Small joke

Jak

Ho ho ho.

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke 6ft 5in tall and 18 stone.
He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the queer fella finally picks up the courage to say something to the big scouser.

Leaning over, he cups his huge ear:"Do you want a blow job?" he whispers.
At this, the massive Mersysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his
seat as if nothing has happened!

Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you anyways?"


"I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "something about a job."

JAK.

Hobbes

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the barman goes "Hey we have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper goes "You have a drink named Jeremy?"...

ok I was drunk when I heard it.

Jak

Like that Hobbes

A Man walked into a Bar and fell over.

TinCool

A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?".
"No", he replies, "I just been given this state-of-the-art watch (by Q) and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me", he explains."What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"
007 tuts, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

Trojan

Shortest ever:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

TwoShedsJackson

Two jumpleads walk into a bar and order a couple of pints of Guiness. The barman looks at them and says 'ok, I'll serve yis, but you two better not start anything in here!!'

amp

Two men walk into a bar:

"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"

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Lunacy Abounds! Play GLminesweeper!

Paladin

A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac.
He says to the barman "one for me and one for the road".

Canaboid

Two fat blokes sitting at the bar.
One says "your round"
Other replies "so are you, ya fat *******".

Gamblor

A horse goes to a bar for a few pints.
He's sitting there and the bar man keeps looking at him, finally the bar man goes up and asks the horse " Why the long face ?"

Drum roll please !!!!

yes it's really bad , but i live for bad jokes

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***** Feel my Evil Neon Claws *****

Lucutus

not as bad as this...


Three pieces of string walk into a bar, they spy a small table in the corner and pull up chairs and sit down, one of the pieces of string, the shortest one, notices the barman staring down at them and says to the longest piece of string, "You'd better get the pints in, you look the oldest". The longest piece of string goes upto the bar and asks for three pints of Guinness. The barman says "Excuse me, but are you a piece of string?!", the piece of string stands tall and replies, "Yes, Yes I am!", With that the barman has made up his mind, "Sorry, we don't serve string in here". So the longest piece of string returns to his mates in the corner and tells them what the barman said.

They decide that the second longest piece of string should try, so the second longest piece of string goes upto the bar and asks for three pints of Guinness. The barman says "Listen buddy, are you a fúcking piece of string?", the piece of string stutters, "s-s-sor-r-ryy I am, y-yeah!", barman replies, "I told yer mate, we don't serve string in here". The string returns to table, telling his mates the exact same thing.

The shortest piece of string approaches the bar, determined to get a drink. "Three pints of Guinness, My good barman!". The barman looks at him says "FFS, Are you a piece of string as well???"

The shortest piece of string looks straight at the barman and shrugs, "No, I'm afraid not".

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Lucutus of Borg

[This message has been edited by Lucutus (edited 12-05-2000).]

Bard

This one's worse though...


Q- What's brown and sticky?

A- A stick...!

Lump

Yea, funny, I was going to say the guy walking into a bar one, but thats been done.

John

WhiteWashMan

whats brown and green with 4 legs and kills you if it falls out of a tree...
a snooker table

whats white and kills you if it falls out of a tree
a fridge

whats white and swings from tree to tree
tarzan the fridge

whats black and hard
a crow with a switchblade

i'll get me coat....