Transvestite Boyfriend?

LegacyUser

I'm a guy (early 20's) who liked to dress up as a girl sometimes and.. well, I'd like to ask the girls on this forum how they would feel if their boyfriend told them that he liked to dress up as a convincing and sensual female?

I don't have a girlfriend right now but I'm heterosexual and will probably have one at some stage in the near future as I did before.. and sometimes I wonder how I will tell her (whoever she might be)?

Should I ever tell her?

Should I tell her before things even get serious incase she can't live with it at all?

Or should I do what Ed Wood did, and tell her the minute I meet her?? Lol.

Seriously though, I don't feel I will ever be able to stop dressing as it gives me a feeling of ecstacy that I don't even understand myself. I'm normal in most other ways and I DO want a serious relationship, and even marriage at some stage of life. But I feel I need to ask these questions now for some reason to see how (without prejudice) you will answer. and if it is negative maybe I can somehow change myself and stop dressing up and shaving my body and longing sometimes to feel and look really feminine.

By the way, I should warn you that I'm quite convincing as a female so maybe this would freak a girl out even more?

BuffyBot

I don't have a girlfriend right now but I'm heterosexual and will probably have one at some stage in the near future as I did before.. and sometimes I wonder how I will tell her (whoever she might be)?

Should I ever tell her?

Should I tell her before things even get serious incase she can't live with it at all?

Or should I do what Ed Wood did, and tell her the minute I meet her?? Lol.

Well, I'm not a girl but just my two cents. Have you considered talking to any of these:

National Transvestite Line-TV & TS Thursdays 6.30pm-9.30pm (087) 996 9977
Si(TVs & TSs)-Mon-Fri 11am-6pm (01) 878 3621

I'm sure they would have plenty of advice on how to approach the subject with female partners etc.

However, I'm expert enough to say that I don't think the Ed Wood approach is the best way to go

Good luck

Gordon

If it was me I would tell a person straight away if it came up in conversation but if it doesn't come up in the conversation then why bother?

It's no big deal. No point to tell someone that I like to wear odd socks sometimes but if it comes up in the conversation (socks) then I will tell someone that I like to wear odd socks sometimes.

Jak

I don't think the odd socks comparison quite gels in this situation.

To be honest I would say the majority of girls will consider it very strange and freakish. Thus more than your average bloke I would say you should prepare for a greater helping of rejection whenever you decide to tell someone. The timing is always a variable, the right time is when you reckon it is.

Try find a circle of like minded people and pick from there, if it means that much to you, you will probs need a girl who understands/appreciates the whole thing and who is possibly interested in wearing Y-fronts, odd socks and a shirt and tie.

JAK

thedrowner

if someone told me that i'd be freaked. i suspected at the start of a relationship once that someone was going to tell me that and all i wanted to do was get out- (but luckily i was wrong). i try to be as open minded as possible, and though ive never had transvestite friends, i do have friends who do it occasionally, and im fine with it, however, if it was a relationship i know i'd be freaked, depsite how open minded i claim to be.

i think the main reason i'd be freaked is that i'd always be afraid the guy would realise he was gay at some stage. (im really sorry if that sounds horrible, or generalising, im just being honest). i'd also be really concerned with what other people thought of the situation, and how they'd treat the guy if they found out, so i'd be terrified of them finding out in case they were mean to him. i dont think it would cause too much of a problem when spending time by ourselves and with really close friends who knew the deal.

personally, i think it'd be easier to deal with at a later stage in the relationship, when i'd already fallen for a guy and i was in too deep to leave him over it, and just come to accept it. then i'd probably stop questioning his sexuality, but i'd still be terrified of how other's would treat him if they found out. if i found out at the beginning i'd probably end things.

Kell

Originally posted by Jak
and who is possibly interested in wearing Y-fronts, odd socks and a shirt and tie.

JAK

Hmmmnn. You've just hit the mark. Mmmmmnnnn....... I am away to the jaxx now

Typedef

The world is a very diverse place.

I'm not so sure I'd lump you in with the wierdos right away, I for example have loads of umm, wild fantasies about what some or even most might consider wierd sex.

Then again, I'm quite sure everybody has you know, pretty wacked out (no pun) ideas about wierd ways they'd like to get their jollies, I think there would be something 'wrong' with you if all you desired was sex missionary style [1].

Anyhoo, who's to say that enjoying wearing chicks clothes is especially 'wrong', so long as what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours and there's no 'harm' done to anybody else... I think it's your own business if you want to wear woman's clothing, or leather... or whatever.

Some chicks are even well up for that sort of thing, again, nothing wrong with it.

Just once I'd like to eat jelly off of my lovers body....or whipped cream from...(you get the idea).... does that make me a wierdo, maybe, do I care? Nope. So should you care that sometimes you get 'pleasure' from wearing woman's clothing? I don't think so, I say, more power to you mate for having enough, umm, cahones [2] to break the mold and go for broke. Kudos to you.

[1]</Dr Ruth Mode>
[2]or balls.... (no pun)

LegacyUser

Well thanks for the honest replies!

I understand where you're coming from thedrowner, and I think most girls would certainly feel the same.

The thing is, there are actually a lot more people into this that you could ever know!

It's such a secretive thing, and so very "in the closet" for most who do it. The amount of married men and even younger hetero men into it is serious. Thats why sometimes I wonder why it's such an issue, why it myst be perpetually underground and somewhat taboo.

I mean, my view of life is; if what you do doesn't hurt the well being of others (emotional or physical) then it's ok.

I agree though, there is the small possibility of occasional bi-sexual behaviour and activity, so this could certainly cause hurt to a female partner or wife, although this isn't usually the case.

I suppose the bottom line for me... contune.. but keep it very much a secret!

yellum

Follow Buffys advice and talk to the professionals. They have experience of this and will be of more help than people here with no experience of the matter guessing what is the best thing to do and giving incorrect and ignorant advice. Ring that phoneline and take it from there. Let us know how it goes too.

It sucks that theres such a taboo about this and people are not aware of it and that theres nothing sick or weird about it. Norman Bates dressing as his Mommy gave the whole thing a bad rep I think.

Mewzel

not all girls will be freaked about it. i actually have a friend whos boyfriend likes to wear womens clothes and it doesnt seem to bother her at all!
also, just in case your interested, im pretty sure he told her at the very begining.

Drunk pirate

*Shudder*

Mayby you shouldn't tell us all this....

TacT

V.funny thing happened me at the x-mas party with folks from the office this year. There was a forfeit outfit which I ended up getting stuck with (no you can't hear the story behind it) and of course they handed me a feathery black scarf, a pair of black tights, a black dress and sent me off to get changed........

I'm not sure which was funnier, me wearing all this stuff and actually having a great laugh about it, or watching other people's reactions when I jokingly tried to pull a bloke away from his woman to the dancefloor and other drunken antics.
So many comments went around about "heh you looked a bit too comfortable in those clothes" and all sorts of junk which started out jokingly and then continued on into the new year when I came back to work at which point one or two people kept re-uttering this nonsence.

A few of them thought I was actually into this, I even played along and started poking fun saying "yeah you can only call me wendy on a friday night!"

My problem with this was "well what IF I actually do enjoy doing that?" At least 4 people in the office would probably have shunned me for life if they continued to believe I enjoyed this or whatever! :eek: Sad sheltered boring twats tbh! I mean they were actually going to think I'm some sort of freak for godsakes......

If you meet someone you really care for then I would confide it in them. If your just out and meet someone and it looks like your going to get together for the night or meet up a few times then I wouldn't bother unless as someone said, it came up in the conversation.

Good luck finding a partner with an open enough mind to let you have fun whatever way you see fit, I foresee that as your biggest challenge atm

and for everyone elses entertainment you can all go view glorious me in my skirt and whatnot at www.eselect.tv and view the following clips then profusely slag the $hit out of me for as long as you see fit. :cool:
3724-2899
3727-5092

I got off lighter than I thought I did, you only get a sneak preview

Victor

What if you make the statement (while naked in bed) that ye should try some experiments some time. Different positions, toys and then bring up say a role-reversal situation (beware toys and role-reversal ). Then you can set a precedent in a "fantasy" situation and see how she reacts.

/me playing it safe.

LegacyUser

Hi Tas - I can't remember how I explained my 'special needs' to my then GF, but her enthusiasm for shopping generally overtook her concerns about my dressing. Now, she's quite happy to buy matching nighties for us in M&S and we have nice girly pyjama nights in together occasionaly, doing each others nails etc.

BTW, if you haven't tried rubbing against your partners body with two layers of smooth silky satin in between, you don't know what your missing, guys.

LegacyUser

Ah thats cool! heheheh..

well, thanks for the advice all! My decision is to discover the partners attitude towards crossdressing before admitting I am one

Makes sense

logic1

Originally posted by Victor
(beware toys and role-reversal

Sounds like you know what you're talking about.

.logic.

LegacyUser

Hmm.. Very interesting thread and hopefully my 2 cent will help you.

Have cross-dressed as long as I can remember (mid 20s now) and have come to the conclusion it's simply a part of my sexuality in as much as everyone has their own preferances for different things. Sadly my particular thing isn't widely accepted or has immediate homosexual suggestions.

Shame too since I am 100% straight although I have many gay friends (male and female). Although I'm still in 'the closet' as far as my cross-dressing is concerned I've often been told I appear very comfortable with my own sexuality and this in turn make others comfortable around me (the irony :rolleyes: )

On your main point though Tas I'm lucky enough to have had a girlfriend I can share my experiences with. It was over two years into the relationship before I did and she is very accepting of it (admittedly she was a tad freaked initially with the expected questions of 'Are you gay? No' 'Do you want to have a sex change? No thanks I'm very attached to my manhood!')

The difficulty is with the perception of it. To a lot of people homosexuality is flamboyance, bitchyness, over emotional reactions, dykes etc.. etc.. This of course is nonsense. Most gay folk I know are pretty damn normal once they came to terms with it themselve and realised there ain't a thing wrong with them. However coming out of the closet is often accompanyed by a certain ott flamboyance which is all the media seem to focus on.

Cross-dressing/Transvestites are in a similar situation in that there are a surprising number of people out there who enjoy it (btw why not even a second glance if a woman wants to cross-dress and wear trousers etc.?) but the focus is always on the drag-queens or absolute mingin old lads in a dress.

Sorry for drifting off.. Oh yea girlfriends I'm no longer with the girl whom I did share this aspect of myself with but it's important to note the break up was nothing to do with cross-dressing. In fact we enjoyed many a shopping trip etc together not to mention other 'fun' times (You *really* don't know what you're missing )

When the time comes around though I'm fairly sure I'm going to tell the next girl much earlier in the relationship. Firstly it's much fairer on her (some people really can't get their head round it and thats ok you have to respect that) and secondly it's not the whole you she's getting to know.

Really gotta run now have a meeting to go to but I'll be online again tonight to follow this thread with interest.

neuro-praxis

An old friend of mine had a long term boyfriend who was a transvestite. It was quite funny because he was 6 foot 6 and built like a tank so not very convincing. She struggled to deal with it, but loved him so much that it wasn't important enough to leave him over. They're now married and very happy, as far as I can tell.

If my current boyfriend told me he was a trannie, I think it would be tough because I find men in women's clothing very unattractive (and it would also mean he's been keeping it from me for four years.:)) I would suggest that it be something you bring up early in the relationship (not the first date, mind) so that you can work it out together and not have any feelings of dishonesty or guilt about it going on.

Girlygirl

just a couple a' points - 1, statistically most blokes who like to dress as women are straight, and 2, not every girl is going to find it a turn-off, in fact some find it positively foxy if the guy makes an attractive woman.

Personally speaking, I don't like to derss in men's clothes (did once for a fancy dress, felt uncomfortable), but I do occasionally find men in drag devillishly attractive. (I think it comes form grwoing up in the 80s when the pop stars were androgynous and beautiful).

Do broach the subject with your girlfriend. And don't try and supress it if it's such an integral part of your sexuality and identity. I know this is not much comfort, but if it doesn't work out with her you will eventually find someone who accepts you.

LegacyUser

Tas

Think of it as a hobby - ok perhaps an unusual one, but hey, who's one to judge.

But fair play for the post. I was screwed up over it for years, when I hit my late teens and realised it wouldn't go away (like I hadn't known for years hey isn't denial wonderful).

What little advice I can give you is don't do what I did. I'm in my late 20s but since 22 any chance of getting with a girl I'd just go cold on the off chance of things getting serious - regardless if I really wanted to - I didn't want to throw that on anyone. Sometimes it really tore me up.

A couple of years ago however a good friend of mine told me that he was abused by his older brother when he was a kid and that really killed me, but it also put things in perspective for me and I started to realise that for me my worst enemy was actually myself, it lifted a whole layer of guilt off me.

But on the lighter side of things for the (real) girlz:
Just 'cos its a hobby, I still hate spending hours shopping.
Handbags still look silly, but I can still match them with shoes.
I know sizes, so there's no point in lying.
I can see a fashion disaster from a mile away - hehe

I think guys like us could be a real asset

Tas, whatever you do, best of luck.

DriftingRain

You haven't had many female responces so here it goes...All honesty....
If I met this amazing guy and he told me from the get go he was a tran. I would probally freak. If he waited a lil ways down the road and I had already fallin in love with him I think I would still freak out and be really hurt. Then again...if you really met the right one and you Fell madly in love with her wouldn't you want to be THE MAN. The one that would take another mans head off for speaking a harsh word to her. If this would happen, you may not need that feeling you get from dressing up like(Wouldn't even have to tell her) that when you are with the one that you really love. Shouldn't that be a great feeling. When you are in love and have the love of a great woman...isn't that the best feeling in the world, it's the only feeling that keeps getting better...the day of your wedding...the day she tells you are gonna be a father...the day you are actually become the father...the day the child first says daddy? It is up to you to make the call, but be cautious. The world is full of strange and unusual people...who knows you may even find a girl that likes to dress a man up that way...that way you both get what you want...Good Luck:)

LegacyUser

Originally posted by DriftingRain
You haven't had many female responces so here it goes...All honesty....
If I met this amazing guy and he told me from the get go he was a tran. I would probally freak. If he waited a lil ways down the road and I had already fallin in love with him I think I would still freak out and be really hurt.

Great to hear feedback from a RG (real girl!). It can be very confusing for a girl being introduced to this situation and I personnaly feel there is an onus on the guy in this situation to spend some time making sure the girl knows *exactly* what cross-dressing means to him and how it will affect their relationship

Originally posted by DriftingRain
Then again...if you really met the right one and you Fell madly in love with her wouldn't you want to be THE MAN. The one that would take another mans head off for speaking a harsh word to her. If this would happen, you may not need that feeling you get from dressing up like(Wouldn't even have to tell her) that when you are with the one that you really love.

I know exactly what you mean and my own ex went through something similar when I initially told her. Thing is though this isn't something we can change. Would you tell a gay guy that maybe if he got laid or met the right girl he wouldn't be gay anymore? Cross-dressing has nothing to do with lack of feeling loved or not having that feminine touch in our lives. Believe me when I tell you I am as masculine as it gets, confident without being cocky and have no trouble attracting girls. My confidence as a man is also strengtened by my acceptance of my feminine side.

Threaten my girl and I'll break your neck. I open doors, buy flowers and make a point of sweeping her off her feet every now and then (esp when it's not expected). But you wana TALK? bout your feelings? No problem. Wanta shop? Fine by me but only if we swing by the lingerie section You can have THE MAN and your cake and eat it too if you know what I mean.

But don't try to change me

Originally posted by DriftingRain
Shouldn't that be a great feeling. When you are in love and have the love of a great woman...isn't that the best feeling in the world, it's the only feeling that keeps getting better...the day of your wedding...the day she tells you are gonna be a father...the day you are actually become the father...the day the child first says daddy? It is up to you to make the call, but be cautious. The world is full of strange and unusual people...who knows you may even find a girl that likes to dress a man up that way...that way you both get what you want...Good Luck:)

Man there's nothing I look forward to more than all of the above There's a wide variety of folk in the world and as long as you aren't hurting anyone then I'm happy to accept who you are. All I ask is you do the same

passthesalt

im a girl. and i like boys who dress as women. alot. holy toledo i didnt think it was weird. but anyway, just to tell you that although it mightnt appear so, it is in fact an asset in the respect that there are some girls (such as mise) who want a guy like you.
whatever you do dont let yourself feel guilty or perverted, because youre not. i think its the coolest hobby a guy can have.

good luck mrs.

LegacyUser

Just thought some of you might like to see how we 'girls' dress on weekends - Isn't this guy just achingly sexy?