hopefull

LegacyUser

I have a slight problem - nothing major....

Im in my final year in Uni. Im 22 male and gay. I think ive finally come to terms with the fact that im gay and im now ready to meet other gay guys. Ive had a few experiences in the past and even had a relationship last summer while on a working holiday. I dont think anyone suspects that im gay and it will probably shock anyone i tell.

The thing is...........i dont know how to go about it. I dont know any gay guys. All my friends are straight (well, i presume)
Im sure there must be so many other guys and i suppose girls in the same situation as myself. There are loads of guys in college that 'could' be gay but i wouldnt feel comfortable approaching any of them.
I also wouldnt feel too comfortable going to gay bars/clubs alone.

Anyone care to tell their stories of how they went about taking that first step?

swiss

Hmm, sounds almost exactly like what I experienced when I came out about 2 years ago.

Well, the first step I suppose would be to see if there is a college LGB society. Most major universities and Institutes of Technology will have one. It's usually a good place to meet people like yourself (some of whom you might already know) in a familiar environment.

After that - well there are always gay niteclubs and pubs in which you can choose to socialise. Be warned however that if you are only just out this might not be the best place to go first time out. I don't want to scare you off or anything, but sometimes you may find a noticeable predatory element, and a lot of gay guys looks specifically for new faces.

There might also be some gay support groups in your area, which can serve as excellent 'icebreakers' for people who are just coming out in a non - sexual environment.

Oh, and if you feel up to it, coming out to your friends can be a positive experience insofar as one of them might know other people in your position.

[edit]
Well you wanted to hear my story, not much to tell really. Just drank a lot and got the dutch courage to say it to my friends. That got the ball rolling until I eventually started going to a gay niteclub in my area. The rest, as they say, is history
[/edit]

De Rebel

Hey there mr hopeful

Best resource is the net, google “coming out story” “coming out positive experience” “teen coming out”.

For most guys it’s a positive experience, and certainly an educational one. And three weeks later like the rest of us you’ll be wondering what all the fuss and worry was about.

Good luck.

oneweb

I thought I'd typed that top post while I was a bit tipsy. Sounds exactly like me. (except for the relationship bit). The furthest I've gotten so far is to the door of a GLB meet in college but I didn't have the nerve, so I walked past.

Anyway my point is you're not alone!

HerrLipp

First time I ever told anyone was at a drunken house party, we were playing stupid games like "who do you fancy in school?" and I said **** it might as well name out guys. Got a few shocked looks "oh my god, you're gay, you're so straight acting!!" but nothing worse. There were no more incidents for about 2 years after that though, until I started telling people again and eventually started meeting guys. Have just started going to the LGB thing in college (when I can find the time/find the meetings). It's difficult to walk in the door of one for the first time, the first time I went, I walked straight past the door, forced myself to walk back, walked straight past again and eventually forced myself to walk in. Anyway, felt like a total awkward dickhead in there (later to find out this is normal). Left half way through the video. Eventually I forced myself to go to another meeting (ended up being the same story of walking past the door) and this time stayed the full whack and went to the pub afterwards with them (the walk of shame from college to loafers with a gang of homosexuals :eek: ). Once I was in the pub I immediately became relaxed and got comfortable talking to people. Didn't feel as self-concious anymore (and this is before I got drunk!).

BuffyBot

Way back in the day...I remember my first LGB meeting at UCD. Jesus was I crapping myself going in. But I forced myself, and it was one of the only things which kept me sane for the short while I stayed. Basically went to the pub afterwards, had a great laugh and got to know good people.

Definitely recommended!

RedOpalFruit

As BuffyBot says, the easiest way is probably through the LGB soc in your Uni. I never actually bothered joining my own one asI was lucky enough to meet my first proper bf at work and he introduced me to the scene.

I know ppl that have done the LGB society thing though and it's worked for them. Someone else mentioned the predatory aspect, that can be applied to your LGB soc too but not in as great a way as it would if you were in a club/pub on your own. I don't think I'd go spend a night in a straight bar/pub all on my own, let alone a gay one :eek:

One piece of advice I would offer is to not rush into things. Take it slowly and don't decide to go out with the first guy that hits on you, because if it's your first "out" relationship then if he turns out to be a wanker (no pun intended, *ahem*) it could screw you over slightly

Good Luck!

STaN

Mrhopefull

As some people here will know, i am in the same kind of situation. I was with a guy for about 2 years, since i was in secondary school. So we kind of stayed with our friends and didnt go out on the scene much.

So what happened was i didnt get to know that many gay people. Dilemma.... no1 to go to gay pubs/clubs.

I think i will have to go on my own and hope to meet some nice people, get talking to them. Of course I'd love some1 around my own age to go out with and have a laugh. (18-23 y.o's)

So i have started using www.gaydar.ie - now i know allot of people on there are a bit weird and are only after 1 thing, you have to dig around for the cool ones.

If you want to know a bit more send me a message.

Sesudra

as everyone has already said,the college LGB is your best bet.hope you're in a better college than mine-when we had our first meeting,only 2 other people showed up!and for the 2nd meeting,they decided it'd be a good idea to watch "Priscilla,Queen of the Desert".needless to say,I didn't go to the 3rd meeting.

yellum

I was the same when I first came out. None of my friends were gay. I met one or two people then.

I have recently started using gaydar and other websites just mostly to talk to people of the same orientation as myself. Met a few people, some for sex, some for friendship.

People use the site for a few reaosns, for one night stands type things, for meeting people for relationships or just to meet people for friendship.

I've done all three. One night stands are fine if you want to relieve some sexual tension but I'm not a fan really. I'm trying the friendship only route now.

Widening your social circle is always a good idea. The more people you get to know , the more people that they know that you'll meet and the potential for meeting someone you could possibly form a true relationship with increases.

I would say use every resource thats available to meet people. Gaydar (but the usual be careful warning is stressed ) , go to the LGB soc meetings and go to any social groups in the LGB community.

Best of luck.

Damien

yellum

Actually. I mentioned that all my friends were straight. Well thats not true, some of them are gay but are not out yet, even to themselves. Statistics and probability dictate that some of them would have to be. One of them did come out recently enough and I'm waiting on one or two others.

Kell

Originally posted by yellum
One of them did come out recently enough and I'm waiting on one or two others.

With baited breath?

yellum

Originally posted by Kell
With baited breath?

Shurrup you. No actually.

lazer

www.gay.com

dublin chatroom is pretty good for meetin people, or just for a chat

oneweb

...tried that. Found gay.com chat to be full of nothing but guys in need of instant sexual relief. (With the exception of two) Tired of it after a week.

Check the profile if ye want.

yellum

Oneweb: Well I suggest then you contact some of the lads here from Dublin and talk to them.

LegacyUser

I've tried both gaydar.ie and gay.com chat and came across a few guys i found to be alright but again, i just didnt have the courage to actually meet them.

Im in my final year and ive decided to get the ball rolling once i finish my exams. I just hope when the time comes ill actually do something about it. I come across as confient to alot of people but when it comes to the whole 'coming out' thing my confidence seems to dissappear. At the moment i feel like my social life is going nowhere and i dread the thought of being in my mid - late 20s still str8 acting. Thats really not the life I want to live. If I dont come out to some people soon and meet some gay guys I can see myself very depressed.

Lets just hope I can pluck up the courage
Its my life............i shold really start living it as if were mine.....

Well......... theres step 1....

Thanks to everyone who replied to the thread and please continue if you feel you have anything to contribute.

yellum

Originally posted by mrhopefull
At the moment i feel like my social life is going nowhere and i dread the thought of being in my mid - late 20s still str8 acting. Thats really not the life I want to live.

I'm only out since last year, aged 25. I swear to god it was sheer hell for the past few years for me. I was pretty miserable although most people never copped it.

Lifes too f.ucking short to feel like s.hit for something that is not your fault. The narrowmindedness in ireland is eroding away too so coming out isn't such a big deal anymore. Anyways, if people can't accept you then screw em, theres way more than will accept who you are.

Seize the day, life your life the way you want not the way people want. You'll be much happier. Well I am anyway.

Good luck.

Damien.

p.s. One thing though, just cos you come out doesn't mean you are going to integrate into the gay community right away. It'll take time to start going on the scene and meeting new friends and all of that.