is it normal?

LegacyUser

is it normal to be on the internet at 3 and 4 in the morning? my partens, well, my mother is really pissed at me doing this. its not because of phone bills, we have free 56k which means there is no bills. My mom has fits when i make a single noise in the house, screamin at me saying "get to ****ing bed" and the likes. She goes ape **** saying that i keep her up all the time and that ill go nowhere in life if i dont cop on.
From what i can see its ok, as i am a third year in computer science, so it cant be putting me off career wise.

Last night in a fit of rage, i went to bed, only my mom got up and decided to turn on her radio, trash the room with the computer in it, along side wrecking alot of hardware of which i was going to make another machine out of - mobo, hdd(dropped in a corner), graphics card and the lot.. She then thought it would be a good idea to move my 1500(ish) euro fender staratocaster USA and amp.. In the process breaking the jackports and strap holders clean off the wood along side some shock damage on the AMP, which is also fender.

Im well ****ing pissed off and this morning i resorted to screaming at her, becase the damages are WAY out of my reach.
What can i do to resolve this? id love to take the bitch to court or something. The other thing is, if im actually in bed at 12, and i wake up at 2 for the toilet, she screams at me tellin me to go to bed.. shes a ****ing freak.

Does anyone else have anything similar with their parents/girlfriend or room mates?

What do you do?

logic1

She sounds insane. Replace her at your soonest convenience.

.logic.

Typedef

one word. prozac.

good for mothers, women, children and small animals.

woman won't stop bleating : prozac
child wants feeding : prozac
boss uses multisyllabic words : prozac

simple, effective and gauranteed to silence even the most vociferous dissenters.

Viva la ~Revolution.

Riamfada

See I only opperate mostly out of the house between 12 and 4 am. During the day i sleep/ Arse around on boards. (when im not in college of course) This mother sounds like a problem indeed. What age are you?

Kell

Third year in computer science eh? So your not young enough to be treated as an infant by your mother. Have you tried actually arranging some time aside with her to resolve your issues and tell her how she's making your life a nightmare?

Two people shouting at eachother never resolved anything. Is there any problems that your mother is having herself that you're aware of?

davej

Seeing as you are in 3rd computer science I'm guessing your mother is at about "that age" i.e menopause. Or has she always been like this ?

Maybe you should give her some leeway ?

davej

Beruthiel

two words...

move out!

Riamfada

3rd year? Maby its time you got a place of your own?

Typedef

Mmm yes.

so long as you are freeloading off of your mother/family, you have no rights.

get your own place.
it's great... honest

failing that... prozac

Gaz

Break some of her stuff , to put yourslef on an even par ... may i suggest some old sentimental stuff , that stuff is usually cheap shlt so it wont cost you much.

Riamfada

The only reason Im still at home is cause there is 516k here

MDR

Hum sounds familar,
have you tried to reason with her ?
give her the old,
I am an adult, I will choose the time I go to bed talk ... ?

WhiteWashMan

your mother obviously has some issues that she is having troble dealing with.
maybe if you talked to her instead of hiding away in your room and showed a bit of concern, you might find she takes a different attitude and view to your behaviour.
which is pretty anti-social to be honest. what is so interesting about the internet at 3-4 in the morning? i mean, theres only so much pron you can look at before you shoot your load.....

Kell

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
i mean, theres only so much pron you can look at before you shoot your load.....

He could be in training for a role in a movie or likes shooting several times.

elexes

burn the house down take the insurence .

mine dosnt like me bing up l8 as she says she cant sleep when im up but then again i did sound proof the room im in . but cant say even in my all nighters shes come and done that ive had a few times her comming down saying get to bed ...

but computers can be fixed strings replaced ... and the ra is bored these days they got nothn to do so they take care of probloms for lil or no cash

The Corinthian

Move out. Seriously.

Failing that, next time use a belt. The end with the buckle works best.

Victor

It's difficult for all involved for adult children to live with their parents. What is needed is for all involved to discuss matters and respect each other.

Silent Grape

it sounds like she has some problems alright. : (

now that uve vented your rage at her perhaps sitting down with in a calmer demeaner and express your thoughts and concerns in a clear structured way would help. making a list always helps to clear the head before a 'chat' with someone.

maybe explain how you feel about the things or manner she does
things. if u are worried about her wellbeing (iam, and i dont even know her), tell her that.

then perhaps you could consider moving out. even just for the weekdays and live at home on the weekends if finance is a problem.

as Victor pointed out, there are always going to be respect and dependancy issues when a person of your age is living at home. a talk could be in order, with your dad as well, if he's around

sorry if i sound like im full of ****e. my mother is also a headcase.

mia x

Victor

And BTW, there are people out there that can mediate between you and your mother.

Rnger

A friend of mine often complains about how unfair his parents are, reffering to them as assholes often. As i listen to his story's, I begin to realise.... He is the asshole! His story's are vague because he leaves out what he did in the scenarios. I remember one time...

He told me how much his parents are assholes, as he does. He was in watching TV this one day in the "play room" which had a piano,TV and caoch. He was asked to move to the next room and watch TV there( bigger "sitting room" with TV etc.) because his sister needed to pratice the piano. He got really anger and made stupid accusations etc.

Reading this I was thinking of saying something but... Maybe your like my friend here, and you need to cut your mother some slack, maybe not? You tell me.

Victor

Originally posted by pissed-off
is it normal to be on the internet at 3 and 4 in the morning?

Hmmm, I kinda missed the question. It is quite common, but it is anti-social, especially if you are keeping someone else awake.

oneweb

OMG!!! Everyone blamin' the poor 'oul wans! OK, so I do it myself now n' then (22yo student) and there's more than likely a few posts from me at that time. I think the ma' stays awake just to see what time I go to bed at.

Two or three times she has stormed into my room and shouted at me to go to bed, cop myself on, stupid staying up so late etc. etc. Many times she shouts from her bed.

Once, I came home and found my desk very tidy. It was missing a keyboard and a mouse. She had confiscated them. Heh, pretty soon I figured the keyboard was hidden in the only press in her room wide enough to fit one. Already had one of those Kit-Kat mouses 'just in case' After about two weeks of retrieving them while the cat was away and hiding them on her return, I ended up just keeping them on my desk.

Mothers, being mothers, want their kids to do well, and consequently worry about things their kids do. So that should be understandable.

Another point was that you're living under your parents' roof and are governed by their rules. True, but I think that's fair.

What your mother did, however, is not. Smack the bitch.

For those who say "just move out" - well it ain't cheap or easy. I ain't too smart, but I'm not stupid! (IE, it's far cheaper and handier to live with the parents)

Having said that, as soon as I can get out, I bloody well will!

Turner

When she storms in at 3 in the morning....

simply alt and tab to your favourite java compiler screen/online study notes/exam papers and say...

"But mother, I really need to do some extra study if i'm to obtain a 1-1 in my exams this summer".

That should please her and hopefully get rid of her.

oneweb

Also, at the end of the day, it's thanks to your parents (especially your mother) that you've gotten this far in life. It's important to recognise that and have at least a bit of respect for the person.


heh, I am such a hypocryte!

Rnger

Originally posted by oneweb
Another point was that you're living under your parents' roof and are governed by their rules. True, but I think that's fair.

What your mother did, however, is not. Smack the bitch.

Going ok till around about there....

I also didnt answer the question. Id say i couldnt count on my fingers how many times iv stayed up as late as 3 (thats 10+ times btw ) But if im asked to go to bed and i really still wanna use the internet... I sit in my room for a while then sneek down to the comp as quiet as i can. I think im not keeping any1 up

oneweb

Originally posted by Rnger
Going ok till around about there....

OK, that was a bit severe and I apologise accordingly.

Mr.Applepie

Originally posted by Chief---
blah blah blah

Good to see you back chiefy. Glad the op went well

On topic I know that my mother is a very light sleeper so whenever i stay up late(or come home hammered) she will always hear me come up the stairs. You never know you could be disturbing her sleeping pattern making her cranky. Then again she could just be a crazy bitch

yellum

Her house her rules. I'd still sue the bitch though

Beëlzebooze

how the hell can using the internet keep someone in a different room awake?

to be honest I don't think confrontation is a good idea at the moment. Ask your mom what it is about you that bothers her, it might give you some insight as to how she percieves YOU.

maybe she is under the immpression that you are a waster, and are pissing your life away. If she comes up with invallid arguments you can set her straight (in a civil manner), If you can't counter them maybe she is right.

Typedef

how the hell can using the internet keep someone in a different room awake?

Error 404 : women can't be reasoned with, they can't be bargined with... and they absolutely will not stop until they have you .... wrapped around their raven like fingers

This is what whips/prozac and belt buckles were invented for.

now...

take off those shoes... get back into the kitchen and cook that steak real good.... and when I say good...I mean.... real good...

then... go chop some wood for the fire and do it now woman

rrrrrr

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Beëlzebooze
how the hell can using the internet keep someone in a different room awake?

to be honest I don't think confrontation is a good idea at the moment. Ask your mom what it is about you that bothers her, it might give you some insight as to how she percieves YOU.

maybe she is under the immpression that you are a waster, and are pissing your life away. If she comes up with invallid arguments you can set her straight (in a civil manner), If you can't counter them maybe she is right.

sorry, but someone who sits up til 4am playing on the internet is a waster. if someone has a life in college, then surely thats more important than doing (what exactly are you doing on the internet at 4am?) stuff like this?

communication is good, confrontation is bad.

and playing unreal tournament at 4am with the sound up can keep you awake.....

koneko

How are you doing in college? Are you slacking off, missing lectures, staying around the house? Or are you doing really well?

If you're slacking off and failing miserably then your mother is understandably upset. You would be pissing your life away, downloading porn and failing college. Presumably she's paying your way and you don't have a job.

If you're doing great, just tell her. But I don't think we're getting all the facts here... So how *are* you doing in college, hmm?

Having said that. It's her house. Her rules. If you don't like em, move out.

Lemming

Originally posted by Typedef
women can't be reasoned with, they can't be bargined with... and they absolutely will not stop until they ... <SNIP>

heh Typie ....

you make them sound like the Terminator.

Hang on a sec .. now that i think about it .. the red eyes on my female family members and the unrelenting tactics ....


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :eek:

Beëlzebooze

sorry, but someone who sits up til 4am playing on the internet is a waster. if someone has a life in college, then surely thats more important than doing (what exactly are you doing on the internet at 4am?) stuff like this?

what?

I play games until 4 in the morning now and then, I also go to work the next day, do the usual chores around the house etc. I do not consider myself a waster.

I never implied that farting around on a PC in the wee hours was more important than college/work/family life. I did however suggest for "pissed off"to communicate with his mother, not confront her.

I quote:

Ask your mom what it is about you that bothers her, it might give you some insight as to how she percieves YOU.

and as far a playing anything with the sound turned on at that time, I do imaging this guy has *SOME* common sense!

smiles

It's perfectly normal.

<< Fio >>

TenLeftFingers

You need to talk to your mother and sort out some commonground. You will have to compromise, as you would living with anybody. Even if you do move out, you will be living with people who will not appreciate being woken at all hours of the morning. But I can't see why she has a problem with your computing unless she thinks it's interfering with your studies (which would be none of her buisness if you moved out).

When you talk to her, if she flys off the handel, don't mirror her. Stay calm and always bring the conversation back to a rational level, or else refuse to continue.

Having said that, you're at an age where you need to be living with people you have an equal footing with. Tell her you're considering moving out and ask her what she thinks.

The Clown Man

Invest in a lock?

They keep bad people out.

Benbaz

Hey Clown Man, what are you doing posting at 02:56 in the morning??

Don't you know that's anti-social!!!

The Corinthian

Is it normal to be on the Internet at 3 or 4 in the morning? Not as a rule. At least not if you have to be up early in the morning. If you don’t, then one has to ask why? I work largely from home, so I can afford to stay up late as I can be up and running within 15 minutes of waking up. But it would be uncommon for me to be up that late (at least without paying for it the next day with a certain degree of sleep deprivation). As koneko suggested, if you’re sleeping all day and surfing all night then this would cause friction and frustration at home.

Then there is the other factor, which is that it’s ultimately not your house. Do you pay the bills? Rent? For food and other groceries? I’m not even talking monetarily, but in kind - do you cook and clean, for your upkeep?

Certainly to the latter, I suspect the answer is no. As for the former I would suspect that you are indeed sleeping late and, if you’re a student, cutting lectures and doing very little.

My advice is this - Grow up. Surf some employment sites and get yourself a job. Stop leeching and get your own place. Pay your own bills.

Trust me. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself and your family may appreciate you more too.

seamus

Yah, you're old enough to move out. Even just for the summer. You'll appreciate our family a whole lot more when you don't have to live with them anymore.

oneweb

Originally posted by seamus
You'll appreciate our family a whole lot more

lol, that sounds like an offer

DadaKopf

I haven't read beyond the 1st page but:

Clearly your mum feels that you're wasting your life away sitting on a computer. Clearly, she's worried that sitting up until all hours on your own when you're in college isn't good for you. Clearly she's frustrated and angry about something.

It seems to me that she's refusing to accept that you're now old enough to look after your own life, to decide what you enjoy doing and how you use your time. I think every kid encounters this kind of thing. Your mum is of course entitled to be concerned about you but she'll have to accept the fact that going to college changes things, like how you organize your time around timetables, jobs and socialising. You're not at school anymore.

Your mum also seems to have a negative view of computers; she perhaps doesn't understand that they're tools for work, creativity, communication and socialising. This prejudice she has over-shadows her understanding of the fact that you're studying computers, that you need to work on them to learn, that you enjoy working on them and that you are on a clear career path. These four points should actually encourage her but somehow she's missing all this. Her frustration with, as I see it, her unwillingness to accept change, manifests itself initially by her being oversensitive to household noises and then by her flying into a rage and destroying your property.

Trashing your stuff is wholly unacceptable. No arent has the right to trash their son's or daughter's property (I presume you paid for that stuff). Perhaps you pushed her over the edge. Perhaps you rowed her and contributed to her actions but If you ask my, you deserve an apology and full reimbursement for anything she broke.

My recommendation is to write your mum a letter. Impress on her how you feel, how you think she's wrong about you and your daily routines. Dont accuse her of anything, just write about your feelings and opinions on the matter. Tell her she has to accept change. It's much harder to shout at a sheet of paper. Ive always found this is a great way to begin building bridges.