.. the kangaroo was gone!

so at this point he had no money, no kangaroo and no castle or private jet or cruise boat. he had hit rock bottom so, he was wondering aimlessly along the road when a good samaritan picked him up.

because he was so obsessed with getting this kangaroo he was dirty and hungry so the samaritan gave him some food and asked him to take a shower. so, he ate his food and got in the shower and when he turned the tap on what came out?








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Water!>>>>>
(thank god whoever reads this doesnt know where i live)

swiss

He's my housemate. PM me for the address details

Okie

To quote yourself:

Originally posted by Catsmokinpot
PANTS!!!

:rolleyes:

Evil Jose

Ya big fecker! im sickened...............:D

Pugsley

I might just take you up on that swiss after I find a decent weapon shop :ninja: