Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Bad Irishman jokes :)

  • 16-04-2003 1:29pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,118 ✭✭✭


    An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each
    order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

    The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

    The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

    The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"


    *****************
    Irish Accident

    Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

    "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

    "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

    "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."

    "I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

    Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

    "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
    drowned."

    "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

    "Well, no Brenda ... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

    ************
    Irish Predicament

    Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.

    The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits there.

    Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

    The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.

    ************
    Irish Last Request

    Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

    He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

    She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

    The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"

    She says, "That he did, Father..."

    The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

    She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'



    first one's my favorite


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,780 ✭✭✭JohnK


    4 good ones :D


Advertisement