GAA Humour

ironbrew

anyone got any more Gaa jokes etc... or pics liek the GAA lookalikes email that is going around? i need a laugh as i didnt get out tonight!

Waylander

I put these up before but they are pure class and worth another go.

Some Famous Micheal O Muirheartaigh quotes

... and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, i'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times' Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have the Kerryman would ye?' To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... he had both...so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion."

"Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.

"1-5 to 0-8.. well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language"

"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now ... but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ...... I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"

"Danny "The Yank" Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well"

"He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50......he's on the 40......he's on the 30..........................he's on the ground"

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball"

"He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.............it went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly....Stephen, one of 12......all but one are here to-day, the one that's missing is Mary, she's at home minding the house.....and the ball is dropping i lar na bpairce...."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns ands prints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide..... and the dog lost as well

"Sean Og o Hailpin.... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold

"Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation "

all very good.

the tipp fm commentator back in november was commentating on the mullinahone/sars co. final replay where mullinahone won and in the dying seconds johnny leahy jumped between two men and made a fantastic catch.

the commentary went something like this.

" the game is over, the ref blows the whistle and looks to the sky telling leahy to come down! "

kingconor

A Donegalman runs into a bar with a pig under his arm, "Where'd you get that?", asked the barman?" "I won him in a raffle", said the pig!

Yavvy

Roscommon fan after the controversial 1980 All-Ireland final: Hi ref, how's your dog?
Ref: What do you mean? I don't have a dog.
Fan: That's strange. You're the first blind man I've ever met that doesn't have a guide dog!

I used to think it was great being a wee nippy corner forward, but it's better now being a big, fat one.
Ollie Murphy

They shot the wrong Micheal Collins
Ollie Murphy to referee Micheal Collins after Donegal beat Meath in last year's championship.

He'll regret this to his dying day, if he lives that long.
Dublin fan after Charlie Redmond missed a penalty in the 1994 All-Ireland final.

Now listen lads, I'm not happy with our tackling. We're hurting them but they keep getting up.
John B.Keane ventures into coaching

Paddy McCormack (digging a hole along the ground with his boot): You're young Kearins, from Sligo. I presume you expect to go back to Sligo this evening.
Mickey Kearins: Hopefully.
McCormack: Well, if you don't pass the mark, you have a fair chance of getting back.

Behind every Galway player there is another Galway player.
Meath fan at the 2001 All-Ireland final.

When Joe Brolly is winning, he's objectionable. When he's blowing kisses, he's highly objectionable.
Cavan fan

He wouldn't see a foul in a henhouse.
Frustrated Sligo fan's judgement of the ref after the 2002 Connacht final.

There are two things in Ireland that would drive you to drink. GAA referees would drive you to drink and the price of drink would drive you to drink.
Another Sligo fan at the same match.

You get more contact in an old-time waltz at the old-folks' home than in a National League final.
Pat Spillane

The first half was even, the second half was even worse.
Pat Spillane reflects on an Ulster Championship clash.

Meath players like to get their retaliation in first.
Cork fan in 1988.

Meath make football a colourful game - you get all black and blue.
Another Cork fan.

We're taking you off but we're not bothering to put on a sub. Just having you off will improve our situation.
Manager to a club player in Derry.

I warned the boys they couldn't go through the league unbeaten, and, unfortunately, they appear to have listened to me!
Tyrone's Art McRory after losing a league match.

(Reporter interviews Kevin Moran on TV after the 1978 All-Ireland final)
Reporter: How's the leg Kevin?
Kevin Moran: It's fuc..... it's very sore.

He's as useless as a back pocket in a vest.
Kerry fan on Colin Corkery.

Colin Corkery is deceptive. He's slower than he looks.
Kerry fan

I think Mickey Whelan believes tactics are a new kind of piles on your arse.
Disgruntled Dublin fan

Q: What's the difference between Paddy Cullen and a turnstile?
A: A turnstile only lets in one at a time.
Kerry fan after Cullen conceded five goals in the 1978 All-Ireland final.

The rules of Meath football are basically simple: if it moves, kick it; if it doesn't move, kick it until it does.
Tyrone fan after a controversial All-Ireland semi-final.

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else.
John B. Keane

Life isn't all beer and football: some of us haven't touched a football in months.
A Kerry player during the league in the early 1980's