What make it all go round?

Kell

Has anyone had life go extremely great to appallingly poor for no reason?

Let me paint a picture. Up until about 3 years ago life was brill. Amazing in fact. Things never ever went wrong, money rolling in, never put a foot wrong and generally walked on water. For the last three years everything that could possibley go wrong in life has done and I am at a complete loss to even hazard a guess as to why.

It's got me to thinking whether or not theres something more to life that just a set of random events over which we have no control. I mean, to the people who say "yes it is just a pile of random events" and I would of been one of those in the past, how can life go from being permanently brilliant to permanently bad with no major personality/circumstance changes in between? I have begun thinking that perhaps there is a cosmic path set for us out there that we have all been ordained to walk whether we like it or not or perhaps there is a God who has the power to say "I've shown you the good side of the meadow now it's time for slim pickings so you can become a more rounded person out of it".

Every change that I have tried to effect to improve the situation has fallen on its face and I am finding it harder to re-invent myself after something seriously goes wrong. I mean I have re-invented myself 6 times in 6 years but nothing seems to be getting better to any great degree and I cant see things changing for the better in the medium term.

Anyone any thoughts?

K-

patch

What do you mean re-invent yourself

Beëlzebooze

perhaps there is a noticable negative event that gets you thinging, that in turn gets you to recall all the other less than great things that happened. So you get stuck in a pattern of only being able to recall the negative sh!t, along the way forgetting about the good things that happen on a regular basis.

At the moment I am not content with the direction my life is going. and I think that the main reason is that I am stuck in a job that I shouldn't be in. but I am happy that I have a job, and I will stick it 'till something better comes along. But it get's me thinking about how much better everything was when I had that other job, the job I enjoyed. It is effecting me on more levels that I would have imagined at first.

maybe people in general are just gloomy buggers, or maybe it's just people like you and me, and him, and her, and etc.

smiles

hmmm... getting things together after various hard blows can be difficult, but unfortunately thats the way things go.

There's not really any advice I can give you except to keep hopeful and enjoy the good things when they come along and try not to dwell on the bad. What you consider bad could be heaven for someone else....

<< Fio >>

Wolf

For me its been the other way around (mostly been some bad times too) but every since I was young life has been pretty rough. Not as in poor family but in other ways.

Every since my Dad died I have just gone from strenght to strenght in every department.

The only thing I can say to you is that whether or not there is a master plan, keep fioghting. Stick to your morals try to achive your dreams and never give up (chessy i know). If you ever give up why did you bother trying in the first place.

Life doesnt just happen YOU make life happen YOU have controll over your own mind you van make it happen.

Doodee

lifes what you make it mate.

I had sorta the same thing happen, first half of this year has gone brill, new friends, new gaff, new job. sun was shining on me everyday. Then it just turned and bit me in the ass!
got rejected for a HnD with no other reason except them practically telling me i was too good to do it, which is stupid, cause what i want to do and they think i shouldnt do is well, none of their business.

you just have to keep ur head up and plough along, and if ur having a ****ty day, do something to cheer urself up, its life.

Mercury_Tilt

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Beruthiel

mean I have re-invented myself 6 times in 6 years

Yup
I call them phases
When you have x amount of years behind you, it’s then you see them, I started counting them the day I left home for good – I am on my 5th one now, periods in your life when things just totally change and you have virtually no control over the events, they just seem to have total hold over you.
I bet you are really and truly tired of things changing on you and having to start again. I’ve come to believe that you may just (as mercie said) enjoy whatever it is right not, even when it’s pretty crap, see the good in it, ‘cos at least you are still alive and in pretty good shape (god I sound old!) however, at some stage you are gonna have to accept that you will have good and bad phases and they will come and go when you least expect it.

Kai

I understand what you mean kell, questioning the meaning of it all. Like you my life has changed, 3 years ago i was a student in college with everything to go for, no responsibilities, when i look back now i sometimes wish i was back there, but im not.

Im guessing something fairly bad has happened in the last month or 2 that has kicked you into thinking this way, maybe girlfriend issues. The important thing to remember is that you control your life and you can drag yourself out of it. My life is at the worst its ever been right now, but i just look around and say at least it cant get any worse. Its not much consolation but its something.

LegacyUser

I'm a definite believer of going through phases. I've had my up's and downs. I was very depressed in my 3rd year of college to the point where I nearly flunked all my exams. There was a lot of hsit going on in my life at that time. I picked myself up though in 4th year and ended up getting a 2.1.

Shortly after that my girl friend, whom I totally adored, dumped me. I was soo depressed where I had to quite my summer job and wasn't eating properly. Although I was down in the dumps I did not let that get to me. I went on to do a Post Grad and past that with flying colours. I then got a job that I loved and have been there for the past 4 years. I have had my up's and down's during the past 4 years too.

After Christmas this year, I made the decision to get fit and lose weight. I've lost a lot of weight, 2.5 stone and am well on the way to my target. This has done my confidence and general contentment no end of good.

My job, although good, is getting me very stressed out at times and am also worried about the job security aspect of it. Taking this as a positive sign, I have taken this as a good time to start looking for a job. I have spent the last week brushing off my CV and working on my iinterview and letter writing skills.

I haven't been happier these past few months. Losing all the weight I have lost and the prospect of moving to a new career is all positive things in my life at the moment.

We all have our bad times but the trick is to concentrate on the positive's or if a all possible making positive out of negative situations.

Caesar_Bojangle

Kell if you dont mind me asking what exactly happened to make it so sh#tty?

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Beruthiel
I call them phases
When you have x amount of years behind you, it’s then you see them, I started counting them the day I left home for good – I am on my 5th one now, periods in your life when things just totally change and you have virtually no control over the events, they just seem to have total hold over you.

Yes, I've noticed that too. I concur.

Every few years, either because of an event beyond your control or due to a conscious decision, one does reinvent themselves somewhat. Things are both good and bad, and it’s as foolish to expect the bad times to last forever as it is to assume the good times won’t end. And when you come down to it, we ultimately make our own luck - At least, that’s been my own experience.

Gordon

I see it as a mental block put in place by your immune system. Something bad happened, you take a hit. If it is your mind that takes the hit, your mind goes offline for a while. If your happiness gets hit, your happiness goes off for a while. etc.

Do not give to receive.

Amz

But Gordon what if it's both your mind and happiness that get a hit or series of hits?

For the past two years it seems that certain aspects of my life are taking hit after hit after hit and no matter how stable I think something is it ALWAYS seems to go wrong. It's these hits that have knocked my confidence and self belief completely! I haven't the nerve to even try and reinvent myself even in the smallest way!

Meh!

'scuse the rant!

daveg

Just remember Kell what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. May sound like a stupid statement but it's not. Kicks in the teeth/bad shít happening to us is all part of building our personality (and as Gorden said) building our psychological immune system.

Remember this life is made up of ups and downs. If we didn't have rain we wouldn't appreciate the sunshine. Your life is in your hands Kell. From what I know of you, you had/are having a shít time with your GF, you feel you have a lack of friends (not trying to be personal here). Why not feck off traveling for a while. Change your life for the good. Analise what is depressing you in your life and change it.

Sorry bud - it's a Monday morning. Now if I could only take my own advice

Mercury_Tilt

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Typedef

Every change that I have tried to effect to improve the situation has fallen on its face and I am finding it harder to re-invent myself after something seriously goes wrong.

Sounds like a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Remake the matrix as you see fit, and have confidence in your own abilities to make decisions and run your life.

If something goes wrong "it doesn't mean" that your entire sum of experiences to that point in time have been false and spurious, it just means you made (a) a bad decision or (b) had some bad luck.

Bad things happen to good, intelligent people all the time, it's not karma, just life.

In conclusion, I'd like to encourage everybody to attend mass and worship at the tabernacle of illucidation.

I am also doing collections persuant to making me rich.

contribute!

Lemming

Originally posted by Kell
It's got me to thinking whether or not theres something more to life that just a set of random events over which we have no control. I mean, to the people who say "yes it is just a pile of random events" and I would of been one of those in the past, how can life go from being permanently brilliant to permanently bad with no major personality/circumstance changes in between? I have begun thinking that perhaps there is a cosmic path set for us out there that we have all been ordained to walk whether we like it or not or perhaps there is a God who has the power to say "I've shown you the good side of the meadow now it's time for slim pickings so you can become a more rounded person out of it".

Every change that I have tried to effect to improve the situation has fallen on its face and I am finding it harder to re-invent myself after something seriously goes wrong. I mean I have re-invented myself 6 times in 6 years but nothing seems to be getting better to any great degree and I cant see things changing for the better in the medium term.

The F.U.D. * factor rears it's ugly head again.

If a man believes he is going to die tomorrow, he will subconciously find a way to make it happen. Same applies here (as Typie pointed out - t'is a self-fulfilling prophecy).

Further, if you believe that your timeline is already set, then why do anything? Why wake up the next morning? Thus the FUD becomes stronger


* Fear Uncertainty Doubt

Wolf

Kell are you going to the MayBeer?



I only ask because alot of the time I find that people have a problem that needs an idea of what the person is like, and funny thing; I always find it hard to fully believe/understand a self discription.

Gordon

Originally posted by Amz
But Gordon what if it's both your mind and happiness that get a hit or series of hits?

For the past two years it seems that certain aspects of my life are taking hit after hit after hit and no matter how stable I think something is it ALWAYS seems to go wrong. It's these hits that have knocked my confidence and self belief completely! I haven't the nerve to even try and reinvent myself even in the smallest way!

Meh!

'scuse the rant!

Amz, first of all, if it is both your mind and happiness etc etc then you are in a heightened low as I see. This may have something to do with your sleep deprivation, maybe you are trying hard to get out of the low by being active at all times to actively work on getting out of that ditch.

No matter what you think something is - it will always prove what you least expect of it. this is why assumption is the mother of all evil. Never assume that something is right, just take the probability onboard and expect the worst.

If your confidence and self belief has been knocked to a sliver then do not try to reinvent yourelf (as hinted at above) but simply try to be what you are without thought for what other people think you are or want you to be.

One's nerves are not made for others but their containing entity.

Amz

I think most of my problem is that I'm constantly on the defensive expecting things to turn out for the worst, so I dont throw myself into them fully. I expect an insult or a put down after anything I say or do hence the constant apologising. This puts a strain on any relationships and probably sabotages them I dunno I'm just grasping at straws at this stage hehe!

I've lost all my passion for things.

Nothing excites or motivates me anymore. ie my exams start later today and I cant bring myself to do anything else for them I dont see the point as I know I'll be repeating them in August and most likely wont make it into second year.

Meh!

Kell

Originally posted by Caesar_Bojangle
Kell if you dont mind me asking what exactly happened to make it so sh#tty?

Thats the point caesar. There is no lone solitary event that started the whole thing off just for quite some time now everything that never went wrong all of a sudden started. Mind you, I won something on Friday so methinks mebbe my luck is changing. Granted, it was a free bag of Walkers crisps, but thats the only thing of a completelty random nature that I have ever won.

K-

Oh and yes UK Wolf, I will be at the bash so long as I dont keep comfort shopping.

Oh and Merc, you're scaring me. I has asked the Lord for help too and all has been quiet from the celestial palace. Not even a cherub in sight.

thedrowner

Originally posted by Amz

Nothing excites or motivates me anymore. ie my exams start later today and I cant bring myself to do anything else for them I dont see the point as I know I'll be repeating them in August and most likely wont make it into second year.

you're an intelligent girl. this wont happen if you don't let it.

Originally posted by Amz
I think most of my problem is that I'm constantly on the defensive expecting things to turn out for the worst, so I dont throw myself into them fully.

you need to get out of this thinking-if you don't give somehting important you're all, then you'll never experience the highs it can bring, and that might be what you need to get yourself out of the rut you feel you're in. so what if for example (i'm just picking an example here, not you personally), you've been made a fool of in a relationship, by giving it your all, you wont be the first and you wont be the last. not just relationships, but college, friendships, work. if something is important to you, you have to make the effort. if you don't make the effort, you're only going to experience the down side of things, in mine and my friends experience.

Ruu_Old

Kell i was in ur situation about 2 years ago. I had finished college and didnt know what to do with myself, i was scared of life and being stuck at the one thing for the rest of my life. Anyway i decided to travel a bit and do new things, and for a while not expect to do anything or see anything. Im now engaged to be married next May and do carpentry as my dayjob and computer work around my area and im pretty happy . Maybe im totally off the ball, just trying to understand the root of your problems, maybe there isnt any, no single event. Have u thot of travelling for a while? Might help to see a different view of things, different way of life Just get up and go, its what i did.

Kell

Originally posted by Ruu
Have u thot of travelling for a while?

Have done a lot of thinking in that area over the last couple of months. I have a few financial ties here but they should be easy enough to overcome if I put my mind to it. Theres nothing I would like more than to just fúck off and get out of this poxy country for a year.

K-

The Corinthian

Change of scene is good. I was in a bit of a rut back when I was 25 - had dropped out of college, had made a living through a litany of, often colourful, occupations, but mainly it was a lack of any real direction in my life that got to me. So I returned to Italy for a while, to live and work.

I eventually decided to return to Ireland, but a constructive catharsis had taken place. Blagged my way back in to college, finished my degree, did a postgrad, got a job, and worked myself up the ranks.

So I would certainly recommend the going away stratagem, although I’ve also seen a lot of people who go away for a year, then come back to find that they’re at as much of a loose end as before. So, ultimately, I don’t think it’s as much about good fortune as it is about direction and goals.

Praetorian

Life has its ups and its downs and at times sheer determination isn’t enough to keep things looking and feeling good. In the past, I’ve given things 100% and they have still gone down hill. Some things are just beyond ones control ;(

Generally, if something doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger. Try to concentrate on the positive aspects of your life, if possible try to develop these positive points.

Subconsciously, your mind may be getting bored of the same old routine. If there is something you have always wanted to do or see, nows the time.

That’s my philosophy

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Kell
Theres nothing I would like more than to just fúck off and get out of this poxy country for a year.

get your ass over to Oz - it's perfect timing!!

McGinty

Hi Kell

I believe that we all get a spate of bad luck, or things happening, however its how you percieve and deal with them that counts. If you think about it, it's when we encounter problems that is when we really learn about life, ourselves and what we are capable of. Five years ago I left a bad marriage, a house, a fairly well paid job, friends, etc, moved over here to Ireland, had to go on welfare for a while, rebuilt my life getting a job, rented place, friends, everything. Went through a messy divorce, received a small settlement, which was used to buy a car and a few nice bits for the house. Then a couple of months later, in one week, I crashed the car and the house I was renting went on fire. I was lucky to get myself and my two year old son (at the time) out of the house alive, we were in our nightclothes. I lost virtually everthing, as I wasn't insured (stupid me I know but you live and learn). So back to square one and had to rebuild again.

I had a run of bad luck and yet those things that happened were the best things ever to happen, because I know now what I am capable of. I don't give a s*** for material things, it built my character and courage. I have a mental freedom that I never thought I would have, okay iniatally I was upset but on reflection I can see the good that has come out of it. Look over the past few years and ask yourself what have you learned from these experiences. Is there anything postive you can take from it.

Also a really good book, that is both funny and strangely enlightining is Scott Adams 'The Dilbert Future', at the back is a chapter called affirmations, and he discusses those who have bad luck and good luck. It would appear that it is an attitude or state of mind. When I read it I had to agree because when I was living with an ex and he was the unluckiest person I ever met. Bad luck dogged him, and me whilst I was with him. I remember for the year we were living together I kept saying it can't get any worse, and you know what it did, it kept on getting worse and worse and his entire life was like that. But he was a miserable person (I am not saying you are like that, from your postings here you seem a friendly nice chap) but he kept viewing life as grim and he had what I term a loser mentality.

Ironically the week I left him (finally) I made friends (we had no friends, as no one liked him) we had no money, but I got two suprise extra payments (totally €500 and this was ten years ago) so a lot of money for someone who had none, and a load of other nice things started happening to me again.

Also don't knock a spiritual element to this, Science explains a lot but not everything.

Take care and if you want to bend someone's ear, your more than welcome to PM me.

daveg

I think McGinty's thread puts things into perspective for a lot of us.

Kell

Originally posted by McGinty
when I was living with an ex and he was the unluckiest person I ever met. Bad luck dogged him, and me whilst I was with him.

Funny you should say that. My ex is convinced she is the unluckiest person she knows and for the last three years I have been dogged by bad shítty luck the whole time too. When she got over thinking that I was the biggest bastard in the world she kinda thought that maybe her shítty luck was sticking to me too. Very odd that one.

I have that Dilbert book. Havn't got around to reading it yet but I'll get there.

Cheers all.

K-

WhiteWashMan

Shít happens.



shít happens less to people with more money.