Nagging thought

LegacyUser

About 2 and a half years ago I meet this guy. Within a week I thought/I was in love. Couple days later he decided that he couldnt cope with the distance (me in Galway, him in waterford) and we broke up. At the time he was also planning to leave the country and said it would be fairer on me if we didnt continue things. Then the last 2yrs happened. During which he didnt move country and we saw each other from time to time (stuff happened).

Over the space of a couple of months last year we got very close as friends. We then met up again and more stuff happened, which resulted in a pregnancy scare. I was doing exams at the time so it ment we didnt see each other for a while. In the meantime he met someone else. When he told me bout her I was really upset but didnt say anything because I didnt have any right to. I wanted him to be happy more than anything. So I tried to be a friend , met up with him and we just talked about her, what she was like and all the rest. He began to text me telling me how he didnt want to be with her and wanted to be with me instead. These messages really confused me. He was still with her and not me, so I tried to brush them off as much as I could. Those messages really upset me and led me to becoming really angry. The weeks wore by and we were fighting on a continuous basis. Then we stopped talking.

He began texting me again a few months later. Telling me that he wanted to explain what had happened and how he wanted to be with me. He had hurt me so much that I just couldnt believe him anymore. More arguements and then we stopped talking again.

I met up with him over christmas and we talked (didnt say what I wanted to say though). Havnt spoken to him since.

I really miss him and for all his faults and mine, I really did/do love him. Im curbing every urge to contact him again. Its hurting like hell and feels like something is missing in my life.

I have been in a few bizarre realationships(if you can call them that) over the last 2yrs. So bizarre in fact that Iv been told I could write a book lol Iv lost my trust in men and cant see myself in a realationship. I dont do one night stands because I dont get anything out of them.

I try my hardest to keep myself busy and go out and have fun. Is a new realatonship my only hope of getting on with things and forgetting about him?? This surely isn't fair on that person?? I honestly dont know what to do.

noNick

Wook

easy, ..... drop him

eth0_

Don't get involved with him again, he's messed you about a lot before, I wouldn't trust him at all

Saruman

Yeah what everyone else said... He obviously does not deserve you and you deserve better. Dont loose all faith in men though.,.. thats not the answer, just be a little more careful of yourself in future and try not to fall for someone too quickly.. i know its probably easier said than done

Xterminator

Right.

I'll offer my advice to you for what its worth.

First up youve got to sort out this relationship with your X.

You deeply care about this guy. And from what you say things are not really resolved.
I'd say meet him, and listen to what he has to say.
Let your guard down, and tell him how you feel, how his actions have hurt you (try not to put him on the defensive, just expalin where youre coming from).
Its risking a chance of being hurt further, but if you dont , will you be wondering 'what if' for the rest oif your life?

After your chat then go home and decide whether the relationship has a chance or not. Try to think with your head, as well as your heart. Can you trust him? Is he a **** or did things just go wrong? Once youve heard his side of the story, you can try to make that decision.

If you give him another chance, so be it. Dont take him back, then make him feel gulty etc. Thats doomed from the start. Its a clean slate or nothing. But there no harm in taking it slow, and seeing what develops. it may take time to rebuild the trust. Counselling might be an option, if youre going to give it a go.

If you decide its over, then i definitely would reccomend you let him know its over. Then you can try to move on.

Even if your head is wrecked, i dont see a problem with having a relationshp with someone else (if you want to). When you start a relationship, its not a contract for marriage etc. You can find that you like being with someone, because it lessens the pain. Call it a rebound relationship. call it what you like.

When I broke up with someone I was crazy about, I found it helped. As long as you dont lie, or mislead the other person into thinking they mean more to you than they do, or your more serious about the relationship that you really are, etc, then your doing nothing wrong.
After all relationships dont come with a guarentee. You go out, enjoy each other company, and see what happens. Thats it.

So as far as fair on the other person goes, i dont think it comes into it, as long as you are not dishonest.

Last thing. You sound like a very nice considerate person. You deserve to be happy! Good luck!

X

logic1

Hey I'm also from Waterford. One waterford person is as good as another. I'll await your call



.logic.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

logic1

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Makes me wish I lived in Waterford. Id call you logie.




I cant wait till minx maximus gives me her moby tbh!! Im very excited at the thought!!!

You don't have to live there to give me your number merc. I'm an equal opportunity employer.

.logic.

chernobyl

/me representing Maypark Village!

Pimp Ninja

Ok I'm just gonna break this into the bits I need that made me think what I'm thinking.. If ya get me...

I'd be interested to know your and his ages?? always helps in these matters.

Originally posted by noNick
About 2 and a half years ago I meet this guy.
Within a week I thought/I was in love.
Couple days later he decided that he couldnt cope with the distance and we broke up.

Long distance relationships are hard when youre young (18 - 20) **** that makes me sound really old...

You thought you were in love, happens all of us...

we saw each other from time to time (stuff happened).
We then met up again and more stuff happened,

When you saw each other you did the wild thing. So you were going out, of sorts, I never do the one night stand thing myself. Have to be committed before I share those speshial moments with anyone. Yeah its fun, but I just dont get the whole casual sex thing.. anyway thats another subject. Sex then a phonecall then more sex then meeting up.. sounds like going out to me thats all I'm saying.

In the meantime he met someone else.
When he told me bout her I was really upset but didnt say anything because I didnt have any right to.

He was still with her and not me, so I tried to brush them off as much as I could.

I have been in a few bizarre realationships(if you can call them that) over the last 2yrs.
So bizarre in fact that Iv been told I could write a book lol
Iv lost my trust in men and cant see myself in a realationship.
I dont do one night stands because I dont get anything out of them.

Now here's the part that gets me..
You were knocking boots on and off, calling each other and meeting up. I'd call you being a couple, going out, meeting whatever, basically a relationship.
This has been going on for 2 and a half years.
He goes and meets another girl and does whatever with her for a while..
You loose your trust in men even thou you have been doing the exact same thing.. with more than one person too.

few bizarre relatonships over the last 2 years

A bit hypocrytical if you ask me.

So hes been sleepin round. you have been sleepin round...
I'm sure if he knew this he'd be less interested. Just continue sleepin round and enjoy..

Wheres your problem???

Irish_Ranger_IR

If you want him, get in contact.

Remember he said he wanted you, and you didn't say what you wanted. If you have said " yes i want to be with you too" , then this would have been different.

So don't let it slip away again........

Think First...

Meet up and see how he is, 2 years a long time for people to change, he could be a different person now, to the person 2 years back.

---

I wish Irish women would tell men there feelings, they hold them back from us, we keep questioning, quessing, does she like me, or don't she, then you think to your self, na....I don't think so, and you move on. Then you hear afterwards, Yea...she liked you, but...she's with someone else now..

Q --- Kick in Teeth..............

Irish men are not the best on body language, we need help sometimes.

Lady's if you like someone..
Flirt.
Kiss them on the cheek.
Touch their hand.

There is nothing more flattering that a women chatting up a bloke...

Some bloke's would march into war before going up and trying to chat someone up, that's why we have slow dances and dark rooms with easy access to multiple types of booze.

I hope things work out for you..

LegacyUser

Thanks for yeer replies, most have been helpful and cheered me up a bit.

But.....

<QUOTE>Pimp Ninja
He goes and meets another girl and does whatever with her for a while..
You loose your trust in men even thou you have been doing the exact same thing.. with more than one person too.</QUOTE>

I wanst doing the exact same thing. At that time I wasnt with anyone else nor had I been for a good few months at that stage. We werent a couple, he did as he pleased and I did as I pleased. I didnt hunt him down after he was with that other girl and try to destroy him. I met up with him and we talked as friends and about her. It was the text messages afterwards that really hurt me and upset me. If he hadnt sent me those I would of got used to the idea of him being with someone else, I have before.

He told me bout this girl two weeks after the pregnancy scare and one week after he had been with me. I dont think I deserved that.

As to your remark about my sleeping around, I dont, plain and simple.

logic1

Originally posted by noNick

As to your remark about my sleeping around, I dont, plain and simple.

That's a pity, I guess it's me and you all the way mercie

.logic.

Lafortezza

Originally posted by noNick

He told me bout this girl two weeks after the pregnancy scare and one week after he had been with me. I dont think I deserved that.

Maybe he felt guilty about the way things were going with you when this other girls was in his head,
and then he decided that honesty was the best policy and to tell you about what was going on from his point of view

would you have preferred if he didn't tell you?

damned if you do.....

LegacyUser

lafortezza,

Yes I agree with what your saying and yes Im glad he did tell me. It just hurt like hell. At times Im angry about it other times Im glad.

noNick

coco

Right well i think your best chance to is to forget about him hes not worth it. i no its hard i had to watch my sister go true the same sort of thing. but do you wat she did she went out one nite with a bunch of her friends and got a man and she is with him ever since.

you just have to be confident and no that you can move on and aswell as that girl you can do far better than that.

So you love him you think hes gods gift well hes not, the only way to get over him is to think of all the times he hurt you and used you in my opinon hes a gob****!

WhiteWashMan

if you want to give it another shot, get in contact. if you dont want to, then dont, but whatever you do, dont leave it and leave it until its too late and yyou never had the chance to know.

as the saying goes, its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

and its right. take your chance, if it doesnt work, you know better in the future, if it does work out, no complaints.

but the worst thing is to sit idly by and just wait for things to happen. that shít will just fúck you up big time.

LegacyUser

Coco,

Thanks for your reply, (all others included) although I may love the guy I dont think he is god's gift. I can see all his faults and still love him. Im either crazy or just plain stupid.

WWM,

Yes I do want to contact him but I know that if I do let him back in my life (now that its finally in some way enjoyable) it will only get fu<ked up again. He told me he wanted me and when I said the same to him, he would change his mind again.

Im not the kind of girl that falls in love every two minutes and it takes alot for me to put up with as much sh1t as I did. Most guys would of been out on their ear faster than they could say Im sorry(the first time).

Iv the best friends in the world and Im going to have to keep myself alot more busy.

This has helped I needed to get this out of my system and my friends are well and truly sick of hearing about this.

NoNick

thedrowner

have you ever given it a propper go? i agree with wwm, but if it was me, i'd probably give him one last chance, and if he screws up, then end it for good.

coco

Well its really your own descision and i think that at least true all the crap he put you true at least you have your friends! Good luck with him! if you do get back with him be careful!

Typedef

I really miss him and for all his faults and mine, I really did/do love him. Im curbing every urge to contact him again.

Chicks... they're all the same.

For my advice (tm), I'd have to say to you to stop wasting time and fronting with this fella.

He has a bird, who he wants to leave, for you, he has told you as much. You fancy him and front elsewise, this is a waste of your time.

Quite obviously what you want to do, is to be with him, so... life being one of those precious assets, which everybody (tm) has only a limited supply of, I suggest you stop wasting yours and his, by pretending you don't want to be with him.

Seriously, if he gets creamed by a car tomorrow, you fronting today and pretending you don't have feelings for him, won't do either of you a damn bit of good.


Carpe diem baby.

pickarooney

You know the way you remember your childhood fondly, and it was always sunny in the summer? That's the way he gets when his current is doing his head in and he thinks of you there waiting for him, wanting him, all roses and gravy. Probably.

Typedef

O Captain my Captain.

I'd just like to thank the Academy, all my fans... and all the little Typedef-a-maniacs out there in interwebland ... this is your Oscar

Edit: I agree with WWM "Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all". Sure, it could be embarressing and/or painful to get together with this guy, but, casting yourself as a tragic hero, by denying the feelings between the two of you is foolish.

Carpe diem.

LegacyUser

He and the girl broke up after a month or so. Her choice afaik.

pickarooney,
no roses and gravy waiting for him and he knows it. Iv been a bitch to him on a few occassions mostly with regard how he was treating me and how I didnt have a clue how to deal with it other than anger(my childhood, so no sunny days there either).

typedef,
I made him aware of my feelings on a few occassions. No tragic hero here. I had to stop because it hurt too much to always have him turn around and mess me bout.

However.....

It appears that it wasn't just me that was thinking about him. He contacted me last night. No idea what is going to happen from here. We still live very far away from each other. Really dont want to get hurt again. It would be nice to be as good friends as we were before though. And taking some advice from here Im going to start taking the barriars down a *little* and talking more honestly and openly to him with regard my feelings. (thanks)

Gonna just see how things go.

scared and unsure,
NoNick