Girl trouble and find something lost..(longish)

Chaos-Engine

I'll begin here.
I went out with a girl about 3 years ago when I was 17. It was an amazing relationship. It had its ups and downs and she had alot fo problems(family and deep feurdian). It last just under 2 years. I was pretty lost for about 6 months after it. She was the first real relationship I ever had and my first love.
ANyway I got over her and we can't even talk to each other. We don't want to really.

Basically that brings me to the start of last summer. I had found alot of new things about myself and who I am and what I want from life. Generally I matured and gained alot of wisdom about life(some might say alittle too much).
I had a hell of a summer and ended up getting into my first meaningful relationship since the 2 year one. It was at the end of the summer and lasted until November last. She was a great girl and I only saw her alittle but we were both very busy with college and it worked fine.
Anyway I got a bit itchy near the end of it. I felt she was falling in love with my and we had a big talk. I was right about the love thing(not that I'm afriad of commitment), I just wasn't in-love with her. SO we ended things there...

Basically since then I've been with alot of women. Basically I slept with my best-friend and then a friend of a friend and a few other women... I realised I was getting into too many one-nighters about a week ago and cooled down and stayed off the seen for a bit...
Then out of the blue it happened. I fell for a friend whom I never really knew that well. One problem. I slept with her best-friend the week before...

So.. Last Wednesday. The girl I want(but i thought was way out of reach), her best-friend(who i slept with and is under the illusion that I might ask her out again -- even though I told her the honest truth why i didn't want to see her any more, i.e. she talks too much and bores the hell out of me) and a few other friends went to the Bond Ball. The night was great. Dancing and Drinkin and laughin... Any how then The girl I like starts hittin' on me(very suttly due to her bestfriend and all). We end up getting away from the others and get some dancing alone. Things get heated and the ex notices... WAR!!!!

anyway, I know this girl likes me and I haven't liked a girl like this in over a year. We can't exactly see each other due to her best-friend who I pretty much used. It sucks....

Anyway I'm going to meet her in an hour and this will be the first time I will have seen her since the bond ball. The other times she was around her best-friend was there to make sure(i.e. keep an eye on her and me... while making strong passed at me and getting negative responses from me all the time)...

Hang on I forgot..
Last Saturday we were out and myself and the girl i'm interested in were left alone in a sittin' room for the night. We stayed up chattin about our two major relationships that went weird( my 2 year and her 3). Basically we have a strong and wide circle of friends(so large I guess one of them will read this.. but they knwo the story).
It was great and it only helped to reinforce my attraction for her.

I really like this girl and can see alot of joy
I know she feels the same
I don't want her Best-Friend to hate her guts cause then i'll get the blame(fair enough) but I've been in a relationship like that and it ain't a good place to start.
How to proceed??
I want her. She wants me. And so does her Bestfriend...

[nerd] Using Boolean I know it doesn't work. But I hope it will have a race error and just plain work [/nerd]

Clintons Cat

Look at it this way,you were up front with the best friend its not like you tricked her into sleeping with you right?

If you really like this other girl and she likes you then go for it.
Its not like you all have to socialise together,so make your dates on alternernative nights of the week or something.

Miguel_Sanchez

Are you asking for advice or just venting?

Anyway - don't let people (friends or otherwise) dictate who you go out with. (It's probably the girl that should be told that).

Really - don't feel guilty for going after what you want. I speak from experience in this one. Be honest about who you want and don't compromise that just to keep somebody happy.

leeroybrown

In fairness, if this girl is interested in you then its her own best friend and hence her problem. I don't mean it in a nasty way but if she wants to go futher with this then it's her that needs to make the decision.

You on the other hand, while you may feel uncomfortable about going out with someone with whose best friend you've had a one night stand, you are still "your own man". You never said that you were interested in this second girl apart from a one night stand.

If I were you I'd go for it. It may not end up being that worst case scenario you're envisaging. Hell you might even enjoy yourself

TacT

funny how these things happen, it never rains, it pours eh

Similar thing happened to a mate of mine who wanted this lovely girl out of a group. He'd been chatting to her, felt strongly about her but never said anything, a week later we were all out and he ends up going off with her best mate at the end of the night. The next week, anytime I see the bloke he's fretting over this, that or the other possibility. I told him to go tell the girl he really wanted how he felt about her and what happened between himself and her mate, how he was kicking himself for it etc etc

So he did, she fell for him instantly and they've been an extremely cute couple going on over a year now. There was a bit of tension for a while but it all died down and everyone's happy now.

If you know you want someone, don't let NUFFIN get in the way! You go gurl

gl, hope it works out for ya!

Chaos-Engine

Well I was talking to the cutie girl that i want to be with while you guys were giving much much needed 3rd party non-biased advice. She is getting really scared of her best mates behavior... I mean she is behaving as if we went out for over 6 months and i only slept with her twice in the space of a week...
Any how we are going to give things a lash and I'm going to set everything right first...

Belief me guys. I got between a pair of cousins once and it was ALWAYS my fault. Its not worth the pain.
That relationship isn't exactly something i should be comparing other possible ones with as that girl(the 2 year one) is a total psycho(i'm not kidding... she as a cert to prove it).

I'm a firm beliefer in cyclical life and I see it working. Not without some painful arguments first... Ah well... it must be done
thx again

Kell

From the first post, i dont undetstand how you used the best friend. Were you trying to get closer to THE girl by shagging her best mate?

Anyway, I for one am singing the same tune as the rest of the posters and if it's ****ing up THE girls life then she sould reconsider who her best friend is. I remember years ago hitting on a girl that my best mate was into. I had no idea he was until weeks afterwards he told me. Did it affect our relationship? NO. Another time I shagged a girl that my best mate was enthralled with, only because she came up to me and asked nicely. Anyway, when I rang him to apologise the next day he said he would have done exactly the same thing and not to worry about it. She needs to get more understanding friends.

TacT

glad to hear it

(not the friend bit though) :eek:

DriftingRain

If she likes you and you like her...FORGET everyone else. All's fair in love and war! If you let her pass cause of the best-friend then you may be letting "the one" pass you by. Besides if shes comfortable with you , you could always ask her over to your home for dinner then no one would see ya. It would be just you and her. I hope it all works out for you. Good Luck!:D

Doodee

If I was in your situation mate, I'd tell the psyco one straight up, that you have strong feelings for her mate, and you dont want to become the one who splits their friendship
A quote from friends says it all
"the only ship that cant sink, is the Friend Ship!"

Communication is a wonderful tool, and you should use it to your advantage, Fact is that the Psyco one will find some1 else who she will like and forget you.
it may cause waves but, if you really want to be with this girl, then like every1 else says, go for it!

smiles

You should sit down with her best mate and discuss it.

If she's going weird, well then maybe she's not as good a friend.

But then again, maybe the girl who wants to be with you isn't as good a friend as she makes herself out to be....

It's basically the girl you like's choice, there's nothing you can do, make sure she knows that she could lose one of her best mates over this and then let her make her decision.

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