What to do? Friend's Mum Passed Away

LegacyUser

Hi, the general situation is long and complicated so I can't really get into it. I just found out that a friend's mum passed away earlier today and I am not sure what to do? Is it ok to send a text message to the friend offering my condolences etc. or would that be considered impolite. Thanks.

Victor

Phone (but not at this hour), a text message would be a bit "cold". Be there for your friend, but remember this is something they have to get through with their own family. Perhaps ask if their is anything your friend needs help with.

woolymammoth

i'd say it probably depends on how close of a friend you are... just a friend, or bestest buddies?? if its a best bud i'd say give em a buzz, not a txt, so that they can hear you, if you know what i mean... i'm not too sure if its just a friend, i'd probably wait until i saw them before annoying them with it.

LegacyUser

ok thanks for your quick replies. much appreciated!

ballooba

If any way possible I would go visit them for a few days. Only if you are close though.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

call by the house if you can, or at least ring him.. an sms would be too cold, just be there for your friend. they're going to have a tough ****ing time from here on in..

Silent Grape

first of all im sorry to hear that. there are some good bereavement websites which give good advice for emotional and practical support.

be there, in the physical sense, as much as u think is comfortable.
hugs! hugs are always great!

ask if theres anything you can do, over and over. dont let yur friend take on the workload for organising the funeral etc.

giving advice is sometimes annoying when ur trying to deal with something this big. remember that comfortable silence and reflection can be a tremendous support for someone who is bereaved.

im sorry im not very helpful. there are good websites written by grief counsellors so id definetly check them out

gud luck

mia x

sceptre

From the POV of "if it were me", a quick phone call letting your mate know that you're there if they need you might be in order. Don't text - it's a bit cold as Victor said. You can't put across sympathy in an intelligible way in 160 characters. Be warned though - when my mother died I turned off my phone for three weeks. If you can't get through, leave a (voice) message - they do get picked up in the end.

Go the funeral (if that isn't stating the bleedin obvious) - even I appreciated that when my friends turned up (girlfriend phoned them without telling me, I thought it might be a little presumptuous). The most you'll have to do is be available if needed. If your friend wants to talk they'll probably initiate it themselves.

shabbyroad

my mum died v. suddenly couple of years ago
I remember how a couple of good friends just came over and just hung out - my wife took the kids out for an hour or two - it was the best thing they could have done

do go and see your friend, do go to the funeral - it means more than you can probably imagine and unfortunately someone has to die for us to find out how powerful "just being there" is

WhiteWashMan

im not sure that you should 'do' anything.
just be there, call around and see them.
go to the funeral.
see if they want to go out for a drink and chat.
get them to tell stories about their mum
make them know that you wont be embarrassed if they cry
etc etc

just be a mate i guess, but theres no need for you to do anything out of the ordinary

Wolf

I remember when my dad died It was really unexpected. I was only 17 and some friends called round and just sat there. They didnt want to stay too long you know with my mum and all her lot running around it would have made my mum uncomfortable.

When they went I missed them.