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The Truth Behind Personal Ads

  • 08-05-2003 5:01pm
    #1
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭


    FIRST THE WOMEN
    40-ish.................. 48
    Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
    Athletic................ Flat-chested
    Average looking......... Ugly
    Beautiful............... Pathological liar Contagious
    Smile................... Bring your penicillin
    Educated................ College dropout
    Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
    Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
    Free spirit............. Substance user
    Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
    Fun..................... Annoying
    Gentle.................. Comatose
    Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
    New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
    Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only
    Open-minded............. Desperate
    Outgoing................ Loud
    Passionate.............. Loud
    Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
    Professional............ Real Witch
    Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section
    Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
    Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
    Voluptuous.............. Very Fat Weight proportional to height
    Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
    Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
    Young at heart.......... Toothless crone

    THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST
    40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
    Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
    Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
    Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
    Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
    Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
    Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
    Good looking............ Arrogant
    Honest.................. Pathological Liar
    Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
    Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
    Mature.................. Until you get to know him
    Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
    Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
    Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
    Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
    Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
    Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer


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