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Park on Parkway

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  • 12-05-2003 1:51pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 78,404 ✭✭✭✭


    There is a list of wittacisms like "Why do we drive on the parkway, but park on the driveway?" Does anyone know where I can find it?


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,712 ✭✭✭Praetorian




  • Registered Users Posts: 78,404 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Originally posted by Praetorian
    Possibly http://www.jpschoemer.com/Ruminations.html
    This the closest to what I am looking for. "A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station."

    It is the English language word play I am looking for (to show a Polish friend). Actually "The the Polish woman was polishing up on her English vaocabulary" would be an example.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,660 ✭✭✭Blitzkrieger


    What.....like this? :

    Sister Mary and Sister Caroline were on a driving tour of Europe. They were
    crawling down the Transylvanian equivalent of a motorway, when a little
    Dracula jumps onto the bonnet and starts hissing at them.
    "What'll I do Sister Caroline?", said Sister Mary.
    "Put on the wipers Sister Mary. That'll knock him off.", said Sister
    Caroline.
    So Sister Mary put on the wipers and little Dracula was knocked to and fro
    but somehow he managed to hold on, and now he started spitting at them as
    well as hissing.
    "What'll I do now Sister Caroline?", said Sister Mary.
    "Use the water jets Sister Mary.", said Sister Caroline.
    "Are you sure Sister Caroline?", said Sister Mary.
    "Yes I'm sure Sister Mary - I filled them with Holy Water before we left.",
    said Sister Caroline.
    So Sister Mary put on the water jets and little Dracula was very badly
    burned, but somehow he managed to hold on. Now he was screaming and hissing
    and spitting at them.
    "What'll I do now Sister Caroline?", said Sister Mary.
    "Show him your cross, .", said Sister Caroline.
    "Now you're talking.", said Sister Mary.
    So Sister Mary rolled down the window, stuck her head out and shouted :
    "Get the **** off the car!"

    :D

    Hell of a difference between "show him your cross" and "show him you're cross".


  • Registered Users Posts: 78,404 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    I forgot that, but I was looking for the shorter ones :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 78,404 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Another: The nurse wound the bandage aroung the wound. I did a search and found this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=89913&highlight=bandage+the+wound

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
    22) The accountant at the music store records records of the records.

    Also http://www.csar.cfs.ac.uk/staff/pickles/heteronyms.html

    http://www.unique.cc/ron/baumann.htm

    She also had problems with beer, beard, bear and bare!


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