Gettin her bak?

LegacyUser

Bit of a long story this but bear with me cuz i need some advice big time

I was going with a girl for about 16 months there and she ended it the other week. We were best for friends for well over a year before that tho. At the moment i'm completely devastated i broke up with girls before like and it never hurt this bad. The reason she broke up with me is because she's afraid of getting hurt she says.

I know she loved me unconditionally up until now but for the last 2/3 months i wasn't paying her the attention she deserved, i put going out drinking with the lads ahead of her and seen very little of her i also missed her graduation(i had problems at home at the time) and i didn't spend new years with her (i was recovering from a serious virus) i know i'm using excuses but i really want this girl...i've spent the last 2 weeks txting her telling her how much i love her and want her and she's been txtin me back, even met up with me a few times and when it looks like we mite have a chance she shuts the door again.

The last time we had problems was last summer, i broke up with her because i wasn't going to see her for 3 months and i didn't want her to be tied down to me or me to her...it really hurt both of us and we got back together after a month and struggled through.

My friends told me to leave her alone for a while and she'll come back, i'm afraid she wouldn't so i rang her and she was txtin me but i think i just made things worse.

I'm in the kind of situation where i know i'm in the wrong,she deserves better but i really believe i can be that person. Put it this way i can't eat/sleep/study...it makes me physically sick thinking of a life without this girl, i not only miss her as a girlfriend but also as a friend...i dunno how i managed to ignore her for 2 months, i think it was because she loved me so much that i didn't even see it...you know when you grow acustomed to someone just being there you forget how much they really mean to you?

Well i'm going back upto college this week, where her friends are so i'll try talking to them and telling them how much i love her but their against me cuz of my ignorance as well

Anyone got any advice or help on this?

Should i just let things be and try and struggle on, i know time will heal all wounds but i really want this girl.

Or is there any gestures i could make to show her i mean business? I was thinking of sending flowers to her work with a sorry note or that? My friends reckons i should leave things alone and not txt her or show interest for a while and im thinking this is the best approach but it is the hardest to do.

help me?

Oeneus

Do what your friends say. Trust me, it works. If you resist the temptation to contact her, and try and let her give into that temptation before you do, it'll show she wants you more than she really thinks. And if she does, she will ring. Try and not contact her for a week or two and she will eventually suck up!

This story is so familiar. My best friend was in the exact same dilemma and he hadn't contacted her for a week. He then sat down with me talking about it, and he was thinking about ringing her. I told him not to and to let her make the first move, and if she doesn't contact you, to then just forget about her and move on because she's f*cking with your etc. By surprise she actually sent him a txt as we were speaking about it. The txt conversation went along these lines:

Her - "I'm going to Camarthan tomorrow, do you want me to pick up some drum supplies for you?

Him - "Does that mean you want to talk?"

Her - "I've been thinking about you a lot if thats what you mean!"

And so on...

As far as I know it has gone uphill since, except the fact that she moved to Cardiff to go to University (which is f*cking miles away).

But anyway. Hopefully, the outcome of your situation will turn out like that.

Runfree

Give it some time and if she really likes you she will come to you. Don't be continually txting her as this might annoy her and eventually she will have enough and not talk at all.

I totally understand that you like and miss her alot but somethings are better left alone for some time. See if she will txt you and if she doesn't then txt her but wait atleast a week.

Dont send her flowers(yet anyway) see what kind of result you are going to get first. Might be a good idea for when you get back with her.

Well hope you get her back

LegacyUser

Cheers lads for the advice, i was talking to 2 of my bestfriends there and they gave me the same advice, just to leave it for a week or so and see if she txts me.

I'm so afraid she won't tho, i asked her a few times if i was annoying her by txting all the time, don't want to become a stalker like and she said that i made her smile that she appreciated the effort and i wasn't annoying her.

Last night she txt me after she was out telling me that she can get thru life without me that she's strong enuff...that i have no doubt off, i txt her back again telling her i loved her, i understood it was over and wanted a fresh start with her.

Reason i done this was that if i can come to terms with not having her then chasing her will keep me occupied if you know what i mean.

Anywayz she then txt me askin why i ignored her for 2 months, i told her that she smuthered me with her love (bad move i know) and that i was jealous of the other lads having the craic. Anywayz she took it up as meaning that i thought i could have her when i wanted therefore i didn't care about her which couldn't be any more wrong...i meant it that she loved me so much that i just became acustomed to it.

She txt me back saying that i done myself no favours and just made her thick with me, complete opposite of what i was trying to do. Wish i hadn't txt her now.

I tried ringing her a few times to explain, no answer tho so i sent a txt saying "A friend told me that you don't see what you got till it's gone, i'm just praying your not blind to me, i love you"

Its one of those ****ers of situations where i know what i've done wrong, i know how not to do it again but i haven't a clue how to fix it.

She also swore to me there was no other man, but i asked her what made her mind up last night and she said that it was irelevant so that leaves me thinking she might of went with someone.

She's not the kind of girl who would sleep with anyone and i can just about take her shiffting someone else but the thoughts is flucking my head up.

Cheers again for the advice, keep it coming please.

flucked.

thedrowner

is you're only texting each other, and she's not answering your calls she's never going to hear you're full side of the story. write her a letter, explaining everything you just said to us, and send it to her....then leave things be if she doesnt respond to that. i know i may be going against the majority by saying this but if it was me and you had stopped contacting me to let me make up my mind (but i didnt know this was the reason) i'd just assume you'd lost interest...

Samson

I agree with the lads, you should stop calling/texting, wait and see if she contacts you.
However, it appears that you have put your foot in it and you don't want to end on a bad note either.
Therefore, you should send her a letter like thedrowner suggests, and leave it at that.
But, make sure you word the letter carefully and read it a few times before you post it, as you don't want to upset her further.

Mewzel

i agree that you should write her a letter explaining everything but then definitely leave it for a while at least. sounds to me like you're not giving her any chance to miss you

thedrowner

yeah...u should probably have someone check over the letter before u send it away coz sometimes what youre saying makes perfect sense to you but you say it in such a way that the other person doesnt understand, or takes offence.

also, yeah...i didnt mean to come accross sounding as if i think it's a good idea to keep contacting her...i think you should say your piece properly, 'iron out all the creases you've made'-dont leave it on a bad note- probably by means of a letter is best, and then leave it up to her.

Oeneus

NO! Do not send a letter. You must completely deprive her of communication between you! Trust me! She will eventually give in! I know your afraid she might not, We were too in the situation we were in, but I can garantee that she will give in, I promise you.

If you really feel you have to send her a letter, don't say that you love her and want her back and all that kind of sh*t. Saying that to her is just going to put a load of pressure on her.

I know she's f*cking your head up but try not to f*ck hers around. What you want to do is try and relieve her of pressure and stress over teh situation.

You should say to her that you still want to be friends and that you'll always be there for her if your needed.

This will mean that she's not going to worry about you being suicidal over the breakup, and that you have excepted her choice, Therefore being free of stress.

I know this isn't going to get her back, but it will keep you in contact with her and you will both still be close as friends, and she might eventually see sense and go back with you.

But my advice is don't do this until a couple of weeks time!

LegacyUser

right, i was in a heap earlier, couldn't do anything...i knew she was really mad at me from the txts last night so i tried calling her one more time....she rejected, i sent a final txt apologising and she txt me bak...a few txts were sent and told her i was goin to leave her to think for a while (incase she thought i just wasn't interested) she asked where i got my advice i said the boards.

She then asked if she could see this thread so i said why not, i cant make things worse....so she logged onto msn and read over this, she went from being mad at me to being giddy...it was just like a letter so to speak, i had written down what i felt/thought and she could only read it, not shut me up. She told me she's tried ignoring me but can't....nor can i her. Her sister and her friends are totally against her contacting me but i told her to go with her heart not her head and i hope it leads in this direction.

She will more than likely read this thread again and probably post which is kind of ironic because this is a relationship that started off on the internet 3 years ago when she contacted me through a guestbook on a Leavin Cert website, we went on to tlk for over a year on msn and email then i started at the same college as her and we moved from best friends to lovers to this.

So i'm counting on the net to get things back on course here, at least i've lost that sick feeling for a while anywayz.

Btw she didn't go with anyone last night

Cheers for the replies,as always all advice taken on board

flucked

PPC

Had the same problem aswell, going out with a girl for 12 months, she broke up with me back in september and i didnt even contact her for 3 months, each day got worse and worse, then i tried talking to her and it was very awkard, still had alot of strong feelings for her, then i wrote her a 7 page letter and it made me feel alot better. I didnt give her the letter because i felt better, but i started talking to her again and it got brought up in the convo somehow, so she wanted the letter and i gave it to her and have had no response back.
Still its not too bad, i feel alot better now that i got everything out.

Oeneus

Oh My God! I can't believe you told her you got outside advice. You screwed up now dude! :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Personally i dont think he's screwed everything up....i think maybe this girl knows how u feel about her and maybe she just needs time to get her head together. from wot uv said i dont think u can expect her to go running back to u with open arms.

but can u actually be sure that u want her and it's not the thrill of the chase?? maybe u'r only wanting wot you think u cant have??
if u get her back are u gonna love her unconditionally and show it or are u gonna go back to acting "the lad"?

just something for u to think about...

cournioni

I agree with your friends... let her do the running now. She knows that you are interested so she'll come to you as soon as she is ready.

Gordon

Interesting developments. I hope your head and heart are both in the right places.

LegacyUser

I've spent the last three weeks with all these thoughts going thru my head, i know i want her, i know i can make her laugh, make her happy...not like things used to be but better, theres so much that we never done together in those 16 months that i want to make up for...

I've had my time as 1 of the lads for a month or 2 there and there's no comparison...i can remember 1 or 2 nights with the lads where as i can remember most of the nights i spent with her. Its the little things that count if you know what i mean. But even during those 2 months i didn't go out all that much, i was kind of stuck for cash and anytime i came upon any i spent it foolishly *kicks self*

At the moment in my head were completely over...just friends now so its not a question of getting bak, its more a fresh start?

Right now im doing my best not to txt her or anything, give her the time she says she needs and im not expecting her to come running back, i was thinking more along the lines of going to the cinema a few nights, maybe dinner? Any ideas? I'm willing to do near enuff anything here. It's my 21st too in 2 weeks time too so i'd like to know that things are going in the right direction so i can enjoy that.

It's a lot more than physical attraction, its the talking, having someone there who cares for you as you do for them, making each other laugh, sharing, trusting, getting that warm feeling inside!

It's not wanting what i cant have either cuz i know that feeling all too well from years back and this is so much worse.

On a side note i dont think it was a screw up lettin her know im gettin advice and where im gettin it, i like things out in the open, i have no secrets nothing to hide and who knows boards might help?

tired wreck...

Kell

Personally what would I do? Go and see her. Quit this txt shíte and get on with it. She is never going to appreciate your position until you say it face to face, ot face to knee or whatever. Tell her you were a twat, needed your space and that you hoped that she could see that giving you space to be yourself made you love her even more for it rah rah rah. Txting and letters? My arsé. Go do it face to face. She'll appreciate you more for it. Bring a make up small gift for her as well. Something thst will make her smile.

LegacyUser

We did talk face to face, i called out to her last tuesday and took her for a spin into town and we sat talking in the car for hours but for the life of me i couldn't put what i was thinking into words, everything i said seemed to just make things worse.

She's a very heard strong person, buying her a gift would not make a difference...besides who want's to be in a relationship where you have to buy your other half over if theres trouble???

Texting isn't so bad, letters are good idea's too but a lot can happen in the time it takes to send a letter and it being read!

Well haven't spoken to her since yesterday during the day and this whole waiting game is a bit of a balls...feels like your moving backwards not forwards if you know whit a mean. But she wants some space to get her thoughts in order so i guess i have no other choice but wait?

weird science.

LegacyUser

thing is though...i'm sure uv had other girlfriends in the past, maybe not as serious but u more than likely had a tuff time getting over them too! why's this one so special? if you ask me women are all the same when u get to know them well enough....if she's not the best looker around then 4get about her i say....

Mewzel

Rabbit- have you ever actually been in a relationship? cause it sounds to me like you're talking out of your ass

LegacyUser

I agree with mewzel, it don't sound like you know what your on about too well.

What do you mean she's not the best looker?!?!?...She's ****ing stunning....not too tall, blonde, thin, blue eyes, the best craic you could want...if you said that to me now i'd probably deck you.

This one is special because i can actually see a future with her.

BTW i haven't had any contact since sunday, its a killer like, i'm living in the gym now to keep my head occupied in the evenings i'm caving in tho!

flucked.

Mewzel

DONT cave in. i went through the same thing as you last year but from the other side. i really needed some space to gather my thoughts and i didnt get it. the result? we didnt talk for nearly 6 months!
just give her a week or 2 at least and it'll be worth it in the end.

Tyrrial

well Mewzel... you must be quite a girlfriend....

are you free?
cos for you... i could be to.

Oeneus

Originally posted by Tyrrial
well Mewzel... you must be quite a girlfriend....

are you free?
cos for you... i could be to.

Tyrrial, a better place for that will be at the back of the Buy And Sell. Stick to the topic!:rolleyes:

DriftingRain

Okay advice one...Never break up with a girl and give her the excuse you don't wanna tie her down...that only means you don't wanna be tied down...who are you to tell her if she wanted that or not...second...you can't break up...comeback...break up and come back again and expect her not be supicious. Third...if you really want her back buy her a promise ring- with the promise that you will try your hardest not to screw it up again and that you will not make decisions for her anymore and you will be inclined to ask her opinion on things before making up your mind to end things on your own. I hope this helps!