Whats The Worst Thing That Has Happened To You?

Dont Ban Me

Funny Stories Please:

One that springs to mind for me is when I was at home a few years ago. My brother and his girlfriend were down and they stayed up late enough having a few drinks and whatever! But I was in bed happily asleep when I was awoke by laughing and skitting. Then I heard my dorr open and these two people fell in, and landed on the floor at the end of my bed! Well a few moments later and I was trying my hardest to stick pillows in my ears and block out of my head what was happening at the end of my bed!!! :eek:

I was truely scarred for life, and he doesnt know I was awake, have never been able to tell him or her!!

Rabies

years ago( think i was about 7-8) my mothers car wouldn't start so a few people gave it a push start. I taught it would be fun to grap the top of the car and hold on while people were pushing it.
the car then started and my mother started driving up the road with me hanging on to the car. i managed to make a noise on the window, she looked over, hit the brakes, and i went flying off the car and got wasted against the road. kinda hurt

TomTom

My dad did the same to me rabies. He was not going that fast but to fast to let go. Smacked myself off the spoiler when he breaked.

hells angels

i think that has happened to all fella's when we were younger it's so much fun..
well my dad took it one step futher and when i was gettin out of the car my fingers got stuck in the back door on the passengers side so he couldn't see me and drove about 100yards before i eventually screamed load enough that him and the rest of the county could hear me!!!!

But not a broken bone in sight...yeah

daveg

Trapped my fingers in both the car door (5 years of age) and in the "jam" of the door when I was about 8. Horrible horrible experience. Bloody sore too.

nopreviousowner

I don't know which of these is worse...
When I was three myself and my sister when down to our neighbour's house to play. My neighbour, then 7, took my doll and threw it up on the wall where I couldn't reach it in order to tease me. However he then realised he couldn't get it either and threw a brick at it in order to knock it down. Sadly the brick hit me instead...
And now a present day tale or terror. While in Spain, my friend took it upon herself to drink a lot of vodka on an empty stomach. While in a club with a guy we had befriended the night before I became concerned for her. Sure she was coherant and able to walk, but my instincts said "take her home now". However she and Chris, the guy, didn't want to leave so they suggested we get some fresh air and she promised she wouldn't drink anymore. I reluctantly agreed. Once outside she said she needed the toilet, so leaving Chris sitting on a bench we ventured off in search of a toilet. Once there, she collapsed ON THE TOILET. It wasn't pretty. I had to dress her, she then started throwing up all over the place and me. She couldn't walk or anything. I swapped her ridiculously high heels with my runners in the hope it would help her stand better. No such luck. Anyway that's when the police got involved. They were convinced she was on drugs and insisted she go to hospital. I tried explaining to them that she was just drunk and I just needed to get her home so she could sleep it off but I had no spanish so to hospital we went. Anyway by the time we got there she could walk and talk. Typical. But the paramedics wouldn't let us leave. They said the area we had to walk through was a "dangerzone" so they called us a taxi, which was really sweet. Anyway then they left. My friend kept going to stick her finger down her throat but I kept stopping her, trying to explain that if she was getting sick when the taxi came we wouldn't be let in. So she stopped doing it. WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING SHE DID WHEN THE TAXI CAME???? So then I just said "f**k it we're walking" We found our way back without being attacked and by the time we got to the hostel I was dying for the toilet. When I came out my friend had somehow made it up on to the top bunk. I implored her to swap with me but she wouldn't. I was convinced she'd fall out. Thankfully she didn't!

ballooba

Originally posted by nopreviousowner
When I came out my friend had somehow made it up on to the top bunk. I implored her to swap with me but she wouldn't. I was convinced she'd fall out. Thankfully she didn't!

What about the fact that she was strategically placed to piss and/or puke on you?

nopreviousowner

Nah if she'd done that it would've hit the floor. Anyway I guess I was more worried about her breaking a bone or something

Robbo

I was run over by a bike. When I was seven or so, I was running around the yard with my little sister. Whatever game we were playing, I decided to run out onto the little road by the side of our hour. We have a big wall in the back yard, so you're pretty oblivious to the traffic coming down the road.

Anyway, I tripped and fell flat onto my face with my head sticking out a few feet onto the road. One of the neighbours was coming down the hill on a bike, flat out and ran over my head. It took a chip off the bone in my nose, gave me two black eyes and the bleeding from my nose didn't stop for ages.

The poor neighbour was traumatised and I don't think he's been on a bike since.

Dont Ban Me

Originally posted by Robbo
One of the neighbours was coming down the hill on a bike, flat out and ran over my head.

I know its cruel, but hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

patch

I had a similar problem when about 10.
Used to play at a neighbours house after school. steep hill in front garden, heading towards main road. Bike with no brakes.
Hit wall at bottom of garden, over handlebars. Face mashed into road. Front tooth totally vanishes!!

Not funny really........:(

daveg

Originally posted by Dont Ban Me
I know its cruel, but hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Glad I wasn't the only one that laughed. Sorry Robbo

thedrowner

this didn't happen to me but i thought it was very funny so i'll post it up

my friend got off the bus on her way to school and her bag got stuck in the door of the bus. the bus pulled off (not very quickly) and she had to run along with it for a few seconds. (i just had visions off the bus speeding along and her flying out the side of it)

i'll have to think about this one meself tho...

Robbo

Originally posted by daveg
Glad I wasn't the only one that laughed. Sorry Robbo

I laugh about it the whole time. It's all so very stupid. I got a week off school too.

Don1

When I was just after learning to cycle without stabelisers I was whiping it down the hill that goes past our driveway. Foolish me thought I could make the turn in the drive but sadly I failed and got mangled into the fence!

Dont Ban Me

While we are on the topic of bikes, when I was about 3-4 I had gone down to the shop with my bother, sisters and a few of my cousins. On the way the is a big hill, looks like this V. So on the way down I (being so likkle) was made walk don the hill with my bike and up the other side to the shop. We all were eating ice-cream, I had a scribbler (does anyone else remember those?) But a few of the others decided they would cycle down the hill to the end and sit on the bridge andeat their ice-cream, so me being big and brave thoghut Id copy em!
But alas me tearing down the steep hill, ice-cream in one hand handle bar in the other got to the end but forgot to stop, SMAK into the wall, lucky not to fly over it and into the water below!!
Got completely busted and dropped my ice-cream :,-(

The rest of them chipped in and bought me another to stop me roaring!!

nopreviousowner

I remember scribblers

Space Coyote

Back in the old BMX days me and my mates were doing ramps out on the road. So we were jumping 2-brick high ramps to start off, with the smaller kids lines up on the ground after the ramp for us to jump over. Things were going grand til one of the lads decided to add another brick when I wasn't looking. So it was probably about a 45 degree angle, no helmets or pads of any kind on us. We were hard (stoopid) bástards. I'm first to have a go on this higher ramp on my brand new chrome bmx...speeding up to the thing...about ten kids shítting themselves lying on thre ground...whack!... up in the air I go...going way too far and high for my liking...i do a front somersault with the bike and land on my head/shoulder/back area. I jumped straight back onto my feet coz of the shock but I was fairly messed up with cuts and grazes and a huge lump on my noggin. The bike got it much worse. Parents gave out shíte to me but it didn't matter coz I jumped the furthest of everyone which is what really counted

Miguel_Sanchez

Whats The Worst Thing That Has Happened To You?

Once I met Tony Fenton.

Sketch

i was down on the beach at a session and we were all mad out of it so we went for a swim in our underwear and all our clothes were too near the fire and they went up, they were burnt in shíte

Sarky

Most painful, probably breaking my index finger at basketball training.

Most embarrassing, probably on a field trip on the Celtic Voyager where I split my head open on the top of a doorway before even leaving the docks. Never saw so much blood pour out of me. Didn't really hurt though, which was wierd. One week later, I split my head open again by rushing out a door to save what I thought was a kitten getting mauled (I heard one of them screeching in a nasty, nasty way). Inch and a half long vertical gash just above my right eyebrow. What's worse is that the damn kitten was in no danger at all. [Insert jokes about pussys and faking it here] Could be why I hate cats so much.

I have scars from both cuts.

Worst thing though?

Realising I was partly responsible for making a guy leave my secondary school due to taunting. I had only the tiniest of things to do with it, but nearly no responsibility is still responsibility. Felt like crap for a long time afterwards.

Nemici

when I was a nipper I was running around the house in just my shorts with a bamboo cane. I ran into my parents room with the cane pointing straight ahead of me,

it hit the side of a wardrobe and the other end went straight into my belly button and got stuck !!

The tears flowed and so did the antiseptic.

ballooba

Originally posted by Sarky
Realising I was partly responsible for making a guy leave my secondary school due to taunting. I had only the tiniest of things to do with it, but nearly no responsibility is still responsibility. Felt like crap for a long time afterwards.

I taunted a guy like that once. I wasn't the worst one but i was the straw that broke the camels back. I got all the blame and all the wrath of every anti-bullying rule was brought down on me.

I felt and feel no remorse, the guy was a little knacker who had been bullying the smallest and quietest guys in our year for about a year and a half. He stole off everyone and made people generally feel miserable.

There was one bloke who looked a little bit odd so he had a go at him for about 2 months. This was a boarding school so there was no escape. The guy eventually popped and beat the **** out of him but just as he was about to pummel his face in he said "I'm going to let you up now and its over". The bully agreed got up threw a sucker punch and broke the poor guys nose.

That bloke left and after about a year everyone got sick of the bully so the tables turned and he couldn't handle it.

Only thing i feel bad about is making his mother cry.

Tellox

When I was 6, I was the original boy from hell. Completly hyper, wound everyone up. heres two stories that contributed to my scaring straight..

1; one night I was running around the house like mad, babysitter drove insane, didnt bother stopping me ect, then I ran into the front room, ran across the hall, and I felt the sharpest pain I'd ever experienced.

There was something off the fire place, a gold ball with 2 huge spikes sticking out of it, in my foot, connected via those spikes. They were dug right into the centre of the bottom of my foot. Oh dear christ it hurt. What hurt me even more was when the babysitter had to tug it out. took a good 4 tugs before she tore it out of me.

2; Same thing, running around like mental, but this time the babysitter was my short-fused uncle. So I sat down singing the song that drove most of the 20th century mad, especially my uncle - saturday night and I like teh way you moooveee... ect... I was 6 ffs. Anyway, He told me to stop about 6 times. So I went louder and louder every time. Then he left the room, and I sang it even louder so he could hear me. About 30seconds of singing later, He stormed into the room with huge shoes on to make the big loud running noise, a balaclava and a shotgun in his hand and started screaming at me. Good christ every time I go out to his gym nowadays, I look at him and still see a shotgun about 4" away from my face

Space Coyote

About 30seconds of singing later, He stormed into the room with huge shoes on to make the big loud running noise, a balaclava and a shotgun in his hand and started screaming at me.

ROFL, I broke me hole laughing at that, just picturing the scene.
Man I think that would have scared the bejesus out of anyone, let alone a 6 year-old !

Don1

hehehe


I've a simmilar runnin about like a hyper-active muppet story.


I was about three and a half and had just been informed it was bed time. My dad had jsut got m shoes off when I tok off tearin around the house. <bad part> As most ppl know running on lino in stockinged feet is a recipe for disaster! Tell this to a three an a half year hold!. I slipped (you had to have seen that comin) and speared myself on a sharp corner on a drawer!!! Stuck right into my forehead just above my right eye! If I was four it would have been in my eye :eek: Didn't cry, just went white as a sheet!!!!:p
<\bad part>

Kell

I think the funniest thats happened to me was being found on my mates jaxx plastered, trousers round ankles and head stuffed into bathroom bin. Took him several attempts to pull the bin off my head it was so tightly jammed.

A really funny/painful thing happened a mate though. When we were about 11/12 there was this huge swing hung from a huge tree on some waste ground. You had to walk down a ramp to get to the thing, jump up to it and walk back up just to get on. Anways, the trick was to hold the stick above head height, run the length of the ramp and swing out. Myself and my mate decided to do this together and about 3/4 of the way round my mate loses his grip on the swing and sails out into the abyss. Christ did I laugh. It was like slo mo him sailing downwards to land in a heap of broken rocks. No damage though.

K-

Space Coyote

[thinking about stuff...]
When I was 6 (what is it with being 6!), it was the mad snowy winter of 1982 if I remember correctly. Anyhoo, i was getting myself an apple as ye do, so I decided to cut it with the biggest knife in the drawer, which happened to be a foot-long serated bread knife. Holding the apple in my right hand I then cut straight thru the thing and into the wonky bit of skin stuff between yer thumb and index finger - ye know the bit. I just looked at the big hole in my hand, no blood !!! but could see all the mad stuff inside my hand. My mother came in and nearly had a heart-attack from screaming. So then I had to walk in the 4ft high snow drifts with the oul lad to the local doc for stitches. Ah memories...
[/thinking]

Dont Ban Me

He He Heeee

Space Coyote

Holy cráp I just remembered THE worst thing that happened me. The year was 1994, it was summer, late July. I got a collapsed lung...blah blah...3 weeks in hospital, operation etc BUT when I woke up in the ICU, I noticed that I had one of those tube jobs sticking out of my johnson!!! It freaked the shít out of me, so I made the nurse take it out straight away. She said "Are ye sure". Ye can only guess what I said back! Thinking about it makes me wanna cry

EL_Diablo

Originally posted by Space_Coyote
I then cut straight thru the thing and into the wonky bit of skin stuff between yer thumb and index finger - ye know the bit. I just looked at the big hole in my hand, no blood !!! but could see all the mad stuff inside my hand.

Ha ha.I thought i was the only one. Except with me i wasn't cutting anything i was just checking to see if the knife was sharp enough to cut my hand. It was. It's really weird to see a massive cut in your hand but no blood coming out.
The most blood i've seen coming out of myself was when was about 5 or 6. I was "having a look" at my uncles razor (don't ask, i think i had a thing about sharp things) anyway i cut my lip. I thought I'd wait in the bathroom and try to stop it with tissue. After ten minutes I got a bit worried and went out. It was about another 15 minutes before the blood stopped.

ballooba

Bloody doctors. They won't do stitches anymore. You have to go to hospital.

Bout a year ago (this isn't worst thing thats happened to me, don't remember the worst) I had an accident on a boat. For anyone who sails I got hit on the head by the Spinnaker Pole in a 40 knot gust. So I had a sizeable hole in my head. I went to the local GP with a bandage on my head, he said he couldn't touch me in case i sued him and that I had to go to hospital. This is in Howth so I don't know where the nearest hospital is. Eventually he had a look at it and it was nothing I was out drinking pints within 3 hours.

Redshift

I don't remember this but it happened when I was very young I was still in a push chair so that young. I was at the zoo with mum and dad as you do at that age. Well anyway the folks got distracted talking to somebody I think it was friends they bumped into and I was right behind them in the chair having a great time watching the animals. They turned around when they heard me screaming and I sh1t you not this big pelican had it's beak around my head:eek:
They talk about it often and I think it's awful funny now but I would imagine it would be pretty pants to have a big feckin bird try and bite your head off so I suppose that's the worst thing to happen to me. OOOhhhh and I smashed my shoulder in four places when I was twelve but I still think the bird thing would suck more:)

Ryan

Is1ldur

Not really the worst thing that happened to me, but when I was very young, I too, was a very annoying kid. When I was about 6(!),I was being minded by a twenty-something girl who lived down the road from us. I was being my annoying self, don't know exactly what I was doing. Anyhoo, she could not get me to shut up, so she stuffed a load of tissue into my mouth. Nearly bloody-well choked me. When the paper came back out the girl realised the error she had made, as she had also knocked out one of my front teeth.
I don't think she did any more babysitting after that.

Dont Ban Me

LMAO !!!!!

Rnger

I was watching "It". You that horror film with the clown. Anyways my sister thought it would be funny if she came into the room with a clown mask on. Being the kind of kid who acts first and thinks later, I hit her over the head with the firepoker thing which is thin, heavy and made of some metal. I find it very funny to think back to. She dosen't.

We made a ramp when I was about 9 for jumping off on rollerblades. Why put it on the road which was the only decent place to put it. My dad was coming home from something and drove up behind it. And I shout "Watch this!! Watch this!!". All day I was making perfect jumps and twists etc. Why this one I screw up?! Well my feet came up and forward in the air and I lost all control and came straight down on my ass. Man o man did it hurt taking a dump for the next month. Similar thing happend at christmas when I snowboarding which I am not going to get into.

Oh! When I was very young. I hardly remember this. I was in herbert park with my mom feeding the ducks and there was a swan or two there. This swan comes straigh over to me and I was pretty excited I guess. I reach out for him and bites down on my finger. I pull him towards me by my finger and he pulls back and into the water I go.

Squall

When i was 5 i think i was being chased round the house by my older sister. I ran towrds the kitchen but the door was closed. I attempted to pull down the handle and kick the door open with my foot. Unfortunately i missed the handle and kicked a pane of glass on the door. Nearly cut me big toe off. Had to get stitches on the bloody thing and it was extremely painful to walk for the next 6 weeks. I did get a pink panther colouring book outta it though

Dooom

a few months ago a few of us were ridin some bmx jumps, they were both wooden ramps and it was the last few jumps of the day as we were all wrecked and on my turn, i went up, did a barspin (nothin magic i was tired ) except i came up too short, slammed my chest into the lip of the down ramp and managed to dislocate my shoulder crack 2 ribs and break one, wrench my knee, cut my kidney and pull a bunch of muscles all over the place. probably one of the worst crashes ive been in. the doc said i was lucky the broken rib didnt punch a hole in my lung. i did spit up a bit of blood, probably from the internal cut tho...

kaimera

myself n meh g/f were staying in a friends house.

he has this dogg.

anway, me n herself were alone in the room and she's taking advantage of me [as she does :eek:!]
I feel this wet tongue in my ear and then I hear her *cough*

I look over and twas the ****ing dog.

arse.

endanagle

i was in hospital a few years - long story but the short and narrow of it was i broke both of my arms... couldn't do a thing for myself...

initially it has to be said, i enjoyed the bed baths in the morning but then one morning i had this really *nice* nurse washing me...

picture this one... both arms broken so arms up on pillows... couldn't move from the bed... couldn't move my arms...

next up she starts washing my thighs and then my johnson and surrounding areas.... and then i get a little _excited_ ... ahem....
i couldn't even move my hand over to cover myself up! i just had to sit there and think of a prayer, a mantra... who cares... just let this STOP!!!

if i could get up i would quite happily have thrown myself out the window!

---

got another one too... same time in hospital... got a bug in the hospital and got a severe dose of the sultans revenge... usually not so bad - make a dash for the toilet... but... remember again hete that i couldn't even get out of bed without help... so i rang the buzzer and after about 5 min of clenching and squirming in the bed a nurse finally arrives.... then i got up, sat on the commode, destroyed it... imagine how much of a s**t (excuse the pun) i felt slightly bent over with a nurse behind me trying to wipe my rather damaged arse!!!!

definately one to tell the grandkids!

Dont Ban Me

Originally posted by endanagle
a nurse behind me trying to wipe my rather damaged arse!!!!

Holy S**t thats just not nice!! :eek:

endanagle

yup... and i have more horror stories if you think you can handle them!

believe me, it was an eventful couple of weeks in hospital!

MAC_E

I can remember this as clear as the summers day it happened on.

I was around eight years old having a blast at my friends birthday party, going mad running around the fields playing tag and such.

After a while we all ended up looking down at this glassy patch of earth which was around a 6th ft drop down this wall. My friends told me that I wouldnt be able for the jump.
I of course found this a bit of an insult in terms of my bravery and nerves of steel.

Well anyway I made the jump with flying colurs ......... right into a very soggy, smelly and foul marsh into which all of the houses waste including toilet waste had been flowing into for years.

It took me about 10 minutes to scramble out, I smelt like Sh*t for about 10 days, got the piss taken out of me at school for about 10 years.

Cest le vie